I didn't breasfeed my baby, does it make me a bad mother?

Jayme - posted on 05/01/2010

sometimes things dont workout but as long has u love her thats all she needs just think dont have too worry bout wet shirts with everyone lookin at u an sore nipples at times she will be fine an love u for doin ur best

Bonnie - posted on 01/06/2010

No you are not bad mom. I could not breast feed my son due to injections I was getting and I felt bad then i relized that he needed the formula what I was giving him was not good cause he lost 1 lb 5 oz in 3 days after he was born so I thought about it and came to the conclusion that the only thing he needed at that time was formula I have been giving it to him know for 9 months and he is a happy little boy almost walking well taking 1 step and he might still be a little under weight he is doing great

Candace - posted on 01/06/2010

It used to be that when a woman could not produce enough breast milk, they would go to what was called a "wet nurse". Another woman who had recently given birth and was producing enough milk for both children. So now, we are fortunate enough to live in a time where we have formula, can whip up a bottle, and sit there holding your child, staring into her eyes while she cuddles you and eats, rather than being held by another woman who would cuddle and hold your child. You are still bonding with your child. Don't fret this, I have been there, and know your frustration and concerns, but it is simply a little bump in the road.

Nancy - posted on 01/06/2010

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BREASTFEED!!! I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. My desire was to breastfeed when I had my first boy, had the pump, the bras, the shirts, the blankets, EVERYTHING...and he wouldn't latch on. So I pumped...and I cried because the pain was unbearable! He ended up staying in the hospital for a week after birth due to jaundice and the hospital sent me home...we lived an hour away. I pumped and pumped and pumped until all I was producing was bloody milk. I gave up and actually went through a mild depression because I thought I had failed him and motherhood. But he is a healthy happy 5 year old and if I new then what I know now...I wouldn't have put myself through that misery. When I was pregnant with my second son breastfeeding didn't even cross my mine...I had already decided that it wasn't happening. My dr. was supportive because of my last situation, but the nurses were another story...after birth the nurses in the maternity ward actually made me feel guilty for not breastfeeding. BUT, I was happy with my decision and I STILL am. My second son has some food allergies and I wonder sometimes if not breastfeeding contributed to that, but I know for a fact that the period after his birth was much less stressful and I was much happier and could enjoy him more without the stress I had gone through with the first one. Don't bear yourself up about your decision. It's a personal one and a valid choice, no matter what people say or try to make you feel. There are MOTHERS all over the world just like us and we can't all be wrong or bad mothers for the choice we made!!! I've got happy healthy sons and my love for them and my ABILITY as a mother is what determines what kind of mother I am....and the same applies to you! God bless you!

Pearly - posted on 01/05/2010

I gave up breastfeeding because I was half a leg into PND.. I had no/low milk supply, she was starved for 4 days (we tried supplementing but she hated the teats of the milk bottles and we didn't know it at that time though...), blood in her non-existent pee & no poop due to no food intake (most likely dehydration) and to make things worse, her jaundice hit the high limit.. She got admitted into hospital for the lights for 3days..



You won't know how I felt, after a nurse taught me how to bottle feed, when I held a bottle filled with milk to her mouth and she SUCKED it so hungrily! I was so happy that it didn't matter if it was breastmilk or formula inside! As long as she wasn't starving anymore.. When I saw her pee and poop, I was ecstatic! I never turned back to breastmilk (even though I know it's the best) cause I NEVER want my baby to suffer while my milk supply comes in, ever again!



If I had insisted on breastmilk, I wouldn't know what would happen to my baby.. So, NO, we're not bad mothers if we chose to formula-feed. What's important is YOUR baby! As long as our baby is healthy and happy, we ARE good mothers! Who cares what other people think! How would u feel if u had to watch your own baby starve? I would never want that ever again..

Karen - posted on 01/05/2010

no way it doesnt make u a bad mum at all!!!! i breast fed my older son but dint with my younger son and guess what,its my older son that always picks up the bugs!

dont stress over this. xx

Shannon - posted on 01/05/2010

Sounds like you feel inadequate as a mommy. Is your baby happy? Do you give her lots of love? (I'm sure you answered yes hehe) You are a fantastic mommy!! As long as you are doing the best you can at that moment, that is all that you or anyone can require of you.

