How do you stay sane as a SAHM with no outlet?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

I have a 3 and 6 year old and when my husband comes home, I have the sudden urge to run out the front door and keep running until I can't run anymore! LOL being a SAHM is so isolating. It's important to be able to be home with them but it definitely takes a toll on your psyche. My friends have been dropping like flies. (two moved away and the last one got lost somewhere...LOL) I go to a church that I love but most of the people there (even some staff) are so fake that I can't have real conversations with them. (luckily the main pastor and his wife are amazing! that's the only reason i stay.) Making new friends at 33 as a SAHM seems like an impossible task so here I am, turning to the internet. (I even feel silly typing this.... but I guess it's better than keeping all of this in my head.) I wish I had some adult time with other women. I enjoy my monthly date night with my husband but it doesn't feel like a break because it's not really a break. We go out after kids are in bed and I've already had to parent all day long! I just wish I could "punch out" sometimes like you would at a regular job....How do you deal? How in the world do you keep sane when there is NO BREAK! Even vacations don't feel like vacations because they are actually more work with the kids! Vacations feel like a hassle more than anything...

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Jacqueline - posted on 05/04/2017

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Hey Carol,
I feel you on the friends, I can count on one hand how many I would consider close.
You are ok and there is nothing wrong with wanting a friend to hang out with. Be encouraged, it sounds like you are in a season where God wants you to Himself. This is not an easy season at times. I understand where you are, it had been a while since I had a friend that I could be transparent with and just be me. Then one of the ladies at church, we clicked and would talk for hours. Then at the beginning of the year she texted me saying that she would not be in contact. So here I was without a close friend again. For me, I just come to accept that there will be seasons in my life when God is my bff and every now and then He will share me with another. I will be praying that God will send you some friends that you can be you and let your hair down with. You have a lot in you that others need, ask God to bring those in your life that need what He has placed in you.

Katherine - posted on 05/02/2017

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Hi Carol,
Oh my god i was nodding to every sentence you have written above . I love my kid and family very much but i just feel that i need some time off every week if not every day . We went on a vacation in the monthof February and it was so much work and packing and phew i still have not t unpacked . No matter how much i try and finish up chores there are always more . I took up a course ...distance learning , thinking that my child goes to nursary and i will get some time at least ...but now i am contemplating if it was the right thing to do since i am not getting enough time to study. we moved to new area two yrs back so i have no friends i have immense faith in God but sorry to say in my case even the kids group at church was not help full. It was not a very good time for me the mums had formed a small group and would not talk to anyone no matter how hard i tried so finally after about 10 months we stopped going there. I have given up on making friends and i am not very happy about that . I am sorry i am still struggling and don't really have any solutions . I wish i had some friend who i could just pick up the phone an d call or just have a chat apart from the usual small talk. There is one thing though , i started running last month not a lot just about a 20 min run to get fit usually with my kid on her bike or when husband comes back . I have seen that it elevates my mood and also has health benefit's . I also feel more energetic and have little more patience especially at the end of the day. Me and my husband also watch something together at night our child sleeps, usually a thriller series so i have something else to think about apart from the regular family worries . If you find anything else that helps please write back . Hopefully you will find friends soon . Take care

[deleted account]

Thank you. I am involved with church and i have a weekly bible study that i go to. I'm a very social person and i went from having a job that had me with people all the time, to being home with children. Getting alone time isn't a problem because my husband is very willing to stay with the kids. I guess my issue is that I don't have a friend that i can just call up and invite to the movies, or to go with me to get our nails done and just have fun with. And while i enjoy my bible study, it's nice to do something other than church to have a good time.

But i agree, I have to take all of this to God and I have to remind myself that he's the better picture of all of us. The better father, friend, etc... Sometimes it's just hard to remember that when you're in the thick of feeling lonely and just wanting to share carefree time with other adults. I know that this season of my life will pass, i just have to find a better way to cope.

