How do you deal with your husband playing PS3 and xbox for hours while everything else is going on

Carrie - posted on 03/27/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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Hi i have an amazing husband but recently he has become addicted to his game systems and i have a problem with him playing for so long at a time and i feel that he is her at home but not really here. Don't get me wrong he works hard and i do feel that he is intitled to his little break time to him self but he works long hours and then need's to sleep but then when he wakes up its the gams system for hours until he has to go to work again and it starts all over again . I feel like im being a pain by fighting with him but in the other hand i feel like it could be worse because he could be out there with others or drinking or clubing but he is not he is just home playing games at this point i dont know what to think. I am a stay at home mom and there are times when i feel like the walls are caving in and i need to go out and when he's off he wants to relax at home and play when i want to get out the house can someone give me advice on how to meet in the middle ... love him much just need some advice.

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Grace - posted on 03/27/2010

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lol, my husband does the same thing sometimes. I just made it clear to him that when I wanted him to stop playing and hang out with us that he'd better do it. I've told him that if he'd rather play his games and ignore us, certain things wouldn't be done, like his laundry or maybe I wouldn't make him dinner that night. That got him to realise that he was playing too much. We also sat down and talked about it. Usually when he gets a new game I don't mind if he plays the game for a few days and nothing else. But as soon as he starts getting mad at the game I tell him that he's played enough and it's time to do other things.

Video games are addicting. I like playing video games too. Shoot, I play all those games on Facebook all the time. Sometimes I don't realise how much I've been playing until someone says something.

So when you ask him to not play so much, make sure you have something else for the two of you to do together, other than watch TV. Get out some board games, or even a deck of cards.

Something else that is really helpful to relieve my stress is after my husband gets home from work and changes I'll have him watch the baby for a little while so that I can take a quick walk, or maybe even a nice warm bath.

Communicate with your husband about what is bugging you and then the two of you can work together to find a solution.

Kayla - posted on 01/15/2011

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i started playing call of duty with him:) now it is something that we can do together after our son goes to sleep, he says that he has even more fun when i play wiith him. it took me a while to get the hang of it but i like it alot ...surprisingly:) try it i think you BOTH will be happier.

Stifler's - posted on 01/14/2011

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i have a question. do YOU play xbox non stop without interruptions? coz i doubt it. if you can't do it then why should he?

Jamie - posted on 03/27/2010

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lol I do the 2 for1 deal My husband gets 1/2 hr of me time for every 15 min of family time, plus when we had all three kids at home he gave at first 7 mins. per child as soon as he walked in the door, he was expecting it and the kids looked forward to it plus it gave me 21mins to start dinner, do the days dishes or a 17 min bath uninterrupted. oh forgot to mention in the beginning we used an egg timer,until it became a habit and then it didn't matter after that, I also learned to take my turn I had gotten into the habit of throwing everything on his shoulders as soon as he walked in the door, we wanted to teach our children manners and to consider others first so as a family we succeeded,as for the kids they learned to manage their thoughts so they were telling dad the important stuff in their life that day, and they were told that each day they had to switch for who got to go first.

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Marge - posted on 08/13/2012

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HOW DO I TELL MY HUSBAND THAT I AM FEELING ALONE AND WANT TO ENJOY OUR YOUNG MARRIAGE AND ASK HIMM TO STOP PLAYING SO MANY HOURS WITHOUT MAKING HIM FEEL THAT I WANT TO CONTROL BUT JUST BE WITH HIM?????? =(