Jessica - posted on 01/05/2010

it's a personal choice.

i nursed my 3 for at least a year each. that was my choice. what works for me might not work for you and vice versa. :)

Talina - posted on 01/05/2010

NO!!! Alot of people may give you grief for not breastfeeding but ignore them!!! If breastfeeding isn't right for you, it isn't right for you!!! I tried it with my first child and the whole experience was disheartening....so with my new baby (Dec. 24th 2009) I just didn't even try!!! Bottles are just better for me and my family, and with bottles other people besides just you get to share the bonding experience of feeding your baby!!! I like bottles better, but thats just me. Hope you have the best of luck.

Kiesha - posted on 01/05/2010

I understand how you feel. I had to stop breastfeeding my son b/c of medication I had to take after I had my wisdom teeth taking out. It doesn't make you a bad mom. your daughter will love you all the same. my boyfriend research breastfeeding and told me that depending on how long ago you stopped you can start up again. it takes about a week for your milk to fully come back. So if you want and if it haven't been that long you can still try if you feel bad about it. but I"m sure it doesn't make you a bad mom..you're child doesn't care if you breastfeed or not. just keeping doing right by her and I promise she'll be happy

Dee - posted on 01/05/2010

i wasn't "allowed" to breast feed because of medications. every time i went to the dr's office i saw poster, flyers, etc, espousing the benefits of breast feeding, so i know how you feel. i felt like a horrible mom, too! my son was induced at 35wks, cord around his neck, collapsed lung, hole in his heart, weighing 4.5lbs. today, at 5yrs, he is HAPPY and HEALTHY. that's all that really matters. his immune system is fine.

Tiffany - posted on 01/05/2010

I know what you mean I had to have surgery after my son was born and in that time the nursery was feeding him formula although I specifically told them not to. Because of this he wouldn't latch and when he did he just constantly got fussy. I just constantly pumped till one day he latched and was happy but constantly pumping and nothing else I got mastitis. NOT FUN, EXTREMELY painful. My point is that i totally understand your delima. I had to give him a few bottles of formula in the beginning and it really makes you feel crappy, like you cant provide for your own child but YOUR NOT AT ALL A BAD MOTHER for this! A bad mother is one that runs off & has nothing to do with her child or that just doesnt feed her child many mothers actually more than in the past are deciding to formula feed instead of breastfeed and it was out of your control.

Kristina - posted on 01/05/2010

I am defiantly one of those that supports breastfeeding, but the extremes it is taken to is excessive. Even mothers that choose not to breastfeed are not bad mothers, its a way to have them eat. People frequently equate formula to junk food later in life, which isn't the case. No, formula is not as good as breastmilk but it is a safe, healthy satisfatory way to feed your children. STOP feeling guilty over it.

Doreen - posted on 01/05/2010

Don't feel like your less of a mother because you could not breastfeed your baby. I too like Sara Hopkins felt as if I wasn't giving my child what he needed because I had a c-section. So that caused me to be depressed and felt as if a failure. I had made my mind up the second I was pregnant to nurse my son till he was a year old. I was told by the doctor my son has a severe Milk Protein Allergy and by drinking milk or eating anything that has milk protein in it will cause him to be colicy and sick. So I changed my diet, ate soy stuff, drank rice milk, and avoided everything that had milk proteins. This did not work. I was told by his pediatrician to put him on soy formula. I was devistated. And again was angry with myself, depressed, and felt as if a failure for a couple of weeks. My son was still having issues with the soy formula, they now have him on a prescription formula and prevacid. What I'm trying to say things happen to us and our children that we can not control. Do not feel less than a mother because of the complications that have arised. You can still bond with your baby by having them lay skin on skin with you. When feeding your baby hold them close and never prop the bottle. Believe me everything will be fine, I will pray for you. Good luck hun, and dont beat yourself up about it.

