I don't think I can take another day!!!

Jessica - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 154 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, they are 14 months apart. I'm a 25 year old mother and 24-7 365 stay at home mom., with very lil help from their dad. Here lately I have been so stressed out that my hair is falling out I've gained tons of weight along with the baby weight, I honestly can't even cry, I get short with my kids and everyone else. Everything seems to be going wrong...overweight, hair loss, in pain all the time, short tempered, can't get motivated and looked for employment but no one has called back, NO MONEY...the list goes on. I'm going to a therapist on Nov. 11 but don't think I can wait that long! Any solutions until then

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amanda - posted on 10/05/2009

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One Day @ a Time! Thousands of us out there feel the same way. I carry guilt for being short with the kids, & honestly I don't really like the person I am today. However, I have to remember that my kids didn't ASK to be born & this life I have is for them. So whatever I can do to help me be a better person & give them 100%, than lets do it. Try to think more of the positives. EVERY night sit down & write 5 positives down of the day. You should also consider yourself lucky you can get councilling, I can't afford it! Now, I'm not trying to make you feel like your problems don't matter cuz they do, & i totally feel ya but I'm sure you'll get enough advice & compasion Just trying to take a more helpful route. Chin up girly. Go for a 25min walk when Hubby has the time to watch the kids, even if they are in bed. One the exercise will help start your work to weight loss & give you some You time, plus fresh air & is good! More importanly, you need to talk to this father or fiancee of yours. Sit down NICELY & not just pointing the finger & explain how you feel, everything you wrote us but without attacking him (men don't respond well to that) You need to ego stroke a little & let him you appreciate him & how he is working to provide for the fam but... If he doesn't listen & feel for you, & agree to give you more support than he's not the one! The man you marry should appreciate the JOB that you do & love you for it. So write down positives, talk to the man & walk, lastly don't forget your kids need you so YOU be the best you can. It will be better, ONE DAY @ A TIME

Rachel - posted on 10/13/2009

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I promise I posted the same thing last week. I'm a mom of two, my oldest is 1 and my youngest is 4 months, they are 10 months apart. I said the same thing, not feeling like a beautiful woman, feeling like a robot, and that if I could somehow replace myself with a robot, no one would notice! lol.

You have to stop holding your breath and recongize your own talent and strength. Yes, we spend days covered in drool, pee, cleaner, and vomit- sometimes one day blends into another, like the twilight zone. Take a shower, get dressed, curl your hair, whatever, even if you aren't going anywhere, do it, you'll smile at yourself at least when you look in the mirror and still see you.



Suggestions:

Get out. No excuses. Find someone a friend, relative, your husband, pay someone if neccessary and take the whole day to do stuff that you used to do. I had a case of cabin fever myself, being short and angry, it's best solved by getting out. You might not even need the whole day, after a few hours I always feel a whole lot better, and return with plenty of hugs and kisses for everyone.



Count your blessings. This is hard when your stressed, but if you keep thinking about, how am I going to pay these bills, or when is my hair going to stop falling out (mine is too girl!), of course you are going to give yourself a stomach ulcer (it happened to me from all the worrying) and end up in therapy. This is your life, not forever, but just for a season, your babies will grow up, your hair will grow back, you'll get a job, you'll be able to see your feet again, lol, etc. I still find it amazing when my one year old calls me 'mum-ma' or walks across the room, I love hearing my 4 month old giggle. Take time to endulge in those moments- allow yourself too.

A short story:

Yesterday, I was soo tired I plopped head first onto my bed, it was still hours before bedtime for the babies. I was drowing my face into a pillow when a small hand tassled my hair, it was my one year old Caleb, I lifted my head slightly, thinking what now? He leaned his face near mine (I was expecting him to grab a handful of what's left of my hair), but he gave me a small kiss, and walked away. Those moments make it better, those few, 15 sec. moments, that answer the question- Why am I doing this again? :)

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2009

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Take small "steps". Your world is not going to become perfect over night, or ever for that matter. I do understand why you would feel this way. Take a few long deep breaths. Look at the beautiful babies that you have been blessed with (Even though they may not feel like blessings right now) and remember that they need you. They need you and love you SO much even if you are not loving yourself right now. Even if you are overweight etc. Take small steps to get motivated. You are depressed and going to a therapist is the best thing to do, and that is something. At least you are doing that. Tomorrow morning wake up and say to yourself, "I will make today a good day". Make you and your babies a yummy breakfast. Enjoy the morning with them. (And it will help you lose weight, the best way to lose/burn fat is too eat more - and this means breakfast). Have them help you do small things around the house, they will love getting the chance to help you, and it will make them feel important. Have them help you wipe things, load the dryer, sweep etc. It will also help make your days go by faster. Color with them, let them get messy. Take a nap with them. Remember that you are all they know. When you feel like yelling at them, take a breath, count to 10 or 20 and use a nicer tone. Think of your children as a mirror and imagine what they see when you yell at them, imagine what they must feel like. Take time for YOU. Take a bath, take vitamins. Go for a walk with your kids in the evening, the more you do it, the more you will look forward to it. Ask your husband to help. Tell him that you are overwhelmed. Look for play groups at your local library, that will get you out of the house with your little ones. Just dont give up. There is hope. And tomorrow is a new a day. It will take time, but you will feel better about yourself. You will be a better person and a better mother for it. Everyone is struggling for work and money right now. You are not alone. Just make the most of today. And talk to people so that you dont feel so hopeless. (I am on here alot, so if you need to chat, please feel free to look for me).

