How much do you expect your husband to help out at home?

[deleted account] ( 142 moms have responded )

Hi supermamas! I have a question! My husband works full time and I stay at home. He doesn't do much at all in the home though he is very loving and appreciative. I try to keep the house clean and cook every day, keep the diapers changed, the 2 kids bathed but I feel a bit inadequate because my house is almost always a bit cluttered and messy and I have a hard time keeping up. Should I be asking him to do something in the house? What are your opinions? :)

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Stephanie - posted on 04/27/2011

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Your day doesn't end at 5pm so his shouldn't either. My husband doesn't do a whole lot at home either, but he will help if I ask. And usually he just jumps up to help and doesn't give me a guilt trip for asking. But if I don't ask - forget it. He may "superclean" one day a month while I'm at school or work (I work a little less than "part time").



Oh, and going on strike doesn't usually work here. I'm trying it with the dishes right now to no avail...

Audra - posted on 09/27/2011

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I would at LEAST expect him (and communicate to him that you expect him) to follow through on his own messes. I call it "Leave No Trace." If he takes his socks off, he puts them in the hamper. You should be able to walk into the kitchen and find no evidence of him eating a bowl of cereal because he will have put the milk and cereal away, rinsed his bowl and spoon, and loaded them into the dishwasher. I'm sure you are happy to do the laundry, and run the dishwasher while he's at work. Without his messes you will STILL have plenty of them to clean up with 2 kids. He should contribute at least that much to the keeping of the house.

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2011

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Yes, your husband should help out. He lives there right?
My husband and I are partners. When he is at work then I'm at work taking care of the KIDS. That is my job. That is why we agreed I was staying home. I'm not a housekeeper. If that was the case then I will go back to work and put the kids in daycare. It would be the same thing as being a housekeeper in my mind. If I am taking care of the house then I am not taking care of the kids. At that point I would rather be at a job I want to do. If you can't tell I'm not a fan of housekeeping.

We divvy up the chores, cooking, yard work, and such. Also, when he gets home my job is done and we both start to co parent.

This all might change when all my kids are in school full time. By that time hopefully I'll go back to school for a another degree since I'll have been out of work for 10 plus years or something. When I do eventually go back to work I will probably be working part time since my boys will be busy with activities in school and out of school. Plus, I want to volunteer at the schools.

I'm also lucky that he works regular hours. If he worked a lot then we probably wouldn't have had four kids.

I guess it depends on what you want out of your relationship, expectations, and what type of hours your partner works.

Constance - posted on 04/27/2011

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In my house we share everything. When we live in the same house. Yes he works full time but I didn't have our kids alone. I can't do it all by myself. I'm doing it by myself right now and he is not here. I am stressed out and trying to keep it together.

Erica - posted on 05/20/2011

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Hi there. My husband works 12 hours a day 7 days a week and he still has his share of responsibilities around the house. He is ALWAYS in charge of taking out the trash, he mows the lawn once a week(we have 3 acres) fallowed by washing and cleaning out both vehicles, he washes and puts away the dishes every night, and lets the dog outside and gives him fresh food and water every day before leaving for work. I take care of everything else, but its definitely a big help to have him doing this much. Plus when he does get a day off every now and then he takes over all of the house hold duties for the day and lets me relax. I'm very lucky, but I also think its fair!

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Dusty - posted on 01/17/2012

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I guess that depends on his work schedule. Does he work 7 days/week? If not, then I would be expecting him to help out some on weekends, at the very least.

Kitty - posted on 10/05/2011

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it should always ben 50/50 other wise you married him for all the wrong rwasons marriage is T E A M work!

Tiffiny - posted on 10/05/2011

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of course u should ask for help then men don't understand how hard it is to do everything at the house and take care of the kids 24/7 not to mention taking care of him to ..... everyday my husband acts like my 5th child.... after work he goes straight to the computer to play games , well now that i got a job he has to do more around the house , cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids so now he gets to see how hard it actually is so don't be afraid to ask

Kitty - posted on 10/03/2011

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well my husband has learned pretty fast how to help out so we work as a team last night was his turn to do coffee and he did laundry when we got home he trained him self less for me to worry about althought being organized is great gotta slow down now!