Jacqueline - posted on 04/28/2017

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I can relate to being a SAHM. It is important for you to take time for yourself. When I feel like that I take at 30 min. for myself or go to the store alone. That is my time to get refreshed. I am active in church. Because you mention church, I would encourage you to get involved in ministry if you haven't. Also when you feel like running til you can't run anymore put on some worship music (it is better than calgon) or music you like. Believe it or not there are some real people in your church aside from your pastors. You have a greater purpose in your ministry than your pastors, God has a work for you to do. It could be to start a group in your church for SAHMs'. I'm sure there are other SAHM in your church who can relate or desire to have play dates for their kids as well. Since you like your pastor's wife try connecting with her for adult time or if your church has a women's ministry or a marriage ministry. If your local library has story time this will allow you to get out an meet other moms.

As a SAHM, you wear so many hats with so many responsibilities. I deal and keep my sanity by getting alone with some worship music or silence and talk to God. It share with Him all of my concerns. I also am apart of a prayer group and prayer line. I have to take time for myself like getting my nails done also or just getting out without the kids.

It is important to take time for you and do some things that you enjoy doing. You make have to ask your husband to take the kids for a little while so that you can get refreshed. I had to explain to my husband that I needed time to myself to get me together so that I could be better for my family and not snapping at them. I can tell when I need some me time. Be encouraged.

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[deleted account]

Thanks ladies. You each have encouraged me in different ways. I'm coming to terms that this is just a season i have to be in for now. I spoke to my husband and In august, My daughter will be starting preschool part time (my son in currently in kindergarten) so that will mean 3 hours to myself to go to the gym or just clean up the house uninterrupted. Im sure that will help me out in keeping my sanity and it will open up doors for me to find other things that i enjoy doing that will hopefully lead to connecting with other people. Today, i'm feeling encouraged and blessed. This weekend i went sky diving for the first time and it was a gift all the way around. i live in Homestead, FL so it's been incredibly hot and rainy lately but, Saturday morning when i woke up to go on my adventure, it was about 65 degrees with beautiful clear skies! Also, i wasn't as nervous as i thought i was going to be! i mean, when the door opened i felt a little nervous but, no where near what i thought. It really felt like a blessing from God and i was able to enjoy the fullness of the experience! So, i'm looking at things through a new lens and i'm feeling hopeful!

Thank you so much for listening to me and letting me dump on you guys! LOL

Kelly - posted on 05/03/2017

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Hi Carol,
I totally relate to your desires to run away for awhile! I might get a little lost on my way back from the store every now and then;) But seriously mama, this role of SAHM can be exactly what you say-isolating. I hate to hear of your friends moving away. That must be really hard on you. It sounds like you are in a transition period of creating new friendships to replace your old local friends, would you agree?

Have you invited any of the other ladies from your bible study out for lunch or coffee or something? You mentioned that they are fake except for the pastor and his wife. Is there any chance that you have misjudged any of them? I know I sure have. Sometimes it takes one person being real for another to open up and do so.

Have you considered part-time work? Do you homeschool?

I would encourage you to talk to God about your feelings and ask Him for a couple new friends believing He will answer your prayers. Listen to His leading. More than anything, know that other moms feel just like you and don't necessarily want to show their cards. Have hope, not for years ahead when your kids are older but for your current experience to improve in relationships. God is good so lean in and find comfort. I will pray that you find a new friend who is real and available. HUGS!

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2017

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I have a 2 and 3 year olds, i started making my own nail polish, IT IS VERY HELPFUL, and who dosent love GLITTER! But i know how you feel, my husband is 20 yrs older than i and he is from Nigeria, so our views on being helpful are very different. But i am in recovery,, so i have no choice but to stay clean and when you have alot of stress and very little of my time goes to me, i used to wear make up, do my hair really into the girly stuff, NOW,,,,,,,,,i am lucky to get a shower by myself 1 time a week, and should i try to use the bahroom, there is a minimum of 2 babies and a cat,,,,,just ,,,,,,,staring at me......its actually more like a sitcom.

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