How much does your husband/boyfriend actually help with your children?

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband used to be very awkward with the kids, he played the video games after work, sat on the computer, always had a cell in hand etc. I know what you mean when you say no help. My kids are three and one, and after my youngest was born i was thinking what the hell did i get myself into. I also have two large dogs, so my house gets really loud sometimes and stressful and hectic and i always felt like he was going to check out instead of help out. I got the texts when i did get to leave with out the kids, and i come home to find my dogs have been in the kennel the whole time. he has gotten better with helping out now that the kids are able to track him down, and prefer him over me for things. As they get older it gets easier to relate to them but they also feel chosen, not forced into it. I told my husband that from bedtime on he could play his game, and if he wanted to play all night thats his choice, but from the time he gets home till they are in bed is only about 3 hours, they deserve that much. My husband works on an oilrig, leaves before they are up in the morning and sometimes isnt home till they are in bed at night, so i was beginning to feel like a single mom. I think its about finding a way to relate your kids to their dad, give them an activity to do together thats just for them (bath time, bedtime story i.e.) and sometimes the dads just need to be dropped into it and find their own way of doing things. A lot of men feel inferior in parenting because especially as SAHM's we have a strong bond with our kids and lots of experience dealing with the day to day issues. Don't forget fromt he time their kids, their taught to work. While we are playing house they dress up as the dr, construction workers etc. Child rearing has been made the womens job, and we are left to correct that mind frame.

Laura - posted on 10/19/2010

my fiance works overnight and when he comes home in the morning makes breakfast for him and my daughter she loves waking up to him being home and making breakfast! also I recently broke my ankle and he really stepped up to the plate and took care of her while I am not up to par.

Mandy - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband and I have an old fashioned kind of marriage. He isn't really to involved as far as changing diapers (I think he has changed a total of 20 sense our first child was born almost 6 years ago!) but when I really need just a little time to myself he is right there to hang out with them! I only ever get maybe an hour and it is maybe once or if I am lucky twice a month but it really does help. It doesn't really bother me to much though because even though he doesn't really do to much alone with the kids he is always ready to help out with a craft or science expirement (especially the ones with bugs!) We are homeschoolers just so that the science thing makes sense! I still believe in the old fashion: if you are upset about how things are than you should sit down and talk about it with your spouse. You will be amazed by how much this actually works.

Lauren - posted on 10/19/2010

Hi Sara,
Yeah mine was like that, its just because they get upset about someone else having your full attention. It does get better, mine now helps out without being asked but we have been together for 6years now. Dont tell him to do something they hate it, try making him come up with it, or suggest he help you with a very small list of jobs and then add to it as he gets them all done lol this sounds like training a dog, but it does work. My partner now hangs out washing, puts tea on, vaccums, makes and changes the bed, baths our son, the list goes on its wonderful but it did take us awhile to get to this point. Hope this helps!

Eleanor - posted on 10/19/2010

My Husband is wonderfull, he helps with all aspects with raising our son, he does housework, cooks everything. He has a very demanding job but when he is home he is HOME and just wants to spend time with us both.

Sabrina - posted on 10/19/2010

I'm a super luck SAHM!! My husband is amazing and helps me out all the time!! With our first son he would change him and then I would nurse him and we would both put him to bed. Second son born 11 mos later I couldn't nurse so my hubby fed him all night so I could get a good nights sleep to deal with the 2 babies in the am. No he takes over when he gets home to relieve me. We cook together finish any chores I may have together. We bathe the kids together before bed and put them to bed together. He sweeps and washes the floor while we are asleep since its much easier and he also has bathroom duty! I feel blessed to have such a wonderful man! My friends always yells at their husband when mine is around at cookouts and stuff since my hubby has no problem, playing changing a diaper or feeding the kids!

Vanessa - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband helps clean, he helps make meals, he helps with laundry, he changes diapers, helps with homework and helps get the kids off to bed..
then again, we have four, and he has no choice :P

When there was only the two kids, he wouldn't help out nearly as much as he does now.
Then i got severe PPMD and he stepped up to the plate.

Maybe you could sit down and talk to him and let him know you really need an extra hand or two around the house?

