I don't think I can take another day!!!

Jessica - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 154 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, they are 14 months apart. I'm a 25 year old mother and 24-7 365 stay at home mom., with very lil help from their dad. Here lately I have been so stressed out that my hair is falling out I've gained tons of weight along with the baby weight, I honestly can't even cry, I get short with my kids and everyone else. Everything seems to be going wrong...overweight, hair loss, in pain all the time, short tempered, can't get motivated and looked for employment but no one has called back, NO MONEY...the list goes on. I'm going to a therapist on Nov. 11 but don't think I can wait that long! Any solutions until then

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Steph - posted on 10/09/2009

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Ok so I read your comment and I thought I was the only one going through this. I am 24ys ols amd my kids are 11 months apart they are both the same age for 2 weeks! I am a 24/7 all my life and everyfree minute stay at home mom. I am engaged to their father and he feeds me the same line of crap that yours does to you. I am so stressed that my whole body hurts i cry at the drop of a hat, I am so short tempered with the kids and steve. Inever want to have sex with him cuz im so stresed and so tired and by the time I even get the kids to sleep its so late and that causes problemswith me and him but what does he expect from me. im a full time mom not a super hero! Ifeel like kids are taking over and tag teaming me and i feel like a prisoner in my own home cuz I never leave the house! I live in a 2 bedroom apt with 4 people its small its stressful and i can barley afford to live her and we really need a bigger place. I have a boy and a girl and they can only share a room for so long. well noone seems to understand me and how i feel but i saw your posting and suddenly i dont feel so alone. I wish there was somethimg I could say to help you but im afraid all i can to is be someone to talk to when your having a bad day or for support cuz if you feel anything like me then you need it, i know i do!

[deleted account]

Can you get any family member to watch your children while you go for an outing alone or with your husband even for an hour? That maybe helpful.

N - posted on 10/09/2009

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My kids are 3 and 4, same amount of months apart as yours. I was feeling that way for a long time. My husband and I saw a therapist together and it helped tremendously. You have to get your husband involved. You can't do it alone. Even if he has a job that's no excuse to not help with the kids. You may want to bring him to therapy too.

In the meantime, I find that getting out for a walk or bike ride by myself does wonders. On the weekends, I wait until the kids are down for a nap and my husband stays there while I go out. I've also found an affordable preschool for them. My daugther started this month and my son starts in a few weeks. I am finally getting the downtime I need.



I know how hard it is. I have no family in the area except for my mother-in-law who doesn't have an interest in babysitting. Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 10/09/2009

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Jessica...I understand what you are saying. We all go through trials in life and some are bigger and last longer than others. Do you know the Lord? I have 3 children and a husband who works long hours. I would never be able to get through the day without Christ. http://walkintheword.com/

Stephanie - posted on 10/09/2009

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Try seeing if anyone your mom a freind someone can watch your kids for awhile . Even if it's for two hours . Getting away will give you time to get your self together and relax..It normal to feel stressed out at times part of being a mother are the hard times . I was feeling the same way for awhile after having my first son so what I would do is when he would naptake a hot bath it gives you sometime to your self .I also went back to school it gave me ME time which is something that all moms forget to do . There should be counslors in your area that can help you asap . remember most stay at home moms feel that way at one time or another even if they have a partner to help them .

Maria - posted on 10/09/2009

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Hi!, I am a new mother of boy/girl twins now 14 months, was working full-time had nice figure before. Now after the babies I chosed to quit work since babysitting will be too much, per hour per baby! I never thought of being a stay at home mom, well.....the house looks like a hurricane came through the house, I looked like a hermet, on WIC and food stamps, unemployment in pending. But you know what, I am so thankful blessed, to have these healthy, happy, loving babies. Which would never dreamed of having! As long as you have God in your life.....let go and let God! Things will be come along.....all the little things in life will be second-hand......

