I don't know what to do anymore.....

Angi - posted on 08/29/2010 ( 74 moms have responded )

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I feel like I am about loosing it....
I have a wonderful husband, no he doesn't help out around the house or with the kids as much as I would like, but he is a good man. He cares about me and the kids and I will never have to worry about him hitting me or the kids, or running around. I have two beautiful kids, but there is a hundred things that they do that drive me nuts! And I mean NUTS. My 7 month old cries ALL the time. He had stopped for a while, now he is doing it again. My 4 year old, whines and cries over everything! She never stops talking or touching me. She never picks up after herself and I have to tell her over and over to. I can punish her and she will half listen then but she still cries and whines. For the most part though she is a good kid. I have no car note, we have a nice house.....
With all that said.... I hate my life, I hate my husband, I hate my kids. I am so sick of everything! I don't know how to deal with anything anymore... I just yell at the kids when my husbands not home b/c if I do it when he is home he gets mad at me. And he should, I am a horrible mom. Everyone thinks I have it all together b/c I can just put on the smiles for play group and story time or book club, bible study... I can have the home made cookies made every week for my husbands job. Or the house clean every time some one comes over. Inside I am just yelling for everyone to leave me alone.. I Just want my kids to sit down and shut up for an hour.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I will never hurt my babies, but I still hate them. Not all the time but most of the time. I dont' want people to know how badly I hurt or how I feel, but I couldn't keep it in any longer.
What kind of advice do you give to a person like me... I don't know anymore.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Bethany - posted on 08/29/2010

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What kind of advice would I give a person like you? Same advice I give myself everyday.

I'm alot harsher on Charlotte when no one is looking, and that's the real me. She has the home made "sneaky veges" cookies, we're adored at all the Groups, we can't go to the shops without at least two people commenting on how adorable and well behaved she is, I keep my house nice, and I have a great, and helpful husband, and a car, my car.

But I read a post like yours and I just nod my head and say "ah ha, yep, we're everywhere, good to know."

But I can always say to my daughter when she pinches or kicks at me "Mummy doesn't hurt you, so don't you hurt Mummy". I step away mentally and look on at us going about our day (and night) and be my own critic. Would I want a stranger to treat my daughter like that? No. So I pull up my grown-up parenting socks, take a big deep breath, knowing that every stage is temporary, and I voluntarily signed up for this gig, and step back in and just keep trying to do a good job with this spectacular little person I've been given to mentor.

And that's really hard some days, and a breeze other days. I do the same things every week, on the same days, so I know when I'll get a breather, and when she gets a breather too (every second day).

You're normal, that's normal, just go easy on yourself, and don't put too much on your plate, your husband would eat whatever cookies you give him, store or yours. It's ok.

Molly - posted on 08/03/2012

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Have you looked into part time day care? I know it saved my life! Just a couple of days, or half days even for myself has been a necessity.

Sounds like you could really use some time for yourself, to cool down, do whatever you need to do to relax and get back to some of the things you really enjoy - things which made you happy BEFORE kids took over your life.

Take care of yourself. If Mama isn't good, nobody else is.

Kylie - posted on 08/29/2010

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YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!! I find myself hating my own 8 year old step-son and 4 year old daughter and there are some days and nights where I also hate my 3, almost 4 week old baby girl. I find myself more often than not, hating my fiance, my family and my friends too. Hell, I even hate myself because I can't handle things anymore. The slightest things make me angry. For instance, my 8 year old step-son has a tendancy to do alot of naughty things that his father never see's. But, I (and my my family) always see it and when he does and gets caught, he just sits there and looks at you, like a friggin' moron and never answers. He also has behavior issues at school which have me going down to the school on a regular basis but his father still doesn't get it and nor do his father's parent's. All they say is "he's a typical little boy". My 4 year old daughter is going through what I think is "terrible two syndrome"...she irritates me to the point where I swear at her and tell her that I don't want her around. I snapped at my 4 year old a few weeks back and it was then that I realised that maybe it was time to go back to the doctor and discuss going back on my medication for Depression and Anxiety. I've suffered with this illness for 10 years on and off and trust me, it never gets any easier.
Honestly, I think you should go to your local GP and discuss these issues and feelings with him/her. It may just be that you too need some kind of medication to function normally for a little while. It doesn't make you a bad mother and trust me, for a long time there, I thought I was a bad mother because I was on medication just to function and do my day to day chores as a mother. I've learnt, gradually, that if functioning normally means taking medication and being able to enjoy my kids and my life, then it's just something I have to do for my kids, my family and myself...

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i think you should talk to a therapist or schedule some "mommy alone" time. It sounds like to me you have been ignoring yourself. I get that way when i am cooped up all the time, everyday is the same etc.. i found out that getting out ALONE with no kids every now and then is a blessing. i love my children, but i tell ya, occasionally i wanna rip my hair out and lock myself in a room in the fetal position...even if you just take 2 hours every weekend it can really help, leave the kids with their father and go walk around target for a few hours...remember the saying "retail therapy"? even if you cant afford to buy its cool to look around at things you might like to buy someday...also sometimes i go test drive cars just to get out of the house! find what works for you...