Arifah A - posted on 10/19/2010

Oh hell no! lol it does`n`t even matter how many hours hes worked. My husband come home to a clean house, home-cooked meal, and im at the door to say hello and give him a kiss, after about an hour, and after his shower, hes Mr mom, he`ll ask if i need help if im not finish in the kitchen (he`s an amaing cook btw) he plays with our 2 year old, hold our 7 month old. We have diner as a family, and when the boys are asleep, its our time! I think i have been blessed tremendouly! He`s a rare man, he cooks, clean, does laundry, and sometimes when hes off work, he takes our oldest out for the day and gives me a bit of a break! You know that term "Happy wife Happy Life" i think the same is said for a Husband!

Sophia - posted on 10/19/2010

I will speak frankly to you so if you don't want to be upset stop reading my message here.
Leaving the house late at night concerns me. you must have huge trust in him. these days people communicate via internet for all sorts of interactions and meet-ups.
trust aside, you need to decide for yourself what you need to stay healthy and sane. hire a sitter to give yourself relief. 8 hours a day comes with lunch and coffee brakes. beyond that you are working overtime GIRLFRIEND! if he is not into hands on child care then prepare little post-its to periodically place strategically with a helpful task he can do. For example: put the note by his keys that honey please pick these things up while you are out. put a note by where he makes breakfast and say: My super hero please make a little extra Breakfast & coffee for me to warm up when i wake up.
Plan activities for yourself that begin when he gets home & confirm that: Honey, i need you to be home at 6pm tonight because i have that dance class, spin class, a massage appointment, a neighborhood watch meeting, birthday dinner for my girlfriend. Make up activities at first until you do have fun activities in your schedule. your time as a woman is important for your sanity & then you will be a happier mommy!!!!!

Chalotte - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband works third shift. But every morning when he gets off of work he gets up with our son, feeds him, and changes his diaper to let me sleep a bit longer! He gets up in the afternoon and he'll spend a little bit of time with Aiden, and then he helps out around the house with stuff that I couldn't get to that day. I am very blessed to have a wounderfuol husband! You are right! Men should help, they helped you make this miracle. At first my husband was too worried about getting stuff done around the home, but I spoke my mind, and since them, his son loves spending so much time with his daddy! You need to talk to your husband or, he might not like you for this, but disconnect the tv! Trust me, it seems mean, but he needs a reality check to help you raise your child!

Laura - posted on 10/19/2010

Whenever hes home he helps put them to bed, and like this morning when one was sick in the middle of the night he let me sleep and took care of it. Other times when the baby (21 months) wakes at night he'll get her back down too. On weekends he usually has the older one come outside and play while he works or she helps him while he works. If I have an opportunity to go out with friends, he's always willingly taken over the whole of bedtime so that I can go be with them. (Of course, if I wanted to do it every week, I dont know how amenable he'd be, but...) Ive also taken a six week course on a Sunday night before, and that was never a problem either. I normally do alot of the housework, but when I'm not feeling well, or am really stressed out for some reason, he'll pitch in there if I ask. He doesn't like the way I do dishes, so he usually does those (fine by me!). When we clean the floors he helps there too.

Mahwesh - posted on 10/19/2010

Just know that it is not just a moms job to raise kids even if you are a SAHM. I can see him needing time to detox after work but you will have to believe that you and your son need him and he must realize his commitments. Talk it out with him to see what he thought it would be like to have kids and what his current reality is....then tell him what you thought it would be like and what it currently is....take it from there....

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2010

My daughter is 13 months old and just recently my husband started helping me keep her occupied while I cook dinner or whatever else might need to be done. The excuse I always get for why he doesn't want to do anything is "I work hard all day long" that is not what I want to hear...I mean it isn't like I am sitting around all day not doing anything. I am lucky if I have 15min to myself. Sometimes I feel like I have 2 children when he gets home. When we got married and decided to have a child of our own I thought the resposibility would be more shared between us not just all on me. He will not change a diaper...I have to ask him repeatedly to do it...it is like pulling teeth. I agree with someothers that have said that if their husbands spent a little more time with them (our children) then it might come easier for them to help in the caring and they wouldn't get so frustrated when they don't listen. I don't know. I always seem to have to ask for help. That can be very frustrating.