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2009

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Take small "steps". Your world is not going to become perfect over night, or ever for that matter. I do understand why you would feel this way. Take a few long deep breaths. Look at the beautiful babies that you have been blessed with (Even though they may not feel like blessings right now) and remember that they need you. They need you and love you SO much even if you are not loving yourself right now. Even if you are overweight etc. Take small steps to get motivated. You are depressed and going to a therapist is the best thing to do, and that is something. At least you are doing that. Tomorrow morning wake up and say to yourself, "I will make today a good day". Make you and your babies a yummy breakfast. Enjoy the morning with them. (And it will help you lose weight, the best way to lose/burn fat is too eat more - and this means breakfast). Have them help you do small things around the house, they will love getting the chance to help you, and it will make them feel important. Have them help you wipe things, load the dryer, sweep etc. It will also help make your days go by faster. Color with them, let them get messy. Take a nap with them. Remember that you are all they know. When you feel like yelling at them, take a breath, count to 10 or 20 and use a nicer tone. Think of your children as a mirror and imagine what they see when you yell at them, imagine what they must feel like. Take time for YOU. Take a bath, take vitamins. Go for a walk with your kids in the evening, the more you do it, the more you will look forward to it. Ask your husband to help. Tell him that you are overwhelmed. Look for play groups at your local library, that will get you out of the house with your little ones. Just dont give up. There is hope. And tomorrow is a new a day. It will take time, but you will feel better about yourself. You will be a better person and a better mother for it. Everyone is struggling for work and money right now. You are not alone. Just make the most of today. And talk to people so that you dont feel so hopeless. (I am on here alot, so if you need to chat, please feel free to look for me).

Celina - posted on 10/09/2009

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You got to relax and hold those horses. Your a strong mother yea its very hard. I have 4 children whom there under the age of 5, and I juss turned 23 last week. You have to think positive there not babies forever. I know the feeling what u have now is. Yea Im a stay at home mom,and i dont go anywhere. There gods gift to u and u have to make the best out it. You'll have ur break soon its juss the matter of time thats what I always think. Dont beat yourself too much its juss gonna make u breakdown. The motivation I have today is my kids there energetic lil ones they make my day go really fast. Yea I have a husband, but its a woman responsibility. You carried each child for nine months with patience. So have that same patience. I have three boys and one girl. The oldest is 5, 4, 2 and my lil girl will be 1 on the 11th. So relax, take a breathe be strong for u and your children. I maybe very young with lots of kids but I love it.

Amy - posted on 10/09/2009

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Hi Jessica, You're not alone and everything is going to be okay. I was in the same boat; I have a 2 year old and 1 year old, 14 months apart--I had gained tons of weight (on top of baby weight), felt horrible, was exhausted from the moment I woke up--I could barely walk since my feet hurt so much, and I truly felt evil, like it took all my energy not to scream like a maniac and just break down. Anyway, very long story short, went to the doctor, got my blood tested, and found out having the kids knocked my hormones out of whack--I developed hypothyroidism (slow metabolism, low energy), high blood pressure, diabetes/insulin resistance (my body was a fat-building machine), and some other unpleasant conditions like anxiety/depression and PCOS-polycystic ovary syndome (eggs don't get released so therefore hormones screwed up). Six different doctors later, and countless blood tests---everything is screwed up with my hormones. They all impact each other, and unfortunately make you gain more weight like a snowball effect and make you unhealthier and more depressed/desperate. My advice is to skip all of the middle men doctors and go straight to an endocrinologist (hormone doctor) and ask for blood tests after telling hime/her your sysmptoms. I was SHOCKED to find out how many other women suffered from these same things, and I had never really heard about them. Different medicines have helped, and a low carbohydrate diet (bleh!) helps lose the weight the best. I DO know what you feel like though, and it's not fun. It WILL get better, but get yourself checked out! BTW, no shame in anti anxiety/depression medication, especially when your sanity is at stake. Also, don't know if you go to a church or not, but letting the church know can usually help---many people will assist you with preparing/bringing food over, or staying with the kids while you take a nap or shower. You mentioned money issues...sometimes they help that way too, but mostly they can help you by listening and just being there.

Best of luck :)

Rachel - posted on 10/09/2009

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you sound excatly like me, my daughter is 18months and im now 4 and half months preggers and i was told i had post natal depression bout 6 months ago, i hate myself sometimes but you need to talk to their dad and any family you have and ask them for help, i think you might need anti-depression tablets they might help i would also ask to see someone who might help and just try n relax i no thats easier said than done but hunni it helps, get a babysitter for a couple of hours and take a long hot bath or do what you know will relax you, i got so stressed once i had to take a 2hour bath but it worked. i just lay there reading a abook and had a big cup of tea. if you need to just let it out to someone add me on face book and i will talked you.

Lyndie - posted on 10/09/2009

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Talk to the Dr about EffexorXR. I've been there!!! My kids are 15 months apart and I know what you are going through. When my daughter was 6 mths old I finally when to the dr becaude no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fix it. I tried to be happy but I couldn't. The med helps alot, it's not going to make everything go away, it just makes it to where you can handle the little things (like your little one painting with her poop on the wall) so the big things don't completly overwhelm you.