Nina - posted on 01/05/2010

My bub wouldn't attach. I expressed for 2 and a half months...pumping for hours to get a bottle which he drank in 30 minutes. I tried so hard and everyone told me he'd get it and to not give up so soon. I kept trying but it didnt happen. Everyone told me they were disappointed because breast milk was best but..if it can't be done it can't be done. You, me and none of the other ladies that formula feed are bad mothers. It took me weeks to work that one out. My son is no less happy, healthy or smart for being formula fed and you can't tell him apart from the breast fed babies at mothers group!

Ashlei - posted on 01/04/2010

You should NOT feel that way! I could not breastfeed my child because of my seizure medication, I probably would not have breastfeed even without the meds either, that is just not for me. I was always getting rude comments at the store when i was buying the formula, and it would make me feel like the worst mother, but they had know idea why i was not breastfeeding, people need to keep there mouths shut, it is not their business! i don't comment on them brestfeeding! My son has turned out to be smarter then average and very healthy!! Don't feel bad!

Lacey - posted on 01/04/2010

How do you hold the baby when youfeed a bottle? When they are newborns you normally hold them the same way you would if you breastfeed. It in NO way makes you a bad mother. I have 2 kids with no labor/delivery issues and I didn't breastfeed. I was a young mother and didn't feel comfortable, and if I wasn't comfortable there was more of a chance of the kids telling that and not latching on or not feeding. So once again NO NO NO that doesn't make you a bad mother.

Maggie - posted on 01/04/2010

i had issues with breastfeeding my daughter as well. my milk came in too fast and she choked and refused to go back. i ended up pumping and then formula feeding in the end. you have to do what is best for your baby. it's not like you're keeping food from her.
do not feel bad about not breastfeeding it happens to the best of us. all you have to do is ask yourself this. is your daughter happy? are you providing for her in every way possible? if the answers are yes, then you need to relax and realize that you are a great mom!

Mindy - posted on 01/04/2010

Don't beat yourself up over not being able to breast feed! I also felt guilty myself after I was unable to breast feed my son. But, my son is now 11-months old and has been a bottle fed formula boy since he was 5 days old... he is happy & healthy, and that is all that matters!!

Celina - posted on 01/04/2010

There is so much pressure on women to breast feed, i think more support for those that can't would be nice. I breastfed my son for 6 weeks and my daughter for 10 weeks and i just couldn't supply enough milk, everyone kept telling me to keep it up, blah blah, but hey if there is no milk there isn't anything you can do about it. I would rather formula feed than know that i was starving my baby trying to breastfeed. It doesn't change the bond with your children either. So no, you are definately not a bad mum.

Ashley - posted on 01/04/2010

If you are a bad mom for not breastfeeding, then I'm a horrible mom. I had three sons who didn't breastfeed and they are all perfectly normal, healthy children. My youngest was in the NICU for his first month of life so I did pump and that's what he started on. But when I got home, I flunked at it. I worried to death that he wasn't getting enough--so I stopped. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like a bad mom for any choices you make for your children. Go with what's in your heart and things will be fine. Everyone else is going to have "advice" and judgments, mostly people who have never had kids, but no one knows what's right for yours except for you.

Jenny - posted on 01/04/2010

I choose to breastfeed with all my kids... but with my oldest now 15, I didn't make enough milk to do much of anything for her. At 17... I think my body wasn't fully ready for the whole mothering thing. For about a week I cried everytime I put a bottle in her mouth. But everyone kept telling me I was doing the right thing... and after a little while I figured out that I was. I had a choose... keep trying to nurse my little girl and have her hungry all the time or give her a bottle and let her fill up and grow up healthy. I choose to let her be full, healthy and happy. Yes, if you don't produce enough it makes you feel bad & as if you're not doing the "right" thing, but all in all you are because you realized that your not producing enough so you choose to take the other option to take care of your little one. As a parent we don't always get to follow through on our first choose for our little ones, but sometimes the second choose or ever third or fourth might be the one that works out best for them in the long run.



I'm currently pregnant with #5... and yes I plan to breastfeed, but if something happens that I can't. Then I guess it will get a bottle... but to be honest - I haven't had one little one that didn't get a bottle at some point. And all of them have had atleast one feeding at the hospital that was a bottle - either because I was too sore or just to tire and asked for just a few hours of extra sleep before we went home.



