How often do you and your man have sex?

KAYLAH - posted on 05/26/2010

well my boyfriend and i have been together almost 3 years..and were doing it every day-every other day..now the longest ever in between is 3 days..and we have a 9 month old baby with cystic fibrosis which takes alot outta a mom more than a normal baby..

Sherry - posted on 05/26/2010

not ass often as I'd like.... and not entirely sure who's sex drive wained mine or his.... just can't seem to "get it together" Though our son co-sleeps in our room so that might be a factor as well.. seriously contemplating putting him in his own room soon.

Vicky - posted on 05/26/2010

Well I have been married for 13 years and our sex was really high but know its like 3 times a week and sometimes once a week...which I talk to my husband to see what was the problem and its our 4 uear old he always sleeps with us and always wants to be with us...we don't have any alone time only when he falls asleep...by the time he does that we already went to sleep 2!!!

Sarah-Anne - posted on 05/26/2010

never. i'd like more sex, a lot more to be frank, but my husband is the one with no sex drive. we used to have sex about once every 4-6 weeks, but after i got prego, we didn't have sex for 18 1/2 months. we've had it twice since the new year, and since it had been so long, i got hurt... basically ripped open my episiotomy scar. i think it's that we are both so sleep deprived, and he's either afraid i'll get prego or he'll hurt me again. when my doctor found out, she was at first in shock that it was him and not me, then she said we needed to put sex into our schedule. She said if that doesn't work, that we should probably talk to someone about it. i'd start by scheduling a specific time and day and just do it even if you don't feel like it.

Jessie - posted on 05/26/2010

We usually get in 3-4 nights a week unless I'm not feeling well Sometimes I feel pressured (not by him, mind you, but myself for holding that 3-4 nights as a standard) and "put out" when I'm really not in the mood at the moment or just too tired.. because I don't want him to feel un-loved or un-appreciated or anything.. I think it's hard, when the kiddos are young, to find a good balance because your energies are geared towards surviving day-to-day life with a little one who happily demands EVERYTHING from you.

Tara - posted on 05/26/2010

My drive definitely has to do with my hormones. I never had much of a drive until I turned 29. (After the birth of my second child) We would have sex 2-3 times per week before. Then I couldn't get enough for 6 months or so before it slowly started to wane. I am now 31 and I notice that I have highs and lows each month. I can go a few weeks and want it all the time (a few times a day) and then a few weeks where I don't even want to be touched at all (I try to do it 2x per week to keep my hubby happy). My husband use to take this personal but he has learned that I can't control it. If I could I would want it all the time. I love the closeness it brings to us and I love to satisfy my man.

I had my tubes tied after my second son and went off the pill. I think this had a major impact on my libido. The pill can really hamper the desire. My husband and I also started scheduling a date night each month and that has helped us to get the spark back in our lives. I wish you the best.

Jane - posted on 05/26/2010

i have a 4 yo and a 7 month old. I guess we get intimate about once every 3 or 4 months, and even then it is a chore. i have no drive what so ever. i often feel guilty about it, and try, but it just never works, just feels like more housework...

Kara - posted on 05/26/2010

Don't feel too bad...I can't even remember the last time we did it. Our sex life..Well, lets just say we don't have one. Now, I'm depressed.

Nikki - posted on 05/25/2010

I think twice a week is a good number, it lets you be close and relieve tension.

We have it pretty much every night, I have a ridiculously high sex drive, dont know why. But since I met my hubby it shot through the roof and 8 years later its still the same. I find if we go even a few days without at least just messing around we argue more. I wish I could go a little longer w.out it sometimes, but were happy and we dont really see eachother that much because of his schedule and were so busy w an extremely mobile 11 month old but its how we release all our tension from the day, plus now we want to start trying for another so Im even more in the mood for it

Chinyendu - posted on 05/25/2010

My baby is almost 12 months now and we do once in one or two months. But , now we are working on doing it once or twice a week.

