How much time should a dad put into watching the baby?

Shawn - posted on 06/25/2012

Maybe he gets freaked out caring for baby all alone. Try asking for his help while you are both home together then tell him how nice it is for him to help out. Once he builds his confidence and realizes he CAN manage he may be more comfortable at home alone with baby.

Maria - posted on 06/21/2012

Hi Sis,



I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. Like Beth said, we need help. We need breaks to have adult interaction, to recharge and to just have me time. I'm a stay at home mom and I have two children. My husband works 60-68 hours a week, and he still manages to watch the kids for me for a few hours at least every other week. At first it was difficult for him because our now 19-month old (my 8 year old is from a previous marriage) is his first child and he was very particular. My husband would get overwhelmed and would ask me to come home after an hour or so. Now, on top of my husband watching the kids, we also have his mom or my sister watch them once a week for us to spend some time together and nurture our relationship.



I'm wondering if you're having a hard time meeting other moms because you have the pressure of finding a mom-sitter instead of just mom-friends. It's a bit unnatural- we make friends with people to have a support system and have fun with. If they end up making themselves available to babysit- that's a bonus. We find sitters to help us and if they become our friends - that's the bonus with that.



I hope you and your husband can figure out a schedule that works for both of you. It's important that you're both healthy emotionally, mentally and physically to give your little one the best care. Good luck and hang in there!

HeatheranDrew - posted on 06/18/2012

wow... this does not sound right to me at all! My husband relishes in the time he gets to spend with our almost 7 month old when I go to the salon to get my hair done!! He tries to make up for the time he is away from her (Coast Guard - and he is only gone like a week at a time) when he comes home. Even after he works he comes home and wants to take care of her to give me a break!!! I think your husband might need a reality check, and perhaps to grow up a little and realize that he doesn't just get to sit back and be called a father, he should be earning that job title by actually BEING A FATHER. I think you might have to have a serious talk with him about maturity and what you expect out of him. I think you are handling this very well, I don't know that I would be as calm or rational if I were dealing with this, I'd pretty much be livid. hehe

Best of luck to you,
Heather
http://www.facebook.com/GetYourSexyBackM...

Christina - posted on 06/18/2012

Hey Sis. It sounds like you've gotten a lot of good responses already, and let me add to the discussion by saying, it's also your responsibility to discuss the situation and demand his help. Did you guys discuss the splitting of parenting work before the baby came? Did he say he would help? Then he needs to step up! I can understand that he might be depressed, but does he consider that you might have depression as well? That you might not be able to take the crying all the time?

I am very happy with my husband's efforts to help take care of our little one (12 weeks old now and colicky), and when I haven't been, we've had a very serious discussion about the matter. I am in graduate school and he works part time nights and weekends, so he is full-time Mr. Mom most of the time. That doesn't always mean he knows what he's doing however. I've had to stay home with him for several days, watching him and 'coaching' him on how to take care of/entertain/soothe an infant. It's tough work! That's why we pay so much for babysitting/day care. It is truly a full-time job, especially if you have a very fussy and particular baby like we do. Does your husband watch TV while going to office hours? NO! That means when he's doing his full-time job as a parent, he shouldn't be watching TV (unless it's Baby Einstein, or some YouTube lullabye videos). He shouldn't be doing anything that isn't directly about providing your little one with soothing, and/or entertainment and learning experiences (both physical and mental). Does he want his son to be smart enough to go to graduate school when he grows up? Seriously, you should ask him that.

I hate to say this, but it's time for you to get serious with him, and explain that he has the time that you don't have, and it's not fair at all. You need time off too, even if that means you get to just sit around relaxing, watching him take care of your child, and coaching and encouraging him from the sidelines.

Julie - posted on 06/17/2012

You are awesome for posting this! 10 months old is old enough to be with Dad ALL the time, if he had to. As long as you are no longer breast feeding, what is the problem? Oh, I know part of the problem...you go running home every time he calls and says. "the baby is crying"
Hard as it may be, my brother in law told me this and it stuck, "NO baby has EVER died from Crying."
Daddy needs to learn how to bond, and care for baby like a Daddy does. It is not easy on a mom to watch a dad fumble and make mistakes, but it is necessary for the relationship to grow and for you to have some time for you, work or what ever!
Sounds like you need help Detaching, as much as daddy could use some attaching. Take it slow, and gradually build up. Start with 2 hours at a time, with out you coming to the rescue. No calls unless EMERGENCY. Type out baby schedule by time. I use to do this for my husband. Actually, my husband insisted he get ONE feed a night from the time our baby came home from the hospital. This gave me a nap, him bonding time, and baby the early intro to breast/bottle feeding for easy transition later. Anyway, it was hard as a mother to let go, but now I know it was important.