Bottom line - you are never a bad mom for taking care of your baby. Nursing is a nice way to bond with your little one, but you can bond just as much if you hold your little one & look into her eyes when she has her bottle. Actually, I think it show that you care more for your baby then someone that would keep nursing eventhough they know they are not getting enough. And anyone who cares for their child in that way - has to be a good parent.

Debra - posted on 01/04/2010

Oh Lamiae!
I wonder if part of what I'm reading is about how very much you wanted to nurse your daughter and the reality of not being able to!
I so worry about all of the expectations we all put on ourselves as women and moms. Should we nurse, should we bottle feed? Should we work (if we even have the luxury of asking ourself that question!) or should we stay home? She we send our children to private school or public? I could go on and on. What's important here is that we be the best parents we can be and whether or not you were able to nurse your daughter or even whether or not you chose to nurse your daughter doesn't have a thing to do with how good of a parent you are! There are lots of moms who chose to bottle feed I know that you certainly wouldn't think them 'bad' moms because of their choices.
In fact, Lamiae, you did do exactly what you needed to do as a mom. You did what was best for your daughter! For my money, there is NO other way to define a good mom than doing what is best (and not necessarily easiest) for your chld!
You're doing great!
Debra

Tanya - posted on 01/04/2010

No most formulas have added the nutrients you give your child from breastmilk the immunities are good for a child, but in your circumstance I would say it was better to bottle feed. Don't feel bad

Angele - posted on 01/04/2010

same thing happened to me! I wanted to breastfeed but was very sick after my a long c section plus a myomectomy and I had to change to bottlefeeding instead!! I felt guilty at first when I saw other mothers breastfeeding their babies, but then that feeling soon went away as I realized that loving your baby means more than simply breastfeeding him or her. am sure that you are a very good and dedicated mother!!

Tynesia - posted on 01/03/2010

ooooooooo my goodness.dont stress your self about that.Woman go through alot of different things with there bodies and sometimes things just dont go as planned.throughout my entire preganancy i talked about brestfeeding and how much better it was than formula until i actually tried .my boobs were really sore and it just seemed as if breastfeeding was out of the question.although i pumped for about a week i could never get him to latch on so i just went with formula feeding. your baby is still getting the nutrients that she needs its just that doctors recommend breastmilk.but if your not capable then dont be so hard on yourself.she will be fine and still will be a beautiful healthy baby.

Jennifer - posted on 01/03/2010

Absolutely not! You love your baby right? You feed her and play with her and keep her safe, right? Even if you didn't have complications, breastfeeding isn't for everyone. I breastfed and I would never look at another mom and tell her she was a bad mom for not breastfeeding. At 17 months he was done with it and so was I and went to the bottle. Keep that child fed however you wish, keep her healthy and happy and do what's best for you and her. Not anyone else.

Regan - posted on 01/03/2010

don't feel bad, I could not breastfeed at all, I tryed to but i did not develop enough milk to support my baby and with my 2nd nothing came in at all! I would of loved to but there way no way. Bottle feeding was great because my husband was able to help out too.

Erin - posted on 01/03/2010

Don't be so hard on yourself!! You obviously had the intent to breastfeed, and you obviously tried. Breastfeeding is not easy in the beginning, even without medical problems. I think you should be proud of yourself for trying your best and being determined enough to at least TRY to breastfeed, despite complications. When it comes down to it, you did what you had to do to make sure your baby was able to eat.

Julie - posted on 01/03/2010

I felt the same way as you did with my first. I had complications which led to low milk production and I went through 4 weeks of trying everything to breastfeed my baby. At one point a doctor said to give him a bottle because I was starving my baby to death. This made me feel even worse. I felt like a real failure all the way around and wondered if I was capable of caring for my own baby. It took me 6 months to get through the depression.

With my second child I had issues with nursing as well. I only had one breast producing milk and it wasn't enough. I gave him formula from day 1 and don't feel guilty about it at all.

I think if we can breastfeed we should, but so many moms have issues and I think it's OK to give babies a bottle if you have no other choice. Don't feel guilty at least your baby is being hydrated and nourished. With the next one you will feel much more confident to do whatevery you need to do and not feel bad about it.

