Husband not spending time with kids!

Elaine - posted on 10/13/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my husband comes home from work and will go straight to the room to watch TV. His reason: my 2 1/2 twin girls are noisy and the living hall is always scatterred with toys.He said he needs to rest, and he said i will know if i am working ( I have been working for 7 yrs before i gave birth to my twins). Stay -at -home is also working, a even longer working hour job..if it's not for the benefit of my children, i would prefer to work outside., at least life can be more organised, and have frens too to chat with. most importantly, i will have proper 1 full hour of lunch cum windown shopping time with collegues. I dun expect him to help up with house chores, but he at least shud spend time with the twins and my 10 yrs old daughter. I am fed up of DO-IT-ALL, from cleaning up to taking care of twins, cooking and doing revision with my preteen daughter, especially during her exam period... I have NO LIFE, i think...

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Kellie - posted on 10/13/2011

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Sounds like your husband has it made and all he has to do is work, job done. Meanwhile you do everything else and are basically the hired help. If he isn't interacting with his children, then he's just a sperm donor and not a Father.

It is up to you to change how things are. It is up to you to stop letting him treat you like the hired help and start treating you like a partner.

You. Both need to sit down and have an honest talk with each other.

Mareena - posted on 10/16/2011

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Hi Elaine.. I could totally understand your situation as my husband is the same.. He just comes back home from work & sits in front of the TV or plays games on mobile or computer.. If I say anything then it turns out to be a fight.. The most important thing here is that I work a full time job and I have a 5 yr old daughter.. So I come back from work, teach my daughter, bathe & feed her & put her to bed, then cook dinner etc, bathe myself, & get everything organised for next day's school & office. I get up very early mornings too as I have to make brkfast & pack up lunch for all of us.. I don't know what to do.. Just praying & trusting in the Lord to change him...

Tamara - posted on 10/13/2011

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I say when he walks in the door grab your keys and say I am going to the store be back in a bit their dinner is on the counter and walk out the door. Dont stop to explain fight or anything just a quick this is what i am doing and go.

Casey - posted on 10/21/2011

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Parenting is 50/50, even tho it swings towards mothers more, Daddy is a parent too. My hubby chills out for a bit, then will do homework and run her bath - we alternate dishes and bedtime stories , its about team work and respect. They are his Kids as well, shouldn't he want to spend time with them??

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Stacy - posted on 03/16/2012

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that sounds good. I actually did that when my son was about 4 months, I wasnt ready to leave my son for a couple days so I didnt have fun then. I was also mad because my husband insisted he go on a trip to so I was stressed out about my son not being with one of his parent expecially me and with someone I didnt fully trust. What happened when I left for the trip he did stay home, but he got his mom to come over the WHOLE time I was gone and watch our son. I was sooo mad. He couldnt even watch our son for 2 days. To this day he has not taken care of him a full day alone.My son is 13 mo now.Hes a 30 yr old man and still He wont do it. And if I leave I dont trust him to take full responsibility of watching him

Michelle - posted on 03/16/2012

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Sounds like you need a girl's weekend. Call up some friends or former colleagues and plan a trip. Leave on a Thursday after your husband gets home from work. Call when you get there and every night before bed. Then come home Sunday afternoon or early evening.

Dont' just get up and go. Plan ahead a few weeks, so he has time to mentally prep himself. Give yourself a break and him some bonding time.

Maybe a few weeks after that, plan a trip for yourself and your husband.

Stacy - posted on 03/16/2012

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jessica tolley mine was exactly the same! My son is a year old now, but its frustrating. why cant men understand that they have to put in energy to get something back, He gets so mad if I even ask for him to play with our son, I have to repeat myself and when he does play with him its only because I told him to do it. I stay home with our son and he works fulltime but by golly if I worked fulltime when I came home everyday with my son is where Id be. You'd think they'd want to spend time, they are so selfish and self centered they dont care, mine dont anyway

Jessica - posted on 10/25/2011

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My boyfriend does that with our 2 month old daughter. He works all day and feels like its my job to take care of her. When he does finally try to spend time with her she gets mad because she acts like she don't like him. He says we are equal but wont lift a finger to help me with the baby or house work. When we talk about it he gets mad and says he does his part.

Elaine - posted on 10/25/2011

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To all the wonderful mums for your feedback and encouragement.. feel better that to know that someone out there understands me..thanks you guys..

Nancy - posted on 10/22/2011

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My daughter absolutely adores my hubby and looks forward to her playtime with him. I signed them up for a parent and tot sports class that they both enjoy, he tries to take her out for breakfast once a week and usually does her bedtime routine when he's not working nights. I told my hubby before we had a child that I refused to raise a child by myself so I needed to know that he was totally committed to being a dad.