Jasmine - posted on 10/19/2010

Zero. My baby daddy (I'm no longer with) could not support for my baby girl, never bought anything for her, never built the nursery, among other negative factors of the relationship. He is no longer a part of her life. And she is WAY better off. =)

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband was not concerend whether we had kids or not. Don't get me wrong he loves her now but before we even started trying for kids it was agreed that I was responsible for them. I also feel that as I am not working I should do most of the housework. That said DH does help a bit but when he wants to. He gets her up in the morning for a play until she gets hungry (bf so he cant do that!) and usually spends a good half hour with her in the evening before her bath. He will also take her for a couple of hours sometimes at the weekends. He loves her and his time with her. It can be frustrating sometimes that he doesn't do more but I expect no help so any is a bonus!

Kell - posted on 10/18/2010

We're pretty much a 50/50 deal with the housework and always have been apart from when I was heavily pregnant and in the early months after Xan was born when hubby gradually took over all the housework for a while.

I do all the cooking and most of the washing up, I clean the bathroom. He does most of the laundry (we don't iron anything unless it's dress shirts - all our stuff is purposely non-iron - LOL!) and we split the hoovering and tidying up duties. He's also great about pitching in with Xan and has always changed nappies when needed, as well as other stuff. I work 4 evenings a week, so on those nights, he does bath and bedtime with Xan himself. I do most of the childcare stuff through the day while he's at work.,

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2010

My fiance' is AMAZING with our 2 year old son, and has been since day one. Every single night (ALMOST lol) our son gets a bath. And we alternate nights. One night I do it, the next he does it and so on. And whoever bathes him also puts him to bed so that the other one can lay in bed a little bit early. He works crazy hours anywhere from 40-84 hours a week. Mostly 7 days a week so he is always exhausted but he still helps out so much. I take over housework completely bc as a SAHM I feel that is my job just like he goes to work. But on weekends, I'm off. No laundry gets done, no beds get made, our rooms are a mess, no sweeping, no mopping, almost NOTHING except dishes and picking up toys. And he does that for me. He gets home around 5, and our son wakes up from nap at 6. He goes get him out of his bed, changes his diaper, and fixes him a drink and snack and they play until I have dinner ready. Then we eat together and he usually fixes our plates :). Then we all spend time together til bedtime for our son which is at 8. When he was a newborn and woke up in the middle of the night, we took turns also. Even though he had to go to work, he still understood that I had to sleep too. We would alternate every feeding. I'm so thankful for everything he does, because I know so many people with the problem you have. And when I'm extra tired or stressed, he tells me to go out and have fun, or take a nap, or he'll cook dinner and bathe and put our son to sleep even if he did it the last 3 nights because I was busy, tired, stressed, or had a headache. He is just all around awesome. When we get ready to go somewhere I just pick our son's outfit (because I'm picky lol) and he gets him ready while I get ready bc I take longer than them. I think that you should just start asking him to do stuff. After he gets home and rests for a few mins, ask him to change diapers, fix snacks, or whatever is in your routine. Eventually he should get the picture that he needs to help hopefully. I believe that if you helped make this baby, you're going to help raise it too. You didn't crawl on top yourself and get yourself pregnant. He needs to step up and be a man!

Lindsay - posted on 10/18/2010

My husband is in the Army, he works all day comes home, eats and goes to bed during the week but on the weekends he does everything but the cleaning which is fine with me. I like cleaning

Daryl - posted on 10/18/2010

He has helped you out because you haven't made him. Why hasn't he changed a diaper or given the baby a bath? Because you haven't insisted he do it. My husband helps out quite a bit but most of the time won't do it unless I tell him to do it. We trade off giving the kids a bath and I often hand him a diaper and say; "the baby needs changing." It really is as easy as that. Why is he going out and leaving you at home with the baby. Next time he gets home hand him the baby, get in the car and leave. Sounds like you need a night out.

Anita - posted on 10/18/2010

As soon as my hubby walks in the door he takes over because the kids love him to play games & just be the fun parent....it is great because I'm a SAHM as well I the days get long & exhausting at times & to have that help means sooooooo much. He even gives baths at night. He was a bachelor for 10 years so he lived his single lonely life & now his life is about his kids & family....I thank God everyday for blessing me with a amazing husband!

Christina - posted on 10/18/2010

My husband spends most of his days off focusing on the children - walking them to school, preparing lunches and snacks, playing with them, etc. The rest of the time I take on the role.

