How often do you and your man have sex?

Lisa-Marie - posted on 05/23/2010 ( 82 moms have responded )

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I am starting to get a little worried about my partners and my sex life. I used to always have a really high sex drive but it is slowly dying.

Just wondering how often you and your partner have sex - or if you don't want to get to personal - how often do you think a couple should have sex to maintain a healthy sex life?



Thanks for all your answers - everyone is so different. Just for your info too - even though we have sex probably only 1 time every couple of months - it's actually both of us who have lost that drive. Even that 1 time is usually me coming onto him - he has always been that way. So when it comes to doing it just to keep him happy, for me, there is no need.



Also I asked him if he feels like he is missing out or unhappy and he said that he is quite happy with our sex life and that as long as we keep up the affection we show eachother all the time (lots of cuddles and nice long kisses) - he doesn't see why we should force ourselves into having sex?? Is that weird for a guy??

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Jaelyn - posted on 05/24/2010

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My hubby and I just watched a great marriage conference on DVD called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It was hilarious! That aside, this was once of the topics covered. The speaker said you should try to not let it go longer than 2 weeks, even if you are not necessarily "in the mood", plan a "date" and stick to it.

Personally, my hubby and I are 30/29, have two kids (ages 8 and 4). have been together for 10 yrs, and average 2-3 times a week with a full out "event". There are also spontaneous "quickies" here and there, sometimes just long massages, or lip action. We also cuddle a lot, especially when watching tv or something. Also my hubby kisses me goodbye in the morning, and goodnight, and also when he gets home from work, everyday without fail. That was a recommendation by our premarital counselor, and now it is habitual, but I still love it. They also said to make sure at least, if not all, of those kisses are a real 15+ seconds kiss. That all married couples should share genuine 15+ second kisses at least 4 times every day to maintain a healthy sex life.

Plus its good for your kids to see you guys kissing and cuddling. It sets them up for a healthy perspective of a loving relationship for when they get older. The more you hide sex from them, the stats say the earlier they will do it, out of sheer curiosity. I'm NOT saying let them in the room, but healthy affection at other times helps to reinforce sex within a loving relationship later on. They will see the affection and expect the same before moving on to sex.

This is purely based on what works for us :) But yes, kids do take the urge right out of you. However, it can be a GREAT stress burner after a particularly frustrating day. Put a movie on for the kids, lock your door and have at it. If they knock on the door, ignore them or tell them to go watch the movie, let them know before hand that you and daddy need some alone time and you are not to be disturbed. If your kids are younger, put them in a playpen and do the same, it wont hurt them to let the tv babysit once in a while.

Bottom line, do what feels right for you. If you feel there is something lacking, talk to your spouse/partner about it and make a plan. The more you talk about it, the more exciting it sounds, thus you will anticipate the date you have planned and look forward to it.

Another suggestion from the DVD was leave each other suggestions on the day or hours leading up to your date. Send a sexy text, IM, email, whisper something naughty in their ear as you walk by, but don't stop where you are going, just leave them to think about it. For me I will come up behind my hubby if he is at his desk and give a very quick shoulder massage, running my hands down his chest, and lower, tease him for about 5 seconds, then leave. Resets his brain. With us, I have the higher sex drive so more often than not I am the initiator, but we are okay with that, it works for us because we make it work.

Take care!

Laura - posted on 06/16/2011

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I hear ya, my husband is a wodnerful man and I adore and love him very much but thats not what this is about its about wanting to share a wonderful sexual intimate experience with your man. and when that feeling isnt returned it in my opinion is heart breaking and very sad. I have sex with my husband not as much as I would like maybe if I'm lucky once a month if that, He tells me that he loves me and everything is fine and we have comversations about our sex life all the time and it all ends the same. I end up feeling sad and lonley and he just thinks evrything is normal and this is what people do they have sex when they have time. hes always telling me how sore and tired he is from work but I mean come on all the time hes tired all the time but get this if hes so tired ans sore and never has time for sex than why does he find the time to go out and have a few drinks with his buddies...hey what gives....I wish I knew the answer on how to get my hubyy to see me in a sexual way and want to just take me and have his way with me...sorry ladies for being so blunt.