Good luck...Julie

Annabelle - posted on 01/03/2010

I have three kids and didnt breast feed any of them and I can assure you I am a very good mum I would give my life for them so dont feel guilty about not doing it yourself

Annabelle - posted on 01/03/2010

I have three kids and didnt breast feed any of them and I can assure you I am a very good mum I would give my life for them so dont feel guilty about not doing it yourself

Jane - posted on 01/03/2010

you're a great mom! i nursed our first for 6 months exclusively and then another 3 months at night after i went back to work. i nursed our 2nd one for 3 weeks. i couldn't nurse her past 3 weeks for medical reasons. i felt bad and sometimes i wonder about it, but she's happy and healthy.

Marylou - posted on 01/03/2010

There are so many other things to feel guilty about as they get older let this go!

Ashley - posted on 01/03/2010

NO,you are not a bad mother. I felt the same way because I had it drilled into me that I HAD to do it. I wanted to but my son would NOT latch on at all. I even had nurses and breast feeding consultants in the room grabbin at my breasts and everything trying to get him to latch on, he just would not do it. I used to just sit and cry because I felt like I was bad mother. But he is 4 yrs old now and healthy as any breast fed kid. I did breast feed my daughter and I do not feel a difference in the strength of my bond with my children. I am just as bonded to my formula fed son as I am to my breast fed daughter. It's all about how loving and nurturing you are. You will be a great mother as long as you always put your kids first and just love them :)

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2010

short answer: NO you are not a horrible mother just because you didn't breastfeed. Yeah sure breast is best - but formula nowadays are sophisticated and many even contain DHA and ARA. Buy the best you can afford - and stop feeling bad :)

Jessica - posted on 01/03/2010

You are not a bad mother! You tried and it didn't work out. The fact that you are concerned about it makes you a very good mother. Hang in there and enjoy your little one!

Jessica - posted on 01/03/2010

You are in no way a terrible mother if anything you are a great mother for knowing that your child needed nutrients and by not being selfish and doing the wrong thing by not giving you have helped you baby. I know a lot of mothers who cant breastfeed and are the best mothers i know. Just because a baby is fed with a bottle does not in anyway mean you are any less of a mother. Keep up the great work and on be half of your baby thank you for doing the right thing for your baby!

Linda - posted on 01/02/2010

Quoting Breanne:

  My sister-in-law refuses to talk to me b/c I couldn't breast feed both my boys for a long period of time.

I'm so sorry. She is a complete whacko.

Finnitta - posted on 01/02/2010

I can absolutely relate to what you are feeling. When I was pregn ant with my son it was my intentionto breastfeed exclusively. Well I had a c-section, and before I was able to breastfeed him he was given a bottle. I wasn't really upset by that, but when I began to try breastfeeding, he wasn't up for it I reallydon't have "ideal" breastfeeding breasts...if that makes sense. But I tried everything; I even had ladies from the La Leche league come in to try and help. Eventually I just set on expressing what breastmilk I could with a pump. That lasted for about 5 weeks and then my supply dried up. That's when the feelings of being a terrible mom set in. I felt like I couldn't get that one thing right, and it's one thing I really wanted to do. Once day my husband found me in the living room crying about it, and he gave me one of his famous pep talks, He said, our son is on formula and he's doing fine, he's healthy, he's growing, and he's not hungry. You are doing a great job as a first time mother! I am happy to report I am now the mother of a very active, healthy, and inttligent 5 year old. Just remember to LOVE your child. Yes breastfeeding is great, and it is important, but being a loving parent is what your child needs most.

Linda - posted on 01/02/2010

So very true. Love & nurturing is what is important, not whether we bottle or breast feed.