Lika - posted on 06/17/2012

Um, he's the father of your child and only works part time? And he thinks you need to hurry home? Does he do house work? Does he do grocery shopping? Help with other things? hate to say, he sounds lazy. What if you got sick and had to be admitted to the hospital? Would he drag you out in 45 minutes because he can't handle the baby? He better learn. And fast.

My husband, who is NOT my son's biological father, spends lots of time with him. He doesn't work, and well, they enjoy "guy time" and have a good father/son relationship. I am not sure why your hubby doesn't want to bond with his little guy. Has he heard the song "Cat's in the Cradle"? He needs to listen to it carefully and heed the advice from there.... If he doesn't want to make time for his child now, while young, his child won't make time for him when he's old and wants the time.

Janet - posted on 06/15/2012

Well I guess it depends on the person (man) and how they were rasied. Being hispanic many man do not spend very much time with the kids it's the woman who do everything at home. But i told myself that are family was going to be different. I was kinda worried at first when i married my husband knowing his background but to my surprise my husband was very different. Of couse he worked almost all day but when he did get home he went right to our little girl to be with her until she fell to sleep and on his days off he is the one that took care of her day and night. He was persent at all her appointments and always had her with him. To me you are not asking much it's his job as much as it is yours. I hope this was helpful to but i would say to sit and talk with your husband and tell him how you feel.

Shannon - posted on 06/12/2012

The longest time that I have spent by myself away from my son and husband was 2 hours after that my husband called saying that I needed to get home. By the time I did the baby was in his room crying and my husband was in another room trying to work. What I'm pretty sure the problem is is that my husband has never been around newborns and gets nervous when our son starts crying because he doesn't know how to fix it. I also found out the other day that he doesn't think that he can be gentle enough with our son. That's why he doesn't dress or bath him, my husband will take cloths off the baby if he needs to be changed but will leave putting something clean on to me. So maybe your husband is just nervous and isn't sure how to handle the baby.

Also I didn't read through every post, I mostly skimmed the first page.

Erin - posted on 06/08/2012

I'm gonna have to be hard butt here on him. I find his whinning about watching his own child to be immature and innapropriate. It is not the duty of your friends to watch the baby because he doesn't want to do it. If you need time away shut off the phone, do not answer, do not come home early. He has to learn like a big boy he is responsible for his child too and you are not going to cut things off short to appease him. It sounds like dad only wants to watch baby when he doesn't have to do any work.

My best friend is no almost divirced because her husband was like this only way worse, he never wanted to watch his own kids, always pawning the kid soff on friends and his family, as soon as they acted up he was trying to drag her home. In fact he called he sometimes three four times when she was out with me, or shopping or spending her "me time". Don't let him get away with it. 22 hours a week equals about 4 hours per day (in five day work week) that's frankly NOTHING, he has no excuse to need so much help from you.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/04/2012

Amber seriously? Most men aren't equiped to take care of a baby the way a mom or a caregiver is? Then why are we having babies with them if they can't take care of the baby the way we can?

I'm with Stifler. I didn't procreate with my husband to be a single parent (again) My girls have a mommy and a daddy.

Stifler's - posted on 06/04/2012

I just turned my phone off and let him deal with it himself. Not being able to stay home with our kids is unacceptable to me. There';s no way I'm calling someone else to take care of my kid because my husband is too incompetent. I wouldn't have procreated if I was going to be doing it all on my own. My kids have 2 parents.

Ana - posted on 06/01/2012

Whoa! Most men are not quite equipped to care for an infant the way a well equipped mother or care taker would be. I would never suggest child care be forced on anyone, parent or not. Too many bad things can happen.