Laura - posted on 06/16/2011

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I hear ya, my husband is a wodnerful man and I adore and love him very much but thats not what this is about its about wanting to share a wonderful sexual intimate experience with your man. and when that feeling isnt returned it in my opinion is heart breaking and very sad. I have sex with my husband not as much as I would like maybe if I'm lucky once a month if that, He tells me that he loves me and everything is fine and we have comversations about our sex life all the time and it all ends the same. I end up feeling sad and lonley and he just thinks evrything is normal and this is what people do they have sex when they have time. hes always telling me how sore and tired he is from work but I mean come on all the time hes tired all the time but get this if hes so tired ans sore and never has time for sex than why does he find the time to go out and have a few drinks with his buddies...hey what gives....I wish I knew the answer on how to get my hubyy to see me in a sexual way and want to just take me and have his way with me...sorry ladies for being so blunt.

Laura - posted on 06/16/2011

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I miss sex I miss everything about it...I havent had sex in weeks now I think its been so long I can't even remember. When did sex stop being fun and sexual and all that other good stuff and when did it become such a chore nowadays.

Shannon - posted on 06/17/2011

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my sex drive is above normal i am a nympho sex sex sex lol me and my husband have it at least 2 times a night no matter how tired we are my husband LOVES my sex drive

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Shannintipton - posted on 10/03/2011

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Hi Kitty and Shannon, I want to thank you for your response. But this thread is a little old so I am going to lock it. Thank you for your response though. :)

Kitty - posted on 10/03/2011

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we used to do it once a month... now i am getting back to 2-3x a week wow he is happy once again!!!

Liz - posted on 06/16/2011

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I have a 6 month old, and also a 4 & 5 yr. old. My husband works 2pm-11pm so the only available time is EARLY morning, about 4 am. Needless to say the last thing I want to do is have sex, I'd rather get up with my cup of coffee and enjoy my alone time before the baby wakes up at 5:00am. I try to have sex with my husband (for my husband) once a week. Usually ends up being every other, and frankly I could do without. I love my husband but am exhausted and don't have the energy... also between the births of all 3 of my children it took a few years before I was actually the one who wanted sex, and it was 1-2x per week.

[deleted account]

It varies for every couple. A lot of couples think 2-3 times a week is a lot and 2-3 times a month is normal.
We have sex 3-5 times a day!!!!
[[I am a stay at home mom of one ((13 months))& he works]].

My sex drive did go down after I had my son, but my man figured out ways to get in the the mood. He wasn't like 'Hey lets have sex' he could come up && give me kisses or lightly touch me where he knows I can't resist...

Sex is a GREAT stress relief, to me it feels like the more we have it the less stressed we BOTH are. He has work stress && I have the stress of raising our hyper active son.

Kathryn - posted on 07/23/2010

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when i got pregnant and started gaining weight, my husband's sex drive just plunged, its been at least a year since I've felt like I'm really sexy to him. I'm stuck with the post-baby fat and stretch marks, and though we still have sex regularly, it totally kills it for me when he asks me to cover my body up so he doesn't have to look at it! of course he doesnt say it like that but i know that's what he means. It's hard because I want sex, but if i mention it to him he gets mad and says that he hates being asked, he wants to initiate it himself... problem is he rarely does!!