Cheralee - posted on 10/08/2009

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I am so glad I found this thread...I am in the same boat. I got laid off and am now home with my 2 kids who are 17 months apart (oldest is 2 and youngest almost 10 months). I also babysit a 20 month old and occasionally a 9 month old to help make ends meet and I have a 5 yo step-son every other weekend and one night a week. I feel like I have lost myself amongst the diaper changes, dishes, laundry, playing with the kids, etc. I haven't gotten a real haircut or color since before my oldest was born and am fat and tired looking all the time. I have no clothes that fit, in fact my maternity clothes are a bit tight :( He doesn't understand and doesn't do much to help. In fact, this weekend he decided he couldn't take it anymore and left. We are currently getting some counseling set up and he is living with his brother. This has made things both harder and easier at the same time. I am beginning to become self-empowered and to take a little bit of myself back (because I have to for my kiddos) and actually am accomplishing more with him not here than I did before. I'm not recommending to get rid of the man, but maybe if you just did what you need to do regardless of if he is there to help you or not. Get involved with a moms group or find a couple of mom friends (SAHM friends even) that can help you, maybe swap babysitting. I have a friend who recently became a SAHM also due to lay-off and she and I have plans to get together alternating houses and help each other with some projects we have been putting off while our kiddos play. Just having some support and making small steps help. Can you get together a little money to get yourself a haircut and maybe a new outfit and box of haircolor? Give yourself a nice bubble bath (shave your legs even though it is almost winter and you will be wearing pants), a mani/pedi at home, color your hair, do a face mask, and look yourself in the face (in the mirror) and decide that you will be somebody different, a person you can like and be proud of! I recently went to a park and made a list of who I am now (it wasn't pretty or what I want) and then who I want to be and how I am going to get there. Some of the things are small and some will take more time and effort, but small is a start and really just seeing it all on paper helped. Hold strong, take it 15 minutes at a time if you need to. This is a hard time, but we will all get through it!

Meg - posted on 10/06/2009

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I understand and my kids are off track(out of school) for three weeks! My kids are 10 7 and 5 months. Getting up and getting a shower helps and not staying in pj alllllll day.



I love this blog!



http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/



Hope you like it also. Stephanies Story



She will be on Oprah Wednesday! Have a great day..you are never alone! Thanks for reaching out to other moms.

I wish moms were social like back in the 70's when my mom had me...so much support and love. They got out or hung out with moms and women all the time...NOT sitting at home only communcating through technology.



Invite a friend of your kids and the mom over to play! It always helps. Let me know how your day goes!

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154 Comments

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Lindsey - posted on 10/12/2009

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I take mommy times. On the weekends I would have him watch the kids while I took a LONG bath, just locked the door. My little escape. I would read a couple chapters. I also take advantage of nap time and the time between their bed time and mommy's bed time. If no job opportunities come up try going to school. There is a lot of help for mothers out there and gives you time away from home.

Christina - posted on 10/12/2009

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Please, if you haven't done it yet, call your therapist and ask for an earlier appointment. If you still can't get in to see the therapist, PLEASE get the number for your nearest crises hotline and crisis nursery. They are there for you and have trained professionals that can get you through the worst part of this until your therapist can determine what you need. A crisis hotline can give you an outlet until you can get in to see your therapist, and if you have any fears of harming yourself or your children, or are just at the end of your rope, a crisis nursery can keep your children for a few hours while you get the breathing room and help that you need. Please don't self-diagnose or allow others to reccommend medications to you-only a trained professional should be doing that. Most importantly, you must realize that your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and there is nothing wrong with asking for and accepting help.

I should know, I've suffered with mental health issues for years. I also worked for years as a social worker and in the mental health field and am now a stay at home mom. I understand, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.



Please update me on how you are doing. There are others out there that care!

Carrie - posted on 10/12/2009

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have some you time , get a sitter, go out, dont have to spend money . or get real sleep you just need time to your self, not a therapist from what it sounds like, don't know thought

Leanne - posted on 10/12/2009

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im so sorry that u r feeling the way im feeling im after the same information

Rebecca - posted on 10/12/2009

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I have been where you are and a friend of mine sent me this saying and I really took it to heart and it helped me. "write your worries in sand and blessings in stone" I hope it helps at least alittle.

