how to get my baby to stay sleeping in her crib

Kathleen - posted on 02/26/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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my 9 month old always starts off sleeping in her crib and yet everynight somehow ends up back in bed with us! how do i stop this. her father will hear her cry and just bring her in our bed and she goes back to sleep. i'm half awake during this and don't have the energy to discuss or take her back to her bed. and when i get up with her ill nurse her and rock her and will either end up asleep with her in the rocking chair or on the couch.

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Veezie - posted on 02/26/2009

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IMO, co-sleeping is still best for a family that is getting sleep that way. i nurse my children on demand (also a suggestion from the AAP, not to mention the WHO). that means letting them nurse whenever they feel inclined. up until their first birthday, there's absolutely no good reason to cut them off. especially at night. after the first year, you can be much more selective about when you choose to nurse, but still not to the point where you're flat out refusing to touch or be with your child for 12 hours a night.

i'll never understand the rush to get them in out of your body, off the boob, on a bottle, in a crib, in a stroller... away, away, away. IMHO, its unnatural. the reason we're stay home moms is we want to be close to our children in these precious few formative years... why have them away from you for half the time? there will come that day when you'll do anything to spend 5 mintues with them! why waste all this time???

i don't want to offend anyone, these are just my opinions, and i'll be the resident whacko. i don't mind. at the very least, i'll shake it up a bit, at most tho, i hope i can make a few people think.

in love and light, with sincere gratitude at your opinions,
veezie

Lina - posted on 03/01/2009

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Kathleen, check out this book and website for some tips on easing your baby into going to sleep without being nursed or easing them into their own beds.
"No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/a...

Anytime you change a baby's routine it will take a little time and effort. Perhaps if you start making changes on a weekend you can always take a nap during the day to catch up. Good luck with it all. :)

Valerie - posted on 03/01/2009

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Using the "cry it out" method (or Ferber??  I haven't read that)  does not mean..let me quote from an above post "you're flat out refusing to touch or be with your child for 12 hours a night."  I don't know any mother that refuses to touch there child...maybe that's the "ferber" method, but that is not what any mom that I know means when they say cry it out.  As I mentioned before, you do it in short increments. 



We have a small house and my 9mo son has slept in his crib from his 1st day home!  When he went on a nursing strike at 4 1/2 months, he started sleeping through the night on his own.  He started nursing again one week later, but was still sleeping through the night.  However, when he was having trouble with naps or a couple months later when he would fight going to bed, I used the cry it out method that I listed in my previous post.  SO, I knew that my son was more than able to sleep through the night...that doesn't mean that I don't want to be by him or "touch" him as mentioned by Veezie. 



We are stay at home moms, but that doesn't mean that we don't deserve to get some sleep.  You know your child's different cries, so you know when you need to be in there and when they are just trying to fight sleeping.  Sometimes my son will be falling over tired, barely have his eyes open and still try to fight a nap...it's crazy, but as his mother, I know that he needs to sleep. 



Everyone will choose to raise their children differently, but not one mother on here should feel bad because they choose to allow their child to sleep through the night or if they choose to have them co-sleep. 

Veezie - posted on 02/26/2009

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well, i think in the case of a child sleeping in the bed til their 7... its kind of a rare thing. co-sleeping does the reverse effect of what most people think it does. it gives them indepenence in a HUGE way. they become secure in the fact that you will be there no matter what they are doing and that enables them to take farther leaps forward without looking back, so to speak.