M. Rose - posted on 03/09/2011

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I know you've had plenty of people give you advice and you've most likely gotten out of the hole but I would suggest (as you mentioned bible study) that you go pray. YES you need time away, you probably should take time at least every other day to take a long bath, go for a walk (even in a mall), take a long drive, and go on dates with your hubby or something away from the kids where you can't hear them. But in order for you to truly have a change of heart you're gonna have to seek God, the one who gave you those children. My first son screamed at me for months, he had colic that didn't go away until he was about 7 or 8 months old. I found out later that he was allergic to milk and some other things that he was having. But that doesn't change the hour after hour of screaming and crying I had to endure - I didn't hate him but I sure did hate my life. I cried and screamed at him loads of times, I was depressed plus being stuck at home without a car. I wondered why motherhood was like this. But no matter how much son acted (and still acts crazy) it wasn't him that was leading me to depression - it was my frame of mind. I had to see what God was teaching me through my child (and now children). I had to realize what I was doing wrong and really get rid of what I wanted and take what He was giving me and seek Him in what to do with it! It was a terribly hard and long struggle but after a year and a half, I finally accepted all that was on my plate. Pray, read scripture about motherhood and listening check out these links:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh...

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh...

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh...

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh...

http://www.gty.org/Shop/Audio+Lessons/19...

http://www.gty.org/Shop/Audio+Lessons/19...

But look into allergies for your baby, that could be what's going on.

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Jamie - posted on 08/02/2012

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I'm new here and I say your post. the date is old so I'm wondering how you're feeling now? Ever take up drinking? (responsibly of course) I have a 3 year old and 11 month old and it works for me! A glass or two of something at the end of the day kind of takes the edge off :)

Dora - posted on 08/02/2012

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Im wondering what kind if relationship you have with your own mom. You need a mom life coach. I will help you. Go to my website for details www.ineedamom.info

Savannah - posted on 03/28/2011

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just worried about u and the kids do something for u u need i know were u comeing from what i am doing is i worried about my son the most if my place get messey oh well i am doing school online for me to study i wait tell my son goes to sleep and trying to clean to but sometimes i just wait for my husband to get home but even then he does not help i have to ask him to help me and now if i do need some me time i go drop off my son with a babysitter so i think u should do that

Fathima - posted on 03/27/2011

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Angi hunny,you have said all i want to say!!!! but i have more to add....got 3 kids,aged 7,4 and 8mnths old.....and a hubby who thinks his job is over with the money he gets home......i feel all that you have said....and as for advices,i am ready to listen .........(than give any!!!).

Lori - posted on 03/09/2011

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OMG - you are reading my mind! I feel like I am lossing too - all the time! My hubby helps out when he is home but he works all the time. I think even if he was home more it wouldn't help - ( I don't have any real complaints against him all thou I do take IT out on him and blame him when things go wrong & I know better and he dosen't deserve it but in the middle of a melt down - I just can't handle IT any more! )And as far as our house & car issue there both nice (thankful too have them) but our house is too small and it real gets hard to be inside when it's grosse out side all day for months at a time! (our house is a major stress point for me-we need to move it's just to small !) But I get it I have days where I just Hate everything and want to disapear- I have daydreams of packing up and heading to Vegas or somewhere just to be free and feel human and be someone elas. The funny thing is I always want to be a mom it took me along time to get married and have kids and now I feel old, crazy and like a horraible mother! I have 2 kids 3 & 18 mo so they are close in age which make it hard, or so I keep telling my self. There are days where I just want to scream at them leave me alone and run away and cry! Sadly sometimes more than I care to admit latley I have started yelling at them when they don't listen. Which is get more and more my new turned 3 yo and I go at it alot it feels like. :( God I suck ! I don't know what to do with her at times and then my son wont let me put him down half of the time. UGH
OK I just relized that I am rambling and not helping you out in any form other than to let you know your not alone - which sadly cheered me up a bit to her someone goning thorught the same stuff I am - sad but true - makes me feel like maybe there is hope!
NOBODY tells you all the crap you will deal with staying at home with your kids everyday - I would love just to watch an adult tv program once in a while! I rarley have time to do this go online but I was looking up ways to deal with my 3yo and giving up sleep to do it!

Do I need help or what !!!