Charlotte - posted on 05/31/2010

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Well...It's been up and down since we've met. During hard emotional times (my father and his mother have both passed in the time we've been married-3 1/2 years). We went a while without it. I'd say 2-3 months after their passings. My husband went through a depression also after being laid off and not being able to find work and we'd go about 1-2 months without and when we did it was forcing ourselves to..or me pushing him into it because I needed to feel close to him since he wasn't emotionally available to me. Before we got married and before we had our son it would be about 3 times a week. When we were dating it was about 1-2 times a day. More recently it's been 2-3 times a week as life is going better, we are emotionally available to eachother, and although I still havn't lost the baby weight, I'll wear my shirt or something to make me still feel confident during sex. Stress and life obstacles can take their toll. I think it just always varies depending on where you are in life and what you are going through.

Nicole - posted on 05/31/2010

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wow! I did see on tv, that even though it is normal to go through ups and downs in sex drive, but it should pick back up at some point, it can be a medical thing, or maybe even something psychological, if it gets to the point where one or both of you is unhappy about it, then it might be time to seek professional help, but as long as neither of you too has an issue in the relationship as it is, then by all means be thankfull that his sex needs are the last thing he expects you to worry about. My hubby likes sex everday all day if he can get it, and there was a time when our relationship was like that, but now with him working, and depending on my mood, we wait til after our son goes to bed on the weekends and then we talk and see if there is a possibility, usually I milk the situation now because it is the only time I am going to get my need of a good back-rub filled...sometimes I think it's a fair trade so long as I enjoy the sex.

Brandi - posted on 05/30/2010

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Well I had my twins in august of last year and my sex drive has been very very little! We have sex prolly once every couple of months and most of the time when I want to is when I am on my monthly and that is the only time he will not!!! It's not because i am not attracted to my hubby either its just my sex drive! When I got on birth control after I had my twins they told me the pills would increase my sex drive but they have not at all!! We have talked about me going to see a doctor about it and maybe getting on something to increase it but first off I am a little embarresed about the situation but I am really considering it! I really miss being intimate all the time with my hubby! It just seems like I am ALWAYS exhausted taking care of my twins and trying to keep the house up and etc! So if anyone has any advice I could sure use it!

Gina - posted on 05/30/2010

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While pregnant my husband and I barely had sex if none at all. Afer having my child we didnt have sex until i healed.....and now we have sex almost every night. Although there are days i dont want it and there are days my husband doesnt want it either. its normal. your drive will go up and down throughout your life time. (mens sex drive is strongest in their 20s and womens is stronger in their 40s) so its normal. Just dont let it last for two long, make sure to put the spark back.
Have a baby sitter go get a hotel room if you have to, pamper each other, dont always plan it.....but its normal. Its tough when my husband doesnt want it i just assume men always want it. but you know they get tired too.
sex at times takes work and you might just need to fire up the flame again.....sex is like talking about emotions to men its very important its how they connect to their women.....without sex they do not connect.....so make sure to get away go to dinner.....switch it up a bit and maybe hell inisiate next time....but do try to talk about it...because it is important...if he wont listen use actions. take him to dinner, dress cute, show some skin.....take care of everything so he wont use tired as an excuse

Amanda - posted on 05/29/2010

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Mmm pretty much every day, unless Mia has a hard day then it's iffy...we try to make time for each other because if we didn't have that, it'd be hard to keep in touch!

Tasha - posted on 05/29/2010

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My husband and I had a great sex life, usually 4-5 times a week, now that I've had my second child, I just don't want to. Its not my husband. I wouldn't trade for anyone else, I just feel tired and fat all the time. He thinks I don't care so a lot of time I make the effort, but its still only 1 time a week, if he is lucky.

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2010

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I know motherhood is a demanding job, and most of us are tired at the end of the day, but don't let that be an excuse to skip out on having sex with your husband. You'll be missing out as much as he is. The hormones our bodies release during sex have been shown to significantly reduce stress, boost immunity, fight depression, lower blood pressure, and decrease the risk of heart disease, cancer, and a host of other illnesses. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. An active sex life packs myriad other benefits, as well. To learn more, read the book LOVE YOUR HUSBAND/ LOVE YOURSELF. http://www.flandersfamily.info/love-your...

