How do you get everything done?

Lexi - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 224 moms have responded )

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What is your routine for the day? Any tips for getting stuff done with a 1 year old running around? He's too big for a sling now and our only back pack is a big bulky camping one and my back is just not up to it.

I have never been the greatest housekeeper and am having an especially hard time now that I have my son and am staying home. When DH and I were kidless we both worked full time and split household stuff 50/50. It was always agreed that once we had a kid whoever stayed home with it would take on most of the household stuff as well. Boy it's harder than I thought tho!!

My husband doesn't put pressure on me but I know he's getting fed up with it and I feel a lot of pressure from myself to do a better job. We never have any clean dishes and the laundry is constantly a huge pile. I barely manage to keep to floors clean and vaccumed. I got on anti depressants for PPD and anxiety last week and there is already a huge improvement in what I am able to manage but I still need some ideas for how to make it all run smootly.

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Lynnett - posted on 07/02/2010

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I have 3 kids the youngest being 20 months old. My house is not spotless but I at least keep it picked up. I do things when the kids are playing or are occupied by something else. Have your son help as much as he can. Mine like to put laundry in the basket or help pick up toys. If you make a game out of it they are even more willing and they get excited because they are helping mommy. I agree that even though your husband works fulltime he should still help out. Mine does the dishes after dinner so I have one less thing to do and will switch laundry around if I need him to. Some days i get everything done, some days I get nothing done. It's not the end of the world if the house is messy. I usually only do laundry once a week and vaccum every other day. It's alot easier if you break things up, that way you're not so overwhelmed. If you are having trouble keeping the dishes done up maybe a dishwasher would be a good investment. Good luck and remember the most important thing is your son!

Soleil - posted on 07/02/2010

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nap time is your time to do everything you can in how ever long it is he naps. I have two boys, a 4 year old and a 4 month old so things are crazy here!! A few things I do to keep things looking clean: Make the bed the second you get out of bed, it takes just a few minutes and it makes the whole room look more put together. Every time you wash your hands, wipe the water spots up from around the sink, because once that water dries, it makes the sink and counters look gross. Every time you cook, clean the dishes or put them in the dishwasher... if you leave them in the sink, not only does it look messy, but it always seems like a daunting task if the whole days dishes are piled in the sink! Start your laundry as soon as you start your cleaning, that way you have time to get it into the dryer before your son wakes up. as far as the big things go, like toilettes, tubs, showers, and such.... once a week is plenty as long as you keep the little things up. Clean as you go, when you walk down the hallway, take that load of wash with you, hand up the towels when you need to go to the bathroom... just keep at it, you get used to it the longer you do it!

Ceri - posted on 07/02/2010

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Don't stress about it. i felt the same way as you when my son was born. I also had PPD so I know where your coming from. Here's a few tips,
get your son involved. both my son and daughter loves playing with socks while I folded the laundry. i also hang things up up straight of the line to reduce my ironing pile, that includes my kids t-shirts.
Buy a little vacuum cleaner for your son. My daughter vacuums with me or daddy. It's so cute. ( I only vacuum once a week)
Get your hubby to do bathtime. My hubby has always had showers with the kids. It is amazing what you can do in that time. It's fun time for them.
Get hubby to take him out on a Saturday morning. My hubby takes my 2 swimming. It's quality time for them and believe me you"ll get the housework done.
Take time out for you. do not run around like a mad thing when your son is having a nap. have a nap yourself or put your feet up.
The most important thing is to talk to your hubby. Communication is everything. my son is now almost 6 so I've dealt with PPD all that time. You have to discuss how you are feeling. Don't be afraid to ask your hubby for help. looking after a child is a fulltime job. It isn"t just a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday thing.
i"ve learn to cope but I get a lot of support from my husband.
just remember would you rather your little boy remember that his house was immaculate when he was growing up or that his mum always had time to get on the floor and play with him.
don"t stress it will happen.
would love to chat if you"d like to contact me direct :-)

Iris - posted on 07/02/2010

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When my son was young. I got things done, he use to like watching tv shows on tv or play with his toys.. I would put him in his playpen and give him a baby cookie and his bottle and let him watch his tv shows . That usually helped me while I did my chores..

Amy - posted on 07/02/2010

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Check out flylady.net. :)



The first step is to stop beating yourself up! :) They have great routines to help you find your groove. Good luck to you!



