Husband's comments on money

Claire - posted on 04/20/2017 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I've been a SAHM for the past 2.5 years...prior to that I was in college full time and taking out student loans as a means of support because my husband was only working part time. In 2013 I was the only person working, so I know what he feels like to be tired, work hard and be the only one contributing financial....

Recently he's made comments about money and to me I've find them offensive. He says he's joking afterwards...but I don't see the humor in it.

Today he was running to the gas station and I said..."I have a few dollars on the table" and he said "you mean I have a few dollars on the table"

Another instance I asked him if he could feed the animals as I am the one who always does it and his response was that he buys the food, the least I could do is feed them.

Now I know these may seem like small comments, but I cant stand them and they just make me feel more guilty for not having any income...I've tried selling my artwork, but haven't had much success, which is depressing on its own and an entirely different story.

Anyway this is my first time here, just found the group and needed to vent. Hope I didn't break any rules and didn't go on too long. Thanks to anyone who's reading.

7 Comments

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Amanda - posted on 05/20/2017

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I'm so sorry you are struggling with this sweetie. I have been there too. I hated the crazy hours away from my kids doing in home care so I started to look for a way to work from home. I fell into a MLM company for just over 3 years. I made a little, but not enough to make an impact. It was a hard conversation to have about how it hurt and why I wanted to be home with my kids. I have since found something that allows me to be home with my kids and help people plus I bring in some income. It's about finding that common ground- maybe when you talk to him ask what would make him feel less stressed over money.

Tiffany - posted on 04/27/2017

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I'm sorry you are experiencing these comments and this "bump" in your relationship with your husband. I understand about not liking confrontation, but I think it needs to be brought up. I would not bring it up in the moment personally. Saying something as he is heading off to work, or has a big deadline, may be setting up the conversation for failure. I also find it helpful when I do need to confront someone to write out what I want to say. I don't bring the note to the conversation, but it does help me to mentally organize my thoughts, and deal with more what is at hand, and not just from my emotions.

Michaela - posted on 04/21/2017

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Sounds like my husband!
Just remind him that being a full time mom is a job in and of itself.
If he doubts the work you do then try a little role reversal, have him spend a day with the kid(s) without you and let him get a first hand experience at "a day in the life of you"!
LoL! I did this with my husband and our 3 kids, he has a lot more appreciation for what I do on a daily basis, lol and he just had six hours!

Sarah - posted on 04/21/2017

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I agree, get this aired out before you both blow. He must hold some sort of resentment about you not working. Even if he knows it may be the bets option for the family, he may feel burdened or trapped by his schedule. I have been a full-time working parent with a nanny to a full-time SAHM and now back to working. It was a hard decision to make to stay home and parent and it was something we both had to adjust too. Let him know how much it hurts your feelings when he makes comments.

Michelle - posted on 04/21/2017

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I think you both need to have a sit down and really talk about things.
You are both getting angry/hurt but not actually addressing the issues. It's not healthy for your relationship at all and will only build until one of you can't take it anymore.
If you can't sit down with just the 2 of you then go and see a couples counselor.

Claire - posted on 04/21/2017

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He's constantly going back and forth on me working or staying home. One day he'll say I need to find a job...the next day it'll be that the income I'll bring in would only cover childcare and I might as well be the one raising our son.

I'm not good with confrontation, so I typically just get upset and walk away when he makes comments...and he'll say he was only joking. I have brought up the fact that I was the only one working at a point and he says I don't know the stress of having to provide for a family (meaning our son and myself)

Michelle - posted on 04/21/2017

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What do you say to him when he makes those comments?
Do you remind him that you have been in his position before?
Does he want you to stay home or go to work?

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