Lisa - posted on 05/25/2010

about once a week, i feel bad if i make him go longer. i dont really have much of a sex drive anymore, it takes a lot of effort for things to work now which is annoying for both of us. i'd say a couple times a week is normal and healthy.

Elisabete - posted on 05/25/2010

ive been married 10 years and have 6 kids and we have it every second day but if the kids are sick once a week. but we do make time to do it .even if its at 2 am .lol my youngest is 11 weeks and we only waited till 2 weeks after she was born to resume .but dont feel bad if it slows down sex iset everything you gusy can still have fun.if you have to much sex or you do it just for doing it then it can become mecanical and boring

Elizabeth - posted on 05/25/2010

yea, It has been the same way with us too we had a extreamly active sex life when we first got married, then as the years went by we are 6 yrs married this may 19th and since the last 2 yrs our sex life slowed down a whole lot. I was concerned that he was cheating but I didnt feel like it either. I guess its the way it is. That doesnt mean he is cheating or you are its that well I think it becomes a routine. Mabey we have to make it exciting like role playing or doing something spontanious. I dont know but your not the only one.

Amber - posted on 05/25/2010

I don't know if you are pregnant now or already in baby mode or later...In my experience and this is my first pregnancy and I am 32 weeks along, I had a very healthy sex drive before pregnancy and there have been time along the pregnancy in which that changed for me, which was weird, I believe it was more psychological than anything else just because I was worried and I had this little tiny instance where after we had sex I started bleeding just the tiniest amount and it just instantly freaked me out, and it never happened again, the bleeding not the sex :). I think for me I have had a lot of body issues, even though I know I am pregnant the fact that I have gained 30 lbs and how body parts are changing I have a hard time feeling sexy even though my BF always tells me that he thinks I am sexy. I have no idea what to expect after and since I haven't been there yet, I think though that you get so consumed with the baby and all that newness plus if you have it vaginally you are supposed to wait for at least 6 weeks for your body to heal that there is a lot going on there and it would be pretty natural to not feel exceptionally sexy. I know that before pregnancy we were having sex at least 5 times a week, now we have sex about 3-4 times a week so who knows after baby???? I am hoping that after everything heals we go back to semi normal as well but I will just have to wait and see :). As far as how often I think a couple should have sex to maintain a healthy sex life, I think that it changes due to lots of different factors and as long as you are still both communicating and understanding each other that is so much more important than the number of times a week you have sex. You could have one great sexual occurrence a week and it would be better that 10 that are halfhearted. Well that is my take.

Elisabeth - posted on 05/25/2010

You must have sex regulary to have a happy marriage, yes it's simple but it's true. I have two children a 7 mth old and a 2 year old. And we have sex every day, yes thats right, everyday. On his days off 2 or 3 times a day and he loves it, I do as well of course. Maybe once a fornight we go one day without sex. Even when I was preg with my second, every day until i gave birth, if I've got my monthly I won't let him go more then 3 days without being satisfied sexually, there is more then one way to do this without actually having intercourse. Sometimes he goes away for work so we have phone sex. I'm not a sexual person, before I met him I would go weeks without sex and not even feel horny. BTW I get up at 5am with my husband to see him off to work and he doesn't get home until 6.30 pm which means we don't even get into the bedroom until at least 9.30 and he works in mining which is very exhausting, but there is no 'I'm too tired' excuse from either of us. Also you have to keep yourself sexually appealing to each other too. I don't feel like it some of the time because I'm tired but once you get going with a kiss or something it's easy to get in the mood. But it is essential to keep that intamicy in your life. If you've lost it get it back, do it at least twice a week. If your man isn't satisfied at home he will find it somewhere else, but it's good for both of you to have sex regularly, it has so many pros and no cons so why not just do it and enjoy yourself doing it!