Lynn - posted on 10/09/2009

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Make a list of helpful things from all of your fellow mums on this site.

Take the children for a walk

Read an extra book with them each day

etc etc

Each week introduce one new thing to your life off the list.

It is soooooooo overwhelming to turn things around at the flip of a coin.

Initially go to your local doctor - you may benefit from vitamins.

Take baby steps - just love yourself. Think of Breathing, quietly, calmly, and take deep breaths often throughout the day.

Judi - posted on 10/09/2009

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Find a person you trust, leave the kids with them,(even just for two hours) and watch the funniest movie you can think of. A good laugh always seems to help me. I am a stay at home, full time mum of three and was a single mum when the girls who are now teenagers were just babies. It's a long thankless job but laughter is really a wonderful remedy. Hope this helps.

Tiffany - posted on 10/08/2009

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I understand the desperation in your post. I have two babies, Hunter 18 months and Aubrey 4 months. I breastfeed, go to school, and manage the house. My husband works long hours noon until midnight. I do it all day alone. I find it hard to leave the house and when I am at relatives homes I feel as if I am intruding on them with my energetic toddler and new baby. I know the feeling of being last on the list and just yesterday found myself at the end of my rope. I am a Christian and pray for peace and guidance when I get overwhelmed. I am actually attending a couples retreat at our church this weekend with my husband. I will keep you in my prayers and want you to remember that they gifts from God and we are blessed to be able to be mothers. We need breaks for ourselves daily- mine is my 5 min shower every morning. It is daily a struggle- just today I decided that I would rather have my sanity than clean dishes! Sometimes I find myself stressing that I don't get all the house work done before he gets home from work tonight. But loosing it in the process isn't worth it. God bless you and your lil kiddos. I hope today it better- that's all we can ask for:)

Claudia - posted on 10/08/2009

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I agree, not everyone is cut out to be a stay at home mom. That decisions is personal to everyone. I just put my two girls 3&1 in full time day care so I can go to school. We just moved and my husband has been deployed, not to mention his car broke down and so did his motorcycle. My house is not spotless (hard for me cus im a neat freak)but my sanity and well being are more important. My girls are clean and taken care of, the dishes sit in the sink for 2 days before I get to them. I've learned to let things go and focus on the more important things. If im not ok, then my girls are not ok. I know it sounds selfish but I try to make my self a priority. If I don't rest enough or eat every few hours, I get migraines, so i have to take care of myself. I know it's hard but perhaps a few minutes a day, a nap, reading a book or doing something for yourself might help.

Krystal - posted on 10/08/2009

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I know just how u feel I have 4 kids and there ages are 3,4,5,and6 they are all a year older than each other and I am a stay at home mom as well. I can not drive either so we walk every were. I never have any time for anything. My husband is always at work or sleeping for work. It can be really hard when they are so close together like that. But hang in there it happens to a lot of moms. Try to get them on a bed time and nap time routine so that way you have some time to your self at the end of the night. It is ok to leave the house work go for the night some times. Try watching super nanny I have taken some of her ideas and disapline actions and used them. or you can look for a book called LOVE AND LOGIC its great!!!

Priscilla - posted on 10/08/2009

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I am in the same boat only thing is I work part time also and still am broke. I got very good suggestions from this site because i have no family here and most of my friends are single. Try joining a church group or set up play dates so you can drop the kids off for a bit and rejuvinate. I just asked one of my single friends to sit my 2yr and 11month for me and she did.I thought I was imposing on her but she understood. I am still short with my mate and the kids but I try to take a few breaths and let things go. If the kids get crazy and I'm going to explode I let them continue what their doing like making a mess and deal with it later. Its not worth it to be harsh or show them the monster in you because its not their fault. If you can try to set up sitter nites with other moms also so you can get away or just relax with your spouse and return the favor.

Lorraine - posted on 10/08/2009

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i'm in the same boat as you and i do feel bad for my husband cause a lot of the time he does not deserve it. i just find myself being really short with him. we are in the military so it's really just us two. no friends or family that are close by. all i have is my hubby and he is so tired after work that he just wants to relax. i know that he wants time to himself but by the time i get any time for me it's about 10pm and i have to go to sleep. now i'm having trouble sleeping cause i just feel stressed. i've always have been able to just knock out but i guess that's all gone now.

