How to bring up children in correct manner?

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

Thank you Alicia for your comment "The important thing to do when we do make a mistake is to talk to our kids about it and even apologize if we need to." I am a firm believer in apologizing to our children when we have been bad or crossed the line. None of us are perfect, I know I am far from it. I have made mistakes in child rearing. However, I don't have a problem apologizing to my children when I crossed the line by yelling, losing my temper etc. They also apologize. It makes for a healthy relationship!

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

This threads are good. These threads are important. If you are a parent who haven't started disciplining you child just yet then you have a chance to read what has worked for these moms. We are all sharing what has worked for us and our beliefs. If you find a mom that sounds similar to you or your situation then you might want to talk to her and find out her thoughts. We post our thoughts here on COM in a safe healthy environment. We care about children not just ours and we are here to help!
There are some moms who are extreme. However, take what you want and leave the rest.
The most important thing that every mom here shares in common is we all love our children!
We are here for each other.

Alicia - posted on 04/13/2010

I think that the most important aspect of raising your children is love. Now, I don't mean the kind of love that ignores bad behaviors and allows every type of disrespect in the home. Part of loving our children is guiding them to become respectful, kind, and obedient children. I think that most deftinitely means that there is going to be some discipline involved. Setting a good example is important as someone else mentioned. One of the other important factors I think sometimes we as parents forget about is the fact that we can and should apologize. And I don't mean after we discipline them. I take the time to talk to my children if I snap at them when I am busy or something like that. We are going to make mistakes sometimes and it's good for our kids to see that. We are just people and we are NOT perfect. The important thing to do when we do make a mistake is to talk to our kids about it and even apologize if we need to. As kids get older they will appreciate this because one of the biggest problems for teens and older children is that they find their parents to be hypocritcal. Stop that in it's tracks early and talk to your kids. That's one way I really think moms can improve their parenting style. :)

Jessica - posted on 04/13/2010

OMG please don't turn this into another spanking thread!!! I'm starting to think people are just spanking-obsessed around here, LOL!

Anyway... I have no idea how to bring up my child "correctly." I don't think anyone really does going into it- and obviously it will be different for every child. My son is 10 months right now, and I like to think we got a good start during his infancy by practicing aspects of attachment parenting. It seems to me (and my fiance) that the foundations for raising, guiding, disciplining your child start with developing a close bond and attachment with your baby from the beginning. Fostering a sense of trust and closeness on both your parts. I think that's crucial. Beyond that... I don't know yet :) I don't want to be the authoritarian my dad often was growing up, I don't want him to obey us out of fear. I always want our relationship to be based on love and trust.

Jenna - posted on 04/13/2010

my husband and I agreed from the beginning ... instill fear in your child. Not fear of being beat but the fear that Mom & Dad could catch me type of attitude. Do we spank him? Not really, he is only 15 months. But we do smack his bottom after he has been warned. He does get his hands smacked when touches something he can't have. He may be young but it is amazing how well-behaved he is. He will look at you when he is doing something wrong because he knows the difference between wrong & right already. My husband and I both agree, that although he is young it is no excuse to not teach him discipline and to listen to his parents, grandparents, etc. Out theory is that if we start young rewarding the behavior we want, and discplining the behavior we don't, it will be much less need for spanking, etc as our son gets older. This was honestly the way i was brought up.

Ricki - posted on 12/13/2009

Here's the thing about spanking: people assume that it's the FIRST thing a parent that spanks turn to for the answer. Well, guess what? It's not. I give her three chances after the first error is made. There are steps that my husband and I agreed on a long time ago to take before deciding as a parental unit how severe of a punishment is called for. Model behavior is a great method also, but there are other "models" that your children will begin to mimic, not all good. Positive reinforcement is fantastic, so long as children behave in a "positive" manner. Say my oldest shoves down her little sister, causing her to bump her head? She's been told several times NEVER to do this. I'm sorry to those that disagree with me, but in this situation, I firmly believe that a spanking is well deserved. "Kids will be kids" of course, but they are intelligent beings with the ability to think and reason before acting on a decision. Sometimes, nothing but a firm whack of a hand on a clothed bottom will get through. To those of you that have never had to spank your children: congratulations, you must have excellent children. But, do not judge others methods for ensuring they are raising well rounded, kind-hearted, considerate, decent, hard working adults for the next generation. And remember: not all children are the same. My oldest is the most stubborn person I have ever met.
To Treva: Thank you for your support. It's refreshing to know that my husband and I aren't the only "monster parents" out there.