my oldest started going to bed on his own at 14 months! just one night instead of walking to my room for bed, walked to his. that was it. and maybe your child will take a little longer, but i say, so what? my 3 yo comes to bed every morning. and honestly i don't care. i know that within the next year to 2 years i will never again wake up and have him snuggled against my back. he'll start school. he'll think he's big stuff. he'll want to show off his cool bed to friends he has over. and for the rest of his life that small small time will just be a warm memory for us. the only time i ever advise against co-sleeping is if its severely uncomfortable for one of the parents, one of the parents is on medications, or has taken drugs or alcohol that induce sleep, or if the child really doesn't sleep well in the big bed. but in your case, i'd def say, just give it a try. the status quo is not always right for you and your family. some people have no problem listening to their baby cry out in another room. some people do. i am one of those that do. i do NOT believe in the ferber/cry-it-out method. i don't believe in sleep training. i believe that when you are a parent you make a lot of tough decisions in your child's best interest and you need to choose your battles. if no one in your family has a problem with the big bed idea, everyone, especially your little one, will get plenty of sleep. and thats most important. the links of not sleeping well to health problems from everything from higher blood pressure for you to obesity for your child are too much of a risk to do anything but just let them sleep where they feel safest and sleep best!

if co-sleeping is hands down not an option for you in any way, shape or form, tho, i still wouldn't use the ferber method. wake up 60 times a night to nurse your baby and put them back in their cribs, fool them, trick them, move them from one sleeping spot to another... do whatever it takes. but making any child be alone in a big dark room by themselves when they're screaming their brains out is senseless, and all it does is make your baby insecure and MORE dependent! children are inherently social creatures that need nearly constant touching and cuddling in order to grow into well-adjusted happy people. anyway... enough out of me. good luck making your decisions, and even more luck making them stick. just like anything else in parenting, just around when you've decided what to do, the kids will up and turn the tables on ya! :)

in love and light,
veezie

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Tamara - posted on 03/01/2009

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Quoting Bronwyn:




I agree....you need "Your space"......Do you really want her sleeping with you when she is older??  That is your choice.  But what if you have other kids??  Are you just going to buy a bigger bed?  I was just wondering why some people do this..  My doctor says that it isn't a good idea. 






 






Is Cosleeping Safe?






Despite the possible pros, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. And the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees.






Cosleeping is a widespread practice in many non-Western cultures. However, differences in mattresses, bedding, and other cultural practices may account for the lower risk in these countries as compared with the United States.






According to the CPSC, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers under 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997:





121 of the deaths were attributed to a parent, caregiver, or sibling rolling on top of or against a baby while sleeping
more than 75% of the deaths involved infants younger than 3 months old



Cosleeping advocates say it isn't inherently dangerous and that the CPSC went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. According to supporters of cosleeping, parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence — even during sleep.






Those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include:





other children — particularly toddlers — because they might not be aware of the baby's presence
parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby
parents who smoke because the risk of is greater



But can cosleeping cause SIDS? The connection between cosleeping and SIDS is unclear and research is ongoing. Some cosleeping researchers have suggested that it can reduce the risk of SIDS because cosleeping parents and babies tend to wake up more often throughout the night. However, the AAP reports that some studies suggest that, under certain conditions, cosleeping may increase the risk of SIDS, especially cosleeping environments involving mothers who smoke.






CPSC also reported more than 100 infant deaths between January 1999 and December 2001 attributable to hidden hazards for babies on adult beds, including:





suffocation when an infant gets trapped or wedged between a mattress and headboard, wall, or other object
suffocation resulting from a baby being face-down on a waterbed, a regular mattress, or on soft bedding such as pillows, blankets, or quilts
strangulation in a bed frame that allows part of an infant's body to pass through an area while trapping the baby's head



In addition to the potential safety risks, sharing a bed with a baby can sometimes prevent parents from getting a good night's sleep. And infants who cosleep can learn to associate sleep with being close to a parent in the parent's bed, which may become a problem at naptime or when the infant needs to go to sleep before the parent is ready.






http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sle...





 



Are you aware of the research done at the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at Notre Dame?  http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html... The research done by Dr. James McKenna shoes the benefits of cosleeping and tells parents how to cosleep SAFELY.