I am a wife, not yet a mom, I am in love with my hubby, but there is just something i am getting tired of! We have been together for 7 yrs, 3 yrs of marrige. Both of us work, i work 10 hours and he does 6 hours..FOr the past months or atleast 1 yr i my hubby has become addicted to xbox &Ps3. he plays almost 5-7 hours a day when is at home during the day, i am at work, and when i get home he is at work,, when he reaches home around 12 or 1 am I am asleep so we actually dont do anything on the week rather than sometimes on saturday after i work and sundays. I know he needs his space and i give it to him. I know he likes it and i prefer he be at home playing since he is not a party person, he doesnt drinks alot and he doesnt have too many friends as peer pressure. BUT i feel alone most of the times..so i choose to start going to gym to distract myself, he is a little of a jealous husband so i try not to do things that i like so he is not mad...i like dancing and having a good time outside home but he prefers staying at home...he calls it quality time..and i enjoy it! He is a great husband and loves me and treats me good. But he cannot stop playing many hours to be with me. I know thats his hobbie but i cannot hold it anymore....whenever i tell him how i feel about gaming for long hours, he says i am trying to control him which is not the case, i am only asking for some time! He prefers to stay home and play till 2 or 3 am while not going out dancing with me or having a nice night...i feel he prefers to stay home just to play rather than be with me...few yrs he used to do lots of things to make me happy or US happy..he used to even cook for me..but now i do everything at home...i cook, i wash , i clean, i do shopping, i work, i do the diligences of paying bills but all he does it work and play...i am really getting tired since i feel that there is much more to do in life since we are young with no high responsabilty as yet!!!! He doesnt understands me all he says it that i am wanting to control him. but i am not that type of woman who needs to do that to feel like a woman! I dont know what to do or how to handle this situation that is causing a change in my life or way of being! I am young but do love him and am happy to be with him, but i feel he is not getting mature at time"" we dont have a baby yet but we both want to at certain time, but we have ''plans'' to get our own house and then have babies but like this i feel like he has forgoten all of it! What should i do, of course i dont want t get divorce thats not the solution i am looking for....I need to spend sometime out with him as a couple but he says we cant just becauseee....he spends more on buying things for his playstation than things for his ownself!! not even for me at times, so i dont know what to do!!! i am getting frustrated and feeling alone!!!

HJ - posted on 01/17/2011

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Kelly thanks for your reply seems your are the only one who managed to answer my question :) ..

and yes i have ASKED her several thousand times ok IF I AM not playing then what do you want us to do then and aLSO THERE IS nothing on the TELE that we can watch there is nothin fun after 10:30 in the night ..but good advice i will again ask her but i know the answer .. she will say DO ANYTHING except playing the GAME ..and then i say this is totally unfair husband and wife can not be GLUED together for 24/7 both of us need some time off from each other even on a daily basis they need some time off .. and I am willing and DO spend all the time of the weekend together doing only and only her things .. shopping movies eating out so if i ask for some time in return during the weekdays whats wrong with that

Alexis - posted on 01/15/2011

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I feel your pain, my hubby will come home and stay up until 1 am playing computer games when he has to get up at 5 am. Normally I don't care if he wants to sacrafice sleep, but then he will sleep all day saturday complaining about how tired he is. I felt that he was sacraficing family time, and time with his son by not getting his needed sleep during the week and sleeping all day saturday. Once I explained it, in a calm way, to him he understood. He still gets his game time but he has to sacrifice other time for it,(like guys night out) not family time.

Heather - posted on 01/15/2011

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One word.. taser! :) My husband now works like a charm :) ( no taser involved though) I just cried and he was like ok I can spend more time with the boy.

Allie - posted on 01/15/2011

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You could try putting time limits on the gaming.. like my husband can only play his games at night (after 830) or during nap time (on the weekends when he's home) because we both decided that the fighting/gun games don't need to be viewed by our 2 year old son. And also be sure to set time aside for the two of you. Good luck!

[deleted account]

HJ, What does she want you to be doing during your second gaming hour? If you were my husband, I would be happy if you asked me "What would you like to do instead?" and if she has a response, do what she wants to do, but if she is just going to go do her own thing, I see no reason she should be upset if you are playing your game.



PS. I agree with her doing all the housework if you work outside the home and she stays home, unless you trash the house or something. That's the way it works in our house. We have our 1 kid, but I don't watch any other kids or anything. He buys me everything I want, so I clean the house (he does help with our kid b/c it is HIS, if I were being paid to watch it, he probably wouldn't help--I don't help him design his software :P) and as long as I don't want him doing something specific with me or our son, he can play his PS3.



Does that help? GL!

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2011

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You need to get out but he wants to stay in. Sounds like daddy daughter time to me. Pick something you'd like to do on your own. Visit a library with no one at your side to have to shush, go sit at a coffee shop for a while, go grocery shopping. Something to do once or twice a week that gets you some break time, and if some little girl doesn't want or won't play on her own while daddy plays with his toy then guess what dad, there's a pause button for a reason. Would your husband be interested in multiple player games during that time? Maybe dad & daughter could play something, suitable for a little one obviously, together.