Mandy - posted on 05/25/2010

Wow....I'm feeling a little jipped....my hubby and I do it maybe once or twice a month if we're lucky...sometimes we go longer in between. Its hard for us because our 3 year old sleeps in our bed with us.....I know that's horrible but its been that way for 3 years and even when we move her to her room so we can fool around, we have to rush because she might wake up and come back in at any moment. Mostly we just wait for everyother weekend which is when both our kids spend the night at my in laws.

Sandra - posted on 05/25/2010

Post a reply! twice a week at minium

Jessica - posted on 05/25/2010

my partner and i have sex about once every 10-12 days.
mainly the reason is he only shows me affection when HE wants to get laid. so ive not been agreeing with that and saying "No" alot more often than i probably should

Jane - posted on 05/25/2010

in my book, we have sex "too often". since i've become a mom, i couldn't care less about it. but it is important to your relationship so muster it up once in a while for him. lol! my friend warned me that i would feel differently after our 1st was born and i swore i would never not want to be w/my hubby. and then our daughter was born - get away from me, go find a mistress, please!

Jackeline - posted on 05/24/2010

Oh god the good old days when having sex was so much fun. I have but lost almost all my sex desires. I have 2 boys a 13 year old and a 10 yr old. Now we have to wait till they fall asleep n if we are lucky for one of us to still be awake by the time they fall asleep. I say I get it about 4 times a month. Seriously my husband thought I was cheating on him until I told him "look Im toooo tired to do it with you never mind anybody else" he dropped the subject and just takes it when its available.

Marsha - posted on 05/24/2010

we try for at least 2x a week if not more. i agree with other women that once the kids come it's harder to have sex like we used to before kids bc we r tired from work or taking care of the kids! at least once a month the girls r dropped off at granny and paw's house for their monthly sleepover so we can have an adult night out that includes lots of together time in the bedroom! sometimes it's hard with the kids home even when they r asleep since our 5yo seems to have an alarm system built in when we touch or kiss (even when it's not leading up to sex LOL) and will come running!! everyone is different so hopefully u and ur partner will talk about it and come to a happy medium!!

Destanie - posted on 05/24/2010

To be totally honest, ever since we had our daughter in February, my husband and I just kinda stopped having a sexual life. I really miss it. I really had a high sex life but then it just didn't work out really well when I kept asking for a romantic night. I think that your should have sex at least once a week but that is my opinion. But, I don't even get that anymore. I hope that you and your husband will get things fixed.

Lisa-Marie - posted on 05/24/2010

Thanks everyone although I do feel bad now ;) We have been having sex once every couple of months latley! But I have a four year old, a 9 month old and I am 7 months pregnant - so energy is just non-existant at the moment. My hubby works 7am til 6pm - so of cause he is tired (he is also great most of the time helping with the kids when he gets home) but he also has never had a high sex drive.
Even though our sex is always awesome we both hit the bed and are asleep so quickly there is no time to think about it.
We are very affectionate with kissing and cuddling but just when it comes down to have sex it's hard to find the energy!

Again thanks for the help and hopefully we will get giggy with it more often soon :)

ELIZABETH - posted on 05/24/2010

i think u have to work on it make time even if its a quicky in the bathroom : ) and talking about it with him to might help. and try it even if ur not in the mood cuz u my find that u really did want to but just needed a little push start to get in the mood.

Jaelyn - posted on 05/24/2010

My hubby and I just watched a great marriage conference on DVD called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It was hilarious! That aside, this was once of the topics covered. The speaker said you should try to not let it go longer than 2 weeks, even if you are not necessarily "in the mood", plan a "date" and stick to it.

Personally, my hubby and I are 30/29, have two kids (ages 8 and 4). have been together for 10 yrs, and average 2-3 times a week with a full out "event". There are also spontaneous "quickies" here and there, sometimes just long massages, or lip action. We also cuddle a lot, especially when watching tv or something. Also my hubby kisses me goodbye in the morning, and goodnight, and also when he gets home from work, everyday without fail. That was a recommendation by our premarital counselor, and now it is habitual, but I still love it. They also said to make sure at least, if not all, of those kisses are a real 15+ seconds kiss. That all married couples should share genuine 15+ second kisses at least 4 times every day to maintain a healthy sex life.