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2009

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I was in your boat just a few short years ago and the thing that helped me the most was after the hubby got home I went for a walk around the block or sometimes two or three blocks this helped me relax vent or what ever sometimes all you need is something just for you good luck

Lisa - posted on 10/12/2009

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I have two little ones, Emily will be 3 in December and Connor will be 1. I'm home with them all of the time and hubby travels 20 days out of the month. He came home one week for his 5 days home and looked at the laundry pile and asked sarcastically what I did all week. The next morning I knew he had a ton of things he wanted to do so I got up, showered and dressed and left for the morning and went shopping. He asked how he was supposed to get anything done with the kids and I just smiled and said that if I'm supposed to do it all with the kids so can he! He made is 2 hours and took the kids to his mothers, took us all out to dinner that night and I've never heard another sarcastic comment since!!

You do need some time for yourself, even if you find a part-time job waitressing or working in the local grocery store. I waitress 2-4 nights a week, it gives me time away from the kids and some time to have grown up conversations. I also waitress at night so that I can use grandparents for babysitters. We also go to playgroup twice a week.

Call your county's department of health and human services, they have wonderful resources without the wait time of a private doctor.

Erin - posted on 10/12/2009

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I'm sorry, I understand though. I'm the mother of 3 children (3,2 on Nov 7th, and 1 as of Oct 3rd. My husband works anywhere between 48-65 hours a week. I live in PJs and sweatpants with tshirt/sweatshirts. Since having Ry & Soph so close together I have more baby weight than what I'd like too... My husband also has the idea that because he has an outside job that he doesn't have to do housework. It is very annoying. On one of his days off I left him with the kids all of them right in the middle of the day when they were all still up. Because they are not use to him being around they wouldn't go down for their naps. I was only gone 3 hours, but by the time I got home he was frazzled. He looks at me with a little more appreciation because in his words "he can not do what I do everyday" I still don't get the help I need all the time, but I do get more than I was getting 2 months ago. Even if you leave or an hour and take a walk it is YOU time. Or go to the library pick up a book and read for an hour, you don't have to take it out, but still its some YOU time. I wish you the best. If you want to talk send me a message. I'm around most days. You can do it Mommy! Just believe in Yourself.

TRUDY - posted on 10/12/2009

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It is so hard with children of that age especially as there's only one year between them.You have to get out and about as much as you can.I know you're probably knackered all the time and wonder where you'll get the energy to get out as I have often thought.My 2 boys are nearly 5 and 3 and i now feel that it is getting easier,people used to say this to me and i didn't believe it but trust me it does.

I used to go to mother and toddlers twice a week and especially coming into the winter it helps to pass those mornings and by the time you get home it's time for their wee sleeps and then before you know it it's well into the afternoon so half the day gone.

You mentioned bout your weight and hair loss,have you been to the dr's,i am a nurse and i just thought you should get your thyroid checked in case that could be the problem.

Please keep your head up high and this is not going to last forever,just try and enjoy them at this age,it really will pass before your know it.I hope i was some help!

Amandah - posted on 10/12/2009

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Take an emergency day ; call a grandparent let them know what ever you have to & get away. If you can afford to get your nails, hair or even toes done do it. If not... get you a big pot with the hottest water you can stand & like some cheap epson salts for your feet. For me the hot water cools off my "HOT" head

[deleted account]

I think I'd be safe to say there are alot of women who feel the way you do. It's not an easy place to be when everything seems to be falling apart and you have no help. I'm a stay at home momma too. I have two children 20 months apart. I felt alot of what you are talking about and recently found out that I have a hormonal imbalance. It might be worthwhile getting some bloodwork done becuase it could be a pretty simple fix.

Deedee - posted on 10/11/2009

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It felt good for me to find this conversation. I'm 39 and have a 2yr old. Most people think that simply because I'm older I should have more patience with my son. The thing is, by the time I had my son I was pretty set in how I liked to do things. Also had gotten used to being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I lose patience with my son also. I've been trying to break the "hollering at him" thing because (1) I don't want him afraid of me, and (2) he doesn't deserved to be yelled at just because he threw a tantrum...played with something he shouldn't have.....etc. I'm married, but my husband is a volunteer firefighter and also works fulltime for an ambulance service. We get to see him maybe 3-4 days a week. His patience with our son is even worse than mine at times. We also, due to where we live, live with his parents. That in itself is stressful enough at times. Tonight I almost broke into tears....all because I just need a couple of hours to myself...away from EVERYONE. I love our son and feel guilty wanting to get away from him (he's included in the everyone); however, I know I need to do something to keep my sanity. I get online at night as a way of having "me" time, but sometimes that's not even enough. He has to sleep in our room due to the spare room being considered the "guest" room (even though we don't have many sleep over guests). I do think that most of my stress with our son is due to us having to live here.

Amanda - posted on 10/11/2009

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I was having the same problems that you are having. Everything from being stressed out to hair loss and gaining a lot of weight, short tempered and no energy so I saw a doctor. They told me it could be a thyroid problem. It can cause all of these symptoms. Haven't received my results yet, just went Friday to be tested. Can be solved with a blood test. I am not saying that this is your problem, but it may help. Hang in there!