Anna - posted on 10/18/2010

U need to talk to ur husband about a better plan so that u can get some time out other wise u will start to resent him and ur relationship will suffer..fortunatley my partner was great from the start..he would do some night feeds and he would shower with the kids from birth which is a good bonding session for them..i suggetst that u speak to ur doctor or a phsycologhist to get some stuff off ur chest and they can help u with a plan to talk to u hubby about what is going on..good luck

Samantha - posted on 10/18/2010

My husband helps a ton. I am able to have girl's nights and time to myself. I don't know what I would do without him. He loves our son to pieces and our son definitely loves his time with his Daddy!

Jackie - posted on 10/18/2010

hi. i totally agree with you on the whole boyfriend/husband having to help you out. i have only been a stay at home mom for 3 weeks now and i know it's a very tiring job. when my boyfriend gets home from work he stays with us. i mean he does'nt change too may diapers or help feed him that much now. the only reason he does'nt though is because he is a roofer and he is gone from like 7 in the morning to about 6 at night. but when i do need the help he does help me. have you tried talking to your spouse about helping without it turning into an arguement?

Soky - posted on 10/18/2010

My husband works 10 hour days and sometimes it goes to 12 hour days. I dont expect him to "help" with watching our daughter because I know he would do it without me asking him. Hes a great dad. I know of some other dads who come home and then get online or the xbox. He use to do that and then I got to the point where I talked to him because quite honestly us women think that men can read minds. So I sat down and had a chat and now he only plays his games when our daughter goes to bed and I fall asleep. Best thing to do is to communicate.

Katherine - posted on 10/18/2010

Well things have changed since my first comment on here. My fiance and i sat down and had a big talk. He just lost his job a couple of weeks ago so i told him that he has to help out around here a bit. We had a huge bug talk about it all and so far it is going really well. He finally got up the courage to try and feed her solids and realised it really isnt that bad. So now we take it in turns. He looks after her for the day and then the next day i do it. That way we each get days off and there is far less stress around the household which is better for everyone!

Maribel - posted on 10/18/2010

my hubby has to do everything i say cause he dont have choice lol,

Bronwyn - posted on 10/17/2010

my husband is AMAZING!! he wakes up at 7am with our 16mo son, feeds him and dresses him, then when our 2 w.o daughter wakes up he feeds her and settles her back to sleep, he wakes me 10 minutes before he heads off to work, I get up and wake up then clean the house, dress our daughter, play with our son etc, then our son goes down for a nap at 10am then wakes up when he hears Daddy home at 12, from 12 to 1 my husband feeds, changes, plays with our son (I make all the lunches) then heads back to work, me and the little ones the play around outside until 2 when I bring our son back in for nap #2, daughter will have another bottle then (3 hourly) and she will nod back off, I pick up around the house, do laundry, dishes etc. then at 4:30 son wakes up and hubby is home, they go outside and feed the pets and get wood for the fire while I get dinner ready and most times give daughter another bottle. I sit with our son while he eats and the hubby bathes him and dresses him for bed, we all play around until about 7:30 when we put our son down for bed, he sleeps through, then we alternate feedings with our daughter, have our showers and at about 10pm I go to bed, hubby sterilizes the bottles and jumps in bed with me, he gets up for every feed during the night and then gets up to start it all again, I must add that I have an already physically draining medical condition however my husband is AMAZING, he is also a builder so all day while he is at work he is doing physically and mentally straining work then same when he gets home. I am blessed by one of very few truly great men :)

Connie - posted on 10/16/2010

My Husband is in the RAAF and goes away for months at a time. For me being a SAHM is demanding but i have been very blessed having a VERY hands on Husband. I look after Tayla all day and he usually has 1/2 hour to chill out when he gets home before he takes Tayla off my hands. Which i understand because he has obviously been at work all day too. We work together to try and make it easier on the both of us. We take it in turns to have sleep ins on the weekend and we love our family time! I guess it all really comes down to how much you really want to put up with and how much you communicate with each other too. I totally agree that Men should and need to help with their babies as they were the second party in how the situation came about. It takes two to tango as they say. I must have been very lucky in having a husband who feeds, bathes and spends alot of time with our baby! I hope you do find a way to sort this all out! :))

Heidi - posted on 10/16/2010

i wish my husbeen would help more too. but he said help more if i got a job and put the kids in daycare. he ack like he dose not want to spend time with the kids. my gose up to the room and watches tv or plays viedo game. every once in a while he will help. not very often. that he get mad with the kids quickly. my little ones are 3 and 15months. my husbeen wil not get up with kids on weekend he dose not work. i dont get to sleep in.