I'm really fortunate to have a helpful husband. For instance, after dinner, we'll tag team the dishes and baths. He vacuums and makes our bed 99% of the time. Not sure what your husband is doing, but we're believers that the SAHP should do "most" of the housework, but not ALLLL of the housework.



If you have an infant at home that isn't sleeping through the night yet, I think you both should probaby dial the expectations back just a bit. :)



Anyway, if you set aside a few minutes per day to tackle some stuff, you'll be caught up in no time! Best of luck to you and your family!

Sheena - posted on 07/02/2010

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I'm sorry to hear that.... My advice is to do things when your son takes a nap..... You could get things done and relax a bit..

Rachael - posted on 07/02/2010

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I dont have a routine.. I have a 4 yr old, 1 1/2 yr old, and a 4 month old.. Its very hard to have the same routine everyday.. And to be honest its very hard to keep up with the house! Before I was stressing so much over getting everything done and having a spotless house all the time. But finally I just relaxed and realized the house wont always be clean and I feel so much better now not to have to stress about having to do everything perfectly

Hannah - posted on 07/02/2010

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It is very hard. I stay at home with my 23 month old and watch my sisters two year old twins during the day too! I get a lot of things done during nap time. I also will set up coloring pages and tape them to the table so they cant move and let them color while doing dishes or folding the laundry ( this works pretty good it worked good when they were in the high chair so they would stay sitting) if your baby can walk I take turns letting them help me vaccuum its fun for them and your still getting it done. mopping the floor and sweeping has to be done during the nap and also you can try to save some for the weekend while DH is home to help with the baby or even help you clean a little. When the three of them were his age I would pull the coffee table to the wall of living room so their was a big space and lay a big blanket down and throw all their toys on the floor turn on a baby einstein movie and it kept them entertained for a good half hour. The main thing is don't stress about it because your little one will feel your stress and will start to get anxious as well just stay calm and if it does not all get done there is always tomorrow. Being a stay at home mom is not easy its one of the hardest jobs out there!!

Rebecca - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't have a routine, I just make to-do lists. It helps me get in the zone if I turn on some music while I clean.

Gerda - posted on 07/02/2010

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I have exactly the same problem except I am working full time, and at night the toddler drives me crazy when I want to clean so i just give up and play with her!

The best thing i found the past couple off weeks is, if your having trouble call a baby sitter, they can go out for a bit or just hang at home while you clean up a bit.

I even now call my mum in law give her a granny night or two to strayten the house up and she loves it, the baba comes home in a better mood as well!

Breanna - posted on 07/01/2010

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i have to say i just never sleep. every chance my duaghter is down im cleaning with the laundry i put it in and out through the day and at night i fold everything before i got to sleep and since i keep up on it i only have about 1-2 loads a day...dishes as well i just take care of it in the in-betweens like naps and bedtime but the rest like vaccuming i will either put her in a jumper or if she is asleep i will do that too. so it all works out the hardest thing is dinner cause she gets tired and ready to go to bed around then so sometimes my man has to fend for himself and i feel bad because i love to cook for him but we had the same agreement that whoever stays home can pull their weight by taking care of the house but it gets hard. i have been thinking about anti depressants because im always so unhappy with everything around me and it makes me unable to enjoy my new family as much as i could

Lindsey - posted on 07/01/2010

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Make a schedule it was a life saver for me...I get up at 530 and feed the baby put her back to bed and then get all my stuff done and get the kids up at 730. I get myself ready while they are sleeping and make my bed, get laundry started(do 1 load a day to keep up) and then while they eat breakfast i vacuum, save mopping for when daddy is home on weekends and he can take the baby. I spend most of day with my 5 kids and then do dishes after every meal only takes 15 mins. Do a little lite cleaning after kids go to bed and then relax. If you schedule it and keep up with the cleaning then you spend alot less time trying to get it done. I hope this helps. If you need anything plz ask i am always willing to help anyone if i can. Just send me a message if you need to ask me anything or just want to talk.

Ebby - posted on 07/01/2010

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I pop a caffiene pill, put on his favourite movie first thing in the morning, grab myself a snack, get him a snack he loves, sit him down in his chair and get to it, when I get perked up I can get the bathroom done, folding done and kitchen done all in about 30 minutes.... if you can't have caffiene.... I feel for you. LOL.