Rianna - posted on 10/11/2009

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well i dont know your pain with the 2 kids! but i have one 5 month old, and she is a HAND full! and i also dont have much help from the father, its hard when she ONLY wants me also! but i find just getting away for a total of at LEAST one hour aday can REALLY help! let your mom, the daddy, his parents, or g-parents watch them while you just get out, it could just be driving around with the music up! anything but it can really set your mind back on track! i have only been a mother for 5 months but my baby girl spent the night at her great gma's house 2 weeks ago and by the next day i couldnt get over there fast enough to get her, i missed her so much! i felt lazy, and bored with out her with me! and that whole day after i got her, i had sooo much energy from having a full nights rest, and time to just be a girl, with no baby crying, screamin, blowing her food all over me, pooping everywere, or waking me up all night long! =)

Rianna - posted on 10/11/2009

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well i dont know your pain with the 2 kids! but i have one 5 month old, and she is a HAND full! and i also dont have much help from the father, its hard when she ONLY wants me also! but i find just getting away for a total of at LEAST one hour aday can REALLY help! let your mom, the daddy, his parents, or g-parents watch them while you just get out, it could just be driving around with the music up! anything but it can really set your mind back on track! i have only been a mother for 5 months but my baby girl spent the night at her great gma's house 2 weeks ago and by the next day i couldnt get over there fast enough to get her, i missed her so much! i felt lazy, and bored with out her with me! and that whole day after i got her, i had sooo much energy from having a full nights rest, and time to just be a girl, with no baby crying, screamin, blowing her food all over me, pooping everywere, or waking me up all night long! =)

Tara - posted on 10/11/2009

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Well youre not alone. There are many of us out there who feel frustrated, cornered and helpless. Write it out and let it out. Try your best to be calm because honestly Ive learned that getting upset or making others feel bad does not make anyone feel any better or mend any bad situations. Maybe try going back to school if no one will hire you. Im in the same boat. Im out of work but not suffering. All the same it is frustrating because I do want to get out there and work. So Im going back to school to get a degree, that way I'll be more likely to get a job I like and a good paying one at that. the unemployment rate is higher for those who are uneducated. Find a hobby, something you love. My friend and I are both SAHM and we are working together on a great little project that will hopefully in the end make us money if not it was fun doing it. Dont worry about their dad and not helping. The more you focus on that and think of what should be the more you waste good fun with your kids. Suck it up and carry on, as mean as that may sound, its not meant to be. I hope you find the help you need. Children are just children and they cannot control what they do or say. Its up to us to teach them mainly by example. Try getting out and joining a gym or even getting 30 minutes of PT a day. It will help with depression and self-image. Good luck and I hope you find help and peace in your life. Our kids grow up too fast, try not to blink.

Trudi - posted on 10/11/2009

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Have you had your thyroid checked. You have alot of symptoms of underactive thyroid which can happen after childbirth.

Brandee - posted on 10/11/2009

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get together eith other moms that have the same problem. I went through it and it help. The kids get to play together and the moms talk over a cup of coffee. Its a great way to releeave stress and comfort one another. Plus you meet new friends and contacts and may even find someone that can give you a night off once in awhile. Worked wonders for me. I went through the exact same thing you are and beleive me it helped,

Jessica - posted on 10/11/2009

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Find out if there is a MOPS group in your area. I used to feel the same way, I found out about MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), your kids need to be age 0-5 years to be part of the group. Hope this helps!

Shawnah - posted on 10/11/2009

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I had the same symptoms you are having when my oldest was little. I went to the doctor about a different problem and after hearing what i was going through.. they did blood work and found out I have hypothyroidism. It messes with everything from weight gain to your emotions. You dont feel like even getting out of bed. They put me on medication for it which has helped tremendously. You should ask your doctor to check you for it. You will be amazed at just how much your thyroid can screw you up! I hope this helps!

Shawnah - posted on 10/11/2009

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I had the same symptoms you are having when my oldest was little. I went to the doctor about a different problem and after hearing what i was going through.. they did blood work and found out I have hypothyroidism. It messes with everything from weight gain to your emotions. You dont feel like even getting out of bed. They put me on medication for it which has helped tremendously. You should ask your doctor to check you for it. You will be amazed at just how much your thyroid can screw you up! I hope this helps!

Shawnah - posted on 10/11/2009

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I had the same symptoms you are having when my oldest was little. I went to the doctor about a different problem and after hearing what i was going through.. they did blood work and found out I have hypothyroidism. It messes with everything from weight gain to your emotions. You dont feel like even getting out of bed. They put me on medication for it which has helped tremendously. You should ask your doctor to check you for it. You will be amazed at just how much your thyroid can screw you up! I hope this helps!

Krystel - posted on 10/11/2009

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Take time for yourself when the kids are in bed if you can.Take a romantic "by yourself bath", with music, candels and bubbles the works. If nothing else it will give you time to think, unthink, unwind and channel positive energy.

