How do you do it?

Tasha - posted on 05/12/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I am a sahm to a wonderful 4 month old boy, I am married to a great guy and we have a pretty cool dog. I am having a bit of a time adjusting i think. I am 31 and untill last august had worked since i was 14, im feeling kinda lost staying home. I know that taking care of my son is a full time job but its different, i take care of my son, and the dog, vacume, dishes, laundry(but by no means am i suzy homemaker), but i still feel stagnent. I get out for walks and am trying to find a hobby, trying to find other mothers in my small town but not really happening, i guess im asking other moms how you transitioned to staying home to raise your kids. What are some of the things that you had challenges with and how did you overcome? I want sooo bad to love being home, because i do love my son to the moon, but im feeling lost, any advice is appreciated.

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Mechelle - posted on 05/12/2011

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It was hard for me to stay at home...all the time. As for working, I had a few jobs, nothing to long term or serious, because I got pregnant with my first child 6 months after graduating high school. As you stay home more, you will find things to keep you occupied. It is hard having no one other than small kids to talk to all day, and I often find myself mixing up words and not talking right when I finally do get to talk to another adult. Here are some things you can try:


Crafts, chores, shopping, parks, new recipes, scrubbing the tiniest areas that you never noticed but now have nothing better to do and even though no one will notice that you scrubbed that tiny corner for an hour it you still do it. Don't sit in front of the t.v. all day because it makes the day go so much slower.

I hope you find things to do that make you happy being at home. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 05/12/2011

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I know how you feel. When I stopped working, I had 3 kids with the youngest only being 4 months. I was 26 at the time, and had always had a "real" job from the age of 16 (did side jobs before then like mowing and babysitting). At first it just seemed so awesome. I instantly had a ton of time compared to before and started cleaning like mad. Then I got to the point where I burned myself out on cleaning (if that's possible). It felt like all I did was change kids, feed kids, and clean. I never took the time to actually play with the kids or take time for myself. Once I started balancing things out, I started to feel a little better. I didn't have a sparkling clean house anymore, but I had much happier kids and they had a much happier mommy. I now have 4 children and have been suffering a bit from post partum depression, so I'm trying to find joy in things again.

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Misty - posted on 05/16/2011

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take one night a week to yourself.like read a book ,take a bath,or just hang out with your frend it will make u feel better about ur self and take some of the stress off

Jenna - posted on 05/16/2011

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I used to feel the same way as I was always in constant contact with everyone at my old job so staying at home was a little depressing. I found a playdate group that was perfect for my twin girls because the kids are all around the same age. This way it gets me out and about, I can vent, and my girls can play until they are exhausted. Coming home with exhausted babies is a plus, you can get a whole lot more done while they are sleeping! Love the playdates!!! :)

Denise - posted on 05/16/2011

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Hi Tasha, My suggestion is look for mom groups in your area or drop in centers. We have a drop in center at our local college and they have all kind of activities for Moms and tots. This really helped me to get some adult time in talking to other Moms. I also started doing a home business from home. Something that I enjoyed and it gave me something to do. Don't worry, soon you will love it. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now my boys are in school but I am there for every function and when they are in school I just put more hours into my business. Good Luck. It is a transition from working to totally not. :)
Denise

Dawn - posted on 05/16/2011

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Hey Tasha...I worked outside the home for 17 LONG years..but once our sons came along.....I wanted to be home with them...priorities changed, BUT I still wanted the business side of me to be fulfilled too. I was not going to be able to watch Sesame street one more time or I was going to go CRAZY!! I wanted to be mom, but I still wanted to be ME at the same time. I NEEDED to have something that was mine, but need to be here at the same time...hurts like crazy if someone else finds your childs first tooth...and tells you about their first steps...so balance is the key!!
GOOD LUCK!
Dawn McDevitt

http://www.AllKidsMatter.com
Helping Moms Work from Home Since 1999

Click on the following link to read my story about my journey
http://www.internetceomoms.com/dawnmcdev...