Crystal - posted on 07/01/2010

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Play pen, and a lot of toys! :) Just put it nearby the room you'll be cleaning so he can see you and you can tend to him if needed. When you're in the kitchen cleaning, put him in his high chair with a healthy snack, or some color crayons and paper. just a few ideas, hope this helps!

Rosemarie - posted on 07/01/2010

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the only things you can do is get all your house work done while your one year old takes a nap

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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Emily: Sounds like you need a week vaca while the hubby stays home with the kids. Honestly...time for some intervention. These men don't get it. (I'm lucky, my hubby, usually is great, has his moments though) There is the country song by Lonestar these men need to listen to. Here are the lyrics: PS-Mom's are amazing! Keep up the great work. You know how hard you work and how wonderful you are! Remember that.

Lost my job, came home mad got a hug and a kiss and that's too bad,
She said, I can go to work untill you find another job,
I thought, I like the sound of that, watch tv and take long naps,
go from a hard working dad, to being mister mom, well

(chorus)
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer, crayons go up one drawer higher,
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time, breakfast six, naps at nine,
There's buble gum in the baby's hair, sweet potatoes in my lazy chair,
Been crazy all day long, and it's only Monday, Mister Mom,

(verse 2)
Football, soccer and ballet, squeeze in scouts and PTA, and there's,
That shopin list she left that's seven pages long,
How much smoke can one stove make, the kids won't eat my charcoal cake,
It's more than any man can take. being Mister Mom, well,

(chorus)
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer, crayons go up one drawer higher,
Rewind Barney for the sixteenth time, breakfast six, naps at nine,
There's buble gum in the baby's hair, sweet potatoes in my lazy chair,
Been crazy all day long, and it's only Monday, Mister Mom,

(bridge)
Before I fall into bed tonight, if the dog didn't eat the classified's,
I'm gonna look just one more time,

(ending)
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer, crayons go up one drawer higher,
Rewind Barney for the eighteenth time, breakfast six, naps at nine,
There's buble gum in the baby's hair, sweet potatoes in my lazy chair,
Been crazy all day long, oh been crazy all day long,
and it's only Monday, Mister Mom, Mr. mom,
Balancin checkbooks, juggling bills, though there was nothin to it,
Baby now I know how you feel, What I don't know is how you do it,
A
Honey you're my hero,

Emily - posted on 07/01/2010

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I am having the same problem, i just cant keep up. my husband is also getting fed up, but sometimes i just dont know how to fix it all. my husband doesnt even act like i am here anymore, he says that he feels i dont pull any weight. but i honestly work all day. i have a almost 3 year old and a 14 months old. i am tring but it just doesnt seem good enough. then my husband comes to me telling me that i need to be more like a southern family and just respect the man, and if i take care of him well maybe he will give me time of the day

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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Also, I was thinking...what about paper plates and plasticware a few nights to lessen the dishes. Make meals that use less cookware...grill...order take home. Hire a highschool kid to come once or twice a week to clean for you or entertain your child so you can get something accomplished. Have a friend or family member take your child or come to the house and help out in some way. It's ok to recrute help. True friends won't ever mind. Do you have a neighbor that can spare a couple of hours and watch your child so that you can dedicate that time to your once a week laundry, dusting and vaccuming? I find when my husband takes my son outside and they work on the garden and spend some father/son time for a few hours once a week helps me to get the house straight for the entire week. It's amazing what 2-3 hours can do for you when you are child-free and can have a complete thought.

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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#1 is your child healthy and happy? You only need the dishes you need to eat on and the clothes you need to wear for the day. That's one way to look at it. Don't stress. #2 your hubby is going to have to realize that you are trying and that he actually needs to pitch in more than you both originally thought. Just because you originally agreed you would pick up more home chores doesn't mean that was the best plan and you two need to discuss a new plan of attack. My husband does realize this and pitches in temendously. We have a 2 yr old and on top of that I babysit up to 5 other kids in our home. Having children is a lifechanging challange that always needs adjusting. There doesn't need to be a set of rules as to who does what. You both need to pick up the slack where needed to get off your anti depressants. Being parents won't run smoothley even if you have a live in Nanny. You both need a sense of humor about it and support each other. Keeping your child happy and healthy and edjucated are what's important. Next is dishes.