Kristen - posted on 01/02/2010

no that does not make you a bad mother, you love your child you feed her take care of the baby change his or hers diapers. your a bad mother if you do not love your child or care for them and you obviously care about your child. i did not breast feed at all i had the choice right after i got out of my c section but i was very out of it and afraid to hold her so i never did they next day i was told it was best of that i didnt, because mine and my daughters blood types dont match and my anti bodies would of attacked her and made her billy ruben (i can never remember how to spell that) levels rise more and she would of had a longer stay in the nicu...you just have to remember that all things happen for a reason and this doesnt make u a bad mother and both bottle and breast feeding have their own advantages

Charmaine - posted on 01/02/2010

No it does not make you a bad mother at all. With my daughter I had an emergency c-section. I tried to breast feed her for a couple of weeks but she had chewed my nipples were so sore and bleeding. I gave her a bottle and tried expressing but I didn't get much breast milk which told me that my daughter was starving hence the screaming. The minute I put her on the bottle she was a totally different baby. I enjoyed it because she was happy and content and no longer screaming. With my son I had an elective c-section but was able to breast feed for 6 months until he weaned himself.
I never experienced labour or the joys of giving birth naturally but I had 2 healthy happy babies and that's what I have focused on. That's all that matters is that both you and you bub are both happy and healthy. Doesn't matter how you achieve it but definitely do not feel as though you are a bad mum. Love them and that's the best thing you can give them.

Madilyn - posted on 01/02/2010

NO WAY!! I felt the exact same way you do when I stopped breast feeding because I just couldnt any more. But, my baby is fine and is as smart as a whip and still loves me more than just about anything. Now, if you ignored him 24/7 and shook him when he cried, THEN you would probably be a bad mom.

Gen - posted on 01/02/2010

Absolutely not! It's a personal choice for some & for many, it's whether they have the option to or not. My first baby was born with a severe case of reflux & I couldn't nurse. I had to feed him special formula. At first I felt I was the ultimate bad mother because I couldn't offer my child what so many had told me was the only way to feed your child. With my next two, I worked as a nurse & didn't have the opportunity, the privacy or the time to pump while I was at work. Not all work environments give moms the opportunity to pump, & believe it or not, not all employers are understanding about the choice to pump or nurse your baby. They see it as "My money, my time".

Breanne - posted on 01/02/2010

No you are not a bad mother at all. Like these other mommies have said, you did what you could, you did your best and that's all that matters. Forget anyone who tells you that you are a bad mother for not breast feeding. It is no one else business. My sister-in-law refuses to talk to me b/c I couldn't breast feed both my boys for a long period of time. My first son I breast fed for three months, then I got VERY sick for a couple weeks and my hubby had to even stay home so he could take care of our son. My second son I could only breast feed for the first few weeks b/c he got an infection which then passed it to me and it was just all a big mess. Just like your baby, my baby wasn't getting enough milk from me, so I had to switch to formula. And honestly some woman are not comfortable breast feeding and some just can't, it is physically impossible for some woman. You do what you got to do and as long as your baby is eating that's all that matters. No more worries mama! You're a good mother :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/02/2010

You tried, and that's what matters in my opinion!

Alyn - posted on 01/02/2010

I understand. I had c-sections with both of my kids and didn't produce enough milk for either (my first actually never figured out how to nurse anyay). It was a very hard decision for me to make, but the pumping, trying to nurse, and supplementing was out of control. It took A LOT of people telling me it was ok not to nurse before I actually believed it. It is ok---don't feel bad. You tried and made the choice that was best for you and your baby!

Jackie - posted on 01/02/2010

Of course that does not make you a bad mother! I went through the same thing when I wanted to breastfeed...long story short I didn't produce enough milk so I ended up having to bottle feed...I too was very sad about that. As moms we want the very best for our babies and when we can't do it we beat ourselves up over it. I think at the end of the day as long as your baby is getting all the nutrition they need even if it is formula then there is nothing to worry about. You sound like a wonderful mom who wants nothing but the best for her baby and there is nothing wrong with that .

Jackie - posted on 01/02/2010

Quoting lamiae:

I didn't breasfeed my baby, does it make me a bad mother?

When I got pregnant one of the first decisions that I made was breastfeeding. Unfortunately it was not the case. I did have some serious complications few days after I gave birth to my daughter, and I was hospitalized, had a surgery and took all kind of medications; which affected the quantity of the milk that my body produces. So my baby was never full after I feed her. I had to supplement and ended up bottle-feeding her. I feel terrible and really sad. I feel like I am not doing what I have to do as a mother.

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