How do you know when your done having kids?

Raina - posted on 10/10/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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When I was pregnant with the baby I was sure that he was going to be it, even after he was born I was done, but now he is 7 months old and I have a strong NEED to have another baby. My husband doesn't understand this, and refuses to have another. IDK how to feel done or how to get over the feeling of needing to have another. I dont feel like I cannot handle the ones I have plus one, I guess that is what I was expecting when I was pregnant but my older two are great with the baby and he is just a great baby. I am starting to slip back into a bit of my depression over it and I just want to know how to get over it... any thoughts??

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Tina - posted on 10/12/2011

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I don't think you'll get over that longing for another child - but having been the sole breadwinner in our house for a couple of years until my DH could find a job that paid enough to cover daycare and have some left over at the end of the month I sympathize with your husband. When you bring children into this world you have a responsibility and I personally don't feel that we could provide for 3 children the way we can for 2. You should talk to your husband on his feelings and why he thinks a 4th child is out of question - only when you understand his motivation will you be able to make arguments about your motivation to have another.

Janice - posted on 10/12/2011

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That is such a tough topic. My best friend just started trying for a third after 6 years of being "done." She is the one who conceded to her husbands wishes. I am pregnant with #2 and I'm pretty sure I want a third but my husband keeps saying we are done. For us we decided that we are done for now and I will get an IUD until we decide for sure in a few years from now. I am just hoping that one of us will change our minds over the next 3-4 years.



I think if you can put your feelings aside for a little while and see if your husband comes around it would be a good temporary solution. I do think that you will feel it in your heart when you know your family is complete. So maybe if you can think of more kids as a maybe instead of a never you will become comfortable with your family as is. Or if in a while you still really want another you can talk calmly and seriously with your husband about how much you want another baby and I'm sure if your relationship is strong he will realize that another baby is always about more love than more burden.

Jen - posted on 10/12/2011

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I would say to stick with a BC method that's easy to come off of, and talk to your hubby and listen to his reasons for not wanting one. My fiance didn't want a second baby, but agreed to my method of BC because we knew we needed to work it out before making a major, life-changing decision either way. I'm due next week with baby #2, and our daughter's 3rd b-day is at the end of the month. During this pregnancy we discussed whether we wanted more or not, and how it would affect my body (this hasn't been the easiest pregnancy), and he ultimately left it up to me. I've already signed papers to have my tubes tied while still in the hospital, because I KNOW I'm going to want more, but I know it's just not feasible for us. So I'm taking the decision out of my own hands=) I really hope this helps you out!

Bonnie - posted on 10/11/2011

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Raina, I know exactly how you feel. My husband wanted two kids. I thought I would be okay with two, but a year after having my second, I longed for a third and although I have my days, I have still wanted a third. This would be the last. It took a lot, over a year and a half of talking it out, but finally, my husband has agreed to one more. Nothing has happened yet :-), but we are trying. Good luck!

Denikka - posted on 10/11/2011

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It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do.
I think it's more nostalgia than anything. You're going through what may be the last of your *firsts*. First words, first steps etc. You're going to miss having a baby in your arms.
It's tough, it sucks, and you and your husband need to come to an agreement that BOTH of you are okay with. Tell him how you're feeling. Ask him why he is so set on not having another. Really listen. And don't make any rash decisions. Take the time and think it through.
Good luck :)

Raina - posted on 10/11/2011

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Thank you lisa this brought a tear to my eye, I know exactly what you are saying. Thank you for the prayer they always help. :)

Lisa - posted on 10/11/2011

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Having seen God's providence in my own family growing up, especially what my mom calls, "the grace of the moment" (strength to adjust to any challenge you face), I knew that God would provide the means necessary to handle all the wonderful children he would send to my husband and me. But it has taken my husband a while to realize this.

As far as your husband is concerned, I think it takes men (a lot) longer to convince themselves that they can handle another child. Meanwhile, be patient with him! (Also, my husband says he is nervous around infants, and I can't help but think that this may be a common thread with many men.) Hope this helps! Oh, and I am saying a little prayer for you as I close this. ♥

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