Plus its good for your kids to see you guys kissing and cuddling. It sets them up for a healthy perspective of a loving relationship for when they get older. The more you hide sex from them, the stats say the earlier they will do it, out of sheer curiosity. I'm NOT saying let them in the room, but healthy affection at other times helps to reinforce sex within a loving relationship later on. They will see the affection and expect the same before moving on to sex.

This is purely based on what works for us :) But yes, kids do take the urge right out of you. However, it can be a GREAT stress burner after a particularly frustrating day. Put a movie on for the kids, lock your door and have at it. If they knock on the door, ignore them or tell them to go watch the movie, let them know before hand that you and daddy need some alone time and you are not to be disturbed. If your kids are younger, put them in a playpen and do the same, it wont hurt them to let the tv babysit once in a while.

Bottom line, do what feels right for you. If you feel there is something lacking, talk to your spouse/partner about it and make a plan. The more you talk about it, the more exciting it sounds, thus you will anticipate the date you have planned and look forward to it.

Another suggestion from the DVD was leave each other suggestions on the day or hours leading up to your date. Send a sexy text, IM, email, whisper something naughty in their ear as you walk by, but don't stop where you are going, just leave them to think about it. For me I will come up behind my hubby if he is at his desk and give a very quick shoulder massage, running my hands down his chest, and lower, tease him for about 5 seconds, then leave. Resets his brain. With us, I have the higher sex drive so more often than not I am the initiator, but we are okay with that, it works for us because we make it work.

Take care!

Amy - posted on 05/24/2010

me and my husband usually on get to on week ends see he works from 6pm to 6 am monday threw friday and we have a three year old so we only get alone time on the weekends and on a rare instances when he gets home and connor isnt up yet

Aura - posted on 05/24/2010

Geez, I feel like I'm missing out. My drive went down a little after the birth but back up after about 3 months. But we only have sex about once a week, though I would like it more, because my hubby is so exhausted, lol.

Cecaila - posted on 05/24/2010

I think every woman goes through this. I have five children with the youngestl being 2, so when it comes to the end of the night I am not even thinking about sex. lol. But we try to have it at least 3 times a week.

Karen - posted on 05/24/2010

It is normal for it to go down. I have a 5 1/2 month old and an almost 3 year old so I am so tired that i have no sex drive what so ever. My husband is lucky if he gets it 1 time in 2 weeks because i am so exhausted.

Ofalaine - posted on 05/24/2010

Oh I dont mind sharing with you about my sex life.. Well we were having sex right up until I went into labour hahahhaha its funny but I was scared about that but I looked it up and some experts say its fine and wont do harm to the baby anyways after I had baby I was scared to even go near him and my husband never forced it but I think it was a month or 2 later I was just going crazy for him but scared as well for my scars but It was sooo bad!! So its on a regular basis... twice a week or more if were lucky!!! lol

Chelle - posted on 05/24/2010

before i had my daughter we used to do it nearly every night. after she was born it went down to 2-3 nights a weeks and often would have to be planed around our busy lives....not as romantic as it used to be lol. im due my second child in 4days time and my whole 3rd trimester of pregnancy sex has been off the menu...im just to big and achey at the moment but just bacause we arnt having intercorse we still make sure we stay close with cuddles, kisses and other stuff.



i hope that once i have this baby it will slowly get back to 2-3 times a week again.

Amy - posted on 05/23/2010

From what my dr. has told me and what I have read it is completely normal for your sex drive to go down after having a kid. You have a lot more going on in your life to worry about. Mine all about died the first 4 months after my son was born but we are getting back to normal to at least twice a week, if not more. it actually took us planning to have sex on a certain night/day at a certain time. it sounds horrible but that is how we got it back. Granted... we are still getting back into it. Give it time! Know that you AREN'T alone!