Allison - posted on 05/29/2010

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When I was pregnant with my first child, with about a month till my due date, I lost mine, and then waiting the proper amount of time afterwards, we went probably about 3 months without. So now, we are doing it only once every couple months. I think it is weird also, and I'm happy to hear we aren't alone.

He also says he's quite happy and if he really needed it, he would be coming to me more often.

Hope this helps!

Patience - posted on 05/29/2010

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I have the same problem, we have a 3 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. And our sex life used to be really good almost everyday as soon as i got pregnant it went down from there. After i had had her we only have it maybe 3 times a month and have to force myself to do it or i get bitched at for our sex life not being the same. I have no clue whats going on but i have been hearing a lot of stuff from Dr.s on it and it maybe all in the brain some people just need counciling and others a pill. I hate that i have no want for sex anymore And it starts fights over it. I have hoping my stress is the problem. We just did a big move and we both don't have a job.

Emily - posted on 05/29/2010

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my partner and i have a four yd old and have not had sex in about 6+months i don't want it anymore it is not the same to me and i don't know why

Lisa - posted on 05/29/2010

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Wow, some of you are so lucky. I want to have sex. It's my husband who has no sex drive now. My daughter is 4 months old and we've only had sex once since she was born and not at all while I was pregnant. I asked him the other day if he wanted to have sex and he always says the same thing. He's too tired. How do I get my sex life back?!?!?!

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2010

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my partner and i used to have sex like twice a week, now im lucky to get it once every 2 months. my sex drive is still high but he says hes afraid he will hurt the baby (im now 36 weeks) ive even had my dr tell him there is no harm in it but he still thinks it does. i cant wait for it to hopefully get back to normal in another month or 2

Elysia - posted on 05/28/2010

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My partner has always had a lower sex drive than me once we got over that initial honeymoon period. I would have to say that my sex drive didnt really diminsh after having my son, but it def has over the last few months and now im kinda at the point where i just can be bothered but still want it but i think that has more to do with the fact that im exhausted as i have a 14months old son and am also nearly 34 weeks pregnant so by the time i go to bed i just wanna go to sleep. But we still do it at least 2 or 3 times a week. which when we used to do it every day seems like hardly ever. We have been together a little over 6yrs now.
But i dont really think you can judge your sexual relationship on anyone else as everyone is different. It would be like trying to compare children no 2 are the same. I think the main thing is that you are both comfortable and happy with the situation and I agree with your husband that you dont have to be having sex to be intimate with each other.

Jen - posted on 05/28/2010

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Wow very interesting, so it is pretty true what they say that couples are lucky to do it so infrequently...
We do it at mostly every day, even though by the end of the day im absaloutly exhausted and couldn't be bothered but by the time its all over and done with i am glad that we did it..
There is a exeption when my hubby works too much and i take too long to get to bed, then we may skip a night.
Try to have some just you and him time, maybe out for dinner or a movie, i think that is most important as when you have kids they are are exhausting and all you seem to think about, must be careful as when they are all grown up you both will not know what to do with yourselves and may go your separate ways..
I think love making is very important in a relationship, as it releases certain chemicals in our brains to keep us happy and in love with each other..
Gee if we for some reason go for a week without it- we wonder how we have done it, as could not go for any longer than that!
Everyone is different i guess:-)

Katie - posted on 05/28/2010

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After I had my son I found that my sex drive went up. Something about seeing my husband being such a good dad made me see him in a whole new way. We had sex for the first time a month after Otto was born (and only waited that long because my stitches had to heal) and after that our sex life has gone in waves. We will go two weeks without because we are both so beat, and then suddenly we'll go ten days straight (sometimes twice a day.) I think that as long as you and hubby are on the same page there is no problem. I think sex is only a huge issue if one person wants it and the other one doesn't.

