how to deal with a smart mouth teenager

Laveda - posted on 09/23/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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ok every one i have a 13 year old daughter who is very fliped mouth and everytime i go to punish her or discipline her she say if you hit me imma call the cops. wtf it bothers me that she dose this but her father abused her at age 8 and i been dealing with this alone trying to give her my all even though i have 3 boys younger then her she feel like no one loves her and is only happy when money is being spent what should i do ......?????????

list of options
1. no shoping
2. send her to boot camp
3.or just continue to work with her and let her kno that she is loved always .

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Rosemarie - posted on 05/02/2013

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I struggled with my daughter for years because of how she talked to me. We were in a constant circle of anger, fear and frustration. Angry because of what life had dealt us, fear that things could not change, and frustrated because we kept trying to fix each other. We have found something that works and has been mending our relationship instead of driving us to hate each other. I have been listening to the Bible on the radio and internet and asking God to change me and to show me the truth about myself and what part I am playing to make the situation better or worse. I try to see her as the adult she will be one day and what tools can I give her now to equip her then with a stable mind...which is not easy since my mind has trouble being stable all the time. Never stop reading and listening to something everyday that will give you more insight to teenage daughters. A book called Shepherding a Childs Heart could be helpful. A daily broadcast called Chris Fabrey Live (find it locally by searching on google) always helps me. But most important, you, the Mom, are precious and in a position to influence her in ways you never thought possible. You hold a strong position and if you feel ill equipped, you are not alone! Ask God to lead you.....I am letting Him lead us and we are on a better path now....less screaming, more talking. God Bless You and your daughter and your sons.

Kayla - posted on 09/24/2010

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Oh lord... my neice is the same way.. i dont think it has anything to do with her being abused.. thats just a teenager for u.. my neice is also 13 but she does way worse then just mouth off sometimes.. i say start out with no shopping, no cell phone, no computer.. always make her feel loved no matter what.. i def agree- treat her like a child.. go buy the boys something super nice and dont buy her anything... keep working with her.. think about when u were a teenager, how did u get punished and what worked with u? if none of that works then go talk to the boot camp deen or w/e they are called and ask if she can just spend a day or so there to see how it is and see that you are being real about sending her.. then if that doesnt work-- send her.

Lacye - posted on 09/24/2010

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right now boot camp is a little extreme. now if she become violent towards you and your other children, then i would consider it. but the no shopping thing sounds really good. next time when you go to punish her and she threatens to call the cops, send her to the corner. when she says something about it, which she will, tell her if she is going to act like a child then you will treat her like a child. sometimes that works. when girls get to that age they think they aren't children anymore, even though they really are. so if she wants to act like one, treat her like one. when she decides to act more grown up, then you will treat her accordingly. i hope it works out for you!

Candy - posted on 09/24/2010

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She made need someone she can talk to that is not you. Have you consider consuling (sp)? She may have pent up anger that needs to be let go.

[deleted account]

I think all 3 are realistic options. The no shopping thing is definitely a good punishment for her mouthing off at you because shopping (except for necessities) is a reward, not a right. You are required to feed and clothe her and make sure she has school supplies...nothing more. I would definitely stop the shopping until she shapes up. Boot camp? Also a reasonable thing to do if it has gotten to the point that you can't handle her anymore and you're out of options. Sometimes when the discipline comes from a stranger it sinks in more clearly. I wasn't sent to boot camp when I was her age but a few adults did sit me down and basically lay down the law to me hard enough to snap me out of it. Tough love, ya know? As for continuing to work with her and always letting her know she is loved? Well, I have a feeling you'll do that anyhow, no matter how you choose to handle her. Has she had therapy for what happened when she was 8? I was abused by several men by the time I was 10 and the only thing that kept me from becoming a statistic was love and therapy. I really hope things get better for you, and for her. She's obviously unhappy if she's treating you this way. Honestly, I don't know what kind of abuse she suffered exactly, but it definitely sounds like she's doing the typical "I hurt, so I'm gonna hurt the one person who loves me the most (you)." Sometimes when kids feel unloved because of something that happens to them, they push the ones who DO love them, trying to make them not love them because they already feel unlovable...if that makes sense?

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