So, my husband did volunteer to watch our daughter when I needed to leave or needed a break, but I only agreed to this "watching" only after I trained him! That's right. I had a plan and a schedule that benefited me and the baby and he needed to be able to keep that up to some extent so that I knew that he would not do something stuptid with the baby. Wasn't looking for him to be perfect, but I knew that he had his own ideas about what to do when there was something to do for the baby.

Yes, I think fathers should take time out to bond with their children, but in your case, it sounds like your hubby would rather do man things (as he suggested that you find other women to help you as if it's women's work only to care for children).

So since you can't change hubby, then it's best you work with him. Let him spend short periods of time with the baby where most of the hard work is already done, feeding, bathing, etc...Then when you do go out, you know it won't be the phone call as you are driving away that the baby's hungry etc.. hurry home..

And you will need to find others to help you to give you a real break because you ain't gonna get it at home. Just the way it looks.

But don't feel alone in this. I didn't get a real break until my mother stepped in and helped me. She took over watching my daughter when she was 2 mths old 1 day for a few hrs and I felt totally refreshed. My husband lived with me everyday and I felt stressed!!!!!!!! I love my hubby, but he had to learn how to give me a break and how to deal with our daughter without turning me into a CRAZY MAMA BEAR! This learning happened after year 1.

Crazy Story: Once when we were at a hospital and my daughter had to be changed, and my hubby said, you finish up the paperwork and I'll go change her, I said ok. I finish and look for them and he was looking lost and had not changed her yet, I asked what's wrong, he said there's no changing table, so I was just gonna put some PAPER DOWN ON THE FLOOR! (There was a restroom across from the one he choose WITH a changing table). I ALMOST DIED RIGHT THERE!!! I still can't believe this.

That's Just Men!

Bethany - posted on 05/30/2012

haha, or: "if you still can't calm the baby, walk up and down the hall cradling and shooshing him for a couple of hours with your earplugs in." why should he miss the fun

Lydia - posted on 05/30/2012

I agree with what moms said before. He is the father and he is not babysitting, he is supposed to father his son. He needs to build his own bond with his son, so it could be helpful to have him take over certain things while you are home. They need playtime together, maybe he could be in charge of one specific thing in your boys routine to start with... possibly bath time, or giving him dinner or reading a bedtime story. Also let him find his own way to do those things or play with him, don't tell him how to do it right. He'll learn and fathers often play a bit rougher with the kids than the mothers, but that's ok. It won't kill the boy! If the baby is used to spending time with his dad than it will get easier for them to be on their own when you have to go out. Sometimes it just doesn't come that natural to the father to read their babies needs and they get really stressed when the baby cries... like they will wonder why the baby suddenly is cranky and of course the easiest thing is to call mommy... but they don't think that maybe the baby is hungry or thirsty or needs a nappy change. If your husband seems lost in this area you could make him also a check list next to the phone, that says something like: if the baby cries, first check if he's hungry, thirsty, dirty or tired. if you still can't calm the baby you may call me! ;-)
maybe your husband needs just to be able to successfully deal with his crying son and make him happy all by himself to build some confidence, so even if you're around and you hear the baby cry when he is with dad, give your husband a chance to deal with it...

Michelle - posted on 05/29/2012

I have to agree with all the commentators that said your husband is not 'babysitting/watching' his own child. He is their FATHER and an adult not a child himself. I stay home at the moment because my husband and I have 4 children and parent them until my husband gets home and then it is 50/50. My husband also helps out with the housework/cooking/etc. That is what having a partner is about. No, it wasn't always like that. We had our 'moments'. It took awhile and a lot of 'discussions' to get to the point we are at. For that matter my husband will take the kids and go off to the beach for the weekend by himself, or take them for the weekend so I can have a girl's weekend, or take them for the day. I do the same for him. Not really a big deal for either of us.



If you want your husband to be a partner and a father than do something about it. No, not every husband sits around and does nothing with his children. Heck, my brother works evening 12 hour shifts and on his days off works a 'regular' hour job and still cooks and does housework and does things with his children. Yes, he's perpetually tired, but for him it is all about wanting to be a good husband and father.



Priorities. Figure out where yours are and whats important to you and your family. It's not like us mothers are born with some magical knowledge about babies. We have to suck it up (our fears), learn, and do. So there is no excuse for a husband/partner not to do, too.