Heather - posted on 03/09/2011

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i can understand this completely.. i have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. they cry constantly make messes constantly are in my face and touching me and hanging on me all day. they cant ever be in a different room they just follow me all day. i cant eat shower use the restroom nothing with out them standin there crying. i recently quit my job cause i was tooo overwhelmed. i worked nights opposite my boyfriend so we would have to afford daycare. the thing was tho. hed put the girls down at like 8 so he could get up in the morning at 6 for work. i got home at 2am and then had to get up at 7 with the girls. i also had night duty cause "he needed some f***ing sleep!" i worked as a housekeeper in a hospital so i cleaned up the same disgusting messes at work that i had at home. i was up all the time did all the chores. And about hating your children. i dont think your unstable for saying it BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND IT UNLIKE SOME OTHER MOTHERS HERE! you can love your children and HATE the things that they do. and then you resent them and just want to GO AWAY. i totally get just want to scream at every one and lock yourself away. or give up and collapse into the sea of crying mess. its incredibly exhausting. and it seems like the more you wan to get away ..the meaner you get to everyone.. the more your children act out to get MORE FREAKIN ATTENTION EVEN BAD ATTENTION! i dont get them. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY CANT JUST PLAY ALONE IN THEIR ROOM SO I CAN DO THE DISHES GET THE LAUNDRY DONE...TAKE A SHOWER!!?!? why why why why why do i have to be looking at them all day for them to be able to function?
i get it..cause i tooo.. feel like i hate everything.

Carly - posted on 09/06/2010

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I hear you to hun I'm a sahm to a 2 1/2 year old and know what your going though. My advice like the others is talk to your spouse about how your feeling,and perhaps seek some professional help from a counsellor/dr ,even seek help from a parenting advicve class it may just help you with handling your kids i know my son can be very demanding and time consuming .. it may be all you need is this advice or some further help but defintly seek help for it you don't need to keep going on like that... Are you in a playgroup? and /or preschool for your 4yo? These can also help for you child and yourself getting advice / time for you with other mums. Good Luck!!

Melanie - posted on 09/05/2010

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I read that you have a baby that is seven months old. Lot's of women think that they can only get post partum deppression right after giving birth, but you can get it even seven months after. You should really talk to your doctor. There is medication you can take that will make a big difference! I have a friend that suffered the same feelings you have when her baby was six months old. The medication really helped and now she's doing great and is happy again. Please check it out.

Kristi - posted on 09/04/2010

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I think we have all had those moments - I know I have. I think maybe scaling back on the baking and house cleaning might be a good idea, I did and I told my husband he had to learn to deal with it or I was going to be living in a nuthouse!! I started exercising again at a gym with a daycare. I still go every morning and it is great. I put my music on and just walk on the treadmill (I had a c-section about 3 months ago so I am still easing into exercise). After my walk I shower and change at the gym, that way I have released some stress and start my day feeling like a person and not a human napkin. I have some healthy me time everyday.
You are not a horrible mom but it sounds like you are horribly over worked and stressed. Once I backed off of things like house cleaning (my house is still tidy, enough that I would not be embarassed if someone stopped by unannounced) and all the homemade goodies, everything felt way more relaxed. Give yourself a break!

Christina - posted on 09/04/2010

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You need to tell your husband how you feel and go see a therapist! Not to be rude, but you sound very unstable! And, when I see that someone says they hate their kids it's such a sad thing! Children are a blessing on this earth! I would suggest go seeing somebody before something worse happens!

Amanda - posted on 09/04/2010

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Yes i can relate to all of that although i only have one baby son who is 11 month old and he drives me truly mad but not as much as my hubby does he never gets up in he morning to give our son his breakfast and let me have a lie in even though i've been up and down all night to see to our son because he's had a bad cold lately and is teething 45 teeth at the same time so he must be in pain and i feel stressed all the time and my hubby knows this but always says that he was awake as well when i know he wasn't every time. I have a step daughter that will take my son for a little while into town and that gives me a chance to do some chores or sometimes i just lie on the sofa with a nice hot coffee and my laptop and relax until he comes home and then i am so glad to see him. However it did take me about 10 months to start trusting other people to take him out without me but i learned that u do have to trust people that u see regularly and most friends and family will be glad to help if you ask them for help as chances are they have been there themselves if they have kids themselves also. so i guess my advice to some1 like you is to trust family and close friend with your children and accept the time away from the kids if offered.

Ambyr - posted on 09/03/2010

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Well having kids is definatly not easy. My youngest is 5 months and my oldest is eaxclty 1 year older then him. I'm always cleaning up messes,changing diapers constantly,plus making sure the house is clean, dinner is cooked & the kids and I look good for when my boyfriend when he gets home...the problem is I'm only 19. I did do the yelling thing but it didnt work I found just getting face to face with my oldest and telling her what she did wrong worked alot better. You just have to remember that they don't quite understand why you are angry and the saying when it rains it pour is completly true. Just keep your head up take some deep breaths during the day and try to get some time to yourself when your husband is home or when someone is willing to babysit. You arn't alone so you definalty shouldn't feel that way.

Yamira - posted on 09/03/2010

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Wow!...I am very sorry for how you feel!...I felt the same way with my first born soon after she was born!...I thought it was postpardum depression but I found out it wasn't!..it was the fact that I never got any time to myself and I was going thru so much at the time!...we had no money, my husband was being deployed to Iraq, I was moving to Texas alone, my family stayed in Los Angeles and I had noone to talk to in Texas...My only friend was my baby!...I didn't know how to handle my life!...I remember yelling at my baby and the look on her face made me really think of getting help!...so i did and went to a family counslor and he told me that I had to get out and do me!...I found out that in my area are places that take your children for the day called "Mother's day out"...it really helped alot!..I would just leave my baby for 3 hours while I was at home reading a book or cleaning...I know that you have two little ones but really get some help any way you can because you don't want this to affect your children in the long run!...please take care!