Kerrie - posted on 10/16/2010

After reading these posts, I feel blessed to have the partner that I have.
He is a wonderful provider and father to our little girl almost 2. He works all day, but can't wait to be home to spend time with us.
I do the housework, but if I need help, he never hesitates to do it.
I go out and Pete is happy to stay at home and have special daddy time. our daughter adores him.
I went back to work for a 6 week contract and he took holidays and we reversed rolls. It was this time that truly showed him how much was involved with being a SAHM. Maybe you should reverse rolls and see how he copes.
You and your child deserve someone there and part of the family, instead of co-existing in the same house.

Angela - posted on 10/16/2010

My Hubby travels with his job as well, So when he is home he expects to be with the children. My four year old loves it when daddy gets home, but the teens wonder why it is such a big deal to him to spend time with them.....So.... I believe it is up to the individual, I usually don't have to ask him for help but when I do, He knows I need a break!!!

Rebecca - posted on 10/16/2010

All fathers should be involved in the lives of their children. Kids need their dads. My husband is a wonderful husband and father. He is busy with work but he will always help with our son when I need him. He plays with him all the time and they adore each other. I don't know how to motivate someone to take an interest. I would sit him down and tell him how you feel. He should spend time with both of you. I am also a sahm, and I love it. I can't imagine taking him to day care of leaving him with babysitters. I don't trust just anyone with my baby. My husband also helps with housework. Marriage is 100%-100% not 50%-50%. Anyone who thinks it is easy to be a sahm is crazy. Raising a child is the hardest job you will ever love. Maybe if your husband understood what it is like he would help out more. Some men think that it is easier than working outside the home. I don't know maybe he is one of those. Well I hope that you can get him to come around. I love watching my husband and son play. When he was just a little baby he wanted daddy all the time ( and he still does unless he is hurt) my husband said I don't know why he loves me I barely do anything for him I am at work all day. It was cute, he didn't understand why he wanted him. Kids love their parents and parents can show how much they love their kids by spending time with them. Buying them stuff and working your butt off doesn't show a child you love them. Spending time with them shows them you love them, even at a young age. There are books and studies that show that. We spend as much time together as possible.

Katherine - posted on 10/16/2010

My fiance helps out a little bit. He is quite happy to change nappies occasionally or keep an eye on paige while i go have a shower and stuff. But he has this weird thing where he doesnt like feeding her. Like when its time for me to give her some solids he just wont do it. its so strange. He seems to think that he wont be able to do it and nothing i say ever changes his mind. Same thing with giving her her bottle. He will do it occassionally but most of the time he refuses.

Leilani - posted on 10/15/2010

Im a young mother of a 4.5month old and my partner doesnt work and doesnt help really at all! He watches tv, plays on the computer etc.. He will hold our son a few times a day but not for long! I do absolutely everything! He changed his nappy heaps when he was born but now he only does it like once a month? It really sucks! Feels like I never have a break! BUT he does allll the cooking so I guess thats a plus!

Olivia - posted on 10/15/2010

mine dont rilly help out eather. he gets home from work & ask me where his supper is & then gose to the computer. i get the tv b.c i tell him if i dont he can take care of our son. yes i undestand hes bring home the money but it just bugs me that i dont get the help afterwords. i have to even ask to get myself anything. that rilly drives me crazy. some time to myself what is that. i get that when the baby is sleeping & that is it. then that rilly isnt time to myself b.c im doing house work. i thinck some men need to see how it is being a stay @ home parent & then they would undestand when u say u could use some help.

