Husband is very picky

Elizabeth - posted on 09/10/2012 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I probably shouldn't post this aggravated because I might go on a tangent. But here it goes. My husband is very picky, so much so that it's almost impossible to get him to try new foods. He doesn't even like things to be homemade. He gets mad if I make something he doesn't like because he gets stuck either eating it or has to heat up leftovers. It sucks having to eat the same things over and over again because he doesn't want to try new things. Its a rarity to get him to try something new and even rarer that he likes it. He even says I should cater to him but then doesn't think we should cater to our daughter. Its a lot about him and what he wants. Sorry again to vent but it makes me feel better knowing there are other women out there who have the same issue,

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Michelle - posted on 09/11/2012

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I have always only cooked one meal for everyone. I always make sure I know the kids will like it so they have to eat it.



If he's that fussy tell him that he can make his own meals because you are cooking for yourself and the children. He's not setting a very good example for the children at all.

Chels - posted on 09/10/2012

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I would get the guy to write up a meal plan for 2 weeks of different foods he will eat. He needs to have 14 different meals though. That will give you some variety. Also, perhaps you should compromise, one new dish a week and he should cook sometimes as well. Go through some recipe books together? sorry if you have already tried all this! Good luck.

Angelina - posted on 09/12/2012

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I can not believe some of the things I'm reading it's not 1950's. If he doesn't like a meal he should do the cooking.

Ashley - posted on 09/11/2012

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I am mostly vegan/vegetarian (I'd say 90% of the time), and my husband hates vegetables, so I know how you feel! That said, he has been really supportive of my attempts to keep our diet healthy.



I cook one meal, and he tries it. If he likes it? Great! If not? He can have cereal. Or a sandwich. Or whatever he feels like making for himself. It's an agreement that has worked for us. Have you tried instituting something similar? Or just talking to your husband about your goals as far as eating, and about how you'd like your eating habits to encourage healthy habits for your child? It's about respect. He can dislike whatever he wants, but he still needs to be respectful of the effort it took you to plan, shop, cook, clean, etc. He also needs to find an alternative if he's not happy with what's on the table. His legs aren't broken! haha

Tracie - posted on 09/13/2012

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Does he like his bottles warmed up, too? Good grief.



Make a variety of healthy dinners. If he doesn't want to eat it, he knows how to make a sandwich. You are not his mother. He needs to be a man.



Good luck.

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Cikku - posted on 12/12/2012

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I will give you a tip on what to do from a man's point of view.



Begin to cook think that smell delicious but do not cook for him, instead just let him have nuggets or whatever he eats. Eventually he will get around but make it seem like you are not doing it on purpose.

Stacy - posted on 10/22/2012

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Id tell him I am making what I am going to make, our daughter and i are going to eat it. You can if you want it or you can fix your own food. I would get very upset, I am blesse to have a hubby that will eat my bland cooking. But yea he shouldnt be doing that to you, you have enough on your plate, getting a child to eat healthy, you dont need him doing the same. Really though you should talk to him about it and just tell him the truth, your both going to have to give a little to meet in the middle,

Kristin - posted on 10/22/2012

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My mom bought me this book since I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old but really they are kid/adult friendly recipes so maybe try it? It is called Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld's wife). It's categorized but most of the stuff is simple food than any picky eater would like with fruit and veggies hidden in. The book includes snacks and desserts as well. Remind him that your daughter is still young and her body isn't ruined yet therefore, it's important to eat a healthy variety of foods ;)



I am lucky because my husband will politely eat whatever I make but wether he eats the leftovers is how I can tell if he likes it or not.... honestly sometimes seems like he would rather have mac and cheese in a box, ramen, or spaghetti o's than homeade food leftover. Men are like children sometimes :)

