How does a stay at home non-working mom buy her husband a Christmas gift??

Nicky - posted on 12/01/2011 ( 86 moms have responded )

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This is my first year being a stay at home mom, my daughter is 7months old now. Still haven't fully gotten used to not having my "own" $$ lol! Anyways Christmas is coming and i'm trying to figure out how do I buy my husband a Christmas gift? Do I do it with his money (seems weird) or do i hit the storage closet and start selling stuff? I never realized how being a stay at home mom would make me so happy to be with my daughter every day but at the same time not feel so worthy because im having to sit with my hand out to my hubby everytime I need something.

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First off, it's not "His money" it belongs to BOTH of you equally. You both work--him outside the home, you inside. If you were both working outside the home, you would both be sharing the in home work. It's all work and it all has to be done just the same.

The way it works in our house is this. We both have access to all accounts. The savings doesn't really matter, but this is how we handle the checking. All the bills are on auto pay, so we don't have to deal with them. They are roughly the same every month so we've learned how much there is left over. Then we each get a "budget" for all of our other expenses, which is a set amount that we can each spend without having to discuss it--mine is actually bigger because it includes groceries and stuff for our son. If I don't use it all one week, it rolls over to the next, same for him. If we need something that is too expensive for the weekly budget, we discuss it together. Our budgets are set low enough that there are always funds available for "emergency purchases" like new tires or an appliance breaking. That way, those little annoyances don't disrupt our lives so much.

Now, For Christmas, we actually gave each other a little extra allowance. We each got a set amount to spend on each other, and we set an amount to spend on our son together.

I have started to keep a little Moleskin balance book with me of late. I dedicate one page to a week, and write the budget at the top (adding any left over from last week to it). When I make a purchase, I just note the amount by the day. At the end of the day, I subtract it from the balance. Since I had the book anyway, I dedicated two of the pages in the back to my Christmas budgets for John & J. My weekly budget is big enough to buy the gifts I need to buy for everyone else, so we didn't worry about that.

Denikka - posted on 12/01/2011

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This may not help right now, but what I do is to take some money out of groceries. I kinda fudge the bill and estimate up. So if a shopping trip costs $127.63, I'll round it up to $150, pocket the extra and put it away for special things, like Christmas for the hubby. It helps that I do all the shopping and handle all the money by myself :P

Karen - posted on 02/08/2012

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I'm a stay at home mom, have been since I had my first daughter almost 13 years ago. I have never ONCE thought of things in terns of his money or my money (when I worked before having kids, which btw I made more than he did). When we got married we became a team. He works and earns a paycheck, but just because I am not "employed" doesn't not mean I don't work! I take care of the household, grocery shop, manage the bills, cook, clean, and take care of our children and that's just the everyday basics.

I have never felt like I had to ask for money, or permission to buy something. Granted I wouldn't go buy a car without consulting him, but neither would he. Imagine our bank account if we did! LOL

I don't understand why any woman who stays home to raise children would feel like she didn't have money or entitlement to "his" money. If you don't feel like you contribute financially to your household, then you need to price childcare let alone all the other duties you do on a regular basis! Stop thinking in terms of who pays the bills, and more like the team that you are! :)

Sal - posted on 12/01/2011

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Yep I agree with both ladies firstly it is all family cash at our family but I do also try and keep some extra cash too and I it is often from the cashout after grocerories



For presents I also find layby good a little payment over many weeks gets things payed for (and also keeps them hidden until Christmas)

Sal - posted on 12/01/2011

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You can get a second card on the account without it being a joint account

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Roz - posted on 01/02/2013

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Like I say just get your account back you can have one and don't cost you nothing! you can open one with 50$ just imagine if something hapen to hin? how you and the baby will be able to survive or leave te house? Is always good to be repared!

Roz - posted on 01/02/2013

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I recomend you star doing what a lady say about save from grocerie! theres coupon so you can save the $$ you save doe your self! And take take the money you save and put on your account! if you save 20 everery week is 80$ a mth 960 a year! this money can be for a Emergecie for your family! for the baby 1st birthday gift a family somer vacacion! If something hapen to your husband how you and the baby will survive? yes I know you have your mom and daddy but I Bealive you don't want to be 100% depend on then! And you never know what can hapen to your husban job! O have some $$$ is always good! I have 3 kids and my husband have the big income! I do almost everithing at home and have 2 business trow the Internet I love do it because I can have some $$$ on my own! But don't feel bad or sorry because you're not working a pay job! A stay home mother never get pay what we deserve but we have what those that work don't spend time with our little one and see they grow up! relex and play with your baby soon he will be walkin going to school and bye bye for all this time you have now! God bless you! leave a moment because it will never come back!