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2009

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It has always amazed me that the CPSC and pediatricians (though not all) have come out against co-sleeping.  More cultures than not co-sleep.  It is seen as wasteful to have more than one bedroom in a house.  It is a very Western notion that a child needs their own bedroom.  My husband and I co-sleep and use a crib.  We put our daughter down to sleep in her crib and when she wakes to feed she moves into the bed with us.  As time has passed, she is 6 months old now, she spends more time in her own bed than ours unless she isn't feeling good.  As for the safety issue...prove it.  And I don't mean give me statistics on the number of infant deaths caused by their parent's suffocating them while sleeping with them, how many of those parents were drunk, on some sort of medication or passed out completely due to some other reason?  Compare the number of deaths to the number of households who actually co-sleep (good luck figuring that one out as most people don't talk about for fear of ridicule.)



I DO NOT agree with the cry it out method.  A baby's only way of communicating is through crying.  When you do not respond to their cries they learn that it doesn't matter if they cry no one will respond, THAT is why they stop crying.  Have you ever been to an orphanage that has a lot of infants?  (Think overseas- the babies are silent because they have learned that crying doesn't get them attention/help.)



It is our job as parents to set aside our needs in order to ensure that our children feel as safe and secure as possible.  If that means my child needs me to hold her in the middle of the night then I will.  She will learn to sleep though the night, she will learn to sleep in her own bed, and she will learn that when she cries her mom and dad are there to dry up her tears and give her a hug and that it doesn't matter if she is crying in the middle of the day or the middle of the night.



Check out these websites for more information on the benefits of co-sleeping.







Remember that this is a phase and it, too, will pass.  Good luck.

Kelsey - posted on 02/27/2009

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my son is three months old and wont sleep in his crib.he sleeps fine in our bed. the longest he will sleep in his crib is 15-20 Minutes..
i love my son but i need My space.
What can i do?
I think hes scared of his crib.
he will sleep in his swing (yeah i know i shouldn't let him)

Karen - posted on 02/26/2009

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My husband and I co-slept with our baby boy until he was about 7 months old. Due to some problems I do not breast feed so my baby gets and is put to bed with it. I play some classical music for him and always make sure there is a night light turned on for him. We dicovered that he was afraid of the dark and this really helped, now if he wakes up during the night he sees the light and rolls over and goes to sleep.



A big problem with babies (i dont know how you feed your little one but this effects breastfed babies too) is gas. When they are drinking they suck in air which can casue very bad gas. I give my son Oval some nights when i've tried everything but he is still crying and wont sleep. 9 times out of 10 this is the problem. Maybe your baby just has a bit of gas too!



I dont have a lot of advice or suggestions for you but hopefully this was a bit of help!



Best of luck and my your baby sleep peacefuly in her own bed soon!

Mary - posted on 02/26/2009

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My daughter just turned 1 and has never been a good sleeper. For a little while she was sleeping in her crib all night long but since she turned 1 she has been very clingy and starts off in her crib but ends up in our bed most of the time. I think she has separation anxiety. I read that once they start crawling and walking they will have separation anxiety and wake up in the middle of the night wanting to be with mommy and daddy. I really do hope it's just a phase and that it passes SOON!

Bronwyn - posted on 02/26/2009

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LOL....Good Luck. And just a note to Veezi I never believed in letting my baby cry either, but it was my very last option....AND IT WORKED! I could not stand it, but it didn't take that many nights and it was over! I love my baby boy and I would never do anything to hurt him.



Most all my friends that have done the co-sleeping, have ended up with their child still in there bed many years later. And one of the first things that they told me when I was preggo, was to make sure the baby slept in his or her own bed. And they are STILL tring to break the habit. So, if you want her to sleep in her own bed, it would be best for you to start trying now... :) In my opinion, it is easier to do it when they are younger....

Kathleen - posted on 02/26/2009

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yeah that is another issue of mine.. i want more kids.. and my beds not big enough any more.