Kristi - posted on 10/15/2010

I definitely understand where you're coming from! I have heard that the man is not born a nurturer, that is the woman....so men are more of a playtoy for your kids and you are the one that will give them the hugs and kisses. When my husband and I first started out, we had one little girl together and I did everything for her! He did a deployment when she was less than a year old, and when he came back he realized that he needed to be more involved with her. Two months later I got pregnant with twins, so now he doesn't have a choice, he has to help! If you need your husband to do something, just ask him...and make him realize that his children bond through having somebody take care of them, not just play with them. If you introduce this idea to him, little by little, he will get better! Good luck :]

Deborah - posted on 10/15/2010

I am really lucky with my husband as he is a very "hands on" Daddy :-) Mine are a bit older, being nearly 7 & nearly 5 so don't have the diapers anymore! But my husband did change quite a few at the time. It is Daddy who is in charge of the bed time routine, he reads to them, gets them ready etc. It is usually me that does the morning routine, including on the weekends, but I don't mind that. Husband also cooks on the weekend, washes up, plays with the kids alot. He also did that when they were babies. He also took sole charge when they were babies so I could go out on my own on a weekend. When our 1st was a baby he was quite nervous of bathing her, as I think when she was very tiny he was scared he would drop her or something. (of course he never did!) One thing hubby was never very good at though was night feeds, he just didn't wake up! Our 1st, due to few problems was bottle fed from 6 weeks so he could have done some of that. He did a couple of times, but was very rare! With number 2 he couldn't even if he wanted to help with that as Josiah was entirely breast fed & wouldn't even take expressed milk in a bottle so I will let him off of that one. Its a shame your husband is not more involved, as he could well miss out on loads. Not sure how old your baby is, but he could be missing out on 1st smile, 1st laugh, 1st words, 1st time he rolls over, crawls the list goes on! Tell your hubby he will never get these days back with his son so he should cherish every one before he is all of a sudden at school or grown up & he can't remember anything of his baby days as he wasn't there for a lot of it!

Brittany - posted on 10/15/2010

First of all, I couldn't agree more with you that SAHM is very demanding! Most people's conception of a SAHM is that you get to sit at home all day & watch tv & relax the day away. They're oh so wrong!
My husband was hands off in the beginning, changed 1 diaper & helped with tubby time once, maybe twice & it was so frustrating. We had a few arguements about him being more involved & it seemed that for a day or so after an arguement he'd help a little more (with baths) & hold our son a little more but it would wear off. As our son started to be more interested in things & was able to "play" a little more he did take a little more interest in him but still not as much as I would have liked. But, 10 days ago my mom was admitted to the hospital (& it was discovered she has kidney cancer & a fracture in her spine) & she was on a contageous floor for the first few days, so, I asked my husband if I could go see her when he got home from work & if he'd keep our son & he agreed, & I can't believe the difference since he's had to take complete care of him for a few nights in a row all by himself! He commented to my mom, my dad, & ME! that he doesn't know how I do it all day long that he couldn't & that he really appreciates all that I do for him and our son. And since then he is more aware of helping either with Trevor or with the other things I'm trying to multi task with while trying to take care of Trevor (& 3 dogs!). And not that you do what you do for a pat on the back, but it's really nice to know that you're recognized for all the hard work you do too!
Maybe if you go out for a "girls night" or something have him watch your little one & do all the work...I went out once or twice with my girl friends before all this happened, but I had Trevor washed, fed, and asleep before I even left so he didn't have anything to do. But when I was visiting in the hospital he had to do all that- went to the store WITH Trevor, fed him cereal & bottle, tubby, diaper, settle for bed, & all the other things we juggle every day, all day, & things have been VERY different, for the better since!

Amy - posted on 10/14/2010

My husband has never helped from the day they were born until now. Which our kids are now 13 and 17. He wanted them and loves to claim them in public, but when at home they are an inconvenience to him.

Tamara - posted on 10/14/2010

I wish I could tell you it's different for me, but it's not! It seems that the person with the paycheck needs the break but not the one who just has been "doing nothing" all day! I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old and I can honestly say that I've tried being a working mom and a SAHM and being a SAHM is definately harder. My husband does deserve a break, but so do I! If you figure out how to get your husband to do more, please let me know!

Tracie - posted on 10/14/2010

He will get the message if you are too tired to play @ bedtime. I have gone that route with mine, trust me, it works!

Erica - posted on 10/14/2010

My husband helps out as much as he can. He works 730-330 (maybe later) so he usually gets our son out of bed and changes his diaper so he can spend an extra 5 minutes with him in the morning. When he comes home 9 out of 10 days he goes straight for our son and plays with him so I can get a break and cook dinner. That 1 day he has a tendancy to put his wants before needs and I bring it up to him that the "wants" wait until after our son is in bed. I pretty much do all of thehousework and I do all of the cooking - however I am in school also so my husband does pitch in (he will do the dshwasher) and help if I need it.