Natoya - posted on 09/27/2011

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i am having the same problem i got 2 kids the oldest 21months the last a month. he complaints that im not doing enough around the house my youngest child got acid reflux in his second week he had an episodes where he was choking on the formula that came back up so since that happen i got to keep a close eye on him and take care of my oldest as soon as i clean she takes everything out of place and my fiance only help making a mess sometimes it'll be 2 in the morning and am stll cleaning i probably sleep 5-6 hours a day and whenever i ask him to help out at night taking turns with the baby he says that he's tired.

Kathy - posted on 05/21/2011

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My hubby helps when he's home, but right now he's working 7 on 7 off and about 8 hours away from home... Soon we move but still his days are 12 hour days, I can't expect him to help too much those days as its exhausting for him, but his days off once we're moved I'll be wanting at least one sleep in day and then him to help with either our daughter or the cleaning. My house looks like a tornado went through because I'm the only one home with our 20mo and I'm having to do it all... clean, pack, care for her, and try to take a few minutes for me here and there. Those minutes usually involve her climbing on me, or like now taking over my foot for horsey rides, even though I'm not doing anything lol. You can't expect to have 2 kids in the house, no help at all and keep it spotless, I can't do that with one toddler...

Kelly - posted on 05/20/2011

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My husband owns his own business, and is the only employee. Since I stay at home, for the most part, everything here is on me, which is fine as I understand he regularly works 12+ hour days 6 days a week. He cleans up after himself for the most part though, ie - puts his dishes in the dishwasher or sink, makes sure his dirty laundry is in the hamper not on the floor, wipes down counters and sinks if he's gotten something on them. He is in charge of the lawn mowing and outdoor stuff though, and is always willing to pitch in if I need a hand scrubbing the floor, starting a load of laundry, vacuuming, washing windows and such. I don't expect too much help, because I know he's so busy and usually only has one whole day a week to spend with us, but I sure appreciate when he does pitch in!

Kaisalina - posted on 05/20/2011

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Hi Mama's, I love it this is my first time n here and i love reading all your posts :) like my friends says we mothers are CEO's of the household and we hold a 24/7 job :) but my hubby helps when he can, and as always when i ask him too. I have three kids and as you all know is like running a factory!! but hey like one of the mothers say, our job does not finish at all so it is good for the hubby to help when he can :)

Audra - posted on 05/20/2011

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It's just HARD to communicate to a husband that his 'work' has perks that yours doesn't seem to, and that that's hard. My husband works FT too, but I see it as...he gets to socialize with other adults at work, he gets to earn a reputation there with associated bonuses/raises/recognition/praise, and he gets to come home at the end of it all. Yes, ask him to help. I'm SORRY we HAVE to ask them...it would seem so much more meaningful if they just recognized the need on their own. This is rare! You HAVE to be willing to ask.

I ask my husband to 'take a turn.' If I got up with our 2-year-old yesterday morning, he gets a turn this morning. If I changed diapers all day, he gets to change them until bedtime and/or give our son a bath, etc.

Dawn - posted on 05/16/2011

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I hear you, my hubby works FT and then some & I stay home with our 2 boys, so I had to become more comfortable with the "traditional" role that I need to play. It seems old fashion to some these days when moms are told they can have it all..work/career, family,clean house & cook....but I disagree. Something has to give, so I try and make it VERY easy for my husband and ask for a litte help here & there so my stress doesn't build up over time. I leave a load of laundry for him to throw in every morning, and have those "honey do lists" in order for him. It takes 2...but I have to say I have NOT ever mowed the lawn..and he does NOT clean toilets..we just share so it can all get done...and don't sweat the small stuff!
Dawn McDevitt

Internet CEO Mom
http://www.AllKidsMatter.com
Helping Moms Work from Home Since 1999