Anita - posted on 10/11/2009

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I had all those same problem and I went to my doctor and i found out I had Hypothyroidisum. it can trough all your hormones off balance but I now take synthroid and all the symptoms are going a way a day at a time. Hang in there I am 38 an at home mom for the last 7 years I have been doing it on my own because my husband is in the military and gone most all the time he is now on his third tour of duty in Afghnistan. I promise you put your faith in God he will not give you more than you can handle. I have bee going through exactly what you are right now and It will get better have faith in God and in yourself just remember as Mom you have the worlds most important job ever. Remember to love yourself and don't be afaid to ask friends and family to come help if you need a break don't be afraid to take it ask for some one to come stay with your kids and go get your hair done nails done or just go for a walk in the park what ever relaxes you. Take some time out for you out of each day. Even if it is 15 to 30 minutes make that your calm time. Take a bubble bath or what ever.

Clarissa - posted on 10/11/2009

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honestly have you tried calling the theripist and telling him/her that the this can not wait and you need the help ASAP? Most of the time they will make time for emergancy cases.

Shandy - posted on 10/10/2009

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Can you get a free sitter like a family member to watch the kiddos so you can have a day to your self? Whats the hubby doing, have you talked to him?

Penny - posted on 10/10/2009

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you poor deer been there i was on antidepressants its stressful but i know what you mean by no help you will b ok the hair loss is stress

im about to have my 4th baby glutten for punishment hang in there you will b ok you need sirious time out hope all works out for you xxxx

Jonie - posted on 10/10/2009

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ok so I was a stay at home mom when my son was young and I can relate. I feel the need to tell you that it is right for some moms, but not all of us. My son is 13 now but i can still remember how it felt during that time. I was frustrated, fat, my hair uncut and i got to the point where i wore pj's all day why change into nice clothes to sit in the house? My answer? Spend any energy you have left on getting a job. Even though the work is hard, it gets you a peice of day that is all yours. A life outside of that house and your kids. Like i said for moms who can do it all day wtg. Some of us just can't and you kids will be happier if you are. Money will be more plentiful and such also. Most states have programs to help pay for certificate classes and with a bit of babysitting you could be a cna or something, and that makes it easier to get work. We all want what is best for our kids, and maybe you being home is not what is best. When you work all day your tired yes but you are missing your kids as you haven't seen them all day. this somehow gives us more patience most of the time. But hang in there it does get better i promise.

Kmclaug1 - posted on 10/10/2009

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try finding a MOMS Club near you. They are a saving grace. They do have dues but it is not expensive and will wave them if you can't afford it. They have different playgroups and stuff for kids to do as well and well there are lots of moms in your shoes and are very helpful if need be.

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2009

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hi jessica i have two kids also theres 15 months between them. I use to get my eldest involved in everything i was doing with my youngest eg if i was changing a nappy i would ask my eldest to hand me wipes and the nappy and would tell her what a great big sister she was for helping. i think its easier to involve them so they dont think they are being pushed to the side and the new baby is the replacement. you should try going for a walk every day ar have a cuppa even just for 10 mins. just so u have mammy time. i wish u all the best

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2009

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hi jessica i have two kids also theres 15 months between them. I use to get my eldest involved in everything i was doing with my youngest eg if i was changing a nappy i would ask my eldest to hand me wipes and the nappy and would tell her what a great big sister she was for helping. i think its easier to involve them so they dont think they are being pushed to the side and the new baby is the replacement. you should try going for a walk every day ar have a cuppa even just for 10 mins. just so u have mammy time. i wish u all the best

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2009

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hi jessica i have two kids also theres 15 months between them. I use to get my eldest involved in everything i was doing with my youngest eg if i was changing a nappy i would ask my eldest to hand me wipes and the nappy and would tell her what a great big sister she was for helping. i think its easier to involve them so they dont think they are being pushed to the side and the new baby is the replacement. you should try going for a walk every day ar have a cuppa even just for 10 mins. just so u have mammy time. i wish u all the best and if you want to chat more please do i am also a stay at home mom you can add me to ur circle if you wish.

Kelly - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting Jessica :

No their father and I are engaged but I do all the work, he uses the excuse that he has a real job and needs to relax too!



awww hell no! a real job? no. that doesn't fly. you tell him that your job is just as REAL as his. you may not make any money at it, but tell him you'd like to see him stay at home all day with both kids, take care of them, the house, and his lazy a$$. You don't deserve that honey. I'm a stay at home mommy too. I've only got a 9mo, and she's not that bad, but my hubby complains that he works all day and has to come home and help me out. I can't say I know how you feel, but I understand. I know it's hard, but do what you can to MAKE time for yourself.