HJ - posted on 01/14/2011

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but can anyone judge my situation and tell me who is being unfair me or MY WIFE ? coz i do whatever it takes to entertain her during the weekend and weekdays but my entertainment is that one only game

[deleted account]

I will say that we are on our second PS3 because I tossed our first one in the trash one day while he was at work after a big fight about him spending too much time on it. That did get him to listen to me, and I did not buy the new one until we had settled into the routine I mentioned above.

[deleted account]

The compromise in our house is that he can play PS3 when our son is asleep, but while our son is awake, he needs to be spending time with us. Considering that our son goes to bed at 8:30, this really isn't that much to ask. Even if he goes to bed as early as 10:30, he gets 2 hours of video game, which is plenty.

Another thing that has helped us is that I structure the evenings to be fun for him. I give him 30 minutes when he gets home to chill and wind down from work. After that, it is one on one time with our son while I cook dinner (I get one on one time all day while hubby is at work, so this is HIS time--treat it like something special for your hubby, not a chore). We eat as a family, then they play for about 10 minutes while I straighten the kitchen (I finish after ds is in bed). After that, we might have popcorn and watch a movie together, take a stroll around our neighborhood, play ball in the backyard, play a board game, or some other activity that we can all three do together. After that, it's bath time. Hubby is in charge of bath and teeth because I am at home caring for our son all day, but he is hubby's son too, so hubby needs to share in caring for him. Then it's time for me to tuck him in and hubby can be off to his game if he chooses. The main point is to make sure he is not bored, then he won't have time to go to the game.


If you need to sit him down and talk about it, you can't talk long, he'll tune you out. So just sit him down, look him in the eye and calmly ask him whether it is more important for him to play that game or spend time with his child. Tell him you'll give him 2 hours a day for the game after your child goes to bed, and all you ask in return is that he spend time with his family first. Tell him you don't need an answer, you will find it in his actions over the next week.

HJ - posted on 01/14/2011

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hey folks.. I am THE husband who is addicted to PS3 gaming .. the thing is i have came here to ask your advice or ask what you guys think .. my wife is a staying home wife BUT NOT MOM ... we have no kids and plan not have them for at least another 3 years.. so i am kinda addicted to gaming .. i work 9-5 come home at about 5.30ish .. my wife does baby sitting at our home so we have a kid around who is just playin my wife when i come back is most of the times busy with her facebook and the kid obvsiouly .. and obvsly i dont watch that much tele i get an opportunity and i start playing .. at about 7 30 the kid go to her home and then i switch off the ps3 .. me and my wife both go together to the gym .. we come back at 8.30 we have dinner ,, and we watch some tele together .. (WE DO TALK in the meantime all the time :) ) .////



and at about 10ish like 10.30 or somthing its time for me to play again i play for about 1 hour or so which my wife HATES .. and we always have quarells for this that if you hav already played in the evenin then why now .. THERE IS NOTHING ON THE TELE .. she has her things to do as well but no SHE just does not want to see me playin near bed time although it gives me a lot of satisfaction and a sound sleep .. dont know why .. any way .. during the weekends I take her out on sat and sun both days yes we do not stay at hom e.. so its either shopping or movies ..we both are great movie fans and we dine out both days .. and when we come back at about 11 or 12 i play ps3 for at least 4 hours on friday nigth and sat night ..



so my question to you is am i giving her less time .. am I playing too much games ..sat and sun there is no gaming only in the night when we are bak .. and when i wake up early on sat or sun morning i play for a while but stil she is a SLEEP ..



she doesnt do anything .. she dont like to study .. she doesnt like to work .. so AM I the bad person here ???



i pay for every thing and i dont mind its my duty .. but i dont go to my freinds alone i always take her with me anywhere I GO ANYWHERE.. i have no freinds whom i will go to alone .. NO i dont do clubing or drinking or anything all i like is playing ps3 its my addiction or time pass or attraction dont know what but i just love to do it .. it gives me brain a great break ..



my wife wakes up at 12 or 1 in the afternoon .. the baby sit kid arrives she plays with her have her time on facebook and watchin dramas and everyhting on the laptop till i come



she doesnt want to do any more studies ... nd she doesnt like doing any JOB at all .. she is getting paid just by sitting at home baby sitting and obvsly i hav no right on her money as well i dont mind but all i ask is to allow me some time with my ps3 ..



also i am not playing alone .. i am there infront of her all the time and i am there to talk i can listen my game (FIFA11) does not want me to listen the music or anythig ( I PLAY WHILE ITS MUTED) and i dont have to say anything as well . so i am clearly available to talk if she wants to talk



so what you (WIVES) think >?