Tifani - posted on 05/16/2011

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I don't ask my hubby to do anything except things like plumbing or electrical issues and the lawn. Sometimes he does help out when he is home as he drives a truck and only tends to be home on weekends. So that is his lawn and have time with the kids, catch up on his sleep and paper work for his job and just plain relax. I usually let my house go on the weekends just so that we can have family time. However, I do enforce that my kids put their trash in the garbage, laundry in the hamper, and dishes at least in the sink. My oldest (12) has the kitchen clean up 50% of the time and I do it the rest as she studies a lot for school. Each child does their own room except I vaccum and dust my 7 year olds room when he is not here because of his severe allergies. Guess that is a good thing when they get older. I have always had them clean their own room since they were 2. I would sit and help them but make them do most of it. Hubby does not mind helping with chores when he is home cause he says it makes a family stronger. It is funny to see him cutting grass and the kids walking 15 feet ahead making sure that none of their stuff is in the way of getting chopped up. But if you feel you need help don't be afraid to ever ask him.

Julie - posted on 05/12/2011

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Nicole - your house can stay clean but it will tend to have messes as long as someone lives there!
Your hubby works hard to allow you a restful peaceful privilege of being home with his children ... let him rest. A home is to be a haven away FROM the busyness and stress of the world outside.
Enjoy these times as they are short and fast-lived - trust me!
Maybe taking the garbage out or doing things you cannot do - but for the most part - you do your job and he does his and your home will work like a well-oiled machine ♥

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2011

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I was feeling the same way, so I decided at night, after dinner, I give my husband the option of bathing our son, or washing the dishes (we don't hae a dish washer), it's not much but it helps out at night so i get a little bit of a break.

Denise - posted on 05/11/2011

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With young kids, it's hard! My husband works a lot and when he's home, the time just zips by. It's all a balancing act. You can keep your house clean and uncluttered, but what do you have to sacrifice to get that end result? Time with the kids, outside activities, other interests? For me, it's just not worth it. Life has too much to offer and I don't want to be on my deathbed patting myself on the back for not missing an opportunity to clean up a mess. As for your husband, well, that's another story. Men just don't seem to notice the same things women notice. I've been married for 8 years and have learned to accept the kind of help I get. Because they're not home all the time, they don't realize how one thing can effect another. But, honestly, if my husband has free time, I'd rather he chip away at my never ending honey-do list, spend time wiht the kids, or spend time with me. He'll help clean if it's built up to an overwhelming amount or I'm sick, but generally I don't get much help with the daily cleanup. To me, it's just isn't worth all the arguments when he's sooo good to us in every other way. I guess you have to pick your battles.

Zoe - posted on 05/11/2011

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i think that you should ask him to help out. i have the same situation at home, my husband works full time while i'm at home with the 2 kids. my opion is my full time job is looking after the kids so the house work should be split between us both, or when he gets in he looks after the kids while i do what i need to housework wise. i do try to do as much as possible in the house but you can guarentee by the time my hubby comes in toys are every where, and i've just finished cooking and the kitchens a mess again. if you dont ask you wont get! and i'm sure once you've spoke to him about it he will help you out. ;-)

Casey - posted on 05/10/2011

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i do the majority, hubby does the rubbish, dries or washes the dishes, lawns and care of 6 year old girl in the evenings which involves homework, bath, and bedtime stories, we usually do one night alternatvely

Kim - posted on 05/10/2011

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My husband works overnights. He still manages to pitch in and help. He knows it is hard on me with two little ones and a preteen. He helps with dishes and cooking on his nights off and he gives the little ones a bath every night before he gets ready for work. He also helps out with the laundry when it gets backed up. He understands how crazy it gets here sometimes.

Pamela - posted on 05/10/2011

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You should not have to ask. Grown up men know that taking care of kids alone is a full time job, you add house work, cooking, laundry,etc,,, you are working two full time jobs. You need to cut yourself some slack. Better the house be cluttered, and you play with your kids, and if hubby says anything, you let him know that if doesn't like the condition of the home he can clean it.