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2010

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I can completely understand how you feel. I think a lot of moms go through that but just don't have the guts to say it out loud. It sounds like you do everything for everyone else in your life and maybe you just need some time for you. Have you ever thought of having dinner or drinks with some of your friends one night out of the week or going to do something for yourself without your kids or husband tagging along? It takes a lot out of someone to be the caregiver 24 hours a day, every day. You NEED something just for YOU!!! Even if it is just having your husband take the kids for a walk while you soak in the bath or read a book in peace and quiet. My husband works Monday thru Saturday with only Sunday off but sometimes I just have to make him (and I mean MAKE him) take over the parenting responsibilities or I will go crazy. I joke all the time about how my kids will send me to the looney bin but at times I really do believe that they will. My 5 year old son is a lot like your 4 yr. old. He whines and complains all the time, he never listens to me, he never helps clean up until I start yelling and threatening to take away tv, toys, outside time with friends, etc... My 3 year old girl thinks she is the boss of everyone, even me. And my 1 year old has to be right by my side ALL the time. It gets overwhelming at times, a lot of times, but you just need some way to be yourself, not mommy or wife, but be who YOU are without the responsibility of others. I think if you make yourself happy then things will just start to fall back into place. Good Luck! It's a challenge but my aunt always tells me, "If mommy isn't happy, then no one is happy."

Amber - posted on 09/03/2010

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Oh honey; most mothers have been in the same boat at some point in time.
You seriously need some "you" time! You are devoting yourself constantly to everyone elses needs and not thinking of your own. It goes hand in hand with the old saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy!" You need to focus on making yourself happy; no it's not being selfish. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself to a mani/pedi, once in a while. You can meet up with some girlfriends and go have some wine, and just be yourself for a little while. Try looking in your area to see if there is a pole dancing class; I'm getting ready to sign up for one. You will be with all females for the classes; it helps with exercise and flexibility. It's a win win situation; you begin to look forward to "you" time and improving your health and well being, plus you can show your husband just how good of a man he is (read between the lines). ;)
My best to you; I will be praying for you!

Elysia - posted on 09/03/2010

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it sounds like you may be suffering from depression. i would see your doctor or a counsellor and see if that helps. If it is depression dont feel ashamed, it just means u have been strong and "together" for a long time and now u just need a little help.

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I'm a widowed mom of 2 children, age 3 and 4. What I do to is I schedule so mommy time. My friend who I trust with my children and they love her. I go out and have coffee with a friend or I just go home and enjoy the piece and quiet, possibly nap...

Kaila - posted on 09/02/2010

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im in the same boat pretty much exactly.... but the way i look at it these are the cards i was delt n have to play the game out... i love my kids n hubby but hate the way my life has ended up it is def not what i was thinking when i was growing up that family would be like. but this is it and i wouldnt trade it for the world ... being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing i think in the world..

Becky - posted on 09/02/2010

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Try and find a Positive Parenting class and get some positive reinforcement happening with the kids. I'd get the hubby to help out more - it takes 2 parents to raise kids. IMO. Find a babysitter and have some time to yourself - you need yourself just as much as you family needs you. Take care of yourself.

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First of all, I think you are very brave for sharing in such an honest way. And really, we all do have days like this --- although I wouldn't say I hate my kids, spouse or life......just incredibly overwhelmed and so, so, so tired some days. so tired I don't know how I am still standing. And Lord knows I have raised my voice a time or 2......usually just to be heard over the din! Now you need to take that courage you have and go a step further. Is it that you really hate them.....or is that the stress talking?. Definitely a trip to the doctor is order so you can rule out any kind of depression or hormonal imbalance. If you are feeling this way more often than not......I fear you are heading towards a bad end. And you will take your kids towards the end....is some way. So put the cleaning and the cookies aside for a time and take care of you. The best thing you can do for your kids is be a happy mom. And if staying at home doesn't do it....so what, it's not failure. We are all called to do/be something and maybe this just isn't your calling. Just keep talking though honey.....forget anyone that might judge and just let it all out. You will feel freedom in that alone. I hope and pray that things turn around for you soon.

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you need to talk to someone like a counselor or close friend you may be depressed and/or just need a vacation :) try to arrange a day off for yourself do something for you!

Kylie - posted on 09/02/2010

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I'd like to add, that we all havedays like that, and it sounds like you need a break, can you get someone to watch the kids even for a few hours so you can have some time to your self. Also I'd talk to your community nurse about how you are feeling, cause she might be able to give you some help or advice, also you might want to consider that you may be a little depressed, and that is not helping. I had PND with my first son, and it can have a really negitive effect on your life and you don't even notice.

