How do you tell the man you been with 27 yrs... you care about him... but your no in love with him?

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

I have been in relationship fr 27 yrs,,. and I care about him but I am not in love wth him anymore.. How do I tell him?

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[deleted account]

I tried telling him yesterday.. he became very verbal! I want to go our own seperate ways and still be friends... he is my best friend! Im not comfortable at all...we dont talk.. we dont do nothing together! Im so aggravated... I am not trying to hurt him!

[deleted account]

Quoting tina:

i cant do this,. omg! im going to be miserable forever... I want to be able to love ad be loved back.. Im so scared! 27 yrs is a long time... I've read all the comments but it is so easy to say... but harder to do! I am so sad :(



I know how you feel but maybe you should try reading The Love Dare book. It has helped me and my husband alot. I know you are divorced but this could help.

Jennifer - posted on 10/01/2009

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If your sad, I think you know what to do. It's hard to fall back in love.......I'm still trying myself. I'm not married, but I've been with my hubby for 15years. I think people get so comfortable they do not want to have change. I'm one of those people.

[deleted account]

My mom told me along time ago that we fall in and out of love all the time. If deep down in your heart you feel that you can never fall back in love with him. talk to him let him know how you feel. maybe by talking to him he will change to make things better and try to win back your heart. if he do not want to work it out let him go. go back to having date nites. meet up for lunch and dinner. do fun things together.

[deleted account]

i cant do this,. omg! im going to be miserable forever... I want to be able to love ad be loved back.. Im so scared! 27 yrs is a long time... I've read all the comments but it is so easy to say... but harder to do! I am so sad :(

Kimberly - posted on 09/30/2009

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It is a very sad thing to fall out of love with someone. i should know i fellout of love with my first husband after only four years. The respect was there that he fathered two of my children and it is still there but the love wasn't there i get it!! you need to move on with your life. you can't make someone undrstand anything you can only explain it the best way you know how! he will get it evenually! good luck we are all here for you!!!!

[deleted account]

thanks Sati.. I appreciate that.. this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do... but there is nothing there anymore...I care.. but not in love with him...makes me sad ! :(

Sati - posted on 09/29/2009

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Tina,

I could give you an advice, but I think all these ladies have already helped you. I'm just here for support. I'm sure it's not an easy step to take and/or decission to make. I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck.

[deleted account]

Thanks everyone... for your advice... Im so confused and afraid to hurt him... but I know I have to do something,.. I am miserable... he is very impossible to talk to. ..I just wish we could be friends....I cant make myself be (in-love) with him....

Tami - posted on 09/28/2009

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Well said Michelle! I wholeheartedly agree! Marriage is one of the most difficult things in life, but is also one of the most rewarding (like parenting)!!! It's very hard work and takes much nurturing in order to make it last.

Tina~ If you're not in love with him and are already divorced, then just tell him what you've told us. I, too, think the divorce should've told him that.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2009

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Quoting Cristina:

I agree with Michelle all the way, you should tell him exactly how you feel.
I do not agree at all with the first Sara who told you to "suck it up" what is that? no one should stay with some one just because they got married, what? then suffer and be a bitter person the rest of your life? no, if you stoped loving him you should be HONEST and tell him so, it's not fair for either of you, you would be living a total lie.



Christina,



 



While I thank you for agreeing with me, I feel I need to elaborate on my statement. The reason I gave Tina the response I did is because she is already divorced from her husband. If she were still married to him my advice would have been different. You see love is a choice, not a feeling. Experiencing that "in love" feeling comes and goes with the passage of time in a relationship. As long as the relationship is a health one, where there is no abuse going on - life threatening danger, or nfedility, then I believe that a couple should stay together and work it out regardless of whether you have that "in love" feeling or not. To love someone everyday for the rest of your life is a choice you make every day even when your not feeling it at the moment. Marriage is a life long covenent, not a contract. A covenent is something that you promise for the rest of your life, for better or worse, sickness and health, good times and bad, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live - till death do you part. A contact is something that can be broken. When you view a marriage as a covenant, then you work harder at it. You do not have the view of, if the feelings aren't there then you shouldn't stay in the marriage. This is a dangerous perspective to have, because no one ever has the "in love" feeling every waking minute of every day in a marriage. It's not an excuse to get out, it's an opportunity to get help if you're not able to reconnect with your mate over an extended period of time.



Marriage is the most sacred of all relationships and it is the most difficult of all types of relationships. Every marriage takes work, a choice is made every day to stay with that person, when your fighting, you still chose to love even though you are not feeling "in love" with you mate at that very moment. Marriage is like a living organism, it grows as the years pass on, and it takes nurturing in order for two people to grow together, and not apart. If couples are not nurturing their relationships, then they are going apart, but that doesn't not mean that they can't begin to grow together again. Marriage is the most wonderous and most frustrating relationship any two people can ever go through together, but the rewards of a successful marriage far out weigh the bumps that come along down the road.

Vickie - posted on 09/28/2009

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It will be hard hun but you will need to sit him down and have a long talk with him. And Just explain to him why so as he has no questions when you are gone as to why. It wont be easy hun and it is going to hurt BUT you can't force yourself to love anyone and you are only holding him and yourself back from maybe finding the one you each can truly love and share a life with. Good luck sweety.

Cristina - posted on 09/28/2009

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I agree with Michelle all the way, you should tell him exactly how you feel.

I do not agree at all with the first Sara who told you to "suck it up" what is that? no one should stay with some one just because they got married, what? then suffer and be a bitter person the rest of your life? no, if you stoped loving him you should be HONEST and tell him so, it's not fair for either of you, you would be living a total lie.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2009

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This is a confusing question. You're not married to him anymore, you tried to work it out, but it ended in divorce anyway back in 2000. Is there something happening currently that is making you ask this question? Is he trying to get back together with you? If this is the case and he's trying to reconnect with him, but your not interested any longer my suggestion is to tell him exaclty what you said... "You've been in my life for 27 years, we have children together (I'm assuming), I'm always going to care about you and what happens to you, but my love for you has changed. I'm not in love with you the way one would love a significant other, but do still love you as a friend." Perhaps something along those lines.

Sarah - posted on 09/28/2009

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you just do what you need to do! it may be hard but no body makes the decisions but you and you know what is best for you, your just gonna have to tell him and hope for the best you cannot drag on something that is not there not for you and not for him, you need closer. good luck

[deleted account]

Sara... but I am divorced from him... since 2000... Itried to work it out,,, but it just isnt there no more

Sara - posted on 09/28/2009

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You don't. You got married which is a binding committment between two people that last a lifetime. Unless he hits you, cheats on you or harms your children, suck it up.

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