Good luck figuring it all out!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/18/2012

I think it also depends on the guy. My husband is a first time dad (our 7 year old is really my 7 year old), but he was really involved from the get go with our baby. He was even that way with my 7 year old when we first got together when she was only 3.

My brother is a little different. He liked playing with my older daughter, but he didn't quite know what else to do with her. He just became a dad for the first time back in August and he's slowly getting into the daddy parent thing.

Crystal - posted on 05/18/2012

In the beginning it was rare. Especially with our first. I think hubby's are just nervous and they don't get that "instinct" like we do as moms. Most first time dad's that I know can freak out when they don't know what to do when baby is freaking out. lol After our second child was born, my hubby was a little more hands on because he kind of figured it out. Now that the kids are older (6 &4) he's definitely more hands on...does baths, feeds them, takes them places (not as often as I would like), is ok with them overnight by himself, etc. But like I said, now that they're older...in the early years it wasn't so much. I would say it was more 80/20. Your hubby just needs to remain calm and keep trying...and you need to keep giving him chances to be alone with baby and he'll grow more confident. :) Moms need breaks too! And as far as you needing to make friends so there is someone to watch him...BS! If he's available, its his responsibility too...don't give him the option of saying no...

Bethany - posted on 05/18/2012

I gotta add, that I have been intentionally "hands-off" since she was born. I always thought he needs to be able to parent her as well as I can if anything ever happened to me. So I'd not hover over him when he had her for anything, bath or changing or puting to sleep or whatever. I'd clear right out and get something else done, or have a shower or something, so he didn't get performance anxiety.

I learned as I went along, from books and the net and other mums, and I thought if I can do it , then so can he, so if he asked I'd tell, but if he didn't ask, then I'd just let him nut it out himself. I had to learn to accept his way of doing things and be flexible and it's worked out great. He won't put a nappy on the same way or bathe her the same way, and now she's 3, he plays with her differently and disciplines her similar to me, as we discuss that alot, 3 yearolds can change overnight, every night sometimes, but still a little differently, within boundaries.

Lower your standards (heehee) and just step back. There is no 'right' way most of the time, just your way and his way and as long as it's still getting done, then good enough.

Tracie - posted on 05/17/2012

He is not "watching" his own child. It's called "parenting" and he needs to get on board. I'm certain there were MANY times in the beginning when your son would cry and you just had to figure out how to help him. Your husband is no different. (unless you think he would neglect or harm your son out of frustration - that's a whole different issue) You and your husband should get the exact same amount of "free" and/or "alone" time. If hubby gets 3 hours to himself, so should you. You are in a PARTNERSHIP. Partners are equals. For him to suggest that you need to make friends so that there will be someone to watch HIS CHILD is outrageous. He needs to get in the game or risk being cut from the team!!

Lady Heather - posted on 05/17/2012

I've never really kept track. Obviously I have the kids all day during the week. We usually spend the evenings together. My youngest (7 months) finally stopped eating really frequently so I'm going out one evening a week for about three hours. Usually the husband handles the kids for a while each night in case I need a shower or something. On weekends sometimes he goes out to do something without the kids and other times he takes them and I stay home alone. A lot of the weekend I take the baby and he takes our three year old.

How much time? I don't know. You just do what you have to do. I don't really understand why you would leave your kid with a friend if your husband is available. It's his kid too.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/16/2012

He's the child's father/dad and he helped to make the baby so he should spend time helping out with the baby.

I know some babies (especially mine because at 14 months she still nurses and won't sleep through the night) are difficult and need mommy more than daddy. There is no real set amount of time for how much time either parent really needs to spend time with the child (I have a 7 year old and she's playing with my 14 month old now) but he should really try harder to spend time with the baby.

My husband isn't working for a paycheque at the moment, but he is looking. And he works on his 3D models and his game concepts for video game designs. I take our 14 month old out to do grocery shopping or for walks so he can have some time to ourself. Our older daughter is usually at school when I'm out.

My opinion though is that you should sit down and talk to him about helping out more with your son. Part of the reason he may not feel as much of a bond with your son is because he doesn't try and spend time with him.

Amber - posted on 05/16/2012

Well, me and my husband have 3 kids, I would be irate if I were in this situation! I feel very strongly about each parent taking equal responsibility for the children. You did not inpregnate yourself right!!!! This may sound a little harsh but I think your husband needs to buck up and show some respect for the mother of his child and stop_ complaining when you go to the grocery store or to get your hair done. I appologize for sounding so cold but I do not agree with "parttime" parenting.