Earlena - posted on 09/02/2010

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Ok I became a Mother to my first of four boys at 17, I am 26 now and you know what? My kids drive me crazy every single day, but the one thing I would never ever say is that I hate any of them!!!!! That is the worst thing any mother could ever say about their child or children!!! Are you serious? I am a victim of 8years of child molestation from the time I was 8-16 and although I should hate the persons that did that to me, even that can not come! Hate is a very strong word and when you look into your childs precious eyes, hate is the last thing Im sure you would ever feel, so instead of saying that you hate them, just say it the way it truly is, they are pissing you off and you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you are headed for mental/emotional breakdown. But, please, whatever it is that you say, just never say that you hate them. You don't know if the next time you say you hate them is going to end up being the last thing you will get to say anything to them. Remember, they didnt ask to be born, you chose to have them and then chose to keep them. So love them, nurture them, and help them to grow and succeed.

Meghan - posted on 09/02/2010

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my suggestion... get out of the house, and away, by yourself, for at least a half hour a day.. go get coffee, and then go home. that 15-20 min of silence is golden, and believe me it helps... i have two baby girls. Born 10mo apart, they're 16mo, and 6mo. although i have Never felt hate towards my fiance or my girls, i Have however felt completely annoyed, and almost helpless. Being a mommy and wife is Hard as Hell, and only those of us in your shoes will understand that.
i agree with the post before mine.. trying a different approach with your oldest. instead of giving negative attention to negative behavior, try re enforcing the positive things she does. help her to Learn new things, such as cleaning up, make a game out of it, have her 'Help' you, and it becomes fun for her, and you.
As far as her talking too much, and touching you... Her language development at the age of 4 is growing so very rapidly, and you should be encouraging her to speak her mind, and let you know what she thinks and feels. Not telling her to be quiet. And her touching you.. it sounds to me like she is starving for attention, POSITIVE attention. she wants to snuggle with you, and have you rub her head, as i'm sure your mom did with you. again this is my opinion, and my suggestions..

Kelly - posted on 09/02/2010

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You need to talk to someone, talk to your hubby about how you are feeling, it is perfectly normal to get overwhelmed with the kids. You need some me time away from everyone. You should really just talk to your guy about it, maybe you can work out a 1 time a week mommy time to feel better.

Renae - posted on 09/02/2010

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Hi Angi, listen I just wanted to ask a question about your 7 month old. I dont know whether I can be much help for all of the issues you are dealing with, but maybe I can help with your 7mo's crying. How much does he sleep during the day and how long is he awake for at any one time? The most common cause of excess crying in babies is overtiredness. A normal 7 month old can not stay awake for more than about 2 hours (3 at maximum) before needing a nap. They also usually need their first nap of the day very early in the morning, normally 45 min to 1 hour after they first get up. Hope this helps somehow.

With your 4 year old, toddlers tend to do what they get a reaction to. Whether that reaction be good or bad is irrelevant. If you stop reacting she should not whining.

I think you need a break. And I think you need to have a chat with your family doctor, there may be something going on with you that they can help with.

I hope some of the other mums give you some helpful advice. :)

Jennifer - posted on 09/01/2010

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YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE! I too feel this way a lot. Being a stay at home mom, and now running a daycare from home to help out financially It's pure hell. There's no me time. Your time, energy, body, wants, needs all has to go to everyone else and nothing is left over for you. I too take these frustrations, and overwhelming hate for where my life it at right now, out on my kids. It makes me sick. I feel horrible for my kids sometimes because it's not like they asked to be born or born into my family. But on the flip side It's not like I asked to do away with "me" to have a family either. It sounds to me that you may be dealing with a bit of postpartum depression or "regular" depression. This is something I too battle constantly and much of what you wrote is very much the same feelings i experience on occasion. The best thing you can do for you and your family is to seek the help you need and the changes you need to make you happy, when that happens you are not only going to feel better but you will be able to communicate and care for your children better. Children can sense when you are unhappy or stressed and will mimic that in their lives especially how you take your stress out on them, I know this because my children mimic me when they are stressed or upset. I hope you dont think I am judging you. By no means do I think you are a bad person or a bad mom. I do think you need some help and some personal time. You deserve it. Most people dont realize that being a mom, especially a stay at home mom means working 24 hours of the day, with no breaks, no sick time, no vacation and very often no acknowledgment. Hang in there!!!!
As for the person who wrote about the idea for giving "extra hugs" so their child has some to spare for brothers, sisters etc. What a cute idea. I will be trying this one out. Sounds promising. :)

Michael Elissa - posted on 09/01/2010

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Angi you are not alone in how you feel! I know that doesn't really make anything any beter, but always remember things could always be worse. Your children are healthy, your not hiding black eyes from co-workers or the neighbors, I hope. I have been where you are now more than once and I've been to "places" much worse. Your 4 year old and mine sound like the same child almost. I'm sorry for your pain, and the only thing I can suggest is maybe therapy. If nothing else it gets you away for a hour a week. Just hold on, things will get better. Just remember to be grateful for the good things in your life. There is a book entitled, "The power to praise". Try to find it, it might help.