[deleted account]

I'm on extended maternity leave, and I felt like you did for the first few months. I like my job, but I don't think I missed it exactly (a baby is an intense new interest) -- I just think the first few months with a baby is a much slower life than most people are used to. You nurse, you shake a rattle in baby's face, you nurse, you try to nap, you nurse, you nurse, you change a diaper, you nurse, you nurse, you go for a walk, you nurse, and the next day... pretty much the same thing except add a poo explosion.



My son is now 8 months, and my life has all of a sudden gotten very... interesting. Now that he's starting to crawl and trying to stand/cruise, I spend most of my day trying to keep him from killing himself. In between these stroke-inducing moments, I bust my butt preparing new and interesting foods for him to eat only 1/2 tbsp of. If I have time, I clean up the other 20 tbsp off the floor.



Anyway... it changes. :) Hang in there, mama, and try to get a few moments for yourself.

Shastin - posted on 05/16/2011

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To make my own "fun" money I started a part time drop in home daycare. I have several regulars. There are TONS of Mom's who need a drop in daycare. I set my hours and days (Tue & Thur 8am-3pm for example) and other SAHM or those with their own businesses really love it. I charge $3.00 hour with no minimum hours. Word goes around fast because it's hard to find a part time daycare with no minimum. That or there is always a need for evening and weekend daycare.

Tasha - posted on 05/16/2011

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Thank you all for the experiences and advice, im still working on trying to do something for myself everyday, even if its ten minutes of stretching, its something. Id love to work part time but the daycare is so expensive id be paying to work, we simply cant afford it, id have to work full time at a decent wage to make it worth while. I have a degree in environmental science and a background in maintenance work, niether of which i can really use right now. I cant really get out too much, shopping etc, i dont have money to shop, i cant even go to the thrift store for jeans, therefore i cant join a gym or yoga class, i cant put gas in my car to drive to events, at $4 a gal i get a tank a month just to get to dr appts an grocery shop. Again thanks for the advice, its just nice to know im not the only one who is going or has gone through this. I appreciate the perspective!

Shastin - posted on 05/16/2011

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Check for a MOPS group in your area. In the summer set outings such as the pool or park each day of the week and get out of the house by 10am. Digital scrapbooking, playdates, a gym, volunteer, thrift shop, yoga, these are a few of the things I do. I love my spinning class at the gym twice a week and met some really cool gals. A MOPS group usually has outings and activities each week or so. Also check for community classes that you might want to take like cooking or sewing. As your little one gets older you can do more crafts at home and more playdates. Good luck!

Laetitia - posted on 05/15/2011

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its tricky i know, i have been a SAHM mum for just over a yr, my little one is 1 tomorrow.
I started going to parent groups, and i take my daughter to swimming lessons every tuesday since she was about 6months old, which had us interacting with more people, when i am at home i started scrapbooking i made a great pregnancy album! i started learning new things to cook to keep me occupied and tomorrow i will learn to make greeting cards, i think if you find a hobby you can do from home it will help you a bit, you can only clean the house so much! now she is one and running around it makes it a bit more interesting staying home....

Christina - posted on 05/15/2011

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TIME :) I also worked since I was very young and had plans to go back to work but when my first son was placed in my arms I could not find it in my heart to leave him. I have been a sahm now for seven years and trust me I feel your pain!! Some days I would just get in the car and drive to have a change. The best advice I know is to stay busy and set goals for yourself like, "If I clean the house all week by the time hubbie gets home and all baby chores are caught up then I'm going Saturday to get my toes done or go shopping for a new shirt. One big deal for me is I always fix my hair and do my makeup every day so If I walk by a mirror I feel good about what I see. It really helped me especially when I had small babies b/c I would walk by one with a burp cloth on my shoulder, mascara from the day before under my eyes, hair in a pony frizzy as crap and all I could think was OMG...lol Good luck with your journey! It is a hard, but well worth it trip.