La Donna - posted on 05/10/2011

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same here when i'm up all night he sleeps in and then i get cranky because he's still sleeping and i'm awake trying to get breakfast made, one kid ready for school and the other one in a clean diaper and clothes. then i get to hear from him how little sleep he got and by then i'm ready to lay him out with my frying pan, jk would never do that but i am pretty angry by that point, then it also irritates me that he will lay down later in the day for a nap and leave me once again i'm frazzled trying to do laundry or some other household chore

La Donna - posted on 05/10/2011

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My husband rarely helps out at home. I have told him my job is 24/7 and that I never get a day off. He likes to sit and be waited on and I recently have refused to do it. I wait all day on my kids since they are still little. I clean and I chase after a 2 year old the older one is in school most of the day but she is in Kindergarten. So by the time bedtime comes around I'm exhausted and right now with him working in another town an hour away I'm all alone now. Then when he comes home on the weekend he can be irritating because he sits and aks for everything to be brought to him. I love him and he is a sweet man but he can be so oblivious about things. He did let me sleep in on Mother's Day but I still ended up making dinner for him. I get irritated when he sleeps in and has me deal with the kids on my own then when I want him to do something I get tuned out. I hate talking to him then not getting a response then when I get mad about it he says I heard you. Then of course I get mad and ask why he didn't resond to me. I ask for his help but he usually doesn't do it when I ask so I get mad and end up doing it myself and it is not fair and not right. So yes ask him and make him do it. You shouldn't have to do it all by yourself your not a personal maid. I totally understand about the house. It is not easy to keep the house spotless and keep up with the kids.

Stephanie - posted on 05/10/2011

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For sure! But just remember your kiddies aren't going to remember how clean there house was when they grow up there going to remember how much time you sent with them and how you made them feel.

Alicia - posted on 05/10/2011

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@carissa: my 21 yo husband could definitely take lessons from yours. i'm also 22. but we have three children under three. if he can understandwith one child, i wish mine could understand with three :/

Lindsey - posted on 05/10/2011

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Absolutely! Parenting and housework isn't a one person job and while stay at home moms often carry a brunt of weight, there's nothing wrong with asking your hubby to help you out! I'm at stay at home mom of 3 (and pregnant with twins) and while I try to maintain the house and the kids, it's not unusual to see my husband unload the dishwasher, switch a load of laundry, pitch in with dinner prep, or sweep the floor. Bath time is generally his special time with our kids. We started that early on with our first son as special daddy time. The tradition has carried on and while some bath times are fast and furious and others are slow and playful, generally it's daddy you see doing them - talking to the kids, spending time with them, etc. Of course I try to be sensitive to the type of day my hubby has had at work and his evening work load as well - he works a full time job and a part time job. Overall, I think the most important thing is that you share your thoughts and your limitations with him - we talk about this a lot as mine tend to change depending on where we are in life (ex: My limitations are far greater when I am pregnant or have a newborn, etc.) Hope that helps!

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2011

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my husband also works full time and i am a stay at home mom and at first i felt the same way that i should be doing everything since i was the one home all day but the older my little guy got the harder it became so i finally sat down and talked to my husband and now what we decided was that once the little one is in bed we both work together to go through the house and pick up so that in the morning i have a clean house to work with so that i can keep up through out the day and on the weekends since he isnt working he does a few extra things that might need to be done. hope this helps and good luck

Corinne - posted on 05/09/2011

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also sometimes my mother in law would look let them sleep over sat night and sun morning i would try to do my housework.some of you are even lucky that ur hubby helps out with bathing etc the kids.i do everything thats got to do with the kids from bathing them,changing their clothes,etc.my hubby used to help when we had our 1st child and when he was baby not when they grown up.

Corinne - posted on 05/09/2011

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yeh my husband is the same.he works 6am to 7pm most times just about everyday even on public holidays etc.i stay at home and take care of my 3 boys and clean but i always feel tired.i clean whatever i can and try to keep up with the washing.im not into ironing but only iron clothes when needing to wear them.i do just about everything in the house.my hubby is tired when he gets home from work so he just eats dinner,showers and go straight to bed.but when he is home with no work he only does a few things like pulling weeds from garden and thats about it.i know couples who share in house work and wish i could experience the same.cleaning and house work will get easier when all kids will be at school full time i hope.

