Stacey - posted on 05/28/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )
My husband and I met when I was 19 and he was 21, we wed 2 years later and had children 4 years after that. At the time I had no clue he was ADHD, and neither did he..he never had a diagnosis. I can't believe he made it through highschool, and then techincal school, TBH. He started having a really hard time focusing at work, and started seeing a specialist about 5 years ago. They diagnosed him with severe ADHD and put him on Adderal. His work performance improved greatly and he felt so much better and focused. Yay, it worked, cool. Well, he's always had little things about him that are annoying or make me a little crazy, but once we had kids, it really tipped me over the edge. I looked up ADHD on wikipedia and the list of symptoms(not medicated) describes him to a T. He's impulsive with money, he talks over people, says things without thinking(rude comments), procrastinates badly, starts a hundred projects and takes years to finish them...completely doesn't see messes at all. I think once we had kids, I realized that dealing with him was just like dealing with another kid. He doesn't take his meds on the weekend to give his body a break, and because is hyper focused while he's taking them, which is great for work, but not so great at home trying to be patient and deal with kids. So he doesn't take them when we get to see him the most. Basically the weekend consists of procrastination with projects and multiple naps from working too hard during the week, and basically total chaos in the house. Between a preschooler, a toddler and my husband..I'm kind of at my wits end. When he gets home from work during the week, all I want him to do is spend time with the kids...take them for 30 minutes or so while I make dinner. but he's always got a list of things he needs to get done(household stuff mainly), like changing air filters, fixing a household problem, mowing the lawn, working on one of three hundred projects he's started. So he comes home from work right in the middle of the nighttime routine and gets started immeidately on work he has to do. He rarely spends more than 10 or 20 minutes with his kids per day during the week. I hate it, and I am more than happy to do all the housework as long as he just gives the time to his children that they need. I've talked to him before about going off meds and trying alternative approaches, but he won't even try. He went off gluten for 2 weeks(our whole family is gluten free besides him) to see if it helped with his digestive issues, and ADHD, but he didn't notice a difference. That's about as far as he has gone. He also has type 1 diabetes, and drinks diet soda all day...I just want him to be healthy and live to see his grandchildren...and put us as a priority. I know he loves us and wants to spend time with us, but I think he's addicted to projects(starting them, not finishing them) and doesn't like to not be busy. Can anyone commiserate? I guess I just need help trying to figure out what I should expect out of him with this illness, and what is asking to much. I feel like if I can just get to the point where I accept certain things about his personality, I'll feel much better about it all, knowing that he's not going to be perfect or exactly the person that I need him to be sometimes. I think it would take a major illness for him to change his diet, and maybe try a different route for the ADHD. I don't have ADHD so I obviously don't understand it that much.