Tracie - posted on 05/15/2011

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Try a part time job, maybe 10-15 hours/wk. Being a SAHM is extremely servile (at least in my opinion) and if I don't have something outside the house, I start to feel like a slave and resentment builds. I'm just not cut out to be of service to others every second of my life. I like doing things for my family, but when it gets to the point that they EXPECT me to do everything and the effort is never reciprocated, it's not a good scene. Good luck!

Angelika - posted on 05/14/2011

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I have never worked out of the home but also have been lost at home...I'm not so hot at the housework, cooking thing...I just finished college and found that in order for me to transition I need to keep up some of the things that keep me sane...I love school and learning so I am (crazy as it sounds) still reading text books. I decided that I just need that...I also signed up for some community classes so that I will have an out with other adults...I don't have very many neighborhood friends but have found that I like to play the piano at the local nursing home while the residents eat their dinner. I also make things for humanitarian aid...So basically look in your community, or church, and see if there are any needs that you could fill...Volunteering is rewarding, people give you positive feedback, and the hours are flexible so if your baby gets sick or something you can opt not to go... You can also take the little one with you if you want. Also Get a babysitter and have some you time every week...Also be sure to have time with your husband every week (a date) without the baby...Things are always better for everyone when the mother is sane and happy.

[deleted account]

Go to the library children's area, mommy-and-me classes, google MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) groups in your area/you get together with other moms for socialization and learn everything from parenting to crafts to gardening/canning, join a gym with a child--watch area and go in the morning when other parents of young children are there. Good luck. It is tough to set up a new network.

Bernadette - posted on 05/13/2011

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I make an effort to go somewhere most days, whether it be to the shopping centre (my daughter loves going to the coffee shop for a baby 'cinno, and my son is only 5 weeks so too young to really care where we are) or to the park, or even just to my parents' house. My daughter loves going there, and it's great because they play with her while I get to have a rest or just be able to feed the baby in peace while she still gets attention and doesn't get jealous of him for taking up my time when she wants someone to play with.

You could also try a baby swimming lesson, where not only will you be teaching your child a potentially life-saving skill, but you will meet other mothers who may be in a similar situation. You could try searching for mother/play groups in your area or, if you have time (something that's not always easy to find) you could enrol in some kind of class that may fulfil an interest you have had but haven't had the chance to pursue while you were working full-time

[deleted account]

Maybe you can work from home. Start a business or get into direct sales or something. You can fulfill your desire to work and still be with your son. But a word of warning...4 months is easy. Once he starts walking you'll be far busier than you could imagine!

Candyce - posted on 05/13/2011

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I think the boredom was what did it for me at first. That and an insanely active small child, first year of marriage, moving, etc. Eventually I got into my old hobbies, once the Boy got a bit bigger, and started speaking more to my neighbors. It's essential to stay in touch with a good group of friends, just to keep you grounded and sane. It's also important to take a "lunch break". Pass the kid off to dad so they can have some bonding time, and go somewhere to recharge.

Blessed Be

Jixolet - posted on 05/13/2011

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First things first, don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. All of us mothers feel this way at some point or another.
What helped me was to make a schedule.
Each day of the week I spend one hour doing chores around the house. Then spend an hour out walking with the dog and baby.
When I come home, the baby takes a nap, and I find time to do something for me before it's back to preparing dinner, etc.
Maybe if there's a book store or library near by, go there with the little one for a children's story time. If there isn't a story time, ask about setting one up. This is a great way to meet other parents and to network.
Or maybe you can go to a church and ask about maybe using a room to host a playground where parents can pay a small fee for snacks, coffee etc. and the proceeds could benefit the church ( this is how a playgroup in my area is done ).
Everything will fall into place with time.
Just take a deep breath and try to do more for yourself.