Cheri - posted on 05/28/2010

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I wish it was once or twice a month. Its more like once a week but I hate it. I have lil to no sex drive but in ordor to get him to shut up. I kind of have to. He has an extreem sex drive. Its the only thing he ever EVER thinks about.

Oh and sandra I feel ya there for a long time it was extreemly painful lol I would cry beacause I was in so much pain. I wonder why that was?

Carrie - posted on 05/28/2010

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I know not as often as I would like to. I feel like there is something wrong with me. My husband seems like he is never in the mood and I always am. He asks me why and I can't tell him why because I just don't know. He is the only person I have been with and I am very attracted by him. I just don't understand why he never wants too. I would say we may like once a month if I am lucky I think we have gone longer after the kids. Before the kid we would a few times a day if we were both home. I think after 7 years it has lost its flair with him. I can try almost every day but nothing.. He won't really even cuddle or kiss me either... I know I need to work on myself a little, but not sure if that will help in the long run.

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I have a 7 month old and for some reason since giving birth sex has become rather painful...I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex since she has been born....my poor husband but I do not miss it at all I have NO drive anymore.

Crystal - posted on 05/27/2010

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we have ot plan to have sex which is very often with a 3 yr sometimes 1 a week or sometimes 1 every 2weeks its according how tired we are or if my husband is home he is in the army so he is gone months at a time

Lisa-Marie - posted on 05/27/2010

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ALICIA - Just to answer a few questions for you - I have a four year old, a nine month old and I am 7 months pregnant. None of my children sleep in our room. I am not really unhappy - just didn't know if it is normal..... and what is ED???? Thanks for you suggestions and input - and to everyone else too!

Jacqueline - posted on 05/27/2010

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wow reading everyone elses post makes me very happy with mine and my partners sex life.. we had sex right up untill our little girl was born in february.. and 2 weeks after having her, once bleeding stopped (as i had no sticthes) we went back to having sex every night and we still do.. we also have a 4 n a half year old with autism and global developement delay.. and there are plenty of nights when we go to bed without sex but 9 times out of ten we both wake up an hour after falling to sleep and we have sex.. so we are very lucky.... but every couple is different.. sex is not everything in a relationship..

Liz - posted on 05/27/2010

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The last time we had sex was 11 months ago today. And the 4 times we did it last year lasted all of about 1 minute. It's just not worth the effort. We have no connection anymore at all. We don't kiss, we don't hug, we've recently stopped saying "I love you" because to be honest I just don't anymore. And although I have not asked him, I believe it's over for him too.

It's sad and I hope no one here has to live like I live now. I'm hoping to make a big change, but it's going to take me finding a good paying job and those are few and far between right now.

Victoria - posted on 05/27/2010

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i am getting a divorce my husband and i grew apart so he and i dont have sex at all but my boyfriend and i have sex everyday. its like 3 to 4 times a day. you have to make time for each other. im 35 and my sex drive is noe throgh the roof. i love it and love i foubd someone to share it with... good luck

Tabitha - posted on 05/27/2010

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I have only been married to my husband for 3 yrs but we have been together for about 9 yrs and we used to have sex all the time even when we was driving down the highway. we would pull off to the side have a friend drive and be in the back seat is that wierd? IDK but it was fun and we liked it then. Now it is nothing but kids and sleep. We have sex now maybe once a month. We even tried planing it. Nothing works. So when you know a way to boost sex drive let me know cause im open to some info.