Kayla - posted on 10/12/2012

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My husband recently moved to the US about four years ago from El Salvador, thete culture is sooo different basically husband works, wife stays in the kitchen, and I was young when we got married and wasnt never taught much how to cook so I would try to cook my best something for him everyday while on the phone with my grandmother walking me throgh the steps lol. He didnt like anyyyyy of it, and I would get so upset that I just started making him a freakin sandwich and have it in the refrigerator for when he got home then he would.complain cus he dont like "cold" food n I would get so upset just in tears so I stopped cooking and he would get soo mad saying that is my job to cook for him and clean and do laundry basically making me feel like thats why he married. I didnt knoe how to cook NOTJING from el salvador that he liked and neither did he considering he had never even picked.up.a spatula before. It was a big deal. But when he realized how upset it made me he started feeking bad abd we both sta rted getting in the kitchen learning together. There was a period in time when we,stayed with his aunt and uncle n I learned so much from her im still practicing these foods but hes soo appreciative now that he,gets home and just is so happy that I tried to make something from his country even if it didnt turn out great at all. So it can be tough when they are picky for sure!

Ola - posted on 10/07/2012

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Hi there,



how about trying to be tougher with him and ask him to do the cooking for 2 weeks. Ask him to cook only foods that he would like to eat. This will confuse him as much as it does with you and also will show him how time consuming cooking can be (especially if you are working). hoper this helps?

Deanna - posted on 10/05/2012

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I have the same problem! You are not alone. Its really hard cooking for people who probably won't like or appreciate what you cook. My husband will cook 2-3 times per month but most of the time, he really just wants to go out to eat. Problem is, its setting a poor example for our son. I was raised so differently. My mom cooked one main dish for dinner and we ate it. End of story. We were not picky eaters at all or we would've been hungry. Its really hard for me to understand how stubborn my husband is with his picky eating but his dad is the same way and he has been that way since he was a child. Lately, I just cook what I feel like eating and something my son will eat and let my husband figure out his own dinner.

Ashley - posted on 10/05/2012

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My hysband is pickt too but not so picky he wont try things. I know what he does and doesnt like so I cook around it. But hes differant than yours because even if he doesnt like it, he still wats it and asks for seconds. I heard him talking to his mom obe day and he was saying how his dad would always eat her food, nasty or not, still ask for seconds and never complaon. His dad told him him he does that because he loves his him and was very grateful she had dinner n the table every night so there was nothing to complain about. His dad passed away a few years ago, but im pretty sure my husband does this cuz of him. Wish I would of been able to thank him for raisibg him so well. It would be much easier if all men thought that way.

Leesa - posted on 10/03/2012

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if you don't find a way to please him, trust me, there are countless of other women who will!!!!! (sad yet true) and your dh is right; pls. him. children grow up and leave us. our spouses are there until the end of time.

Charity - posted on 10/01/2012

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I would cook what you like to and if he does not like it then he can cook his own food. I would also tell him he is no better than you daughter and its not good to get in the habit of showing her its ok for him to do something like that but she cant it set a bad show for her and could teach her to be a picky eater to. He is a big boy not your child to even though you love him.

Shyann Christa - posted on 09/29/2012

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I cook what ever I want for supper and if he doesnt like it or doesn't want it he cooks him self ...u are attending to him ur making him meals dont let him try and tell you what to do ur not a slave he needs to grow up he's an adult not a two year old.. He can't always get wht he wAnts try cooking what ever you want every second day and get him to choose every other day he can't get everything he wants everyday it's not 1950s ur not a slave ..

Tanya - posted on 09/24/2012

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I am sorry to say, your husband is just selfish. The bad news is, he's an adult, so you won't change this attitude of his. To make it worse... he doesn't even think of your daughter...



One possible solution is to cook 2 meals - for him and for you and your child. It takes double the time though and it obviously is not a real long time solution.



The other possibility is to do something radical and to leave HIM cooking. Then all you have to do, is to become picky and complaining.



The third solution is the only I'd personally do... I'd opt for changing the husband. What you are in, is a life-time situation. For me personally not eating my meals would mean he doesn't appreciate my efforts and labor... so I wouldn't bother continuing with this. Anyway, I'm a bit radical in my relationships, so the third is just my option, shouldn't be yours.