Emily - posted on 05/09/2011

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ahhh the life of a mother. like you said, hes a full time worke. On the days he doesnt work let him relax a bit and then start cleaning... And a little clutter doesnt hurt, it says, hey I have a life, im not uptight... My house is a little cluttered and I do a little work on it every day, wash dishes, clean the rooms and sweep and mop... Cant deal with cat litter since im pregnant... But yea, he works to support you and your family. Give him a few "him" hours on his days off then approach him with chore duties.

Katharine - posted on 05/09/2011

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I am a mother of a 2yr old and a 3yr old. My advice is don't sweat the small stuff, and just enjoy the time you have at home. I know that my husband and I can only do so much. Just pick a few things that you need to find peace for yourself everyday in your housework. (Mine is a clean kitchen and kids bath) and just get the rest done when you can. After years of feeling I'm failing if my house doesn't look perefect. I'm finally at the point where I can take a deep breath and say "At least the kitchen is clean even though there are hundreds of toys on the floor"! Also, it does get easier to manage as they get older and you might try having your hubby take your baby out for a little while, so you can have time to those thing you need done in peace. Hope this helps

Carissa - posted on 05/09/2011

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I feel your pain on having a messy house. I'm 22 and my husband is 21. We have a 2 year old daughter and there are always toys and Barbies everywhere! When my husband sees that I need help he'll wash the dishes or do the laundry without asking. I know I am truly blessed because when I protest to him cleaning he tells me that "it's not just my job to keep the house clean, it's his responsibility too" He knows that I do a lot throughout the day and knows how emotionally straining it is to be home all day. I don't know any men his age that are as understanding and loving as he is. So what I'm trying to say is, if you're sharing a home and equal parents to your children, the responsibilities should be equally shared. It should never be "the womans job to cook and clean."

Carol - posted on 05/09/2011

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Since you are a stay at home mom and he works full-time then no you should not expect him to help out with the housekeeping. You don't say how old your children are but if they are old enough to walk then they are old enough to help out. How you might ask? By teaching them to pick up after themselves when they are through playing they should put their toys away and then at night before they take their bath you should teach them to put their dirty clothes in the diry clothes hamper. My oldest was walking at 9 1/2 months and thats when I taught her how to pick up her toys and to clean up her room and when her sister came along I did the same with her and it works trust me, if you want him to help out just ask him to take out the garbage.

Sara - posted on 05/09/2011

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What Iv'e learned from housework is that it is always going to be there! Im pretty sure your husband works hard, just like any other husband does to provide for their wives and children and when they think of coming home cant wait to see their wives and children and spend time! Thats only if the wife is creating an environment in that way. Break your household chores down. Do not try to do them ALL in ONE DAY! You will be overwhelmed and feel unappreciated and too tired to be with your husband. Spend two hours a day on household chores. One hour on dishes, while sorting clothes and placing in washer and the other hour recovering toys clothes paper whatever from living room. The next day 2 hours- dishes- foldlaundry and vaccum. When my children leave their toys laying around I pick it up and place on their beds to put away. If or when my husband gets home and it is a must that the living room be vaccummed, then I simply let him know how happy I am to see him, I've missed him and if he could please vacuum while I finish prepping dinner because so and so is coming over. Dont dwell to much on the house being sooo clean. Take your time, give your husband small jobs, like putting laundry in and out of dryer and you fold while you watch football with him or he does something he enjoys. Have him help you rinse the dishes, but make it fun to be there with you. Best of luck..remember the house work is always going to be there, but its your husband you need to put more appreciation and attention too, because then he too, will always be there:)

Stacy - posted on 05/09/2011

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Usually, my husband will help when I ask for it, otherwise, they really just don't realize how overwhelmed we moms get. That being said, I usually do not do ANY outdoor work. Also, we moms must remember that it is our standards that keep us working on the inside of the home. Hubbies aren't as anal when it comes to the cleanliness of the home. As long as you can keep it clean, the messiness shouldn't be a big deal. I know this won't be a well-liked response, but we can't expect our hard-working husbands to help out when its not an agreed upon standard of housekeeping.