Tanya - posted on 05/27/2010

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My husband and I of course don't do it like we did way before we had children or when we were in the lovey dovey stage of the relationship where you can't get enough of eachother we have been together for a little over 12 years, we have 3 children and have had 5 pregnancies. We try to do it when we have the disire I don't think there is a set amount of sex a couple should have but I think it is important to have that intamacy. It's helps with more then just getting you or him off it helps communication it helps the stress it helps with being more open about what you are feeling. I know we have gone through lots of times in our relationship where one of us weren't in the mood for a while I think it has to do with stress and life in our case. Never have I ever used the excuse of I'm tired or this or that. If my husband needs a certain attention I will give it to him he does the same for me. Its not forced its not like we HAVE to. I enjoy this honor. But we are very spiritual and have not only our lord in our relationship but in our bedroom too. I know that sounds crazy to some because at first I thought it was crazy too but after having that involvement it opened so many doors I have a clear view as to why we love eachother and why we need eachother and our needs for eachother are important no matter what they are. I think if you asked this question you feel there maybe something missing if you think that the amount of sex you are having is an issue talk to your husband and talk about what you can do to have more sex because not only is sex benificial to your relationship it is also good for your health and I think if you two are very comfortable in this routine when one of you do want or need that sexual attention you might be hesitant to ask for it because it will be out of routine and will feel strange so keep the communication open in your relationship about everything.

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I would be very happy if my partner was happy with cuddles and kisses. It is weird for a man, but appreciate it! My partner and I will go through spurts.. one month we will have every day, the next not at all. Sometimes we are just to tired and busy. But we do try to always keep the passion. And cuddle and kiss ect. I wouldnt worry about your sex life too much. If you and your husband are happy with what you have, than dont stress!

Jaime - posted on 05/27/2010

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Ha ha! My poor husband! He's lucky if he get's it 1x a month! And I mean very lucky! And he doesn't get any frivolties either! Just do the deed and get off me, I have stuff to do! Oh well, too bad for him...I carried a child for 9 months, squeezed it out, went through tons of pain before, during, and after delivery, stay home and watch our child and do housework all while finishing my degree! He ain't getting sh*t!!!! I'm too tired!



As for him (your hubby) I'd say he has his head on straight! He understands that intimate time doesn't HAVE to be sex, that 'us' time is just as good as sex. Also, does he work? He's probably just as tired as you after coming home from being away all day and then having to care for his family as his second (but 1st priority) job. You guys are good, don't worry. But if I were you I'd get him a kick-ass father's day gift!

Felicia - posted on 05/27/2010

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I agree with your guy. I know it may sound weird since the common misconception is that ALL guys LOVE sex, but like you said, everyone is different, regardless of gender. Sex can be an extension of your affection, moreso than a primal need, so if you have an abundance of affection, sometimes it doesn't feel needed. I think that as long as there are no complaints from both sides, everyone is going smoothly. My guy and I felt no need to do it as much as we did before our daughter was born and thought it was an issue, so we forced ourselves to do it alot. Mechanical.You don't want it. It shouldn't be forced.

Gereleen Tisha - posted on 05/27/2010

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My husband and I are both 31, he is 4 mos older. But somehow my sex drive is higher. We have a 9,6,2 and 1 yr old kids. Sometimes we say we need some alone time and lock our door. or it's been late nights or early mornings. Other times both...i usually initiate the teasin first and we've beenin doin it almost everyday! i think it has somethin to do with summer nights. LOL!

Jaelyn - posted on 05/27/2010

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Oh I forgot, it doesn't always have to end in intercourse to be satisfying. Try starting with a sensual massage and ending in oral only, no matter how bad you may want to give in and go the whole 9 yards. This does two things, it creates a sense of anticipation for the next time you are intimate, and it also forces you both to explore foreplay more and really tell/show each other what you like to make it that much more enjoyable.

Definitely mix it up! If it feels like a chore, or an obligation your partner is going to sense that and it will not be satisfying for anyone. Besides, why cheat yourself of the pleasure? Find out WHY it is a chore. If you are tired, then overcome that by finding something that excites you, let him tie back your hands or give him full control to do whatever he wants, get some TOYS (buy them online to save the embarrassment of the actual purchase), use them together AND alone, do whatever it takes to get that pleasure and passion going again.

Jaelyn - posted on 05/27/2010

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Wow - So many posters said little to no sexual activity, how sad!