Treva - posted on 12/13/2009

Quoting Ricki:

Ahhh...that's a tough question to answer. And every single mother will have a different answer. But one thing will never change: it's a challenge every day and one we probably feel like we're losing. BUT--on the one hand the fact that our kids challenge us (and not always in a positive way) shows that they are comfortable enough in their own home to express how they feel. Or so I've been told....Everybody has their own version of "correct" manner--prime example: to spank or not to spank? I personally believe that a large problem with the older kids of this generation (8ish and above, perhaps) is the fear of spanking parents have nowadays. I'm sorry, but time outs just don't always do the job. Kids learn very, very quickly just how far they can go and what their punishment will be. Sitting in a corner for 10 minutes isn't enough for say shoving a younger sister down. A simple time out gets "huh, this is ALL I get. Well, I can do that again." Spanking is not an act of violence. Every time I spank my daughter (after the prerequisite "timeout") it hurts me more than her. But she learns her lesson. Our parents and grandparents may have lived in a "different simpler time," but the fact remains: they had less crime, and more manners. And we know they got spanked. (Notice, I used the term "spanking." There is a difference between spanking and beating.)

I totally agree with you Ricki, Parents nowadays arent being parents, I have tons of friends who just say well like "its the kids choice" ya well who's the parent again. Timeouts just dont do it. Talking to them and nagging them doesnt do it. I'm ready to start spanking the parents,lol. And spanking is very biblical.Proverbs 13:24-He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Anyways just wanted to say we agree with you. God Bless!

Amber - posted on 12/13/2009

I like supernanny's way:)

Jennifer - posted on 12/13/2009

I think modeling appropriate behavior is very important. Our children will learn the behaviors they observe. For example, if you want them to have good manners then you have to always use good manners yourself. But, kids will be kids and there's more to it than that. I talk to my son and explain things in a way he can understand. He gets time outs, loss of privileges, and very rarely, a spanking.

Kelsey - posted on 12/12/2009

Spanking I guess might be okay in certain situations but I wouldnt use it as a regular form of discipline, only when all else fails, and not out of anger.

Kelsey - posted on 12/12/2009

Quoting Ricki:

Ahhh...that's a tough question to answer. And every single mother will have a different answer. But one thing will never change: it's a challenge every day and one we probably feel like we're losing. BUT--on the one hand the fact that our kids challenge us (and not always in a positive way) shows that they are comfortable enough in their own home to express how they feel. Or so I've been told....Everybody has their own version of "correct" manner--prime example: to spank or not to spank? I personally believe that a large problem with the older kids of this generation (8ish and above, perhaps) is the fear of spanking parents have nowadays. I'm sorry, but time outs just don't always do the job. Kids learn very, very quickly just how far they can go and what their punishment will be. Sitting in a corner for 10 minutes isn't enough for say shoving a younger sister down. A simple time out gets "huh, this is ALL I get. Well, I can do that again." Spanking is not an act of violence. Every time I spank my daughter (after the prerequisite "timeout") it hurts me more than her. But she learns her lesson. Our parents and grandparents may have lived in a "different simpler time," but the fact remains: they had less crime, and more manners. And we know they got spanked. (Notice, I used the term "spanking." There is a difference between spanking and beating.)

I slightly agree but also want to add that if you raise them to want you to be proud and to not want to disappoint you, then spanking wont need to happen. Its called positive reinforcment.

Ricki - posted on 12/12/2009

Ahhh...that's a tough question to answer. And every single mother will have a different answer. But one thing will never change: it's a challenge every day and one we probably feel like we're losing. BUT--on the one hand the fact that our kids challenge us (and not always in a positive way) shows that they are comfortable enough in their own home to express how they feel. Or so I've been told....Everybody has their own version of "correct" manner--prime example: to spank or not to spank? I personally believe that a large problem with the older kids of this generation (8ish and above, perhaps) is the fear of spanking parents have nowadays. I'm sorry, but time outs just don't always do the job. Kids learn very, very quickly just how far they can go and what their punishment will be. Sitting in a corner for 10 minutes isn't enough for say shoving a younger sister down. A simple time out gets "huh, this is ALL I get. Well, I can do that again." Spanking is not an act of violence. Every time I spank my daughter (after the prerequisite "timeout") it hurts me more than her. But she learns her lesson. Our parents and grandparents may have lived in a "different simpler time," but the fact remains: they had less crime, and more manners. And we know they got spanked. (Notice, I used the term "spanking." There is a difference between spanking and beating.)

Kelsey - posted on 12/12/2009

The best advise I can give you is , LEAD BY EXAMPLE. I have a friend that yells and has a temper and wonders why her son has an attitude problem. DUH!!! He learned it from you! Just act around him/her the way you want them to act. Dont yell at your kids or be impatient with them or they will yell and be impatient with you. If they act up or do something you dont approve of, simply tell them why what they did wasnt okay.

Tiffany - posted on 12/12/2009

I dont think there is a right or wrong way as long as they are loved and they are your first priorty>We know what is right and what is wrong. My kids are my life and I have also found myself asking the same question Am I doing something wrong? But then I look at how happy my kids are and that tells me that I'm doing something right>>