P.S yes she does all the household work and me being the lazy arse only helps out in Grocery shopping and food shopping .. but household work i dont do any at all .. sorry but thats just me

Catherine - posted on 03/30/2010

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Both of us are gamers but we're not addicted! We both know when to play and when not to. And since both of our games are M rated we wait until the kids are in bed to play. My 8 y/o plays the Wii on the wknds and my 2 y/o tries to play also!

Carrie - posted on 03/30/2010

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thanks for all your words and stories you guys are the best i loved them i was laughing so hard when i readed them thanks for everything take care god bless

Jackie - posted on 03/30/2010

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Hi Carrie,
I have exactly the same problem, however my husband has always been a gamer even before the arrival of this little one. I know what you mean with the waking up in the morning and going straight to the computer and it does get a bit frustrating at times. The thing is, I have yet to see how he is as my first baby is still cooking in my tummy lol. I think maybe you should just propose an idea with him which includes coming home from work, having dinner with you and kiddies, have a bit of fun time without the computer and then when the kids are in bed then he can go back on...or if it gets worse...take the plug from the consoles.

Trisha - posted on 03/30/2010

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Video game addictions can be just as bad as alcohol or drug addictions. I know how you feel. In my opinion he is using it as an escape probably due to the stress of being a dad. communication is key. Tell him how you feel in simple words a man can understand and start involving him in every aspect of your child's life even if its just telling him about it. Some times dads can feel left out. My sons father works 12 hour shifts at a hospital and he was the same way at first. But the more i involved him the more he just did on his own. you know.... It is VERY VERY important to take a little you time now and then.. I know sometimes it really feels like you could go crazy, and if you dont take some time off you just might...

Faith - posted on 03/29/2010

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I love that you posted this!! I have had the same problem over a 10 year span of marriage. Before we had our 3rd baby back in Dec. I had finally had it with the gaming. I feel the same way about him deserving time to relax and have fun but there had to be a limit. It seemed like it would all go in one ear and out the other. SO I finally decided that when I was pregnan I would join him on the couch. Take my nap curled with my head propped up on his back, and zonk out for about an hour or two. I would wait after he had been playing for about an hour or two before I would do this. After he eventaully realized I was down for the count and the two older boys wanted attention, and I WAS NOT waking up, he had to quit to tend to them. LOL it was kinda mean but it worked. It cut his playing time down and he's been more attentive. Since having our 3rd though hes been working his second job more and just waits usually until the two oldest are bathed and in bed for the night. It works for me and I just let him know its time to remember that I married him and not the game console when I want to spend time with him.
Also another tip is to have him set a stop watch and just let him go for a few hours. Ask him to look at how long he's been playing. Many times my hubby doesn't realize hours have gone by. It helps to get the point across when you talk to him about how to best balance his relaxation time.

Carrie - posted on 03/28/2010

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Hi everyone thank you for the stories and advice her i am thinking im only going nuts with my addicted husband but you all have made me feel that its just not me and im not alone and i thank you all for your time and words take care god bless......

Amy - posted on 03/28/2010

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my husband someitmes plays games a lot ot. mostly just the weekends because he is in the Navy and they have very odd hours. but my husband also plays the majority of his games in the restroom lol. i dont know how many times he has called me from his cell phone to tell me his battery on his iphone is dieing and he needs his charger lol it does get annoying but he atleast chooses the best time and asks if i need anything because he needs to go in there lol. when he was on leave at christmas he played non stop so i played the sex card lol. i told him if he played that much and didnt help around the house no sex! lol i am pretty sure for about 5 days in a row i didnt do any dishes or cook dinner lol. may be a messed up way but hey it worked.lol