Emma - posted on 07/01/2010

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Hi, i found it hard at first but with my 19 month old i find the best thing to do is get up have breakfast, i then occupy him with his his toys then i start tidying round and doing whatever needs doing, i also get him to help with certain things such as picking his toys up and putting things back where they should be. It took me a long time to get into this routine but with a partner working nights i had to get myself sorted and quick.. i am also trying to get myself sorted quicker in the morning ready for when i have child number 2 in 9 weeks time so time is a big issue for me as my son likes to be occupied ALL the time so the quicker i get things done the better..

I would just say get things done your way and do what you can when you can! Im sure ur husband will understand!?

hope this helps you and good luck xxx

Shylah - posted on 07/01/2010

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i had the same problem...i now have a 4 year old, 3 yr old and 6 mo old...then a friend told me she thought people with clean houses were boring...that made me look at things a little differently...just be the best mom you can be...the mess will ALWAYS be there, your kids will move out sooner than you think!

Margaret - posted on 07/01/2010

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I feel your pain! I am in the SAME situation!! Eventhough I am now a stay-at-home mom, I still can't manage to get anything done!! My DH and I have had our fair share of arguments about the cleaning and such. I suffered with PPD...although no medication. I explained to DH that sometimes I need his help, and I understand that he works all day, but 5 minutes of his help everyother day means the world to me!! Weather it be bringing the clean folded laundry baskets to thier respective rooms, or vacuum the living room floor or even load the dishwasher. It takes that much stress off of me and helps a ton!! Usually when he gets home from work he showers and keeps an eye on the baby so I can prep dinner. That way, we can sit down for a family meal stress-free.

My DS is down for the night at 8pm. So when he goes down, I load the dishwasher, throw a load of laundry in, pick up the toys in the livingroom, and then plop on the couch for a few minutes until its time to switch over the laundry...which is usually about 20 mins or so.

Another hint that really helped keep my PPD away is at least once a week, when my DS goes down for his noon nap-I take one too. A 2 hour nap really helped me keep my stress down.

Katie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I have tried everything under the sun. When we didn't have kids. It was easy if I did work I only worked a part time job. Then we had our first daughter, Still pretty easy to keep things done. 3 more kids later. I am lucky that I get a few minutes to put on clothes every day. I do my best and that is all that you can do. Just do the major things that make your home look the messiest. Pick up the dirty clothes. if you do manage to geth them washed, fold them and have your hubby help you by at least putting away his clothes. Do the dishes, sweep the floor or runthe vauum. and when you want to dust. Little hands make the best dusters for tables and dressers. Have the baby help with little things. Give him a pile of rags to fold. They wont be pretty. Probably just a big pile still but he will be proud because he helped his mommy.
I know you said that you and your husband had an agreement on the one who stayed home would do all the work. We have that one too. But if you really do need help doing a few things around the house. Don't be afraid to ask. He will probably be more than happy to do it for you.

Ann - posted on 07/01/2010

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Your children are your priority as long as they fed clean and happy that is the most important thing. Housework and cooking is the least if the things you should worry about just get the basic things done.

Lyndie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I was in the same situation before i had my daughter, it is hard especally when she was first born because she would not go down at all. What i do now is while she in in her high chair eatting her breakfast, i get the dishes done and kitchen tidy. After that its a case of trying to get hoovering done while shes walking around. She goes down about 9:45am for a sleep and sleeps till lunch time, in that space of time i manage to get the downstairs spotless, and washing hung out. Once she gets up and is eatting her lunch i get the little things done. Normally after that we go upstairs and i get what i can get done while she runs around whatever bedroom im in at the moment. once shes in her bed floors get washed and washing goes on for the following day, it is really hard and doesnt leave much time for myself but once you get ontop if it all the only thing that takes the time is downstairs, my partner is good because he will normally do dishes in the morning or the dinner ones and rubbish, i do a big clean at the weekend while hes around because i can get on alot quicker. ive had my daughter in a routen from 1month old, she gets bathed at 630pm then bed for 7-730. i dont go to my bed till about 1030 so it gives me time to get a little bit done then sit and relax for the rest of the night

Paula - posted on 07/01/2010

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the only time i gett anything done is when my one year old is a sleep. he naps from 11 to 2 and then i get stuck in and do house work by the end of the day i'm finished, i end up going to bed around 8:30 cause i'm exhausted. so u not alone there are alot of us that are in the same boat just try not be super women. one day everything will go as planned and the next the wheels are about to fall off its life i suppose.