Lori - posted on 10/08/2009

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I'm glad to see see there are other mothers out there going through the same stuff as me. I have kid's 2, 1 and 5 months. My husband works long hours, however he is at a desk and sits all day. Yet everything is on me since i don't work..Ladies he dosn't know what work is. He won't even make a bottle or help put them to bed...So i just go in my room lock the door and take a hot bath. Not only do you have the stress of the wants and needs of your kids,but you have the stress of keeping the house up. And if if it's not done then you get the smart comments..I wish for one week men could be in our shoes.

Jennifer - posted on 10/08/2009

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WOW!!! I am not the only one. I have a five month old and I so stressed my hair is falling out. I thought It was something wrong with me. I never get a break. I have been away from her 3 times since birth. and never more that a few hours. I want to go back to work to get some rest! But my husband wants me home. I just don't think everyone is cut out to be a stay at home mom. I Hope things get better for everyone.

[deleted account]

oh honey ur so not alone!!

i have two boys 2 and 1, almost 13 mos apart!! first of all.. i pray A LOT lol.. it helps trust me, even if its a quick or HOLY MOTHER HELP ME lol.. she understands.. anyways, yes i agree that playdates are so important for you and kids.. i also belong to a mothers group.. gets me out of the house and plenty of good women there that get it.. i also walk every am with the kids after brfst as a calming part of the daily routine and good exercise for me too!!.. lets those endorphins out.. try to LAUGH at your beautiful children even if they're annoying the poop out of you.. that helps a lot.. as ofr daddy.. remind him that you have a very imp job yourself.. you are grooming those kids to be good people.. not always easy.. they can try to argue w you lol.. routine is imp!!.. find a good one that doesnt leave u hating the days.. seek out support from family friends, church.. money is very hard right now for most but not the most important.. mommy is the glue for family.. open up communication w dad, guys need to be told black and white how you feel.. they're not wired to just get it.. trust me.. you will be ok

Bonnie - posted on 10/08/2009

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this is my situation EXACTLY! im 25 yr old mum of 2boys -aged 7yrs old and almost 1! My partner does SFA to help me..he claims because he works hes doing his bit.. i havent had proper nights sleep since i was pregnant. Im the same-im past being able to cry..physically cant do it! im short and snappy with my kids and partner-the ONLY ppl i see.. im on the clock 24-7 its mum mum mum and no support. I have constant headaches and think all the time about packing my bags and leaving...that or the fact that if i didnt have my kids id suicide. its sad but its the truth. So i went to doctors.. of course im post natal-tell me something i dont know. i started medicine.. on day 15.. no change in life or feelings.. spose ill needa a stronger kind or something i duno.. i was on a waiting list to see a councelor since my son was 3 mths old!!! pretty poor system say least.. ive started smoking..my ocd is thru the roof i had it as a teen but its way worse now.. anyways.. my solution ideas to u are ones i thought would help me if i had the choice to do anything- leave the kids with dad for then evening and go to a movie,dont take a phone just go.. with someone if u can..worse that will happen is dad wont handle it,kids will cry and be awake when u get home and maybe dad will see how things are for u. getting out the house kid free is KEY i think you need to not think about everything thats got to be done for just an hour or so. i hope things get better for u!...and for me too :P

Penny - posted on 10/08/2009

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Hi Jessica,

I agree with the other moms you need me time. Long bath in the evening after the kids are asleep. As for your fiance saying he has a 'real' job and needs to relax. I have one solution for you. It will be hard but you can do it. For 2 days do NOTHING. No dishes, No laundry, No picking up toys, No making beds, No Cooking (other than for the children), If you wear make-up or fix your hair everyday skip it. Just do the minimum of taking care of the children. When he comes home from work and says "What happened here?!" Say I took a couple of vacation days, I needed to relax. Then he will realize you also have a very real job. Another thing for stress is exercise. I know the hated words, they were for me too. But honestly it helps. I love Tae Bo, it makes me feel powerful. I have a 2 year old and he loves to watch. Put him in the play yard and I work out. He laughs, dances and tries to do it too. Hope this helps some. It will get better.

[deleted account]

Try reading a book...A very wise man gave me a book called The Secrete. I'm still reading but it has helped me in my problems... Nothing more I can say is just go to the book store and buy that book. It has been the best I've invested in so far...
Keep in touch!
Good Luck!