Sis - posted on 05/15/2012

Oh, and it's "stitch and bitch" not "knit and bitch" but I guess they both work:) Not that it isn't a mysoginist term, but still kinda funny:)

Sis - posted on 05/15/2012

Darcy- Yes, he does feel like he doesn't have the same bond as I do with our son and he feels as though he isn't being a good dad. He has tried to take care of him when I am home and it has really helped, but not recently.He used to get up and change his diapers in the night, etc.He always sticks him in the stroller and goes for a walk (that is how I deal with him he says) or holds him on his lap while he watches tv-he is distracted by something most of the time. And he is very easily frustrated. Maybe he does need some help in how to care for the baby. I tell him that he is a good dad and explain that I am the mom and that I spend more time with our son, etc., but he has said alot of things recently about being a father that have me very worried. We'll see how it goes after he starts to feel better. And then, yes, Jill, if he still continues to be this way, I see difficult choices ahead. Thanks again I really appreciate it ladies!!:)

Jill - posted on 05/14/2012

Fathers should never 'watch' their own kids. They should never 'babysit' their own kids. They should parent them as equals to the mother.

Part of that involves learning to deal with things without calling you for help. You don't call him for help, and yet you learned. He's able to do the same. Next time you go to get a haircut, turn your phone OFF and don't check it until you're about to leave for home. If you hurry home, you just create a cycle of learned helplessness.

He also needs to understand that he has a responsibility to be a good father to his children. That means he doesn't sit home while you find outside childcare so that you can keep an appointment.

It sounds like you need to make your expectations of him very clear. It could be that he's just really scared to be left on his own. If you have faith in him, you can help him through that.

Unfortunately, sometimes guys refuse to step up and be a man. They want to make the babies, but they don't want the responsibility of being a parent. If that happens to be the case, you'll have some life choices to make.

Sis - posted on 05/14/2012

Bethany- You sound like you and your husband have it down pretty good. I try to be encouraging
Stacey- I DO feel like a single mom and I feel like I take care of my husband, too. He just sits there and watches as I clean until 10pm and then get up with the baby in the morning after nursing half the night. I found out that he is depressed, though so he is going to get some help and we'll see how it goes from there. At least I know that maybe there is a better reason for him not being able to do anything except him just being a real jerk about it.
I do think that he will interact more as our son gets older. He is always saying how there is nothing to "do" with the baby and all his toys are boring, etc.And he can't take him crying, but our son doesn't cry very often. Yes, there are plenty of unresolved issues with this. Thanks again!

Sis - posted on 05/14/2012

Just wanted to clarify- the 22 hours includes school time. he teaches one class a week for three hours. six of those hours are "office" or "lab" hours where he basically just opens the office/lab and answers any rare questions. Don't get me wrong, he is working and grad school is tough, but he has a ton more time to himself than I do. Thank you everyone for your responses. It's been great! Maybe we should all have a mom's night out:)

Sherri - posted on 05/14/2012

There is no set amount. It is simply what both people are comfortable with. My husband would never watch our 4 kids as infants he freaks when they cry. He seriously goes into a cold sweat. Now when they are older he is more comfortable and will watch them longer but it is the crying that he doesn't know how to handle. I understand this so we work together on it.

Darcy Sharman - posted on 05/14/2012

My husband is quite involved with our 2 year old daughter, but I think he still often feels frustrated and like he's doing something wrong when she cries and screams and nothing will calm her but me soothing her, nursing her, etc. Could part of your situation stem from your son not settling for him, and him feeling incompetent and frustrated when it happens? Are there times that your son cries for you, and has a hard time settling, and does he see those times, and know that it is just part of parenting that sometimes the baby cries and we can do nothing but hold them and reassure them until it's over? Maybe part of your discussion with him could be about the fact that he's not "failing" if the baby cries, and that you trust him to be able to handle it if he does?

Does he watch the baby when you are both at home, or is that always you? Perhaps one way forward is having him be primarily responsible for baby for times when you are home for a while, then going out and leaving them together with the understanding that you will not be coming home until you're done what you're doing.