Roz - posted on 01/02/2013

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Just use his money! because his money is your money! you're sacrificing your job to take care your kids! If you like to know about how make money from you home ask me!? Take care and enjoy you baby we will grou up fast! peace!

**Jackie** - posted on 02/08/2012

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Oh, so I just read Karen Davis' post. LOVE IT. You are a team! Just because you don't deposit a check with your name on it doesn't mean you don't make money. By not sending your children to daycare you are saving money. I am a borderline extreme couponer (borderline meaning I am not a hoarder) and I save us soooo much money! If I don't have a coupon for it AND it is on sale...I'm not getting it. (except for the disney princess boots I just got for my daughter that were more than I've ever paid for shoes...BUT if you would have seen her face light up you would have too lol) Anyway, you are a team!

**Jackie** - posted on 02/08/2012

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I haven't read many of the previous posts so this may be redundant BUT this is how I did it. I used my mother's ebay account to sell some purses of mine online. I took that money and bought him what he wanted. :) He had no idea! He got a big surprise AND my mom got more good feedback on her account lol win/win scenario

Vickylynn - posted on 02/08/2012

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Since you are married his money is your money.since your a stay home mom like me you shouldn't feel guilty spending his money or you guys money that he works f0r.i used to be that way...I always ask if I can buy this it that.my husband always remind me not to ask cuz its ours.which is true...and now,I even get to put $20 or 50 for Christmas every paycheck automatically from his paycheck n that I'm able to buy stuff for the house or us without asking.sometimes I still feel guilty but that's just the way we are woman

Caroline - posted on 01/17/2012

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lol my hubby was always no don't get me stuff....then one day for his bday i told him make sure i have money and i didn't care how he made that happen and i went out with a friend and got him a gift...you can run the finances ...that way you take pressure off of him and you get to control the money...well that is if your the one that is good with the money....that helps....with the asking anything lol ...my hubby hardly ever knows how much money we have lol....i hope this helps....good luck

Jenna - posted on 01/15/2012

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Always ask for more money when grocery shopping or diaper shopping and save the extra money. Also selling items around the home like on craigslist will help. Even a layaway plan will work. But it is both of your money! Good Luck

Shantelle - posted on 01/15/2012

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ok so most people here might have some sort of comment back to me about this but honestly the best gift you can give your hubby is your time and honestly the thing men enjoy most is a bit of "boot knocking" lol!!! i know its not christmas anymore but honestly your man will always love a good snuggle down with his lady!! so instead of the same old same make it an interesting night!! seeing as valentines day is coming up this will be a real good one!! Have everything you need to make it awesome all ready to go and give him an unexpected jump!! hot and passionate will def do the trick!! A man will always appreciate any effort you put in to make it longer lasting and more passionate!!!

Stacy - posted on 01/14/2012

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I am a stay at home mom. Yea I will admit I'm very spoiled. I have never wanted for anything. I've always had what I needed and most of the time what I wanted. I still try to be that way. But I am happy that is the main thing and I live by the saying that it is easier to ask forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. Yes it is hard and I put us in binds quite often, but when you, in general, get married everything becomes joint property and that includes finances. Okay yea he looks at the bank too, and sees that I spent money, but if its for him I just tell him it's for you so its none of your business. It will depend on your husband though I guess and the kind of person he is. Yes, you both work. Yours just happens to be at home. To sum it all up in one word, JOINT. Do not start selling stuff just for your own money, his money is your money. Think about it, if you took yourself out of the equation, he would be spending at least $100.00 on child care a week, $100.00 on groceries, and have to keep up with his own laundry and cleaning. You are his cook, maid, and babysitter. Maybe even accountant.

Suzanne - posted on 01/12/2012

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Buy the gift with the money that you both have. It is yours and his. Not one or the other. I know xmas is now over, but I do understand how you feel. I hate not having my own money or indpendence via a job. However it is the deal that you are in at the moment. Use the money and cash that you have. Get him a little something, or make something with your child. I would not worry unless he has mentioned something about spending the money or you need to cut costs on things. Personally you do a big job that is unpaid, you need to not think of it as his, it is both of yours, it is for the family not just him. If you were not looking after your child, it would cost and it would be much more expensive and you are giving your child a great start in life. I know it is hard, and also really hard on the ego, finances and feelings. I have 3 year old twin girls. I would love to go back to work part time but currently it is not a financial option, as I would have to pay all my money on care for the girls.