Christina - posted on 07/01/2010

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I have a five month old (my first) and my hubby works and we have the same agreement that I would take care of the house and the yard ect...I'v learned it is not easy and basically the only reason I get things done is I have my mother-law babysit one day a week for a few hours so I can get house work done and atleast try to get some laundry done. I'm OCD about cleaning so its very hard for me to deal with the mess but I'v just made a routine to really clean on the one day I have her baby sit and try to keep up with the daily work right after he falls asleep for the night such as dishes and vacuming (thank god he's a heavy sleeper). Other than that my day is basicly him and all the baby sitting I do but I just try to take advantage at night when everyone is sleeping. I hope this helps I know its hard, good luck dear!

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2010

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WOW - that flylady.net site is great. Go to it, click on getting started, and just follow her steps. Also, I looked around the site and can't wait to use other ideas after I have finished my "babysteps".

Jessica - posted on 06/30/2010

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one question is he on a schedule? i am a sahm with 2 kids (2 yrs and 9 mnths) i have a daily routine that i keep regardless of how i feel.



i get up at 7 am to shower, make coffee, get the laundry started, and vaccum. than by 8:30 both the kids are up and we get dressed for the day. at 9 we do breakfast and than wash up. by 11 my son is down for his first nap so me and my daughter go 2 apartments down (since my fiancee works overnight so his home asleep and my son is still in our room) to my moms to put the laundry in, than me and my daughter come back over and do dishes and than go back and switch the laundry over. but the time we come back and i get lunch ready my son is waking up for lunch. than we have play time till 2 and its nap time again (this time for both of them) so thats when i vaccum again, mop the kitchen, pull out meat for dinner and prep all the sides to go with it, switch over the rest of the laundry and fold the dry stuff and put the dishes away. than once they wake up we wake up my fiancee and have a snack. around 430 i start to cook, we eat at 5, than its bathtime and we brush our teeth. after that we go downstairs and clean up the toys (i wrangle the 9 month old and the 2 yr old puts the toys away) after that we read stories, than its bed time so we go upstairs, emma the 2 yr old goes down first, than nathan the 9 month old, than i come downstairs, rinse all the dishes from dinner, make sure the kitchen is cleaned up, and vaccum one last time. than my day is done. i let my daughter help me throughout the day (she has her own lil vacuum and laundry basket that i put dirty laundry in for her to load the washer with) and she helps me change my son and restock the diaper, pull up, big girl underwear area. pretty much she helps with a majority of the basic household tasks, her favorite is putting her shirts and dresses on hangers and than getting picked up to put them in her closet (im a neat freak so i have to go back and organize them by color and weather conditions)



i have worked on this schedule pretty much since my daughter was born and i have had to adjust it many times because of illnesses, or teething, and the birth of my son, and of course the natural schedule changes that kids go through.





hope this helps. it also helps if u have a laundry schedule of what laundry u do on what day. and a cleaning schedule like what day u clean the bathroom, and what day u dust and so on and so on. that way nothing piles up and u have a few things to do each day.



and trust me i also am on antidepressants, and an antianxiety, and a sleep aid, and i am going through the diagnosis process for lupus which is long and stressful. so unlike what all my friends think and im sure a few people who read this think, i do sleep, i do eat, i am not superwoman, i do have health problems, i do get worn out, and i do get stressed. luckily i love to cook, and cleaning (for the most part) helps me to realx and think through my problems or jumbled thoughts.

Sarah - posted on 06/30/2010

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I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old, i wake up at 730 and get them breakfast while they are eating i start my dishes from dinner the night before after they have been soaking, then when they are done eating i put the dishes in the dishwasher and get them cleaned up, i get out the crayons and have them have "craft time" while they are doing craft time i start a load of laundry and sit with them and do some coloring, then when they are done with that about 30 min later i will have them go into the living room and play with some toys, while they are doing that i mop my kitchen floor, and wipe off counters, then its about 930-10 i have them clean up toys so they they can have there mid morning snack of fruits while they are eating i vacuum my living rooms. then i clean up from snack and take them outside till about 1 and then we come in for lunch and then i lay my 22 month old down for a nap and then me and my daughter will play some board games and play with some barbies together so i get one on one time with her, when my 22 month old wakes up around 330 i will have madison my 3 year old watch one of her tv shows for 30 min while i play with emily so i get one on one time with her then we all sit and play a game together, sometimes it will be duck duck goose, ring around the rosy, linden bridges.. something along those lines.. around dinner time daddy will take them outside to play while i make supper and then we all sit down together and eat, at 7 i start bath time for 30 min and by 8 we brush teeth read books and sing songs and then bedtime, when the kids are in bed i tidy up the house for the next day.. if you let your son help you clean, like sweeping the floor or putting the dishes in the sink it will make him feel like he is getting bigger and it is one less thing you will have to do, my daughters love to help around the house when its clean up time, even though its not perfect they still tried and they are happy with what they have accomplished :) i hope i could help