Mandy - posted on 05/13/2011

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Can't you work part time? Staying at home all the time isn't for everyone, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you do decide to stick with it though, like I'm trying, there's only one thing for it: BAKING. Great stuff.

Tracey - posted on 05/13/2011

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Being home with my oldest (who is now 9) was the toughest transition for me. Like you, I didn't have any other mommy-friends to hang around. When my daughter was 2, we moved to a bigger area and I found a mommy group on Yahoo (www.groups.yahoo.com) and it was a lifesaver! I'm almost back to square one. We recently moved back to a small town and I don't have any close friends, so it's generally just me dallying around with my 19 month old. Anyway, I'd strongly suggest finding a mommy group online that is at least semi-local to you and attending as many events as you can. For me, I felt like an outsider at first, but some of my best friends I made on that group and while our 2 year olds are now 9, our friendship still stands (just from a distance now). :)

Rachel - posted on 05/13/2011

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Make certain things to do on certain days of the week. Like I HATE Monday's...so I start by going to get a Starbucks after I drop my daughter off at school...then I spend the rest of the day doing housework. Tuesday I get out of the house...run errands...Tuesday's are the day I schedual any appointments. Wednesday's are always up in the air...Thursday's I get together with my best friend and her baby, and we have some adult conversation, take the kids to play at McDonalds. And Friday is my fun day. I do nothing, no housework...go out for lunch...go shopping. I try to go for a walk everyday....makes you feel more awake. Just have a routine every day...it makes time fly by. In the mornings is when I try to get my "work" stuff out of the way...that way by noon I'm done...and I can sit down for lunch and relax until 2 when I go pick my daughter up from school. Then I start on dinner around 4-5ish. You just gotta fill your days up. Join a mom's day out, or a mom's excersize group. Plan one day a week to do something out of the ordinary....park, zoo, aquarium, chucky cheese...something like that. It is wierd at first...i've been a stay at home mom for 4 years straight now. I was a stay at home mom for the first year of my oldest daughters life...so I only worked for 2 years really. I MUCH rather be a stay at home mom than work!! =)

Cherish - posted on 05/13/2011

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I was a full-time SAHM for about 4 months, and then I started teaching a class in my field at a local school twice a week. That really helped me - I was mom-me but I was also working-me. I was still home 90 percent of the time, but the time away from home teaching really helped me stay intellectually stimulated. I've recently started going to a music class for my little one (now 13 months), and that helps too. Can you do any reading or attend any classes that were related to what you did for work - or what you want to do for work one day? Maybe take a class online towards a degree, if you're interested in that? At this point, I do all professional stuff (prepping for class, grading) after my daughter goes to sleep, so I don't need to worry about doing things with her awake. Also, if you can find even one person to connect with, so you can go to the park together or talk on the phone together occasionally, that really helped me a lot. Good luck!

Alexis - posted on 05/12/2011

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boredom....its true. I joined a gym, went to school (im done now) joined a playgroup, I go out with a group for ASL (American Sign Language) and try to organize something in the house every week or pick up a hobby. Right now I have flowers I take care of. I am also currently looking for a job since I finished school and then my hubby can be a stay at home dad and finish his school.

Cassondra - posted on 05/12/2011

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i have been a stay home mom going on tow years now my silly ass keeps getting pregnant lol im working on my third child...im not going to lie sometimes remaining a stay home mom is hard it was really hard to adjust to there are alot of things you have to give up im almost 22 and i had my daughter at 20 and my little boy at 21 ill be 22 when i have this next one....every day i clean houst and give baths and basically cater to my children and my fiance and our roomate its not easy picking up after everyone but i get it done but there are days i just want to get out and to any mother my advise is to not forget about your self i always try to sneak in a luxurious bath or a walk like you said try to get someone to watch the baby a night or two out of a month and go out or get your sleep in lol babies are amazing but honestly i dont care who you are everyone deserves and needs a little break even if its for a few hours i know its not amazing advise but i hope it helps a little

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