Alisa - posted on 10/10/2009

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I had Post-partum Depression about 5 years ago. The 2 things that helped me was www.flylady.com (FLY- finally loving yourself) and finding God. flylady teaches you to FLY, live w/out CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) and FACE (financial awareness continually empowers) and many others including setting up routines that will help you. Finding God gave me the peace that I can't even explain and it changed my life & the lives of my children. I have patience that I otherwise would not have. I pray that some wisdom that someone shares will help you.

Lynda - posted on 10/10/2009

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I am a stay at home mom and have been for ten years. My oldest son isn't my husbands biological son but treats him as such, he has raised him since he was three, and we have a three year old daughter. There is no way my husband even try's to tell me that what I do isn't as hard as his job. What you need to do is leave him with the kids for the weekend. Go stay at a girlfriends house and let him see how hard it is. I do it every so often with my husband so he remembers, it's not easy!!!

Jessica - posted on 10/10/2009

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Hang in there! It will get better. I am a mom of a 2 year old and an 8 month old and I know how hard it is. My hair is falling out like crazy as well and I am completely stressed out. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I think about how lucky I am to be home with my children. Try to take some time for yourself whenever possible or find ways to simplify your day.

Bethsarim Catherine - posted on 10/10/2009

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What I do is put on some "Chillout.FM" music on, nice smelling candles (preferably up where no kid can reach) and take 30 minutes to chill. Find something you are passionate about (hobby) and keep your routine up, shower early, have breakfast for yourself and dress up a bit. Lipgloss today, mascara tomorrow. Throw away every sweatshirt and pant and change what you wear. Once a month I'd buy a cute shirt on sale or two, something low budget but cute. Also you may need to look for a mommy-buddy.



In my place I've done Herbalife for the weight issue and hairloss (stress is eating away at your vitamin reserve!!). So add a supplement or two to you "Care-for-me" package. And Herbalife doubles as work when you get results, but that's something you could consider personally.



Once you've set up your own "care-for-me" routine, muster up teh courage to make a date with your husband and talk to him calmly and relaxed about how you feel, it's best to open that line of cummunication because "real" job is no excuse... a mother's stay at home work is worth a heck of a lot more (ever done the math??) than one single job ($30000 a/yr) because you are basically functioning in at the very least 3 positions, Housekeeper, Cook and Nanny/Tutor (that's if you don't also do the administration of the household budget, if you do that's also Accountant). Now, I'd advise to approach this in a refreshing and calm manner, a "let's solve this together" talk, rather than a "You never help or appreciate me talk".

Rosana - posted on 10/10/2009

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Jessica, I know how you feel I had my first kid at the age of 19, now I am 24 and have 3. I went to see a therapist about 2 years ago who put me on meds that made things worse. I am at home all the time and work here is hard to find also. I stay at home 24 7 with my kids also. My husband trys to help but he is gone a lot, and my family is not much help. I have learned that you need people to talk to. I am here if you want to chat add me sometimes it is better to talk to people who are having the same problems. If you have friends you should try a girls night out even if it is hanging out at home with them once a month. I try to find things to do during nap time now, because when I sleep I feel worse. It might be a little of the after baby blues to, it can last a while. Hang in there and I am free to chat if you like

Kim - posted on 10/09/2009

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Are your kids on a routine? Do they take regular naps or have a regular bedtime? If not, it's time to start today! Routines are good for everyone. The kids know what to expect and you know when to anticipate quite time (my favorite time of the day!). I am a big believer in the best thing you can do for your kids is take care of their mother! Often times, us moms put us last on the list and that is wrong, wrong, wrong! You should be number 1 because if you are not 100% then how can you give 100%? Please find a reliable family member, friend, or neighbor who can help you from time to time so you can have me-time. You are not being selfish for doing that. Good luck and make time for yourself real soon!

Lakesha - posted on 10/09/2009

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First let me start off by saying it will be okay! It may not feel like it but it will. We all get overwhelmed & believe me I completely understand, I was 25 with a my kids being 3 1/2, 2 & newborn, only difference is my husband helped out. Is there anyone who can give you a break?? Breaks are so important, you need some you time. I know some people disagree with moms having me time but without it we are bound to blow a cap. Life can get stressful & we as moms have to find a balance & relief. By all means please have someone give you some relief even if it's just for an hr or 2. As far as the stress be careful because it can cause more than just hair loss. Try to get out of the house if possible in the day, stroll in the park with the babies. Change of scenery alone is helpful. TAke a deep breath & release it! Even if it's when you're in the bathroom. You must get it out, talk to a friend or someone. Please know it will be okay, it will be okay it will.......we are mothers made strong......we can bend but we will not break. This is only temporary.