Julie - posted on 09/24/2012

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My husband was very picky when we first got married. He would only eat Del Monte brand canned vegetables and wouldn't eat ham unless it was thinly sliced etc. etc. He also went on and on about how wonderful of a cook his mother was. Finally after 2 years of marriage I said something to his mother about it. She said, "Hmm...David wasn't picky like this at home. I wouldn't put up with that. Just tell him if he doesn't like what you cook he's a big boy and can either fix his own meal or go hungry." I told my husband what his mother said. He said, "I wasn't picky at home because with 8 children I would have gone hungry if I didn't eat what was there. Now I have my own house so I can eat what I like." Well needless to say my husband periodically went hungry because while I tried to mostly cook things he liked occasionally I wanted to make things that I liked and he didn't. We've now been married 23 years and he still sometimes refuses to eat dinner if he doesn't like it, but I don't worry about it because as my mother-in-law said he's a big boy.

Roxanna - posted on 09/23/2012

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I have a similiar problem with mine. He has a history of bad eating choices and is actually now over 100 pounds overwieght! When we first met, I received foodstamps and was able to make great elaborate meals for me, my kids and him. Unfortunately for him, I am Dominican and I could eat Rice & Beans, whatever meat, salad and plantains every night! He is Mexican & American, his Mom being white and she had to learn to cook to cater to his father (mexican) tastes. That was so not going to happen to us! Just a few months into our relationship, I was going over the menu for the month with him, but all I asked him for was the meats I would cook. When he asked what I was going to make to accompany it, I told him: White rice, red or black beans in tomato sauce with carrots, salad and fried plantains. He asked why we had to have that every night, and I told him that is what I was raised up with. He then said...wait for it..."We are not in Dominican Republic so why do we have to eat that every night?" And I said, : "You know what, we are not in Mexico, so why the %$ck are you eating tortillas with your meals every night?!" Suffice to say that opened a discussion between us about introducing our different cultures into our meals.

For the longest time he would not eat boiled plaintains (look it up, it is delicious!) and I made that meal for me and the girls atleast twice a week. I made sure that there was enough leftovers of the meals he liked, for him to feed himself those nights. He loves ground beef, but turkey is not only cheaper, its healthier. He was eating my turkey chili beans, meat loaf, lasagna and shepards pie ALL with ground turkey for THREE years when he saw me putting it in the shopping cart and told me he didn't like turkey!

He is also picky about beans, Brittanny thisis for you, too. And my girls are also wierded out by the texture. Enter BLENDER! throw the beans in there with some tomato sauce and any other veggies you want to throw in there, add some ground turkey and you have the best and most delicious chili beans EVER!!!!!

Elizabeth, he is a grown man. You cannot FORCE him to change your ways. You DON'T have to cater to him because he can make his OWN meals. How we show our children to eat will allow them to make healthy choices in the future. Mi'ja, please don't stress yourself, men are the biggest babies ever! Mine still gets butt hurt when I won't eat the meals he makes and I flat out tell him, I have food allrgies, I cannot eat that, but I have leftovers, I'm good. And you know what? I am!

Tracy - posted on 09/19/2012

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Cook for you and your daughter. Buy him a freezer full of frozen pizzas and a cupboard full of poptarts. When he decides he is tired of all that, he can join you. Meanwhile, you aren't having to make separate meals and you are teaching your daughter how to eat healthy and with variety. :)

[deleted account]

Hi Leann, Good to know that there are those out there that aren't that picky.

I actually forgot about an old boyfriend of mine that was visiting me a few years ago. He said he wanted a snack, and he went and got something out of the pantry. I didn't think anything of it until I saw that he was eating one of the dogs milkbone snacks... talk about NOT being picky!!!

Leann - posted on 09/18/2012

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Hi Janna, all guys arent like that. my ex certainly was. but my current husband would eat dogfood outside in the cold at 3 am if I said it would make me happ...actually when i ask what he wants for dinner. He says, "Don't trouble yourself for me. I will eat grass." i have been tempted to buy him the edible grass they sell at Easter or give him a bowl of chickory or something. If I cook it, he praises me and eats it and swears its the best meal he has ever had...and he says that every night. I had to kiss a frog or two but i definately have found a prince this time :)

[deleted account]

Holy crap... Now I must say that I am VERY glad that I'm not married!