Julie - posted on 06/30/2010

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i have a 19 mo, 3yo and 5yo, i have found the easiest thing for me is to have a good routine and stick to it. sleep time throught the day is always a great time to get things done. i have also found that for me it is easier to do things like mopping floors and laundry at night time once the kids have gone to bed. Unfortunately there is no miracle cure for housework....wish there was though. The most important thing to remember is to take time out to revive yourself. a happy mummy means a happy baby and a happy house.

Carisa - posted on 06/30/2010

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It's hard with a 1 year old...now that I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old I always say I with I had an older sib with my first daughter. When you agreed you would do most of the housework when you stayed home, that was BEFORE you were actually doing it. I know it seems like staying home isn't hard, taking care of your child is a lot of work. I would suggest talking to your husband about helping with the housework. Of course, I am sitting hear in a room full of toys and dog hair, so I guess I'm not doing much better!

Elysia - posted on 06/30/2010

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i have a 15month old and am due in just over a week with our 2nd. but my partner is like having another child. he was always picked up after and can still be rather slack in picking up after himself.
I try and do 2loads of washing a day. thankfully i have a washing machine that has a time delay, so i put one load in of an evening and set it so its ready to be hung as soon as i get up. I try and do the dishes every evening, i find the whole day starts out bad if u get up to a dirty kitchen. i dont dry them i allow them to drip dry in the drainer but they r clean. and as for toys well i dont even bother through the day i do them when my darling boy goes to bed. my vacumming and mopping schedule has relaxed since he started walking. wehen he was crawling i was a little fanatical but i still find it hard cause he loves to get in the way so i often put him in the porta cot whilst im doing it, hes happy he can still see me and im happy cause i can just get it done. I also have a swivel sweeper which i run over my floor every evening. it does mean that often im not finished doing everything until 11pm but i guess a full nites sleep is a luxury with little kids.
I think with you suffering from depression would not be helping. Ive been there and the lack of motivation to do anything is horrible. I would say dont stress to much and just do little bits at a time rather than having a day to try and do it all in.
good luck

April - posted on 06/30/2010

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I have a general schedule. When my 19-month-old is down for her nap between 12 and 2, I do a speed clean. Pick up toys, vaccuum, throw in some laundry, and do up the morning dishes. Then I do it all again after she goes to bed. But I agree, it's hard to do everything that needs done around the house when you're a stay-at-home mama. If your son is walking, try and get him to help put his toys away. My daughter picks up her blocks and puts them back in the bag before bed, and that helps a lot.

Colleen - posted on 06/30/2010

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are you able to do some when your baby is taking a nap? I'm having the exact same problem too, only my boyfriend IS putting the pressure on me along with myself putting it on.. It's not fun, it's frustrating. The only thing I can suggest, is while the baby is awake do the chores you can do, try and do the things you can't while it's asleep.

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

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First of all, be gentle with yourself. It's a huge adjustment having a child and each new stage that child enters requires more adjusting on your part.

My second piece of advice is to have an open dialogue with your husband about the house stuff. Let him know that you're aware of the issue and really trying hard to get it all done. Explain to him what you need from him whether it be help with the house, an understanding ear, or possibly a set time for him to watch the baby each evening while you straighten up. He can't help if he doesn't know what you need.

The third but most important suggestion would be to take care of yourself first. If you're anything like me, you're probably thinking "how the heck can I take care of myself when I'm struggling to find time for the dishes" but honestly once you make yourself a priority, you'll be amazed just how much more you can accomplish. Things become clearer to you, a schedule is easier to develop and adhere to once you've nourished yourself a bit. I was in the same state you're in about a year ago when I read The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal by Renee Trudeau (www.reneetrudeau.com). I joined a personal renewal group (which is basically a circle of other moms facing the same type situation) and was AMAZED at how much my life changed after going through some of the exercises in the book. It's worth checking into. Good luck to you and take care!