Tiffany - posted on 09/01/2010

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You should definitely talk to someone. You need to talk to your husband and let him know that you feel like you are drowning and you just need a little break here and there. It's not good for you or the kiddos to feel this stressed and to 'hate' your life. You have so much to be thankful for, so to say you hate your life is a strong sentiment. We have all been there, it's hard being a Mom and I can't imagine having 2 right now! Definitely make an appointment to talk to a therapist. You could have post partum depression or another form of depression and not even know it. Definitely talk to someone. Hang in there!

Rachel - posted on 09/01/2010

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I would say it is a phase and may come and go, but I think you should talk to your doctor. I mean life is overwhelming sometimes and just talking to a doctor can help. Or your doctor can send you to someone they think will better help you. Being a stay at home mom is more stressful than a regular job. I have only been a stay at home mom for 14 months now, but find it WAY harder than my full time job before her (even when I was pregnant and uncomfy too). Talk to someone, that will help get it out which may be part of the problem.

Kellean - posted on 08/31/2010

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To all of you mom's who say your children are behaving badly, crying a lot or just acting up. They are feeling the tension you are giving off. Children feed off of our moods, up or down. As mom's we literally set the mood in the house. If you are unhappy then they are unhappy! They can pick up when we are not liking them or if you are just a plain old grouch.
It isn't fair that your children have to suffer for your unhappiness. It is normal to feel overwhelmed from time to time. However, if this goes beyond just normal day to day stress then there are obviously some deep seeded issues. For the sake of your children and your husband you need to go to the doctor or therapist and get some medicines and counseling. Do not put it off another day! These thoughts may remain in your head for now, however if left untreated you could snap and then there is no turning back.
You may find that you may have a hormonal imbalance or some kind chemical imbalance that is making you feel this way. Especially, if it is postpartum depression as it can last for years if left untreated. This is not all in your head! This kind of depression makes you hate your world and everyone in it. You find yourself on the verge of crying each day, screaming or pulling your hair out! All it would take is to get that straightened out is see a doctor and you could be good as new. You need to start somewhere and seeing a doctor is a good place to start.
Then you need to look for other ways to bring the peace you are desperately searching for.
This isn't a good place you are in right now. Anyone who has that much hate in their hearts doesn't need to be in charge of little ones.
Being a mom is the greatest gift in the world and yes besides being demanding it is also the hardest job in the world.
You might want to look for a job outside the home. Having your own paycheck might just be that reward and approval you are looking for. Not all mom's are cut out to be stay at home moms. It doesn't mean you failed in any way. What is does mean is that you have a lot of pent up energy that can only be relieved by doing something you enjoy away from all the stress and chaos that is associated with staying home. That weekly paycheck will bring you that satisfaction of doing a good job that you are seeking. It will also be good for you to be around other adults during the day. Your children would probably be better with a family member or a sitter watching them. Sometimes they need a break from us too. Work it out so that your paycheck is spent how you want too. By your working away from home it will also force your husband to step up to the plate sorta speak. He will get just a taste of what you have gone through on a daily basis.
All I can tell you is that our little one's are here with us for such a short time. They do grow up fast and you want them to have fond memories of their childhood right? In helping yourself you are helping your family! I wish you the best :)

Denise - posted on 08/31/2010

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I am completely there with you..you have to hang in there and try to get just some 'you' time... although I'm now seeing a therapist and just started on antidepressants, not saying meds are for everyone but have to try something before I completely lose it. Have 3 kids, ages 6 (a boy), 4 (girl) and almost 11 mths (boy). My daughter is too smart with me and is able to really push my buttons, I feel like I'm going crazy and yell and scream at all of them also. My older boy is sensitive and when my 4 yr old is having a tantrum and the baby is crying he just goes and hides in his bedroom but now I'm getting attitude from him too. What seems to help 'just a little', sometimes, is explaing/asking them "How many kids do
I have?" and they answer "3" (enter your number in here!) and I say how many Mommies do you have, and they say 1 so I say its just 1 Mommy taking care of 3 kids (and husband who does about the same as everyone who posted here, works nights, also no family in this country and few friends) and myself and sometimes Mommy also needs some time out! This summer has been hard, not many friends around so just lonely and depressed too! Just know that you're not alone out there, just try and get some you time (I went to the movies late at night by myself when my husband was off one day, and it was great, felt very indulgent, and the guy at the counter let me in for free as I was 5mins late!)

Erica - posted on 08/31/2010

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I'm like one of the other moms above. I'm 29 with 4 kids 13,7,19,months and 4 months. I left my full time job to stay at home and take care of kids. I love them all more than life itself,but I'm half convinced my kids drive me nuts on purpose just so they can see hoe crazy mommy will get today. I can't go tot the bathroom alone,clean,or do anything else without it being a battle and a half. Not a day goes by where I don't have food,spitup,or something else on my clothes,I have quite brushing my hair,and on a good day I wake up at 5 a.m. just to take a shower so I can maybe not smell lol! I do all of this and my husband goes to work. I actually get jealous of him because he gets to leave the house without children hanging off him. I had a wicked hard time adapting to this "new"lifestyle. I've had a job since I was 14 and not so much anymore. I really have locked the bathroom door and hid from all 4 of them before even if it was just for 5 minutes. I have had to learn the hard way to just let them cry...if you feel you need to take a break DO IT! Lock them in a room w/baby gates,give them toys,t.v. or whatever else they can amuse themselves with and walk away for 5 minutes. They won't hate you for it. Or when your husband gets home just tell him it's his turn for an hour and leave the house. Don't feel bad about it. I used to feel guilty for wanting a break when it was my husband that worked all day,but remember just because your not getting an actual paycheck your job is just as hard as anyone else's if not harder! If all else fails do go talk to a counselor. They're non-biased and you can just go there and vent then go home happy.