Sara - posted on 05/09/2011

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After coming home from a 10 hour day at work he still gives me the help I need. He enjoys cooking so that helps bunches since I'm no pro in the kitchen. I take care of the laundry unless there's a ton of it then he helps me. My two youngest stay at home with me while my three oldest go to school. I have them help out as much as possible. It is hard to get stuff done during the day when my two year old is stuck to me like white on rice. I'm so thankful he understands that because I know too many women whose husbands are complete chauvanist when it comes to helping them out. I keep in mind that my house will never be spotless with five kids otherwise I'll just feel overwhelmed.

Toni - posted on 05/09/2011

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#1, I love that you started this with hello supermamas!! :D
My husband works 3 or 4 days a week depending on his schedule, but he works 12 hours days. On those days I expect nothing from him. He does help with the baby (changing, feeding, whatever) and he puts our oldest two to bed every night. I try to keep everything up so that when he is off, we can do whatever. If I ask him to do something, he usually does it. Sometimes he whines about it, but does it. And I don't think there is anyway you can keep a house with children in it uncluttered. If you figure that out, please, let me in on your secret. :)
We have three boys, and it is difficult to keep things perfect with kids in the house.
"Cleaning and scrubbing will wait ’till tomorrow, but children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs! Dust go to sleep! I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep."
– Ruth Hamilton
That may help you too. :) I love that saying. oh and "mind the mess. My kids are making memories." LOVE it!!

Ryane - posted on 05/09/2011

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My husband works 10 hr shifts, mon- fri... but on the weekends, he helps out a lot at home. We have a complete partnership. He makes dinner, does dishes and laundry. Most days I dont even have to ask him to help. He sees that I am overwhelmed and just does what needs doing.

Mileina - posted on 05/09/2011

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I understand you completely. If you need help you should ask. In my household me and my husband work and we have a 1 and 3 yr old girls. If he sees that I need help with something he will ask me. Communication is key.

Cindy - posted on 05/09/2011

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My husband works full time during the day, and I stay home with the kids. My older 3 have chores to do around the house, but i supervise that. My hubby helps out when I ask or when he sees things piling up. Remember, just because you stay home doesn't mean you don't work. :) If you feel overwhelmed, ask him to help with something. Also, my house gets cluttered too. And I honestly believe that if your house is perfect, your kids might be missing out on some time with you. We're not perfect, and our houses shouldn't be either. :)

Lorie - posted on 05/09/2011

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Nobody likes to really clean. We like the end result though, which is the motivation. My husband doesn't like to clean. I used to hound him about it, but came to discover that it only makes it worse. So I began to joke around saying things like, "You don't like housework. Are you too manly for that?!" It makes him laugh. Anyway, I've also talked about role modeling and that when he does help the kids notice and it encourages and influences them to clean. My husband is truly busy with school work in addition to his job, but even when he isn't, he would rather spend his time doing other things. I think the most effective thing is to talk about your need for another role model. Men are supposed to be the head leaders of the house, but not every man leads his house by example. Yet, kids need that. When children see that role model, even 10 minutes each day to pick up from the day's mess and 30 minutes on the weekend to do weekly house chores, it makes a humongous difference. At least it does in my home. It works because the kids see their dad and mom working together. It's a double role model.

Elaine - posted on 05/09/2011

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Don't feel bad about the house...it took me years to overcome that ! My husband works full time in MN, and we live in IN. He is gone weeks at a time, and I am on my own. I also home school my four kids, so the house can look like a disaster area, most of the time. I get the kids to help me and ask my husband to do stuff I can't seem to do, like fix stuff, etc. If you have babies or toddlers they pretty much take up 75% of your time. Enjoy them the housekeeping will always be there. Them being small and cute won't. I'd give anything to see my 16 year old son as a baby or toddler again, even for just a day!