Bronwyn - posted on 02/26/2009

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Quoting Valerie:



I have put this on some other posts, but here is a way to deal with the letting her cry it out.  Make sure you feed or nurse her right before bed.  If she goes to sleep for awhile and wakes up, give her a couple minutes of crying.  Then go in there try to calm her down just by rubbing her back, if that doesn't do it, pick her up, kiss and hug her and put her back down and leave the room.  If she cries, let it go for 10 minutes then go in, kiss/hug put her back down and leave the room.  Then go 20 minutes, then 35 or 40.  You might not even get that far.  Or, it might take a few nights of this and it will be really hard on you and your husband the first night, but it works!  She is also old enough to not need middle of the night feedings, so I would try to keep from doing that.  My son is 9mos and I have had him sleeping through the night since he was 4 1/2 months.  It use to be he slept 8-10 hours a night, now it's about 11-12.  IT's AWESOME!!  Also, you and your husband need to have "Your Space".  My husband and I have said from the beginning that our bed is "our space".  I have lots of friends that have there kids still sleeping with them from ages ranging 3-8.  






I agree....you need "Your space"......Do you really want her sleeping with you when she is older??  That is your choice.  But what if you have other kids??  Are you just going to buy a bigger bed?  I was just wondering why some people do this..  My doctor says that it isn't a good idea. 



 



Is Cosleeping Safe?



Despite the possible pros, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. And the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees.



Cosleeping is a widespread practice in many non-Western cultures. However, differences in mattresses, bedding, and other cultural practices may account for the lower risk in these countries as compared with the United States.



According to the CPSC, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers under 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997:





121 of the deaths were attributed to a parent, caregiver, or sibling rolling on top of or against a baby while sleeping

more than 75% of the deaths involved infants younger than 3 months old



Cosleeping advocates say it isn't inherently dangerous and that the CPSC went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. According to supporters of cosleeping, parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence — even during sleep.



Those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include:





other children — particularly toddlers — because they might not be aware of the baby's presence

parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby

parents who smoke because the risk of is greater



But can cosleeping cause SIDS? The connection between cosleeping and SIDS is unclear and research is ongoing. Some cosleeping researchers have suggested that it can reduce the risk of SIDS because cosleeping parents and babies tend to wake up more often throughout the night. However, the AAP reports that some studies suggest that, under certain conditions, cosleeping may increase the risk of SIDS, especially cosleeping environments involving mothers who smoke.



CPSC also reported more than 100 infant deaths between January 1999 and December 2001 attributable to hidden hazards for babies on adult beds, including:





suffocation when an infant gets trapped or wedged between a mattress and headboard, wall, or other object

suffocation resulting from a baby being face-down on a waterbed, a regular mattress, or on soft bedding such as pillows, blankets, or quilts

strangulation in a bed frame that allows part of an infant's body to pass through an area while trapping the baby's head



In addition to the potential safety risks, sharing a bed with a baby can sometimes prevent parents from getting a good night's sleep. And infants who cosleep can learn to associate sleep with being close to a parent in the parent's bed, which may become a problem at naptime or when the infant needs to go to sleep before the parent is ready.



http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sle...

Christianne - posted on 02/26/2009

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I agree with Veezie's point of view. I'm having the struggle of my daughter sleeping in my bed, my husband coming home from Iraq in a lil less than a week, and the battle between the two of us as to where the baby sleeps. He has no problem with her being in our room but he does have a problem sharing the bed. For me it will be a simple switch to putting her into a co-sleeper next to the bed to where I can still touch her and reach her when I need to. I will have to help her get used to sleeping in there but to me it's much more suitable than just kicking her out of my room. I'm simply not ready to hear her "cry it out" nor do I agree with that philosophy. I think that it's inhumane. My mother NEVER let me cry it out and I'm pretty certain that my husband's mother didn't let him cry it out either. That and babies don't like to be alone like Veezie said. Maybe try a cosleeper or playpen next to your bed and another mom gave me an idea that has started to work for me. When you rock her to sleep or lay down with her put her either on her boppy if you have one or just a regular pillow will work and get her to sleep on that. When you transition her to her bed just leave her in the pillow and see how that works. So far during daytime naps that has been working for me. I haven't tried it at night yet but will begin probably tonight as my husband will be returning next weekend and I really don't want our first hours together to consist of an argument over our precious baby girl. But I can't let her go to her own room yet because I know how upset it makes her and me. The meer thought alone of letting her "cry it out" makes me cry. Anyway, best of luck with your choices and I will pray that you make the right one for you and your family. Do what is best for all of you!