As far as trying to get your S.O. to help maybe try and find a time where he's in a good mood and yu 2 an have a rational conversatin and just share with him your feelings. Let him know that you understand that he works all day and that he needs his downtime too, but that you feel he is missing out on fun time with your child, which he may regret someday. Let him know that you aren't asking for much just a helping hand evey once and awhile. I'm not sure how old your baby is, but my son is 8 1/2 months old and crawling and pulling himself up on everything so I spend more of my day chasing him around so if your baby isn't to that stage yet, let your S.O. know that you will maybe need more help from him then. Good luck!!

Crystal - posted on 10/14/2010

My husband works 3rd shift so the majority of the time I'm the one that does everything from giving baths to taking them to the doctor or meeting with their teachers. However he does help the kids with their homework. And will change the kids as well. He will cook and clean on the weekends .

Kyle - posted on 10/14/2010

My Hubby does a TON. I'm pregnant with our second and not feeling so great and he does it all. He even brings me breakfast in bed to help ease the morning sickness - and that has been for weeks now. He's awesome. He puts our 2 year old to bed every night, does bath if I'm out doing church things. I guess I'm really lucky. I think dads should totally help out when they are there. You can't do everything and be everywhere. I would just tell him your going out sometime and leave the kids with him. He'll find that doing something fun with them is better than trying to watch TV with kiddos always interupting. Good Luck - you deserve the help, and so do your kids!!!

Morgan - posted on 10/14/2010

Mine helps out SOOOO much but I work from home. I own my own company. I'm also a military spouse and he's home so very little that when he IS home he wants to do everything with our daughter. He wants to be the one to get her up in the AM and change and dress her. He wants to put her down for her nap. He wants to give her a bath. He wants to do it all and I'm A OK with that!!!! LOL He even helps out around the house because he understands that it's not easy for me when he's gone. I'm a very lucky woman. :)

Emily - posted on 10/14/2010

My hunny works for Direct Tv and leaves the house before the children ever wake up. He gets home anywhere between 7 and 10 at night. He doesnt help out much because he is so tired and only has one day off a week. I know he tries to help, when he actually thinks about it but I feel like I am mommy and daddy to these kids ALL the time!

Tasha - posted on 10/14/2010

Sara,
Your right it is total BS. I was so surprised and a little jealous to see all the postings of the other SAHM partners that help out. I actually work from home part-time and do everything else ( bills, house-work, groceries, etc) My husband is like yours; has never helped with putting the baby to sleep, given 2 baths and has stayed home with him alone 3 time for a max of 2 hours. My son is almost 2. I have no word of wisdom, sorry. I think that it depends on the person, and I am surprised that mine is such a Neanderthal. If you need someone to bitch wiht you can email me;)

Hope - posted on 10/14/2010

my partner helps with a lot of things but he does get frustrated so i do most of the stuff and he works 5-6 days a week

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2010

We moved to Saint Louis, 500 miles away from the nearest family or friends. I told my husband up front that I was going to need his help. Tell him what you need. Plan a night out for just you and leave him with notes of what to do (bath, feeding, nap, bedtime reutine). OR Plan a day for him to take the kids out by himself. Have them go to the park or somewhere that they will all enjoy. Tell him how thankful you are for what he does to help- even if it isn't very much. Sometimes you have to praise them for what they don't do before they do it. Nagging wears the whole family down. If I come home and my daughter's diaper isn't on straight (we do cloth diapers) I don't say a word to my husband- I just fix it and then thank him for allowing me for some time away.
Sit down and talk about it.
My husband was really scared to watch her at first. He said he was afraid he couldn't take as good of care of her as I do during the day. He was afraid that if he messed something up or didn't do something right that I would jump all over him. It made me feel good to know that he thought I took good care of my daughter but also brought conviction to me about maybe being too hard on him.
TALK THROUGH IT. Unless it is life threatening (like Dad giving the kid something he is allergic to) just let it roll off your back and go on. Most men don't have that nuturing nature like most women do. I was so proud of my husband. A few girls and I went out of town Thurs-Sat and the guys and kids got together that Friday night... My hubby had to remind all the guys to check their babies diapers and remind them that they might be crying because they haven't ate in the past 4 hours. =) The difference between the different families are the ways the Mamas treat their men. I am not saying that is what is going on here- but it is always something to keep a check on.