Belinda - posted on 05/09/2011

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hi there i love this question when my partner works im very old fashioned and he has dinner and a clean home waiting for him when he gets in. however when he doent have work he does half of everything we take it in turns o feed and bath our lil one and do nappies alternatively when i sweep he hovers ect. it seems to work really well as everyone does there bit in the house and it makes thing so much easier. maybe just say to yr husband that a sunday is yr cleaning day and he has to pic 5 chores frm a hat to help out around the house xx

[deleted account]

sorry ladies i wasnt boasting and singing his prases haha he does have his moments of lazyness believe me :) i think you need to find what works for both of you, your man may work full time but even though been at home with the children is so precious it still takes alot out of you were not wonder woman! no ones perfect like i read on a post here, one mans strong point can be anothers weakness :) x

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my daughters are 16 months and 10 days old! my husband works full time but he still does his fair share around the house, he lets me lay in until he leaves in a morning most mornings, in that time he changes them both, gets them dressed, teeth brushed (only the toddler of course lol!) and gives baby a bottle and my other daughter her breakfast, i come downstairs to 2 fed and dressed babies and a cuppa on the side so i can sit down for abit, i do all of the housework and make sure tea is on the table by 6pm, if hes home from work intime he will help me bath them both, not as a chore, but because we play with them in the water and really enjoy doing it and spending time together :) he keeps the garden and garage clean and pristine and he also does the difficult jobs around the house like clean the oven and the bath tub (its a 4 man jacuzzi so i find it hard to do myself) he never complains if i ask for help and is always on hand to offer, on his days off he helps me prepare dinner because cooking together is a joy, he helps with the dishes and clears the table, i do all the night feeds with the baby and if my other daughter wakes i tend to her as well every night, this makes sure my hubby gets a good night sleep so i ready and awake to face the day, if i need to i nap when the babies sleep :) we have always had a pretty good system, if im tired he will run the hoover over the house and wipe the kitchen down, hes happy with the way we do things and so am i :) hes compleatly understands that i never stop and am on call to the girls 24/7 so he likes to give me a break from time to time and vice versa :)

Mayra - posted on 05/09/2011

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I have a4yr old and an 8month old! I stay home with my kids and my husband takes care of the business we own and I also help him with the office work! He helps me out a lot around the house! He bathes the kids, cooks dinner, sweeps mops, does laundry, changes diapers, takes out the trash puts our 4yr old to bed everything I do he does too! He understands that I have my hands full with the baby and tries to help in anyway he can so I think all husbands should help! The house is still always a mess but he never complains cause he knows I try and when I don't have dinner ready he never says anything! I am very blessed to have the opportunity to stay home and raise my kids and to have such a hard working understanding husband!

Rose Marie - posted on 05/08/2011

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I have 5 children and need help
W them. I think even w two its exhausting. I also feel they should help because they are the father. If they didn't then that would mean you never had a break. Just because he brings home the check he gets a break...no way. That left me exhausted and bitter that he never helped. He needs to pitch in too.

Shanda - posted on 05/08/2011

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Wow. A majority of the moms on here seem to feel at ease with asking their husbands to help out. I am overly frantic because I have 5 kids, including a set of twin toddlers that I feel wreck my house like two tasmanian devils and I am constantly saving them from near death, yet, my husband expects more from me. He will wear his sunglasses into the house and get mad at me if I don't take them from the kitchen counter and put them back in the car, in their case, and in the console. He also always leaves his cups and coffee cups upstairs and puts them around MY sink so that I carry them downstairs for him. He expects his meal, ice water, and paper every morning and gets particular about all sorts of things around the house. He constantly reminds me of how his ex wife and his mom kept the house immaculate. His mom ALWAYS made sure the house was clean and dinner was made for them even though she worked full time. So, since I stay at home, I should be able to do the same. He will help me with the twins and supports my two kids from my previous marriage and is loving and generous, but just to let some of you ladies know, if your husband takes care of the lawn and the cars and lets you pick up and clean the house at your own pace....it's a blessing. I have 3000 sq ft to keep clean and 5 kids to chase after....and only rarely do I feel that I can ask my husband to help. He takes the twins to breakfast a couple Saturdays a month so I have some ME time, so he is not all THAT bad with being helpful, but it's the housewife-like duties that he gets funny about. To top it off, my ex-husband and my brother tell me I am too clean, so I am not lazy, messy, or dirty....I just can't keep up!