Maria Emma - posted on 10/08/2009

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I was in that situation too and still am lately, but my kids are older now. I have 4 girls and 2 of mine are 14 months apart too. I joined a moms group when my youngest was 1 year old and took my kids to events. I got into making crafts and planning outings. I went to alot of free events. I would go to differnt parks since I would get bored. Plan a moms night out and a date night at least once a month. Put videos on for the kids so you can have time for yourself or have them do easy crafts if they like it. Coloring is good. Libraries have story time and sometimes a character will go if you look at the schedule of events. Being a mom is hard no matter what. Maybe find a gym that watched the kids for the weight or have a freind walk with you. I sometimes take my daughter to the soccer field and let her run around while I run back and forth and then play ball with her or do something at home like dance with them or anything that gets you going. It's something. I hope this helps. I just got put on meds too so good luck with the doc. Have you tried herbal vitamins for depression or weight?

Susan - posted on 10/08/2009

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I know where you have been, trust me it will get easier. I know my hubby dosen't help me out the kids much either. But at least mine are now in school. Have you thought about any mommy and me classes, they are usually 1 or 2 days a week for about 4 hours to give your self some "me time"...i tell you it will do wonders for you. If you don't have the money is there anyone that can take the kids for a few hours just to give you a break?? My kids are 7, 10 that live with me and a 17, and 16yr old that live far away with their Dad. I still have the weight problem...haven't lost any of it since my last child..most of is from depression and lack of doing anything..i just don't have the will or the energy to do anything...so I know how you feel. Keep you head up and I think counseling will help you I know it has helped with me. :-) **HUGS**

Erica - posted on 10/08/2009

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I gained a little weight too outa feeling a little lost. When I started walking it really helped with the stress,like I go walk every day after I take the kids to school and it really helps me kinda burn off all my frustration. Im telling ya,it really worked.

Leslie - posted on 10/08/2009

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I have been in your shoes. I have a 15yo and 14 yo who are 15 months apart in age and was a single mother for those first 7 years. There was a time around the 2 1/2 year mark for my oldest I was frightened what I might do because I felt like I was losing it. It is mroe stressful than most realize to have little ones so close together and yet not developing at the same rate like twins. I heard that one alot... "people with twins can handle it why can't you?" I found the only way to keep my sanity at that time was to adhere to a bedtime schedule and after they went to bed it was ME time. Whether it was a girlfriend coming over or a phone call to one of my closest or a movie to make me cry and help vent some of the built up emotion, it seemed to eventually help. I know it is difficult but you can get through this and will be a stronger person for it.

[deleted account]

GET ON YOUR FACE AND ASK GOD TO HELP YOU. I FIND MYSELF AT TIME HAVING TO DO THAT. I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM OF THREE KIDS. MY SON HAS AUTISM. I TOO AM STRESSED OUT.HAVE PUT ON ALOT OF WEIGHT. UST NOW HAVE MY HAIR IN THE FRONT OF MY HEAD GROWING BACK. TALKING TO SOMEONE WILL HELP. TRY TO PUT THE KIDS INTO A PLAY DATE OR PLAY GROUP. TAKE SOMETIME OUT TO DO FOR YOU. GO FOR A WALK. TAKE SOME TIME OFF FOR YOU. GO TO CURVER GET THAT 30 MIN. WORKOUT. IT WILL HELP.

LISA - posted on 10/08/2009

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U sound exactly like I did a few years ago when I had my first 2 kids- I was a wreck!! And where am i now?? i now have 4 kids and am totally relaxed and carefree! how? dont sweat the little stuff, enjoy ur kids instead of housework- u hav all ur life to have a spotless home- ur kids r only little for a short while, and do something workwise that fits around ur kids. i became a childminder and was able to b with my own kids every day and make money. being a mum is the most rewarding job but it can b dark lonely and thankless! sometimes u wonder why u ever became a mum!! then u look at them when they r sleeping and feel guilty for being so grumpy?? am i right?? it does get easier! if it didn't no-one would ever have any more than 1 child. i hope this helps xxx

Tahlia - posted on 10/08/2009

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Im sorry i kinda know how you feel im a stay at home mom my husbands deployed so im the main parent at the moment. Somedays i wish i could just switch lives with someone else because i think it would be easier but the true is i love my life. Even though somedays are hell and i dont want to do it i do cause no matter how i feel theres still one little boy who will love me kknow matter what! Thats pretty awesome if you ask me. My son is autistic and somedays i want to go nuts cause its so hard to communicate with him but i wouldnt chage it for the world!