Rachel - posted on 06/30/2010

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You can do it!!! But you have to make checklists and don't expect to get everything done quickly or in 1 day. I have a 14 month old and try to get stuff done that he can't help with (like dusting and bathroom cleaning) during naptime but as for laundry just do one load every other night so you don't get behind. And make it a habit to wash the dishes as soon as you use them so the sink doesn't pile up with dirty dishes. It is a lot more difficult with a child but you can still definitely be a SAHM and have a clean, tidy house to be proud of!! Just do a little bit every day and you'll be fine.

Sally - posted on 06/30/2010

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You and your husband had completely unrealistic expectations of housekeeping with a child. That's Okay. Almost no one realizes how much work a SAHM actually does until she is one. Almost no one realizes how much work a child really is until they have one.
Keep a list of what you actually do all day. You're probably doing a lot more than you think you are. If your husband doesn't believe how much you do, hand him the baby and leave for 8 hours. As much as I hated leaving my little one, being the SAHD for a year taught my husband to NEVER ask "What did you do all day?" after he went back to work. :) And he learned to cook and do laundry.
Make a list of what things you would like to see taken care of and prioritize it. Have your husband do the same. Come up with a realistic daily to-do list that will make both of you happy and try to stick to it. Start with a small list and build up as you have time and learn to streamline things. If there is something really important to your husband that you don't care about it or don't have time for it goes on His to do list. It will get easier as your child gets older, but your house will not be as clean as it used to be before kids.

Lydia - posted on 06/30/2010

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small steps!!! to-do lists might help you, it feels so good to cross off things. have your toddler involved in some of the housework... like sweeping, folding laundry, putting dishes away... one thing i found very helpful: try to keep one room clean all the time, most likely the living room. it makes a big difference to have one room you can just be to relax without seeing undone work. if your kid plays in the living room, have a box or basket there for toys. if he finishes playing make it a rule to clean up the toys with him together. as for laundry: skip anything unnecessary like ironing everything (do only the really important, like shirts if hubby needs them for work). fold up the clothe as it comes out of the dryer or the line. takes only 5 minutes longer, but you don't have all this undone baskets full of clothes standing around.
cook always a bunch to freeze. this reduces dishes, because all the cooking equipment makes the everyday dish load so much bigger... if you cook once a week and freeze, you need only a plate and a fork every meal... instead of having tons of pots etc. everyday you have it only once a week.
also make it a rule for yourself and hubby to clean things up right away... like you sit down for a cup of coffee, so take it and wash it when you're done. it just takes a few seconds this way, while when you leave it on the table more and more things will be added and than it's a messy pile of work that needs maybe 15 minutes to clean up. i try to keep it this way in my living room and it works well. if the table is always empty and i have just two minutes i can dust it. however if there is all the stuff left on top i might get some cleaned up but never get to dust before my baby cries again!
one more thing: try to de-clutter your house as much as possible. less things, less work. often the clutter makes a place look messy. one big thing to clean is easier than 5000 small things. hang in there, i am sure you are dong a much better job than you think. most important have some fun time with your boy everyday!!!!

Angi - posted on 06/30/2010

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I have a 4 year old and a 5 month old, and I am the only one that cleans in the house. My choice, not his. I have Never been a neat freak or anything like that, but since we moved into our new house I am super crazy about it staying really clean.

What I try to do is we usually don't get up till 7 or 8, after the kids are fed, I spend 10 min cleaning the kitchen. I turn the radio on and do like panic clean. (the kind of clean that you did when you where a teen and you knew you only had like 30 min before your parents got home from work, and you had not done any chores) After 10 min what ever is not clean, is not clean till about an hour. Then I do it all over again. I usually put a good 40-50 min between cleanings.

I make tons of lists, starting from what I really want done to not so much done. Dishes, vaccuum, sweep, dust, bathroom floors, clean counters tables, kids rooms, laundry. I do the pooties and tubs once a week during nap times, or right after a bath time. also just spend about 10 mn. I only mop once a week, but because we have all wood floors it usually takes me alot longer to do them.

I make my 4yo help, she has helped as long as she has been able to walk. She doesn't have to have her room clean all day, but by 5 pm everything much be out away or it is tossed in a bag and she doesn't get to play with it for a week. After 5 she can only play with one thing at a time so that it doesn't look so crazy in her room and she is not struggling when she is super tired to clean.

About once a week, I do not clean at all anything but the dishes. I have to rest to. But I try to remember that if I do a little bit at a time then, the mess isn't as big when I get to it.