My mom dated a guy for a while that insisted on hamburger steak with mashed potatoes and gravy... ALL the time. When my mom got him to try the Mexican food here in town, all he wanted was enchiladas...



Why are these guys so darn picky?! It is hard enough dealing with a 4 ft toddler without having to deal with a 5-6 foot toddler! I know I wouldn't put up with it.

I agree with the ladies here- if he doesn't like it, then he can make his own d*** dinner and you and the kids have what you make.

Tanya - posted on 09/18/2012

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Take a day and cook only foods he love. Make so much if it. Seperate it in containers and freeze it. It will make your life easier. Every day take a cintainer just microwave it for him. I do it all the time for my DH he lives it. I do it not cuz hes picky its easier to balance time for me. And not spend everyday cooking. I dont eat what he eats so i make my own food for myself. Works out great!!

Sherri - posted on 09/16/2012

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My husband is the very same way so the rule in my house is I make ONE meal. You can opt to eat it or not. If you choose not too you know where the kitchen is and how to cook for yourself. I refuse to make and eat 95% of the crap he eats and I will be damned if my children eat like that. So we came up with this solution and it works for us.

Ana - posted on 09/13/2012

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Also, my hubby is very concerned for my daughters health.. always makes sure that she has veggies, adn vitamins and a balanced meal, doesn't matter if I cook it or if he does, so that is a great part about his fussiness, doesn't effect my baby.....



Men can be such big babies sometimes..I did not realize so many women are dealing with this..this needs to be a topic on Dr. Phill.! LOL..

Ana - posted on 09/13/2012

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My hubby is the same way. I love all kinds of foods, mexican, italian, cuban, carribean, seafood, soul food, he loves soul food and standard american food, that's it.



I cook something and he already frowns before he even taste it because it's not steak, or burgers, or chicken, or something he can recognize right away. It's fustrating because I refuse to eat that stuff everyday. I want variety. So everyday, even today, I called him at work and he told me the chicken was dry last night and I could not eat it and blah blah..it was dry, my bad this time... but he always complains that I don't add enough salt to food or seasoning... or sugar.. his sweet potato pies that he makes are very good, but they are so sweet, good luck if you can see after you eat a small slice.. diabetic coma..



I'm a bit of a health nut, not too much though, but I did try an experiment with him.



One week I told him on Saturday, "honey next week, I'm going to cook all the meals, and lunches, and you cannot ask for anything or make any suggestions, only eat and act like you like it, because I am loosing myself." I can't even make spaghetti the way I like it sauce and noodles mixed, (he likes it noodles on the bottom and sauce in the center on the top)! Just bananas.. hope we don't end up in counseling for differences in our food choices! How crazy would that be..



I give in often, but sometimes I just get tired of it being weird and I just say i'm cooking, if you are hungry, you will eat, otherwise I don't want to see your face! This is both a second marriage for the both of us, so we talk to eachother like grumpy old people...Been married just under 3 years...lol.. Good luck, I am thinking up another experiment now to see if I can get him to try mroe italian food..he's really missing out...

Maria - posted on 09/13/2012

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When my husband and I got married, he didn't like to try anything new either. It was a very limited menu for the first while. I got sick of it quickly. I thought about the different ingredients he liked in meals and started trying different things. The first few times he was not impressed, but because he respected me, he did try the food. After a while I started adding things he thought he didn't like and now he eats WAY more foods than he ever has. To prevent any of our kids from being that picky, we make them try everything I make. There is always something that everyone likes (vegies or other side dish) so nobody has to leave the table hungry. If your husband has any respect for you, he will see that you put effort into cooking for him and will at least give it a try. Hope you can figure this out.

Leann - posted on 09/12/2012

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I dont think it is you who are being too sensitive....people often label people too sensitive to justify bad behavior...what they mean is they can't behave in a selfish manner if you are selfless and notice their behavior.



My ex is much happier being married to an insensitive woman ....thats the way you refer to it if being kind. He can be a selfish jerk without caring cause she matches his mannerisms. I personally treat people with sensitivity, compassion, and respect and find trouble when i am not met with the same.