Rachael - posted on 08/31/2010

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HE NEEDS TO STEP IT UP! i felt that way not too long ago and yes my husband is a great man. but they need a father. they need someone to lay down the law. if he gets mad when you yell then tell him i cant do this if your not going to help. HELP ME OUT or im checking myself into the hospital and im not kidding! give him an altimatum these are his kids now he needs to step it up and be a father not just a guy who did the deed. Go to your doctor tell him your having a hard time and maybe some medication will be needed. And then throw them at your husband and tell him hes helping or hes not gunna be around. i did that to my husband and he finally got it. he finally saw what he was missing, what he wanted in the fmaily had nothing to do with work or money. it made my son happy. and if he cant appreciate that and relize that then he doesnt need to be around. Take some time to yourself when he gets home. say "SEE YA!" dont feel guilty just leave and tell him he needs to deal with it because then and only then will he realize what you are going thu.

Alice - posted on 08/31/2010

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Angi,
One book: "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman... that is such a life-changer!
It will help you find out what is the root issue and get you to who you want to be.

If you have any close friends, please talk to them!! Most likely, you will find someone who has been/is going through what you are. I've been there. Lots of people go through identity issues in one way or another. It's tough. You need someone to touch and talk to.
I'm praying for you.

Cynthia - posted on 08/31/2010

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Pray, pray together with your kids is a big start. I bought some books on how to act and admitted Mommy wasn't being very nice and then I apologized and asked for them to not only forgive me but to help me do better.
We thought of ideas that would help. After we listed them, I taught my kids that the list was not just something I needed to do- but all of us.
Some days will always be better than others. I have figured out that a ROUTINE really helps us. However, somethings just come up. So teach them to treat others how they want to be treated. DOn't give into what they want if they have not done what you have asked (clean, behave, ect..JUST DONT GIVE IN - it makes everything worse if you do- which is why they whine. I will pray for u.

Alicia - posted on 08/31/2010

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Oh you just described me my friend. Both of my boys had caulic; my oldest until he was a year old, he is 5 now and just like your daughter is clingy, doesn`t listen or pick up after himself. My 2 year old is so agressive, I`m actually scared of him.I hate my life so much that I end up picking and yelling at them all day too, I am really trying to work on that. I too have a great husband, he would never hit me or the kids, or cheat blah blah blah. I hate my life and just want to run away and leave everyone and everything behind. I put on a happy face too, but I can`t hold on much longer and people are starting to see the cracks. I broke down at work the other day in front of a co worker, it was so embarassing. I am constantly screaming inside, and on the verge of tears/nervous breakdown aswell. I never wanted to get married or have kids, but ended up married at 22 and had our first child at 25. It sounds terrible but sometimes I resent my husband for doing this to me.
I`m on medication, but it doesn`t help much, the problems are still there right. One of my best friends who is in a similar situation told me that she made a commitment and now she needs to honor it. As much as I want to run away, I would die without my kids. I`m still not so sure about the husband..... I know he`s a great guy, I just don`t know if he`s the guy for me.
I keep telling myself that as the kids get older and need me less it will get easier. I try to take things minute by minute now. Good luck honey.

Armanda - posted on 08/31/2010

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Angi,
You are not a horrible mom. Did you feel this way after you had your first child? Did these feelings start after you had the second child? I would strongly suggest speaking to your doctor, as these feeling can be signs of post-partum depression. I had a bad case of it myself, and I know how difficult it can be, and that it can make you feel like you are "going crazy." I agree with the other ladies, you need to make some time for yourself. If possible, have a family member or friend come over so you can get out for an hour or two. Is there a mom from the playgroup who would take your kids for a day? Or a responsible teenager who could take them to the park every once in a while? Try to get out every day,(with or without the kids) even if it's just for an hour, it will really help. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband you loves and cares for you. I would tell him what's going on. He will be able to help and support you much better. I'm so glad you decided to let someone know how you are feeling, you don't have to go through this alone, and things will get better. Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk too. I hope you feel better soon.

[deleted account]

Aww.. I wanna hug you but of course you'd probably wanna punch me if I did! Haha. I think like so many of us out there you have given too much and forgotten that life is supposed to be fun. We get so caught up in things and being here, being there, work, etc that we forget what we really like to do and start to feel trapped and resentful. To be fair to the babies they deserve for you to feel good but it's not their job or your husband's job to make you happy. That only works for a while. So you gotta find you again! You gotta take time for you. Stop trying to change your world - change your perspective - it's much easier, trust me! Take a day and put it all aside and just relax. Make lists in your mind of things you love and what you do appreicate. There have to be some good things in there somewhere. And one place that always feels good is start saying "NO". Start making your boundaries. If you miss the book club or don't make the cookies...it will be worth it for some peace of mind!