Good luck. It really took me like 3 years to find a schedule that worked for me and my babies.

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2010

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I have a 3 year old and cancer, several disabilities from the 4 surgeries I've had from the cancer. I feel your pain, trust me. I have priorities. That's my "secret". If there are toys on the floor or it's a little messy (although my hubby doesn't love it) that's ok with me, but I make sure the dishes are done no matter what before I go to bed so I start the day every day with a clean kitchen. I also do 2 loads of laundry every day. I don't procrastinate putting them away because then you end up having to iron or dewrinkle and make more work for yourself. The secret is not to let it build up to a point where you can't handle it. If it is at that point now, you are going to have to put in some days of hard work to get it back to a clean state, then you can just "keep up" with it. Basically when I get up I get myself ready while my little one watches a cartoon or two. Then I get him ready, then I clean up the breakfast dishes. Then we do something fun. He doesn't nap, but when he did that was my down time. I refuse to do work during nap time. After lunch I get him doing something fun and I try to do floors, dusting, throw in a load of laundry, etc. 2 days a week I do a bathroom, since we have 2. I vacuume and sweep every day. Like I said, if it gets built up, it makes it too hard. My house isn't what I'd like it to be. My closets are a mess, my pantry is terrible. My computer desk looks like a tornadoe hit it. I am a piler/stacker. I don't throw stuff away like I should. My husband and I just talked last night about going through the whole house and de-bulking cause his parents are coming from across the sea to stay with us. They don't live like that and I think he's a little worried aobut what they will think. I mean I'm not a hoarder, I just have too much junk I don't need. But my house is clean. And I try my best to keep it clean. Are there days where maybe we go to the zoo and I don't do some of these things? YES. Are there days where I don't feel well and sit on the couch and do nothing? YES. But if I let those days become the norm, then it gets to be too much and I don't want my husband to have to do my job and his.

Crystal - posted on 06/30/2010

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As a single stay at home mother of three children ages 8, 2 and 3mths i can honestly say that clean doesnt happen lol dont get me wrong my house is neat and tidy but never really clean. the last time i actually cleaned my glass doors was months ago and they have beautiful little hand prints on them. The last time i cleaned them my 2yr old walked straight in to it so i dont do it anymore. As for dishes they are always washed but never really put away i use them as i need them from the drainer, washing: my laundry is always running (im sure most of it isnt even worn) however a dryer saves time but it never really ends. I vaccume everyday not that u could tell. I have to say the bathroom is the cleanist room in my house. As long as my children are happy i am happy.

So dont let it get to you as long as children have love a TIDY house, clean clothes and good food they are happy and isnt that the most important thing ????????

Yasmine - posted on 06/30/2010

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How do you do it all on your own? Simple...you dont! I dont know anyone who has kids and a spotless house who doesnt have a cleaner. Some peoples may appear to be, but their either lying about having no help or everything is shoved out of sight!
A happy house is not neccesarily a spotless one, there might be toys strewn everywhere and piles of washing to be done... but thats a HOME. A lived in home, not a showhome!
Dont be so hard on yourself, and when you feel like its getting you down, just think...fuck it... go for a walk/ have a cuppa, and when you feel happy again, then tackle it.
Tis how I cope! x

Lea - posted on 06/30/2010

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You don't (get everything done). Your prioritize (what needs to get done today to live). Usually for me that was dishes and laundry and once a week groceries. If I was able to do more, great. If not, my husband had to help out or it didn't get done.

Crystal - posted on 06/29/2010

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well for one thing even if u stay home u still work u just dont get paid to do it ur husband should still do his part to help out 50/50 i have been a sahm for over 3 yrs just wait until he is older it gets worse i use to keep a spotless house until i had my daughter now im luck to keep one room clean lol try doing a little execrise to giv eu motovation thats wat i do, make a schedule and work with it and use baby gates yes he will cry but the work will get done even if it takes u a few hours or day clean when he naps too

Tamara - posted on 06/29/2010

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also when i ask my hubby to hold the baby when i get home he say "I want some me time" where the heck is my me time?????? thats what i want to know!! ahhh so annoyed with him right now.

Tamara - posted on 06/29/2010

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i feel the same way but my hubby reminds me that im not doing anything all day. Its so hard to do things with a 3 month old. He hates to be set down and some days he just isn't having it. And i feel like a bad mom/house wife. Most everyone makes it look so easy. And my hubby isn't making it any easyer.

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