Caroline - posted on 05/14/2012

My husband is military, so when he is away, I do all except earn a paycheck, but when he is home, we share responsibility. I usually do bedtime because the baby nurses to sleep, and try to do the majority of the housework since he spends time away at work and needs some downtime, but I need downtime, too and he recognizes that. I think it would be appropriate to have a talk with your hubby about what you need as far as downtime. Most of us feel refreshed and better able to care for the kids after a few hour break once every few months (or more depending on what each person needs), and I don't think it's wrong to expect that. If he wants somebody else to watch the baby, maybe you can enroll him in a local daycare (I have moved a lot, and generally feel more comfortable with a daycare than a random new person I met) once a month or week so you can get things done and have some you time. However, it sounds like this might run a little deeper. Does he play with your child when he is home? Many men do better with a toddler because they interact more, and are kind of at a loss with babies. That could be it and he might outgrow the calling you back to the baby because he is overwhelmed. Also, if you are the only adult the baby interacts with, he might really be a disaster with you gone, in which case more time with Daddy could solve the problem. But yeah, it sounds like you and your husband need to discuss this either way, and let him know that you're not "knitting and bitching" (I've never heard that before!), but that you're really telling him how you feel and that you want him to really consider your desires and expectations of him as a father. If school and work are too much, maybe he needs to taper it down, or consider you working while he schools to cut his load back so he can be a member of the family, too. I hope you get it figured out! :)

Rachel - posted on 05/14/2012

If you both created the child you can both watch the child equally. My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts so we dont need a sitter but while I am working he is actually watching them more while they are awake than I do because I work overnights and sleep during the day in the mornings andthe children are awake.

Stifler's - posted on 05/14/2012

I think that parenting should be 50/50 it's not about mums needing time it's about the kids needing both parents making an effort not dad watching tv while mum does everything. My husband watches the kids whenever I want to go out or just to the shop I just leave them home with him. I get really jack of people seeing me out and going " where are the kids" or " you're childless today" or " is damo babysitting". I AM NOT A SINGLE PARENT.

Misty - posted on 05/14/2012

If the child is his then it isn't "watching" it's parenting. I don't understand how anyone ( including my ex-husband) could ever consider saying they have to "watch" their child. As a parent and a partner there should be fairness and compromise and if one of you feel you have to "watch" YOUR child you might to have a serious talk about it being the TWO of you that brought that child into this world. I mentioned my ex-husband before and that's how he was with our children and now he thinks paying child support is parenting. After not seeing our children for over a year he had a month of leave (literally 30 days) and didn't see our children for one day. So like I said consider having a sit down and put things into perspective that they are children that you BOTH brought into this world.

Jenny - posted on 05/14/2012

Thats very nice for you medic mommy. Where the hell did you score him, and can i get me a clone?? lol.
Its seriously not an excuse, its the way it is, maybe not natural, maybe more about cultrual and historical expectations and typical family roles, but all the fathers in my extended family and those of my freinds do not help enough. I know with my husband its just does not come to him naturally, like it does to me. Ive got a natural burden to need to take care of them and do the chores, he doesnt. I dont know how else to put it. And i know he's not being mean about it or doing it on purpose, we've talked about it pleanty of times, its just plain and simply not on his mind like it is on mine.

Medic - posted on 05/13/2012

@Jenny- You are just not asking the right moms. I know there are a ton of moms on here whose husbands help out more than their fare share. My husband cooks most nights, puts the kids to bed every night does 50% of the cleaning and running around with the kids. Giving them the excuse that they have a "natural" tendency to not help is just giving them more power. Last time I checked my husband made half the kids, dirties his fair share of the house, eats the food, therefore he is responsible for half of the upkeep.

Jenny - posted on 05/13/2012

Sure he should be helping out a lot more, but really, who's husband does help out enough??? I have not had a mother once say that her partner helps out enough with the baby. It just never feels like they do enough.

And it doesnt matter how many hours they work or not. My husband's gone through weeks at a time where he's had no work, and yet still expects to be left alone to sleep in while i take care of the kids in the morning. It's just how it is, they just do not have a natural tendency to help. All you can do is ask, you cant controll them, no matter how much you'd like. But talk about it, and see if you can come to a compromise.

Bethany - posted on 05/13/2012

Watching? Babysitting? erm, hands up all the FATHERS. what does he call what YOU do when he's not there? Parenting? Mothering?