After my daughter was born I told him that if he wanted to have any influence in her life as a teenager that it started by building a relationship with her from day 1. He takes his role as a dad very much to heart and he's awesome with her.

I once heard a speaker who was talking about protecting our children from predators and what he said stuck with me. Children who get all the love and attention from both parents at home are less likely to attract predators. True predators never threaten children, they groom them with attention and "love" that the child is not getting at home. Something to think about isn't it.

Talk to your hubby. Find out the kind of relationship he had with his own father and if he could change anything about how his dad treated him what would it be. Many dads had crappy role models and don't know where to start so sometimes we can help my making suggestions of activities they can do with their children or teaching through example. Let's face it, not every man is comfortable asking for help or admitting he doesn't know what he's doing. Good luck.

Kristina - posted on 10/21/2011

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i relate to most of you women. i have dinner ready when my husband gets home so he changes then we eat, right agter dinner it is bath time, i bath my daughter 10 m and my son 6y bathes himself. then he puts diaper on baby while i clean up from dinner. that is about the extent of what he does, "willingly" then i do reading time and bed times with both children. I have to ask him to do things for me, even though i dont think i should have to ask. we have been married for almost 10 years now he knows my moods, but he doesnt act on them. I have gotten to the point of leaving the room and the kids with him, or take extra time in the bathroom. He doesnt spend much time with the kids in the play aspect, though out the years he has gotten better but to me he could still do more.
Elaine the best thing i can tell you is talk to him, he will probually get all huffy and puffy but he can get happy in the same pants he gets mad in. he has to know that you need some down time. yes its fine if he has 10 min to wind down, change clothes, but after that he needs to help with the kids while you do dinner or what ever it is that you need to do. I feel that i am home so the house work is mine, the kids are ours. you watched them all day so 20 to 3o min a night should not be to much for him to handle.
Just because you stay at home doesnt mean the house is going to always be clean you have kids. they know how to destroy a room fast.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you get some down time and the kids get some daddy time.
Have your daughter write some words on paper that she would like daddy to do with her and then put them into a jar and each night he gets one of those things out and does it with her, the oldest, that way she doesnt feel left out either and he then will know how she feels about not having daddy time.

RACHEL - posted on 10/21/2011

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My husband is the same i have a 9 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy, my daughter gets very upset that her dad wont do anything with her when he comes home from work or at a weekend (he works sat morn til lunch time). It breaks my heart to see her upset about her dad he says he is tired what does he think i am but i have to carry on doing everything. My son will go and snuggle up with dad on the sofa but then my daughter feels left out so i told him, he says our son snuggles up to him our daughter can too but she wants him to say to her come for a cuddle

Holly - posted on 10/17/2011

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Are your husband and mine related? JK but not really. I'm with some moms who have posted already, in the posts that say they get it if he doesnt help around the house...mine does not. But he DOES clean out the garage, yard, and does his laundry. My huz says his job stresses him out, and that is why he decompresses outside with the neighbor guys before coming in. But my kids are 10 and 7.5 now, and they know better. They say to me now "Dad never spends any time with us; I hate it" I tell my husband all the time that one day he is going to wake up, and its going to be graduation day for our 10 year old. And he is gonna wonder what happened. I have a feeling a lot of dads say this, and the wives say "you had 18 years to spend with them....this was your choosing" If you have little ones, show this post to your husbands. Make them realize time is passing faster than they think. Seriously.

Stifler's - posted on 10/15/2011

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I let my husband have a sit down after work, we eat tea, he baths Logan and puts him to bed. I make Logan (20months) help clean up the toys before bed. At 2 1/2 they are old enough to be doing that.

Melinda - posted on 10/14/2011

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My husband used to be the same way, until my 5 year old wanted to be with him all the time. She would stay home when I left or go with him when he left. Not so much with the 2 year old. In September I started school and now he has to watch them. I think you should ask him if he can watch them for an hour or two a week so you can get out and breath. It's probably hard for him to relate since you are all girls and the twins are little. Start small and maybe he will learn to enjoy them more.

Tracie - posted on 10/14/2011

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Leave for a couple of days and then he will see how much work taking care of small children and running a household really is. He needs to grow up and wake up to the reality of his life. Do not tolerate his selfishness any more. You deserve better. Good luck.

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Before I had my son and went on extended maternity leave, I know I needed a little wind-down period when I got home from work, because I'm an introvert and my job was very social.



Could you sit him down and have a chat and work out a compromise? Like, you will try to pick up the hall and have the girls do a quiet activity when he comes home, and he can have 30 minutes to wind down with TV and a drink. Then he has to help you with supper (or clearing up after supper), baths for the children, homework, family time, etc.

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