Alissa - posted on 03/28/2010

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HI lol yes video games. Well my fiance plays World of warcraft or WoW which i hate because he comes home from work and sits at the computer til its time for bed and i still have to do everything. I have tried talking to him but it doesn't matter. The only time he is even remotely helping me is the weekends and barely during the week in the mornings and I've had the greatest pleasure of being sick this week (well have been off and on for a while. no insurance yet unfortunately.) plus I don't really have much time to do school work during the day so i would like to be able to do that. Which he thinks I have all the time in the world to do which is not true. He honestly has more time than i do because he hasn't been doing much at work lately so he is not having such a horrible work week that he needs time to himself.

Wendy - posted on 03/27/2010

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My hubby and I have both always been avid console gamers, which hasn't changed since the birth of our son a year and a half ago, and expecting our second baby this May. We don't play near as much as we used to or would like at this point, he works full time +some and I am stay at home and still almost never get a chance to play - so I know how some of the men are feeling - BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. So our solution, on his days off (which happen to be weekends), is that on Saturdays he can generally play as long as he wants (until 4 or 5), as long as he changes a couple of diapers at some point, doesn't ignore our son if he wants his attention, and at the end of the day he stops happily. We have a family dinner and spend the evening together as a family. On Sundays, I play for a few hours, and then we might play together on a game later that night after our son is in bed.
He also doesn't touch a controller until after our son is in bed on weeknights, and if I want to spend time with him he doesn't object (sometimes I just let him play and get some ME time, sometimes I ask for a little one on one time at the end of the day)
But my hubby also understands that if our son wants his attention, he shouldn't be ignored for a GAME. And that if I ask him to do something, it gets done at least before he comes to bed - or right away if it needs to be. There needs to be a healthy balance between alone time (to nap, or read, or game, or whatever it is you like to do when you have a moment for yourself), one on one time (very important, no matter what you do together be it talk, snuggle, sex, coffee, etc), and FAMILY time!

Vixi - posted on 03/27/2010

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I had this problem when my daughter was born, I'd had a section and was cleaning, cooking, washing, being a mummy all whilst he sat on his arse on that stupid machine! In the end, after countless arguements about it, I packed mine and my daughter's stuff and went home to my mum.

We r back together now and he does a lot lot more for our daughter, and only goes on the xbox when our daughter is in bed. He doesn't work because I have Cerebral Palsy and he is my carer, so I wouldnt ave minded so much if he did go out to work!

Sheryl - posted on 03/27/2010

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hi! my husbend has this problem too. for about five years off and on. i do is till him yes you desv. time for you self but i am not the only one who had the kids. you have a part on helping when it comes to them. i told him do you know how much it hurts me to hear them say i want to play with daddy or i want my daddy. i just really had to set down with him and us both set boundiers with the game. only a mount of time he can play with game. then after it family time and helping get them to sleep then us time. i would try that. then i would also say like you his days off say how about we all go do this for so long then when we get back you can play your game for a lil while till a se. time of the day. i hope that helps. i think why alot of men are doing this is cause it may take them back to when they where young and care free and just relaxed. cause the work force is stressing out a lot of men and women. it differently a comperise. hope that helps some and best wishs.

Tracy - posted on 03/27/2010

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My DH has a game on his phone that he likes to play while taking care of business in the bathroom! Lol! I don't mind him playing the game, but when he's been in the restroom 15 to 20 minutes...that gets annoying especially if he happens to pick a time when I am really busy or the kids need help with something important like homework or getting to practices. So I talked to him and told him that while I am fine with him having some alone time (although just a little disturbed that it's in the bathroom) he needs to be sensitive to what time of day it is or what else is going on in the household. So, he has stopped playing that game except for just a few minutes and then it's usually once the kids are settled in for the night.

If your husband is spending more than about 30 minutes on the computer, playing games or watching TV, then he probably isn't spending enough time with you and the kids since he works such long hours. I agree with Grace, that you can probably find some fun things to do together that allow him to have down time and time with you at the same time.

Kandace - posted on 03/27/2010

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i also have the same problem and during the week i just told him that we both cant play on the computer or the video games until the kids are asleep and it works a little it at least helps until friday rolles around and than he also becomes a zombie. lol.

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