Deanna - posted on 10/09/2009

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I am feeling the same Jessica! I have a four month old...and she is hard to handle..i couldnt even imagine having more than one to handle. Im pretty much everything you are...im having hair loss...short tempered...im soooo cranky all the time! Life should be amazinf to me right now but it just isnt. I am married and my husband tries his best with her but it seems like she just hates him! And it gets to me sooo bad because I NEED A BREAK! But we are military and live away from all of our family so i really dont have anyone else to help give me a break. I miss not having new clothes...getting my hair and nails done....all the things that make a woman feel better about themself! My husband is the one who makes the money ...and he sometimes holds it over my head to wear i cant go and do those things! Ive looked for a job but there is no one hiring! especially when im really only available weekdays. My husband would not be able to take care of her on his own. he is the same as yours al]nd tells me he works all day long and i dont. But im pretty sure being a mom is a job! They just dont understand. And its becasue they have had it as a piece of cake from the start. I just feel like i dont have my own life anymore! I want to do the things that make me feel better about myself!!! he is slowly letting me do things but its still just not enough! We fight constantly....i just feel like having a kid totally ruined our marriage...thats bad to say but ever since we had her its been fight after fight. Ive spoke to him about marriage couseling before but he says hes too good for that! But i think it would help out alot! i just think once we get out of the Marine Corp move back home...i start making my own moneya nd can do things for me that i will start liking life alot better. I guess this is just how its gona be for now!

Christie - posted on 10/09/2009

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meetup.com helped save me from insanity. Find a playgroup in your area. Girlfriendcafe.com also helped me find friends in my area like me. Made a world of difference.

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2009

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I am 23 and have a set of 4 month old twins(planned) i am married. My husband is an aouto body tech and works in the heat 10-12 hr days while i stay at home with my twins. No one else has EVER given my babies a bath, made them a bottle, or put them to bed.My husband never really did alot and had very little patence so even when he tried id end up taking over because i couldnt stand it.I also have not had a haircut or color since long before i had my twins, while i miss those things, it is all trivial when you think about your little miracles, we too cannot afford for me to do any of those things. try cutting out things that you really dont need(cable) thats one thing that we cut out, i had a serious talk with my husband about his involvment and he has since improved tremendously, and we are all happier! i hope this gets better for you as i know how hard it can be.

Cristina - posted on 10/09/2009

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It is so hard I am going through something like this too, but You can't give up, mama, it is just a transition time, I promise, this children and situation were given to you because God knew that you would do right by it, just know that by stressing yourself out to the point your hair is falling out is not going to make anything better, I know self esteem plays a big role in our lives and knowing that the dad is playing the butt and living it all up to you is no help at all, but you have to become a bit selfish and care for yourself in order to be good for the children that love you so much, so when you see a stress fit coming up (if you have anyone to care for them fro a couple of hrs.) leave them and go take care of you, walk, relax, do yoga, go for a run, do your nail, pain a picture, or just sit and read, pray for patience, you deserve the ME time, and you need it more than many, so take care of you and God bless, you are not alone in this, there are many many of us in the same boat being dealt the same deck of cards, we'll pray for you.

Angelina - posted on 10/09/2009

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You need to step back and take a breather. Your children are reacting to your moods wheter they're happy or not so being short with them only makes it worse. I am aSAHM and I'm lucky if my hubby takes out the trash. I went to a parenting discipline class that helped loads. I was a screamer and it seemed I got to the point where I was screaming constantly. I've since learned that there are better ways to get our kids to cooperate. When we lose control their behavior will follow. You have to find ways to feel good about yourself no matter how much weight you've gained. I'm trying my hardest to lose weight now but I also got stuck in a funk and having two kids back to back like that never gave your body enough time to recover the first time around. When you wake up take 5 minutes to wash up, apply moisturizer and a lil lip gloss and change into clean clothes. . You will feel instantly fresher. Take control of the food situation in your house by eliminating snack foods and buy fruit. You'd be surprised how easy it is to eat right when you get rid of the wrong foods. Buy your kids baby snacks that wont tempt you and eat one small sweet daily such as 2 cookies or a mini candy bar....anything so you dont feel deprived. Drink tons of water and cut back on salt which just bloats you. And most important remind yourself daily that you're in charge and you wont let the kids take that from you. Stop negotiating with them, As soon as they misbehave give one warning and an appropriate consequence if they dont give cooperation. Then follow through. It will take time but it is doable. I really have so many more tips from the workshop and materials I can scan on certain ages and their behavior and how we should deal. Email me if you like....Cherryxtc@yahoo.com......Angie

[deleted account]

I know exactly how you feel I am a single mom of 2 kid and have had my fair share of battles with CPS being involved because I lost it and just got too stressed out having my 2 kids around all the time with no break and no mommy time.

Here is my suggestions.

1. Apply for state aid benefits, They are there to help you when you are in situations like this, I am not saying take advantage and just live off the state but you need to make sure you can support your kids.

2. Get child support involved, they can help you get mediation for your kids dad if they are still in the same area and often can help get dads to be a little bit more involved, I didn't have any luck with that but it is worth a try your kids deserve you to try for them.

3. Get on google and search free activities in....(whatever town you live in)

4. Take a walk to the park and let the kids run around and play with other kids their age so that you don't have to be right up there with them the entire time, kids naturally are drawn to people their own size and will play with them.