Margaret - posted on 08/31/2010

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I know how that is my husband doesnt even help out around the house at all he sits on his ass and plays his ps3 all day! and he doesnt even care wiether or not I am sick I still have to clean the house! My daughter is ALWAYS crying and whining, and my husband refuses daycare and we only have one car as well it is so stressful!

Jacquie - posted on 08/31/2010

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If you can get out for at least an hour a week, try a kick-boxing class. Nothing says "therapy" to me like picturing my wonderful but lazy husband's head on a punching bag as I kick it lol. (Not that I condone violence of any kind, but I swear it works). When the kids are too much I pop in a Baby Einstein movie and cry in the laundry room.

Crystal - posted on 08/31/2010

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welllllllllllll, props 2 u 4 saying everything ive ever felt in my life. i hear ya, my advice... i dont know how but get a babysitter 4 a weekend ditch the man and the kids and go somewhere quiet so you can relax.. or have go out with some friends and act like ur not a mom for a whole night.. i would go 4 the first one if you can though....you got to have some time to yourself or you will get crazy.. good luck girl

Charla - posted on 08/31/2010

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you should get checked out with a doctor. It sounds like you have hormone imbalance. Maybe with the right meds it will help put your life in focus. Hope that helps!

Kitty - posted on 08/31/2010

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IM at times going thru the same fustrated and stressed
grab a coffee to go'' and enjoy the day and take em to the park and have a me day''
and give the husband his... time alone to destress as well

[deleted account]

It can all be fixed.

1) Get yourself to a therapist, asap.

2) book a babysitter to come in, as often as needed, so you have some alone time

3) Tell your spouse how you are feeling. If you haven't told him, but your emotions are coming out as angry bursts, or yelling, he will think it's about him. This could seriously damage your relationship. Best to be honest, and ask for the help you need.

Good luck. Many other moms feel the same way a lot of the time. You are not alone.

[deleted account]

Been there! Honey, stop stressing over your hate issues with everything around you! Get your Doctor to referr you to a therapist and take some anti-anxiety/depression meds. It helps, puts everything in perspective. What you are missing in order to love those around you is love for yourself. you HAVE to find something that is only for YOU. Go swimming for an hour once a week when hubby is home, go for a walk to clear your head - you need YOU time :) Take care of yourself, otherwise you will look back and wonder what could have been!

Hope - posted on 08/31/2010

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Have you talked to a doctor or therapist? You may have postpartum depression. After I had my son I didn't have postpartum depression but it did take about a year for my hormones to balance out. Until then I had horrible mood swings and I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I was mostly sad all the time and I was angry at my husband all the time. I finally talked to my ob-gyn and found out it wasn't me it was the hormones. Don't give up, talk to someone. You're family and your sanity are worth figuring this out for. And try to get some alone time. I think every mom needs it!

Jill - posted on 08/31/2010

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My kids are overall very good, but I still get to a breaking point sometimes. Until your husband spends all day everyday with your kids (which I'm guessing will not happen) he will never quite understand what you go through. I agree with Aimee below, you should definately consider talking to a professional and even bring your husband in (not only will it help you, but it may help your husband understand too - it sounds he may need to step up a little, just being an income provider is not being a parent!). Or you have to do something for yourself. Sign up for some type of class (art, exercise, etc). And basically tell your husband what you are doing, don't ask if its ok. Hang in there, but do something to take care of yourself!!

Angella - posted on 08/31/2010

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I have felt like this a time or two but I have a few words of advice. #1 teach your daughter that her whining and crying is teaching the baby to do the same and she NEEDS TO STOP. #2 Know that your baby is just looking for your attention because he is madly in love with his mommy. #3 At night when the kids are in bed, take a hot bath with a glass of whine and reflect on the "good" aspects of your life. Think to yourself "what would happen if you didn't have them?" as morbid as this sounds it will help you see what you really have. And #4.... Talk to your husband about it. Don't let it turn into a fight. Tell him that he needs to just listen, without judgment, or fighting... Just listen. If he won't I suggest talking to a therapist. Lastly, know that every mom feels like this at one point or another. Your not alone and no one is perfect or has to pretend to be. Good luck.

Schmoopy - posted on 08/31/2010

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You def need a mommy "time out." Find some time to be alone on a routine basis. I go jogging in the mornings - my husband feeds the children breakfast while I'm doing it. It's only a half an hour, but it's nice to have a little time for myself every day.

Also, try to slow down. When you're going a mile a minute, busy all the time, it's hard to appreciate why children are so wonderful. Everything they see and do is new to them. They see the world from a fresh perspective and find something to appreciate in everything! It's why we have children. If you slow down, you'll see why they're so much fun.

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