To the moms who are not interested anymore - talk to your Dr, I'd bet it is 90% hormonal, 10% all the other excuses i.e. busy, tired, unattractive, etc.

To those that said the guys are no longer interested - this is very similar to us. I have ALWAYS had a higher drive than my hubby, insanely higher, like I would love to flip between making sweet love to going at it like rabbits - several times a day! Also he can get a bit "overexcited" at times which leads to shorter encounters. We are very open about it with each other. He is AMAZING with foreplay. Also - don't be shy, buy some toys to take the edge off when he isn't into it. I bet if you knows you have them, or better yet, let him watch, he will get into the mood pretty quickly! Another thing that helps is guys are at their sexual peak first thing in the morning. So maybe you get up early with your hubby, spent that intimate time together while the kiddos are still sleeping, then go back to sleep! :) If your kids sleep in your room, go to another one...lots of possibilities. Like...shower? bath? couch? sneak out to the garage and get in the car? backyard if it is still dark and you are quiet enough? Change it up, it makes it fun!

To the one mom who said her hubby told her he sees her as "mom" now, I am heartbroken for you. I can not imagine my hubby ever saying such a thing, if anything it is me complaining about my figure. If that is how he treats you, maybe time to re-evaluate the relationship?

One final thought, to those who are just not in the mood anymore, after pregnancy, if you are not diligent with kegels, you lose sensitivity and it works itself from the inside out. No friction/stimulation, no desire, which puts A LOT of pressure on your hubby to arouse you completely. Take it upon yourself and get yourself going!

One thing that helped for me with the loss of sensitivity is at my Drs recommendation, I got my hood pierced. After it healed, I put in a slightly shorter bent barbel than the area of skin pierced, which caused the clitoral hood to be pulled back slightly all the time. All I can say is WOW! Walking up/down a flight of stairs can almost bring you to the edge. With this constant stimulation, your desire will increase, and you WILL find a way to work it into your schedule :) Make sure to find a reputable piercer if your Dr is not willing to do it for you, one with a more upscale clientele. Also, DONT be shy or embarrassed, trust me they have seen it all.

Just a thought...

Samantha - posted on 05/27/2010

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Before and during my pregnancy I hated sex. Never wanted it, but that was also I was having some kind of issue with it. I'm not exactly sure. But after I had my daughter, sex is almost a regular in my marriage.

JUNE - posted on 05/27/2010

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WELL ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE LUCKY IF WE GET TO DO ANYTHING ONCE A MONTH..SEE WE LIVE WITH FAMILY SO MY ALMOST 3 YEAR OLD SLEEPS IN OUR ROOM IN HER OWN BED..AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IT BECOMES VERY HARD TO FIND TIME WHEN WE CAN DO ANYTHING..WE ARE LOOKING FOR OUR OWN PLACE AND ONCE WE FIND IT HOPEFULLY WE CAN GET BACK TO OUR LOVELY ACTIVE SEX LIFE...I REALLY HOPE SO...

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Your guy is right. you dont have to have sex to show that you love eachother. you guys shouldnt have to force yourselves into having sex bc then its not fun. in time you'll regain that sex drive as long as you continue to show eachother that you love one another everything will work out in the end. i speak from experience :)

Laura - posted on 05/27/2010

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My sex drive has gone away to, most of the time I do it to make him happy. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a months. We have been married for 5 years 2 children and I'm 29 and he's 32. Were not older but I just have so much going on it's not an important thing to me, I'd rather get my sleep. My 3 year old has never slept all night and can be up 3-4 times a night. I don't think it's unual for a couple to go throught this. Sex doesn't have to be a manitory thing in a relationship, remember the real reason for sex is to have kids. It's nice to keep that romance.

Jenn - posted on 05/27/2010

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We don't do it as much as we used to and part of the problem is that now he sees me as "Mom" instead of the sex goddess that he used to (his words). :( Makes me feel like shit.

