husband involved in baby life.

Brittany - posted on 11/26/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my baby is 2 months old and my husband is in the military.he does have his time were they send him out for a month or two for training and when he comes home he wants no part of our son.i feel lik he doesnt care or something.it really does bother me cause i grew up without a father and i want my son to know his daddy.i cant force my hubby to spend time with him but we get into arguments.he says he doesnt know how to take care of him.and im willing to teach nd show him.but he gets frustrated and gives him back to me..how do i fix this??HELP!!

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Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010

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My ex husband is in the military as well. We had 2 daughters together and after our youngest was born, he didn't ever do anything with her. We weren't living together at the time she was born, and he'd stop by to get the girls for a weekend, and he would kiss and hug with our oldest who is just 13 months older than our youngest, and he wouldn't touch our youngest. He said it was weird...he's now gettting deployed and the girls have been with him for the last week, and he's saying he's never been happier, and that he loves both girls, and is spending time with both of them! Maybe your husband isn't much of an infant guy! Diapers, bottles, spitup, poop, peeing everywhere, the tiny size of the baby, I mean some guys really feel like they don't know what to do! And by pushing him and arguing about it constantly isn't going to change anything. If I were you I'd give him space, and as long as when he's home, he's there for you and your son. than that's all that matters. You don't want to push him away. He could be stressing about something that he doesn't want to talk about. Hang in there and I can gurantee that in time he'll love spending time with your son!!!

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Nelly - posted on 11/28/2010

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To most people being a parent comes natural, if you did not grow up in a happy home, then make yours for your child like you would of liked yours to be, its not that hard, just be a kid again, play with them lots of hugs, kids love that, and you will to, if they cry, you might want to do some silly things that make you laugh, just be goovy and happy around your child, it will be good for you to.

Nelly - posted on 11/27/2010

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Husbands and wifes have a duty to raise children togther, and do things together as a family, that makes for a happy child, people be adult about it. a child deserves a lot of love, caring and most of all attention from both parents, but positive attention. always look at what they did good, no matter how bad it is, comment on the good no matter how little it may be.

Amy - posted on 11/26/2010

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All such lovely advice ladies! :O) I am not a military mommy but how about getting him to take some parenting books and DVDS with him while he travels. I know it's not the same as hands on but it can give him ideas on how to take care of baby.

Lacye - posted on 11/26/2010

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Give it time. my bf wouldn't hardly have anything to do with our daughter until she was about 5 or 6 months old because he had never held a baby until she was born. To some men, it's a scary thing. To be honest, when I was working the night shift at a gas station, my bf would call me in the middle of the night and I would have to coach him at changing the baby's diapers! and feeding her too!

Cherese - posted on 11/26/2010

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I agree with the rest of the ladies. My husband was worried that he would accidentally hurt our girls when they were babies. He really was scared to hold them and everything. I didnt really force the issue but I would "trick" him just a bit. Like cooking dinner when he sits down to watch tv... well the baby needs to be fed at the same time so as he sat on the couch, the baby and bottle went in his arms and I went in the kitchen.
When they were older and not so fragile he did change, he would play with them more and became more involved. They are teenagers now and they have a beautiful relationship with daddy!

Carisa - posted on 11/26/2010

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Some men are very uncomfortable with newborns. I imagine your son is still pretty floppy, and your husband may be worried he is going to hurt the baby. That doesn't necessarily mean he won't be around for your son. I would give him more time. As your son gets older, he will probably become more comfortable. I know my husband like it better when our girls were old enough to interact with them.

Treava - posted on 11/26/2010

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My husband was at Basic training when i had my first child, he came home 2 weeks after i gave birth and didn't know how to help either. I didn't force the issue i just took care of the baby and tried to be understanding. It was extremely hard but i got through it and it showed me how strong of a mom i was. As far as my husband goes, he is just not good at the small baby stage. As soon as my son was about 7 months old i noticed my husband helping more and taking on a lot of the duties with the baby. I think it's just a matter of them getting used to things. I suggest just being patient. Men sometimes just take a little longer to get with the program. Good Luck!

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as your son is only 2 months old, and your husband has already expressed how inept he feels......I would give it some time. It may be that he is completely at a loss of how to take care of such a new infant, or he may be nervous. Dads are sometimes left out of the whole pregnancy experience and then are suddenly handed this tiny responsibility....and they don't know what to do. That haven't had the time to connect like the mother. So I would just keep offering, invite him to be with you while you do the daily tasks, and maybe after watching you interact for awhile, he will learn something. Was he involved during the pregnancy at all? The birth? If things don't improve as the baby gets older, then it is time for a heart to heart. He needs to really HEAR (which is more than just listening!) how not being close to your own father affected you......and really question whether that is the same legacy he wants to pass to his own son. Often dads just needs a little more time to connect with their babies. I hope it works out okay for you!

Tabby - posted on 11/26/2010

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My husband was on deployment for my daughter's birth and first 6 months. Needless to say once he got home he had no idea what to do with her, he would try and change her or feed her and think he was doing it wrong so he just didn't do anything. I asked some other moms and they said that it's normal. Dads tend to think babies are just to fragile and mom can do everything right (at least in dads eyes lol) so they think they should just let us. My daughter is now 10 months old and walks everywhere. My husband spends most of his time home playing with her and walking outside with her.

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