Melissa - posted on 05/08/2011

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Hey! Great question!
I DO think that you have a full-time job and do need him to help around the house. I am in the same situation as you. There are obvious chores that seem more 'man-leaning' - such as taking out the trash, mowing the lawn... does he do this part?
Does he ever change diapers? If not, and 'baby' needs a change, throw him a chance to be daddy, too... it is his child after all and we are in the new millenium.
Try to remember that if you weren't around, he'd have to work full time, do his own cooking and cleaning and laundry... asking him to do some of the load is not at all asking too much...

my humble opinion. You bringing up the next generation is worth its commendable noteworthy attention!!

Good luck!

PS: Pray for a week before asking anything. I bet God will be able to prepare his heart, and yours with the right words, if he doesn't already respond to the Lord's prompting!

Rozana - posted on 05/08/2011

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Hi Nichole, I beleive everyone is different. Your husband might not be a great house husband but he might be Romantic and loving and affectionate and show you love in other ways. I was married for 15 years and my ex husband was a great house husband, he use to help me with housework all the time but he wasnt romantic and he never use to show me love the way I needed. You see everyone has a different language of love and thats the way you should love your partner. So in reponse to your question should he help you with the housework, well I suppose it depends on how old are your kids and what type of work he does and if indeed its in him to do something like that. But he should definately be helping you out with the kids , you shouldnt have to carry the load all on your own , YOUR NOT A SINGLE MUM. It would be nice if we could have everything , the perfect man that attends to our needs , helps us at home and with the kids. Nichole , dont be so hard on yourself , your husband needs to be more understanding. You are only human not a superwoman. You had days I understand when you are tired and you dont feel like cooking or cleaning. I suggest you talk to your husband and make him understand. If he loves you he should start to help you out more. Hugs xoxox

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I have 5 children, 3 have left the nest and I have a 3 and 8 year old left. My husband works full time and he picks up side jobs that I help with if I can.
I have asked him about helping out before, more than once, and I always get the same thing back:
"I have my full time job and you have yours." I was floored at first! but after a while I was able to see it from his point of view.
When I did have to work last year, he did his share, and the chores were divided equally. I dont think its chauvanistic(sp?) fo a working man to want to come home to a clean house/ quasi-clean food ready, and good moods. We are not Supermom's and I never claim to be one.
I expect him to support me emotionally, keep consistancy during discipline, pick up his socks, and clear his own dishes from the table. Spend some time with us when possible and try to stay as plugged in as possible to his children.

Emma - posted on 05/08/2011

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My hubby works shift work during the week...5 days a week but he sometimes works both sat and sun and he often does double shifts working 10am till 11pm. I am responsible for both the children and general house work like washing up, laundry, vacuming, etc... Also I have to take my son to and from school. When he has a day off though he will generally help out around the house...mainly with outdoor jobs...lke mowing the lawn. He is a chef and will help out cooking dinner when he is off too. Sometimes though it is easier if he doesn't help...he tends to make more mess than he does tidying. 'if he sees that I am becoming overwhelmed with it all he is quick to step in and help and he doesn't generally moan if I do ask for help. The best thing is that he always makes sure I know that he sees how much I do and he never complains if the house is a bit messy.
I think when you need help you should ask him to help you. Remember his work day eventually omes to an end whereas yours doesn't...being a parent is 24hrs!

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My hubby William is a very huge help around the house, he helps with cleaning, cooking, and when gets home he will take care of the boys so I can do other things around the house, he is a big help.

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