5. Go to your local community center and ask them about program scholarships to put your kids in programs centered around kids their own age like kinder music. mommy and me. little kickers and any program that your community center may have.

6. If your kids make alot of messes put the toys up where they can't reach them and let them choose 1 toy each to play with for the day so that you don't have to constantly clean up after them, if they cry about their toy later in the day just be patient and explain that they can choose any toy they want for tomorrow but this is the one they get for today, don't bend and they will soon not throw fits because they will learn that they will get nothing from doing this.

Please feel free to email me ANYONE who is stressed out from their kids and needs help, tips, or just someone to vent to I stay at home with my kids due to being legally blind and not being able to drive so I can talk any time.

Brandonandelisabethsmomma@hotmail.com

[deleted account]

I know exactly how you feel I am a single mom of 2 kid and have had my fair share of battles with CPS being involved because I lost it and just got too stressed out having my 2 kids around all the time with no break and no mommy time.

Here is my suggestions.

1. Apply for state aid benefits, They are there to help you when you are in situations like this, I am not saying take advantage and just live off the state but you need to make sure you can support your kids.

2. Get child support involved, they can help you get mediation for your kids dad if they are still in the same area and often can help get dads to be a little bit more involved, I didn't have any luck with that but it is worth a try your kids deserve you to try for them.

3. Get on google and search free activities in....(whatever town you live in)

4. Take a walk to the park and let the kids run around and play with other kids their age so that you don't have to be right up there with them the entire time, kids naturally are drawn to people their own size and will play with them.

5. Go to your local community center and ask them about program scholarships to put your kids in programs centered around kids their own age like kinder music. mommy and me. little kickers and any program that your community center may have.

6. If your kids make alot of messes put the toys up where they can't reach them and let them choose 1 toy each to play with for the day so that you don't have to constantly clean up after them, if they cry about their toy later in the day just be patient and explain that they can choose any toy they want for tomorrow but this is the one they get for today, don't bend and they will soon not throw fits because they will learn that they will get nothing from doing this.

Please feel free to email me ANYONE who is stressed out from their kids and needs help, tips, or just someone to vent to I stay at home with my kids due to being legally blind and not being able to drive so I can talk any time.

Brandonandelisabethsmomma@hotmail.com

Crystal - posted on 10/09/2009

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Quoting Jessica :

No their father and I are engaged but I do all the work, he uses the excuse that he has a real job and needs to relax too!


You have got to be kidding right?!?!?!?!? As a mom you work 24/7!!!!!! Thats outragious! Yes I have had the same fight with my husband so I know how that one feels. But since he got laid off he is here all the time and he sees what I deal with every day and he has become a bit more understanding. But my opinion for what its worth is that you need to throw a frying pan at his head. lol J/K No really just keep it together. it doesnt last forever. Definately find a mommy and me group or look into local churches many of them do a mommy's day out. maybe you can get into something like that. But you definately need to take some time for yourself! good luck and I will be praying for you!

Nancy - posted on 10/09/2009

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Oh my gosh...I feel your pain!! I am a stay at home mom with one child only but I feel overwhelmed alot of times. My husband is stationed in Oklahoma which is way too far away from either family. I know noone here, no friends close or family. My husband works too much during the week that we barely see him. This is a very small town, so I can't even go anywhere!! Anyway, my baby and I spend most of the time at our apartment doing the same routine always. There are days I really go crazy and like you, my temper is not the best. I have gained weight too, eventhough I really try my hardest to avoid gaining more. I am not half of what I used to be (when I was working), I dress so casual all the time, my nails and hair are a mess, I do not sleep enough, I feel exhausted most of the times or just without energy, I feel nasty very often smelling like puke and diapers, and eventhough my husband tries to help as much as he can...is not enough for me to have just ONE hr for myself. It's always the baby, or the house, or a doctor's appointment, etc. But I want to think that this will change in the future...or at least I HOPE!

Steph - posted on 10/09/2009

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Ok so I read your comment and I thought I was the only one going through this. I am 24ys ols amd my kids are 11 months apart they are both the same age for 2 weeks! I am a 24/7 all my life and everyfree minute stay at home mom. I am engaged to their father and he feeds me the same line of crap that yours does to you. I am so stressed that my whole body hurts i cry at the drop of a hat, I am so short tempered with the kids and steve. Inever want to have sex with him cuz im so stresed and so tired and by the time I even get the kids to sleep its so late and that causes problemswith me and him but what does he expect from me. im a full time mom not a super hero! Ifeel like kids are taking over and tag teaming me and i feel like a prisoner in my own home cuz I never leave the house! I live in a 2 bedroom apt with 4 people its small its stressful and i can barley afford to live her and we really need a bigger place. I have a boy and a girl and they can only share a room for so long. well noone seems to understand me and how i feel but i saw your posting and suddenly i dont feel so alone. I wish there was somethimg I could say to help you but im afraid all i can to is be someone to talk to when your having a bad day or for support cuz if you feel anything like me then you need it, i know i do!

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