How much does your husband/boyfriend actually help with your children?

Lady Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

If I was you, I'd be pissed. I can see the guy going out here and there because I go out here and there. My husband comes home after work, we have a dinner together as a family and then he spends time with his daughter. He often gives her a bath and we put her to bed together.

I think sometimes dads lack a bit of confidence in their ability to do stuff with the little ones. My husband thinks I have some god-given talent for knowing exactly what to do with our daughter, but really I just wing it and read about it and make mistakes. I decided to have a night out every couple of weeks so he could be alone with my daughter for a few hours and it really helped him figure it all out. And the more time he spent playing with her, the more he discovered it's really fun to hang out with little ones!

I think it's one thing to not help out with housework, but it's another entirely to not help out with the kids. Dads should see their kids at the end of the day (or whenever they are home). If they don't take that opportunity, the relationship suffers.

Renee - posted on 10/06/2010

Sara my hubby is a lot like yours. I can count on 1 hand the number of diapers he has changed with our 2 kids since they were born (2 1/2 yr son and a 6mos old daughter). He has never given either of them a bath either. He will only get our son dressed if I give him the clothes and specifically tell him to get him dressed so we can get moving faster. He normally will get himself ready and I have to get myself and both kids ready in that same amount of time otherwise he starts to get annoyed with me that I am "puttering". Maybe once or twice a month he will do the dishes but only after I do some major complaining. Then I have to praise him like I do after my 2 year old uses the potty. I have to tell him to pick up our daughter if she is crying and I can't get to her because I am making HIM dinner. He just keeps telling me that he doesn't know what to do or what is normal for kids. He is not the first parent that wasn't raised around kids that now has children. They seem to learn how to interact and care for their child.

He works 3rd shift (7pm-7am) then sleeps all day. So I have to keep the kids quieter during the day. He refuses to wear ear plugs when he sleeps because he doesn't "trust" me to wake him up on time and he can't hear the alarm then. When he is awake he is getting ready for work, playing on his computer, or watching TV. On his days off he isn't very active with the kids either. He is getting better with our son now that he can "play" more now. I think he will be a better dad once the kids are in school and start to do things that my hubby is interested in (hunting, fishing, snowmobiling, target shooting, etc) He goes out to play with his friends and I am at home caring for the kids then have to make dinner or "treats" for them when they get back. I feel like such a 50's wife and Mom but I was raised to be very independent and not have to rely on any man to survive.

Danielle - posted on 10/06/2010

I have a boyfriend who isnt my sons father. But you would think he is. If we go somewhere he carries him. If im doing somethin he will change his diaper and let me sleep in if he isnt working. ya i understand some men work for their families but its just as much work for us stay at home moms to do too. If i was you i would be like honey the babies diaper needs changed and i have to finish dinner or something. make him realize what you go thru in a day and he will appreciate you so much more

Kelly - posted on 10/06/2010

Most days, my husband is home by 4 or 5pm, so he plays with our son for a while so I can cook dinner. We eat together and they play some more while I clean up the kitchen and get lunches ready for the next day. My husband loves to cook, so on days that our son has Taekwondo, he will often stay home and grill something while I take our son to Taekwondo, but sometimes he comes with us and we just eat out after.

Weekends, my house gets trashed. It is our time as a family to relax, I keep the kitchen clean and toys picked up (for the most part) but I do not do laundry, make beds, or deep cleaning, and I don't care if blankets are thrown on the sofa and the pillows are scattered all weekend from cuddling and watching movies. I can fix it on Monday when they go to school and work. My husband does like to cook a big breakfast Saturday morning, and that DESTROYS the kitchen, so he cleans it up. That is all the cleaning I ask of him. Let the house go on the weekend, you will need the break!

Our son is no longer in diapers, but my husband does help him brush his teeth and sometimes washes his hair in the bathtub, but mostly all I ask is that he play with him.

Julie - posted on 10/06/2010

My husband works shift work, rotating from day to nights, so when he is on shift he doesn't even see our kids, because his hours are so long. But he only works 14 days a month. So when he is home he helps with the kids quite a bit. He watches the little girls, while I run the older ones to their activities or vice versa. He is actually much more hands on the older the kids get. He isn't a big baby person and since he worked so much when they were babies, the kids really didn't let him even if he tried. He doesn't do anything as far as house work goes, but I am ok with that. That is MY job in my mind. If we are having company, if I am truly at my wits end, or sick he will help with it if I ask but that is rare.

Hilary - posted on 10/06/2010

I am very blessed. My husband helps out a ton. Just last night I hurt my back and he took care of dinner and bed time for the kids. I was in bed by 8:30! He never minds helping.

Stephanie - posted on 10/06/2010

My hubby only helps dish up dinner plates. I know how you feel with no help I have two kids in school and if homework is in the way of the t.v. he wont help them. He takes the kids once a week so I can go to school and that is it. He just texts me and tells me how horrible they are being.I just told him if he will spend more time with the kids I won't complain about doing the cooking and cleaning.