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

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My hubby and I have a joint account. Anytime either of us has worked since we've been married, it's not "my" money or "his" money, it's "our" money. I worked and made way more money than him before we had kids. Right now I'm off work and he works. I don't think either of us has ever had a problem using the money out of our account for gifts for each other (though we actually opt not to give gifts to each other at Christmas or birthdays cause we usually buy what we want when we want). If you really feel uncomfortable, I'd suggest doing a homemade gift, sew a shirt, knit a scarf, bake a favorite treat, do a homemade meal that you wouldn't normally make but might be a favorite of his, give him some coupons (sexy or otherwise), etc. Get creative. Those are usually the most appreciated gifts anyways!

Liz - posted on 01/10/2012

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I agree with Maggie. You're doing tons of work at home so you've more than earned it. :-)

Maggie - posted on 01/10/2012

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oh and one more thing. If you are home providing child care, cleaning service, meal service, etc then you have earned the money!

Maggie - posted on 01/10/2012

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I know this is a little late but here's what my hubby and I do. Every payday I get a certain amount of "fun money" that I can use for whatever I want. I usually get cash so I can stash it away for birthdays or other special occasions if I want to. The good thing about this is 1) I can buy stuff without asking for money at the time 2) He doesn't know how much I spent since there isn't a debit transaction showing on the bank statement.
If you start doing this now you will have plenty saved up by the time Christmas comes. It also helps for vacations and stuff like that.

Liz - posted on 01/09/2012

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I soooo know how you feel! I've been a stay at home mom since my son was born 4.5 years ago. It's been really hard for me having to always have to ask for money instead of having my own income. Having to justify whatever money I do spend gets old really quick. :-) Looking at becoming a consultant (like pampered chef, but a different company & product) so I can work from home and hopefully make things a little easier. As for the Christmas gift, I just got my husband a tie (he loves ties) and a fire-starter (he's also big on preparedness). Hope your situation went ok. :-)

Sandy - posted on 01/06/2012

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Nicky I to use to be a stay at home mom until my son was about 12 1/2 years old then I started working part time while he is at school.My husband and I have always shared the income equally when I wasn't working and now that I work.Bills get paid first then Groceries and Etc.After that we split the difference.He does what he will with his half and so on with my half.We always spilt bonuses,overtime pay and 1st of the year when taxes are filled.That's how our household works.

Patricia - posted on 01/05/2012

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honestly what you are doing is the best job in the world you earn the money you recieve so using his money is not as bayou think put up whatever you save on anything such as food or clothes or things like tha it helps to

Randi - posted on 01/05/2012

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like everyone else has mentioned, it's our money, not his money. when we did christmas shopping, i showed his what i wanted and he told me what he wanted, We both knew what we were getting before hand, but it works out better in the long run. he didnt pick out something tacky for me, and vise versa. he had a blast spoiling me for christmas, and i loved knowing that i got him exactly what he wanted!

Caroline - posted on 01/04/2012

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Yeah, I have to go back to work. I am starting to have conversations with my dog, and even she falls asleep when I talk to her, lOL.... But I would never trade being a mom for anything.

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2012

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Okay, yeah, you need to stop with the whole separate account junk. Being married is sharing everything. All the money goes into one pot and you share it. For shopping at Christmas though, i wanted my own card for the purpose of buying something at a store and if see the purchase come through on that card, he knows I was buying something for him. he verifies that I actually purchased something (by asking me) and keeps his nose out to keep the surprise. But the fact that you have to ask for a debit card is ridiculous. What if there is an emergency, are you supposed to wait for him? It is really not smart to not have something together.

Carol - posted on 01/04/2012

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We set a budget for each of us, because as someone else said it is both of your money.

Girlfiend, I know how you fell about that. I have 3 gilrs all at different ages and am still freaking out after 5 yrs of not working that I can't stand not having an income too. Late post, but good luck!

Caroline - posted on 01/03/2012

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Hi Nicky,
I am also a stay at home mom. I too struggle with the same issue. I have always been a self starter and hard worker and I still struggle with "asking" for money from my husband and I didn't earn it. SO to fix that I am getting a part time job while my daughter is at school

Roxie - posted on 01/02/2012

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I know i am a bit late..but this was my first Christmas being at home with the little guy and not working...Me and my husband have an agreement that as long as it's not "excessive" ($200 shoes) it's fine, just be modest. I try to respect the fact that yes it is money that he worked hard making so not to go crazy, but at the same time he respects that i am working non-paid and taking on alot of responsibility and i may want to treat myself every now and then. All of the check goes to bills first and then after that it's our "bank" which either one of us can pull from..big purchases over 50 we need to agree on. So for Christmas i pulled from the "bank" and got him a few things he never buys himself, new workout clothes and shoes, and treated myself and son to lunch ;0). Just as many of these lovely ladies said, it's your money too, you are married. Your job is no less important than his, he brings money to the house and you keep the house running. You guys are a team! As soon as you separate "mine" and "his" so definitively, here comes the insecurities. Protect yourself and support yourself!