I think your solution will be found somewhere between modifying your behavior and ignoring his.



"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Ghandi

Gina - posted on 09/12/2012

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I work evenings,and my husband has had to re-learn how to cook again. I use a mix of all the other mom's ideas that have commented.

The meal must be healthy,must include 2 vegs and a grain of somekind. And must be something different every night because I shop every 2 weeks. We make the dinner menu together,because he is kinda picky too. I however will eat mostly anything. And like you, we have a poor man's budget.

I also have the 1 bite rule for the family. But unlike others, I will not cater to his crap. He eats it or he goes with out. There is no other option,and the same goes for the kids. I don't shop just to have food go to waste! There is no makeing something else...this is what you get or you get nothing.

I like to try new foods and frequently try out new recipies. If the kids like it, it's a go. I have told him more then once that I'm not cooking for him,I'm feeding the girls and he has 2 choices,EAT, or DON'T . I could care less. But I have no tolerance for that crybaby "it's gross, i don't like it" bulls**t. If I left it up to him,we would eat taco salad,pizza, and ramen noodles every freaking night...

Leann - posted on 09/12/2012

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For 10 years, i ate only what my exhusband wanted. H also would not try homemade or new. It seriously damaged my health. My body needed the extra nutrients fresh ingredients provide but with out limited income i had to serve what he would eat. eating the same thing over and over is not well rounded or nutritious. Stand your ground for your daughter.



I strongly encourage you to bare minimum prepare an extra side dish for yourself or short order and make 2 options or cook for you and your daughter and if he doesnt cAre about your nutrition, leave his nutrition to him. Let him cook his own meals. I know this is radical but i really think that your food wants are basic, you Are not asking for diamonds or even to be taken to a four star restaurant. You want food. I could rant with you.

Sally - posted on 09/11/2012

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If he's that picky an eater, he can cook for himself. You and your daughter should not suffer because he wants to act like a spoiled child.

Stephanie - posted on 09/11/2012

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My husband is picky and hypocritical too. It's frustrating and even though they don't know the actual word, my kids know he's a hypocrit and that's sad. I do my best to make a dinner that is healthy and everyone will like however, I am NOT a short order cook. If they (my husband or my kids) don't like what's made, they can make something for themselves. As long as their choice is healthy that's fine. And going out because he doesn't want to make something or eat what I made is not an option. Our budget is tight and I do my best. He can learn to deal with it. Some nights he deals better than others. And the nights he can't handle it, I ignore him. There is more to my life than dinner.



Feel better. You are certainly not alone. GOOD LUCK!!

Kassia - posted on 09/11/2012

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I found ways to "alter" recipies so I wasn't cooking 2 meals. My husband isn't super picky, and thankfully neither are my children, but my husband does have a "list" of foods he will not eat because they're "gross", and so my kids play the "I think its gross too" game (ie;fish, tofu, spinach...). Little does he/the kids know it wasn't actually ground beef in the chili (usually I use ground turkey or even tofu!). And I sneak spinach into my lasagna's and spaghetti sauce (even a couple leafs of it ontop of a sandwich hidden in the lettuce). Haven't found a secret for fish, luckily my children love it, so I let him know what night we're having it so he is prepared to "feed himself" that evening.

Jessica - posted on 09/10/2012

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in my house i cook whatever i want to for dinner and if my hubby doesnt want to eat it he can either go hungry or make something himself. your not a slave and you obviously want the best for your daughter with home cooked meals...

[deleted account]

My husband isn't picky, but a food snob. He whines over what I call poor man's food, which is of course, what we can afford. I honestly often tell him tough luck.



The exception is with beans. He finds them extremely texturally off putting, ie they make him gag. If I do make some he is required to try it. By try that means a bite. After that he doesn't have to touch it. That is more for a good example for our kids though. We have the same rule for me and green bell peppers. Even out kids follow the same rule. One bite.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/10/2012

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Sometimes we'll try something new but its a hit and miss if he'll like it. He'll even say we can try something and he'll eat it but he'll still say it wasn't that great. Its just aggravating that I work to make the food then he said its not good. I prob shouldn't be so sensitive about it but I am.

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