Judy - posted on 10/06/2010

My hub does help alot. But it is clear...and I agree that most of the caring and extras fall to me. My hub works about 60- 70 hr a week sometimes w/out a day off, hard physical labor. When he comes home his body is worn out and sore. He then makes sure the wood for winter is cut and stacked, works or a remodeling project or some other thing. When he sits down even if it is early, he needs the rest. I run the house...that's my job to make things smooth and organized at home so my hub can go out a make the money w/out worrying that the kids are fed and dressed well. I have 7 kids from 15 to 2. sometimes I'm very frazzled. I choose to run kids to and from sports and plays, so I try not to complain when I have stacked my plate too full.

Jenn - posted on 10/06/2010

Well, when he gets home from work it's supper time (sometimes we might have already eaten) so he eats, then has a bath (or sometimes the other way around). Then we all hang out and play until it's bed time for the kids. He always helps out with bath time and diapers and tucking them into bed. As for housework though, he doesn't usually help out much unless I ask for some help - but I don't ask very often.

Leslie - posted on 10/06/2010

My hubby helps out quite a bit when he is able. He is a shift worker/on call so he has missed birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving....etc., so he wants to spend time with the kids when he is home. He does enjoy cooking and mowing the lawn sends him into some weird kind male zen zone. I know I should say I am lucky, grateful, etc. but the way I see it, a REAL man is supposed to take care of his family and home. And that doesn't just mean the money. That means he is the Rock. When he sees his wife struggling...he helps to ease her burden. When he brings children into this world, he helps look after them. When his partner is tired, overwhelmed, or weakened....he raises her up. I believe God has placed a man and wife in partnership together, and partners don't sit on their arse in front of a square box while the other one works like a dog. Of course I do try to do as much as I can, inside the house is my domain. I'd rather just do it, then tell how I want it done. but no one can do any job 24/7, yet that is the life of most SAHM's. I try very hard not to hit him with all the trials and tribulations (or the frying pan) when he first gets in the door. I recognize he may have had a bad day too.....especially with his job. I may have handed him the baseball bat once or twice and told him he needed to go "talk" with His son. LOL. But often he will go play with the kids while I put supper on the table...... he is also usually at work 3 nights a week, so he is glad to put the time in when he can. He works the weekends often too.....maybe it is all that time away that puts things in perspective. Plus, he learned pretty quick the first time a baby woke up in the night and he responded with "you get him, I have to get up and work in the morning...." that he was welcome to go find a nice quiet bachelor pad where he could get all the quiet sleep he wanted. That attitude just doesn't fly with me. Think about it......do you really want someone who is continually exhausted caring for your child all day? Think not. So while the majority of child care and home care is my primary job and that I will bend over backwards most of the time and gladly do it, he has also learned pretty quick "happy wife, happy life".

Montana - posted on 10/06/2010

my hubby helps as best as he can. sometimes he is distracted and i have to ask for help but he is pretty good about it.

Candi - posted on 10/06/2010

My husband is in the Army and has been deployed 3 times for a total of 39 months not counting all the times he has to go somewhere for a few months at a time, so he missed a lot of the kids' toddler years. Now he works from 1pm-1am, but he gets up at 6 with me to get our kids to school, then we get the housework done. Some mornings he lets me sleep in. I have to do all the running around at night for Dance classes, Boy Scouts, PTA, etc, and he knows I don't sleep well, so he helps out when he can. He loves to cook and do yard work, gardening. I love to cook and garden also. He likes a clean house and doesn't hesitate at all to help. Of course our kids are 11, 10, and 5 and they have chores too......that doesn't mean the house is clean though!! I am very lucky and blessed to have my husband

Medic - posted on 10/06/2010

My husband does a lot of things and I know I am lucky and tell him how much it means to me. He just got out of the army so he has missed a lot. I do feel it is just as much my husbands job as mine to keep the house. Last time I checked he wore his clothes and dirtied up the dishes and used that bathroom also. He gets our son up for school and walks him to the bus, he washes all the laundry and I fold them and put them away and he usually does the dishes. Since he is now working and I am in school we tend to just rotate everything else. I also don't believe in the roundabout way of anything if I need him to do something you bet your butt I just tell him.

Lisa - posted on 10/06/2010

My hubby travels over half of the month and when he's home, he has missed his kids so much he takes over a lot of the care for them. I get to sleep in. I still do all of the housework, laundry, cooking, etc., but it's so nice to have him basically take over the kids. We farm also so when he is home he'll often be in the barn or shop but if our son (my wild man) is starting to drive me wild, I just take him out to the shop and daddy takes over.

I feel the housework is my responsibility, as that's my job. He does help me with the garden and lawn but otherwise, those are my job responsibilities. As far as helping out with the children, yes, I do believe that is a two person job. But if you want more help, I wouldn't bombard him with requests. And I always feel the roundabout approach works well. If I want to finish up cooking dinner without kids in the kitchen, I make a game out of finding daddy and tickling him and then quickly say, hey, as long as you got them controlled, I'm going to finish up dinner quick. Or I'll ask at dinner, do you want to do dishes or give the kids a bath (he'll always pick the bath).