How do you deal with a 6 yr old daughter with a teenager attitude?

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Tameka - posted on 04/03/2011

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The time you want to withold your love and attention is the time that they need it most.

When they misbehave it is their way of saying "Something isn't right and I need your attention and help to fix it!!!" Have a look at what she is doing that upsets you. Is she talking back? Is she not picking up after herself? Is she not doing as she is told the first time? Instead of punishing her and yelling at her ask what is wrong. Ask her why she is feeling so sad and angry. Ask her does she need a hug because she looks sad. I do this with my eldest (5 in a few weeks) with great outcomes. I no longer smack her, I no longer need to put her in time out and I hardly ever raise my voice at her. I have found that asking her why she is acting out proves to be a much better way of disciplining her that coming down on her hard. She is a much better person because she feels her emotional needs are being met instead of feeling like they're being ignored.

Smacking a child doesn't teach them what they are doing is wrong. You a not explaining to them that what they are doing is the wrong thing. Children don't know unless you tell them. The same for time outs. You can send a child to their room to think about what they did was wrong. I can guaruntee you that they will spend most of that time thinking about something else. Small children don't have the attention span to do something like that on their own for more than a minute or two.

I have been critised many a times from family and friends for my 'soft' approach to discipline until they see my daughter. She is polite, well-mannered and wants to help and please others.

Remember: the word discipline means 'to teach'. Our children don't know right from wrong and it is our job as parents to do that. Tell your daughter that what she is doing is the wrong thing and give her an example of something that is right. This approach is not a quick fix. You both need to unlearn current behaviours to see positive outcomes. The rewards are great though. A much calmer house and a happy child! What more could you want?

Jenn - posted on 04/04/2011

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Most girls like to talk. Granted, it is on their terms, but generally talking helps them. When my own 6 year old behaves that way, it is actually against her nature and I can tell she's been hanging around certain girls at school. She's not even that good at being snarky or a brat and her "mad face" makes me want to laugh (which would be SO awful of me to do!). I tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. I let her know WHY she can't behave a certain way and the consequences if she does. Taking away privileges works and now that she is beginning to write, she has to copy a sentence that I write at least 20 times. She hates that and will snap to pretty quick! I don't want the dreaded mother-daughter love/hate relationship with my girls so I try to stay calm, never raise my voice to match hers, offer my love and to listen. However, both of my daughters know that every action has a reaction. Good behavior begets happiness, bad behavior begets misery. :)

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Ellen - posted on 03/14/2012

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I agree with Tameka! What excellent advice. Positive discipline works great with my daughter and brings us closer rather than alienating us further. However, when this approach doesn't work and if I ask her to pick up her clothes morning after morning and she doesn't listen then I take something away from her liker IPOD touch- which she saved and paid for herself. Kids definitely change their behavior when you take things away!

Kellie - posted on 03/12/2012

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I am a mom of 9 yr old twins..a boy & a girl. My boy is pretty much laid back and minds his dad & I well. However, our daughter is sooo opposite. She is a very smart little girl who loves to aggravate her brother to no end. He's finally had his fill and I don't blame him one bit. I think she is also a manipulator whether she realizes it or not. She stands firm and will argue with you about something you tell her to do or not do if you will argue with her. We did argue with her for long time over things but then realized that we needed to stop doing that & find another way of handling things. We have tried time outs, taking things away (even the things that she loves the most), etc.... and it does not phase her at all. She's like "ok..no biggie." We have sent her to her room with no tv, etc... and it didn't work. My husband & I know that if we do not get a handle on her behavior & attitude now that we will have our hands more than full in the future. Any advice?

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/04/2011

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I agree with emma about positive reinforcement. Kids love attention and to them it doesnt matter what type.
And im assuming, since you wernt to specific, that by saying teenage attitude, you mean talking back etc.
Id sit her down and let her know that talking back/attitude towards yourself and others is not ok. Be firm, not harsh.

Stifler's - posted on 04/04/2011

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I agree on focusing on good attention. Kids are all attention seekers, and if you don't give them attention they do naughty stuff to get ANY kind of attention.

Deepti - posted on 04/04/2011

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have a pleasant and calm talk with her which she likes to talk about... it is imp to keep the communication channels open both ways.. avoid negative language or yelling( ur attitude is not mentioned.) increase sharing with her including ur childhood memories... this will strengthen the bonding and shed the attitude.

Deborah - posted on 04/03/2011

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Hi Cyndi as a mother of 2 girls aged 4yrs and 9yrs i definitely know what you mean and like the terrible two`s its all part of growing up and pushing boundries and limitations! It`s frustrating when they don`t listen and answer back! follow through warnings and punish taking away her favourite things or stopping her activities and remind her that its because of her behaviour which isn`t acceptable and most of the time its attention seeking so the more you give her the attention even if its when you`re yelling her its still attention! ignoring them drives them mad!
hope thats helpful as you hadn`t specified what she does!

Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2011

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i have a 4yr old like that... but i just tell her "that behavior is not aloud,we need to put our listening ears on" if that doesnt work,which hardly ever does put her in time out for 4 mins and start taking away toys she really likes, that seems to help.. good luck!

Shannintipton - posted on 04/01/2011

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Hi Cyndi,
I was hoping for a little more information. Something to on. Anything specific. I am not sure I can help, but if I cant there are lots of people who can. {:+)
shannin tipton

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