Veronika - posted on 12/26/2011

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Wait .....aren't you married??? All the money coming AND going is BOTH of yours!! You don't get paid to do ALL of the stuff you do at home right? Well...that's why you go get him whatever he wants (in good taste) with your joint monies! I have been married and a at home mom for 8 years and now I also home school my 8 year old and take care of my 17 month old. You would be making $120,000.00++ a year if you got paid to do everything that moms&wives do!!!

LadyJane - posted on 12/21/2011

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Why buy anything? Make him something special, if you're into arts & crafts, sing a special song if that's something special, or simply make a paper card using your own creativity. My mom always loved my handmade gifts much better than the ones I would buy.



I know quite a few husbands who really treasure a gift made by hand then one that was bought in a store.



Too much emphasis is on buying gifts, when the most special and meaningful ones are the ones that are made by hand. You don't have to be a creative genus either. My daughter's father was happy with me just making him a lopsided, badly glued bird house that wasn't even fit for a bird. But he loved it just the same...

Jamie - posted on 12/21/2011

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For one, you guys are married so it doesn't matter who is making the money!! The money is both of yours!!! I understand what you are staying I'm a stay at home mom for almost 4 years now and its very hard to ask my husband for money or a credit card but we "stay at moms" have the most important job in the world we don't look at it that way!!! I know its hard to ask for a hand-out but if he wants something for christmas he wouldn't ask any questions, why!!!

Jacque - posted on 12/21/2011

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what do you mean his money you are married it is both of your money that is crazy to think diffently (cant spell)

Lexi - posted on 12/20/2011

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In my family the pay check from my husbands job is OUR money. I have my own debit card from our joint account. When I was working the money from both our jobs was still ours. I do the very important job of raising our babies. That is plenty worthy. It makes me so sad that you feel like you are not. We talk about bills and budget things out together. I do the grocery shopping, clothing shopping for us and the boys and pay the rent. He's in charge of checking the mail and paying other bills. We talk about a budget for how much we can afford to spend on gifts then I just go buy whatever I want to get him. The only hard thing about christmas shopping is since it's a joint bank account, it's hard to keep presents a surprise. We just make it a rule that we don't really look through the bank statement for a couple weeks. lol

Rebekah - posted on 12/20/2011

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My husband picked out his own gift, purchased it online, and then had it sent to the house. I wrapped it, and then put it under the tree. Merry Christmas!

User - posted on 12/20/2011

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OMG,I see this enough! Once you are "legally" married the money he makes is YOUR money as well as his.

Sara - posted on 12/18/2011

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I know what you mean, it just seems weird buying him a present with 'his' money! I'm trying very hard to think of it as our money, and I do work very hard at home of course, looking after a baby and house is NOT EASY. We worked that he just gives me money every week, I don't have to ask or have my hand out, it's given and I can use it how I choose. I'm not much of a shopper, so it usually lasts well, and I can put some aside every week and use it for the extras. I also just started working a few hours here and there in the evenngs, but my boys are almost 2 now so that's a lot different from you. I guess we just have to have the mindset that it's the family money. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Mommy & Wife - posted on 12/18/2011

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Im also in the same boat so i just ask family if they have work for me so that i earn my own money but still get to be the stay at home mom

Jenna - posted on 12/14/2011

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Since I manage the money, buying him a gift is easy. He has no idea about the money really. He makes the money, it gets deposited in the bank, and then I pay the bills and manage the budget. He usually doesn't look at it unless I tell him there's a problem and then we look at it together. He's the one who has a problem buying something for me. In fact, yesterday, he asked how he should do it, and I told him to just buy it and then deduct the money from the budget himself. He did, so I know the amount, but what he forgot to do (he bought online) was change the email address the confirmation got sent to from mine to his, so I got it in my email today so I know what I'm getting from him for Christmas! Ha ha!

On another note, since you stay home, don't you have a joint account or something, or do you not have access to the money at all? If you don't, the bigger issue is sitting down and figuring out a fair way to do it. Sure, he might make the money, but you are taking care of his most precious possession and sacrificing a lot to do that, so you should figure out how the money management thing will work. Maybe you just need to tell him that you want some cash to buy some Christmas gifts and how much you'll need and he can just give you the cash?