Christi

Valerie - posted on 02/26/2009

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I have put this on some other posts, but here is a way to deal with the letting her cry it out.  Make sure you feed or nurse her right before bed.  If she goes to sleep for awhile and wakes up, give her a couple minutes of crying.  Then go in there try to calm her down just by rubbing her back, if that doesn't do it, pick her up, kiss and hug her and put her back down and leave the room.  If she cries, let it go for 10 minutes then go in, kiss/hug put her back down and leave the room.  Then go 20 minutes, then 35 or 40.  You might not even get that far.  Or, it might take a few nights of this and it will be really hard on you and your husband the first night, but it works!  She is also old enough to not need middle of the night feedings, so I would try to keep from doing that.  My son is 9mos and I have had him sleeping through the night since he was 4 1/2 months.  It use to be he slept 8-10 hours a night, now it's about 11-12.  IT's AWESOME!!  Also, you and your husband need to have "Your Space".  My husband and I have said from the beginning that our bed is "our space".  I have lots of friends that have there kids still sleeping with them from ages ranging 3-8.  

Kathleen - posted on 02/26/2009

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lauren, she is great with naps. she goes down easy and sleeps for a couple hours with no problem. it's just night time that is the problem.



 



bronwyn, thank you for the advice. it's just extremely hard for me and my hub to sit through the crying and she gets quite hysterical.



 



veezie, i do have a fear that she will be in our bed. my friends little brother slept in his moms bed til he was 7. i don't know. i just want her to be independent. but i do love everyone sleeping the bed together, i just don't want it to be irreversible, ya know? thanks for the input though!

Veezie - posted on 02/26/2009

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co-sleeping is pretty normal with most families. imo, its not a bad habit at all. they will eventually just want their own bed. in the meantime, if its comfortable for all involved, easier, and everyone sleeps better in the same bed, why the rush to get them to their own bed? is it the fear that they'll NEVER sleep in their own bed. cos that definitely won't happen! lol. just curious. we sleep in one big bed. our oldest always wants to go to bed in his bed, but winds up in our bed around 6am. we tried to get him to sleep with us from the begining of the night, just so his sleep wouldn't be disrupted but he won't have it. so we just let him do it how he likes it.

seriously, just curious about why its not an option to just sleep together if its such a struggle for everyone to sleep separate.

Bronwyn - posted on 02/26/2009

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First thing, NEVER bring her to bed with you. Stop that habit now, before you know it, she will be sleeping with you all the time....or waking up just to sleep with you. You don't want a 3 year old coming to bed in the middle of the night, and sleeping the rest of the night in your bed. And it could eventually lead to that. Let her cry herself back to sleep. Do not feed her in the middle of the night anymore. Nurse her right before bed, and make sure that she is full, or give her a snack. It will be a rough couple of nights, but she will sleep all night if you don't go to pick her up. I hope this helps you, and good luck! :)

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2009

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How is she with naps?  We struggle there too.  At night she goes to bed in the crib easily but not at naps. 

Kathleen - posted on 02/26/2009

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i feel the exact same way. i just dont have the energy at night and i just want us both to sleep lol so it's the way it works. she always instantly goes to sleep if i bring her in bed but struggles in her crib.

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2009

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My daughter is 6 months.  Last night she got up at 3:30.  I feed her and then tried to put her back in the crib.  She woke up.  I rocked her to sleep and put her in the crib and she tossed and turned and woke up.  Finally at 4:15 I put her in bed with me.  She was asleep immediately.  This is pretty normal for us.  I know it is my fault.  I started her on a bad habit.  It is just the easist thing to do in the middle of the night. 

Lauren - posted on 02/26/2009

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I have the same problem.  I looked forward to hearing other's advise.  I am reading Ferber's book right now. 

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