Alicia - posted on 05/27/2010

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Thats not weird for a guy. As long as he is still showing you affection, cuddling and wanting to spend time with you. My husband works very long hours and sometimes is in bed before our kids at 8pm, so its hard to get something going.

I think that maintaining a 'healthy' sex life is between you and your husband. If your feeling like you need to make love more than talk to him about it. He could be tired or maybe even worried about getting you pregnant again. Could he possiblly be struggling with ED and hiding it from you? Or maybe even suggest new postions to him that might get him excited! Some men only are interested in getting down in the bed, are you a co-sleeper and your baby is always in the bed with you?

Don't worry about other peoples sex lifes, everyones personal lives are different, with kids, work extracurriclar activites, etc. Personally My husband and I try and make love once a week, but every week is different. Sometimes we can 4 times others we miss it all together like if family is in town.

It sounds like your possibly the one unhappy with the sex life, so speak up and tell him. Or send the kids to a relatives and cook a nice candle light dinner and see what happens.

Carly - posted on 05/27/2010

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Well, everyday at the moment because we are trying to get pregnant. Otherwise it is when we feel like it, I'd try not to be pressured and feel like something is wrong. If you are both happy in eachothers company and dont feel the need to be having sex, that's okay! There is no right or wrong, aslong as your happy, hubs happy & babies are happy then thats all that matters xx

Lee Ann - posted on 05/26/2010

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I think every couple is different, what may work for one wont for the other.....but if your making it work & you both agree/feel comfortable with only being intimate every so often then i don't think that's a problem, however on a more personal level, my hubby and i were very active before my daughter was born, usually we were intimate multiple times a day but after the arrival of our little lady we usually only have sex about every day now/once a day......i know your thinking thats still quite a bit since i do have a child but we have always been able to make time/wait till the time is right (ex. my daughter being sound asleep lol)

Leanna - posted on 05/26/2010

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well when me and my hubby first got together it was an every night thing now im lucky if i get it once or twice every 14 days! and its not me not wanting to its him, i sometimes feel like its me ive even tried losing weight to make him happy then i found out its not me hes uncomfortable with his body since he has gained weight since we got married, i ask him and usually he says no, its pretty much only when he wants to, but i take what i can get and usually it ends up being at like 4 or 5 am so at least my little girl is fast asleep in bed, just remember to not be afraid to talk about it and if you are in the mood just ask, he may say no but you never know when you might get a yes lol good luck hun!

KAYLAH - posted on 05/26/2010

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well my boyfriend and i have been together almost 3 years..and were doing it every day-every other day..now the longest ever in between is 3 days..and we have a 9 month old baby with cystic fibrosis which takes alot outta a mom more than a normal baby..

Sherry - posted on 05/26/2010

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not ass often as I'd like.... and not entirely sure who's sex drive wained mine or his.... just can't seem to "get it together" Though our son co-sleeps in our room so that might be a factor as well.. seriously contemplating putting him in his own room soon.

Vicky - posted on 05/26/2010

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Well I have been married for 13 years and our sex was really high but know its like 3 times a week and sometimes once a week...which I talk to my husband to see what was the problem and its our 4 uear old he always sleeps with us and always wants to be with us...we don't have any alone time only when he falls asleep...by the time he does that we already went to sleep 2!!!

Sarah-Anne - posted on 05/26/2010

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never. i'd like more sex, a lot more to be frank, but my husband is the one with no sex drive. we used to have sex about once every 4-6 weeks, but after i got prego, we didn't have sex for 18 1/2 months. we've had it twice since the new year, and since it had been so long, i got hurt... basically ripped open my episiotomy scar. i think it's that we are both so sleep deprived, and he's either afraid i'll get prego or he'll hurt me again. when my doctor found out, she was at first in shock that it was him and not me, then she said we needed to put sex into our schedule. She said if that doesn't work, that we should probably talk to someone about it. i'd start by scheduling a specific time and day and just do it even if you don't feel like it.

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