Shannintipton - posted on 12/11/2011

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I could be wrong but I dont think you are suppose to post that here. Just saying. :)

Katelyn - posted on 12/11/2011

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What I do is when i go grocery shopping or anywhere you have the option of pulling out money i would pull out a little amount each time until it adds up to the price of the present you wish to get.. It works very well

Nikki - posted on 12/11/2011

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I control "our" money, I give him a certain amount each week and use the rest for living expenses, bills, savings and presents.

Stifler's - posted on 12/11/2011

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I check our online statement every day! HAHA I KNOW when he has been to the bottle o. He can't hide.

Shannintipton - posted on 12/10/2011

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I would use "HIS" money, which is both of yours by the way or let him get it himself. Or wait until right after the credit card statement closes and he wont see it. Unless he is like my hubby and checks his statement on line . . . everyday. Or a big fat IOU. ha ha

Jennifer - posted on 12/10/2011

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This one can be hard to deal with expessially if you have anyone like your parents or grandparents (mine do this to me every year at xmass, his bday, and fathers day) who make a point of telling me how NICE it will be when I evetually go back to work so I can afford to by him gifts without using HIS money. LOL I've managed to get over it but when I want to get him something a little more expencive I use the old "egg money" trick (saving up all the unused money from grocerys in cash). This year we just did most of the shopping together but the got each other something special as well like I know mine is a rare book (I collect them) but not the title of it. And he knows his came from best buy but not what it is. Of course we also have our xmass eve date as we do every year! No new sexy outfit this year but hey its the first year we have a fire place hehe! But then that tridition started the first year we were married after the kids are down for the night we have some grown up time no not always love making althou normaly ;). But just being together relaxed knowing that everything is ready and it will all be over the next day (the build up and worry that we forgot something or miss counted the numbers ect) is great.

Crystal - posted on 12/09/2011

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my husband works and i am a full time stay at home mom. we have a deal that at christmas we both get $20 each to buy eachother something for christmas. since our son is born on christmas it is hard for us to do alot, we buy christmas presents for our son and a few birthday gifts as well for him to open up that day. and then amonth later we do a birthday party. but this year we have alot of bills due this month and dont hardly have any money for your son. so i feel bad for taking some money for my husband gift. and i agree with kelly it is your money as well. what is his is yours when you get married that is how it works

Gina - posted on 12/09/2011

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Make him his favorite dinner and get a nice bottle of wine.. once the baby goes to bed light some candles and have a nice romantic night together

Kelli - posted on 12/09/2011

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I agree with kelly. But if u want u can think of donating plasma. Its a good cause and extra cash

Debbie - posted on 12/09/2011

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I agree that his income is now "both" of yours. Your job is now a non-income earning one, but you are still working! I found it a bit odd to begin with, but I now buy hubby gifts with his money. If it makes you feel better, say it's from his child..you're just the one doing the shopping!!



And a wise friend once told me, if my hubby had to pay me for everything I do as a SAMH, he couldn't afford me!! Lol!!

Shea - posted on 12/06/2011

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I hear you! I am in the same position your in. But also remember, how many jobs you are doing...to his one. Yes, he makes actually $$ to pay the bills etc. But the truth of the matter is, if you totalled up all it would cost to hire someone to do each job "hat" you wear, trust me girl, you would be having trouble finding things to spend all your cash on. Thats how I keep in perspective. As for the gift, ask your husband to get you one of those prepaid credit cards, and put some money on it...so you can get him a present, and it be a surprise. You should feel VERY worthy...motherhood, and juggiling all the other responsibilities of staying at home, while humbling, is a tremendous accomplishment, DAILY. Smile & enjoy your baby girl :) Best of luck!

Marthie - posted on 12/06/2011

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LOL! I feel your pain! 5 Years down the line for me and I still find it awkward! I am in charge of the household, and I pay the gardener and the maid that come in twice a week. I simply started cutting out on my gym fees and removed one day a week from the gardener's work and voila! I have cash! Now I get my gym exercises in through hard labour in the garden and it is a double saving for me! And as an added bonus, this forces my two sons (4 and 16mnths) to get their hands dirty in the garden too, because they want to do what mommy does!
We also agreed when I left my job, that any cash-back vouchers and gift cards from shopping centres are automatically mine, so I horde them up for "gift season", and this way I get to spoil my girlfriends with gifts too, without hurting the budget.

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