He needs to step up. If he's home he's available. Unless he's doing something that you've asked him to do/fix. If he needs to study, then he gets specific, closed-door study time, with a beginning and an end. Outside of that, he needs to be available to his child.

If you go out, switch your phone off. Don't be his mummy too. If you can't switch the phone off (we never used to have 'em you know) then just let it go to messagebank and check your messages, so you'll hear about emergencies if needed.

He's the man you decided to rely on, so rely on him.

When my husband gets home from his 9-5, he is on deck from the minute he steps through the door. He has a 40 min commute on the train, reading his novel and listening to his music, so I expect him to step up as soon as he gets home. I give him lots of thanks and praise etc and he thinks he's the world's best dad, because I give him the opportunity to be just that.

S. - posted on 05/13/2012

If you hurry home every time he rings and tells you too he's gonna keep on doing it.

Is he telling you to make friends so they can watch your son instead of you leaving him with your hb? In my house me and my hb made our children and we together are responsible for taking care of them, yes grandma babysit's when we both go out but if I go out my hb has them no question's.
Dose your hb help with your son whilst your both there or do you do it all? If it is you doing it all on your own maybe you need to make him help you and share the responsiblity as he might not be to confident on his own with not having enough practice.

My hb works full time but when he's here he dose a lot with our girls when he's home, I think most men can very easily become lazy if you let them, some times you need to push them. My saying is "if I start to feel like a single mam, I may as well be one"

Stacey - posted on 05/13/2012

I think it may take time for him to get used to it, but he for sure should be able to take care of his kiddo longer than that. Try telling him that you will be gone two hours and are turning your phone off. as long as the babe has food(bottle, pumped milk, whatever), Daddy can handle it. He may not want to but he can. My hubby was the same way, and its taken us having two kids to realize, that just because baby is crying, doesn't mean I have to rush home. No, it's not always convenient for him, but trust me, you need a break, and daddy is a parent too! I have to say, after our son was out of the "baby" stage, hubs was much better with him. I think my hubs just didn't really know what to do with the baby. He's much better with our daughter even though he doesn't get to spend as much time alone with her since he works a lot!

Medic - posted on 05/13/2012

You might outta inform him that it is NOT babysitting if it is HIS own kid.

Dove - posted on 05/13/2012

Why is he not willing to care for his own son? Does he help with any of the childcare while you are home or is it all on you then too? If he's uncomfortable about dealing with an infant I would try and address those issues and help him become more comfortable. Maybe you could start going for a walk or something else once a week for about a half an hour. Get yourself a bit of a break AND build up his confidence in being able to do this.

If he only works 22 hours a week and isn't studying or anything else then there's no GOOD reason in the world why he can't start letting you go out for a couple of hours a week. He needs to man up and you shouldn't have to do this alone.

Louise - posted on 05/13/2012

If your husband is only working part time and is not studying then he should do his fair share of baby sitting. My husband worked full time mond to fri but made sure he bathed the children every night so I could have a break and at the weekend we cared for them together. If I needed to go out he would entertain the kids. In fact I chose to go out to work a couple of nights a week so when he came home I went to work until midnight and he put the kids to bed. Parenting is all about give and take. He can not expect you to be the sole carer for this baby when he is sat at home doing nothing. You share!

I advise you to join the local mums and tots groups to meet other women like you in your area, but as far as baby sitting goes he should step up and do his share.

Medic - posted on 05/12/2012

Whenever he is home and mom needs or wants to go do something. I think it is rediculous that he calls and whines. My husband watches the kids about 50% of the time because we have managed to work school and work schedules so the kids only have to go to my friend 2 days a week for about 4 hours.

Beth - posted on 05/12/2012

Moms need help, that's just a fact. And most of that help should come from the father, if he's available. You need to remind your husband that he is the other parent, and when he's alone with the baby, he's not "watching" the baby, he's parenting! It doesn't necessarily have to be a 50/50 partnership, that's just not possible for all families. My husband works 50+ hours a week, so I don't expect half the child care duties from him, but I do expect him to be as involved as possible when he is around. It might be that your husband is uncomfortable caring for an infant, maybe he doesn't feel up to the task. Try having a talk with him about why he doesn't want to do it.