Good luck :)

Christine - posted on 10/08/2009

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First of all my son is 4yrs old. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world!!! You're not only a mom you are cook, cleaner,and a wife. And the men really want you to be the wife you where before the kids, well sorry that is not going to happen for a while. You have the kids from the time you open your eyes in the morning, until you close them at night. When a man works, he is getting out of the house away from crying and screamming.
BUT, HE has to remember you did not make these kids on your own, he had a big part in it to. And just because you stay home, doesn't mean you don't work any harder than he does.
Put the kids to bed early and make some time for you, and if your kids where like my son and didn't sleep, when dad is home go for a long shower. And if you like manny's and peddy's do it yourself at night when all is quiet, and it will make you feel like a million bucks. As for your hair try and get it styled a little shorter that way it's easier to take care of, mine only takes 5 min. in the morning. And try a little make up, a friend of mine told me that and I didn't believe her, but it does work.
Make loosing weight the last on the list, you have to get better mentally before anything else. And once that is on track then you'll see that loosing weight is no big deal.
Go and see your GP ASAP!! And tell him that you need help, they are more understanding than we think.
One day your kids are going to run up to you and give you a hug and say"I love you Mommy" and that is the best feeling anyone can have.

Samantha - posted on 10/08/2009

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Quoting Jessica :

No their father and I are engaged but I do all the work, he uses the excuse that he has a real job and needs to relax too!



My husband used that line once. Then a few weeks later I got really sick where I needed to rest in bed for 24 hours. Funny how things changed real quick after that.



Call the therapist and see if they can move you up to an earlier appointment or put you on a list to call if there is an opening. If you are active in a church, you can also call the pastor and they will be more than happy to talk to you.



Until then, try to find some alone time everyday. I understand it's difficult. I sneak my alone time in at 8PM (after my daughter is in bed) for 20 minutes by taking a jog on the treadmill. My husband thinks it's because I'm trying to stay in shape, but truthfully it's because it's the one activity I can do to get away from everyone and everything.



Good luck with the job hunt. I'm a millitary wife and know the feeling of trying to get a job but no one is hiring. I usually go to temp agencies and apply. Most agencies will tell you that they aren't looking right now or there aren't many job assignments currently but I think that's more to weed out the people who aren't serious.

Erin - posted on 10/08/2009

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i haven't read all the other replies, so maybe someone has already sugested a possible thyroid problem, i have hypothyroidism and have alot of the same physical and emotional problems. i am normaly a happy cheerful person, but if my meds are off i find myself very short with my kids, then i cry because i realize that i may have over reacted and i am worried about upsetting them. it also makes wieght loss very difficut.

Hope - posted on 10/08/2009

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You need to tell your fiance you need a little you time. I am pregnant with my second, and my fiance helps me a lot. He has a full time job, while I also am unemployed, but he understands that Mommy needs a little her time. Especially being pregnant with our second, he is trying to help me relax because I'm very uncomfortable, and high risk nonetheless.. Just have a sit down talk with the father about how you feel, and tell him to just care for the kids one hour a night for you to have some you time. It might take him awhile to get used to the idea, but it will take a lot of stress off of you.

Cheralee - posted on 10/08/2009

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I am so glad I found this thread...I am in the same boat. I got laid off and am now home with my 2 kids who are 17 months apart (oldest is 2 and youngest almost 10 months). I also babysit a 20 month old and occasionally a 9 month old to help make ends meet and I have a 5 yo step-son every other weekend and one night a week. I feel like I have lost myself amongst the diaper changes, dishes, laundry, playing with the kids, etc. I haven't gotten a real haircut or color since before my oldest was born and am fat and tired looking all the time. I have no clothes that fit, in fact my maternity clothes are a bit tight :( He doesn't understand and doesn't do much to help. In fact, this weekend he decided he couldn't take it anymore and left. We are currently getting some counseling set up and he is living with his brother. This has made things both harder and easier at the same time. I am beginning to become self-empowered and to take a little bit of myself back (because I have to for my kiddos) and actually am accomplishing more with him not here than I did before. I'm not recommending to get rid of the man, but maybe if you just did what you need to do regardless of if he is there to help you or not. Get involved with a moms group or find a couple of mom friends (SAHM friends even) that can help you, maybe swap babysitting. I have a friend who recently became a SAHM also due to lay-off and she and I have plans to get together alternating houses and help each other with some projects we have been putting off while our kiddos play. Just having some support and making small steps help. Can you get together a little money to get yourself a haircut and maybe a new outfit and box of haircolor? Give yourself a nice bubble bath (shave your legs even though it is almost winter and you will be wearing pants), a mani/pedi at home, color your hair, do a face mask, and look yourself in the face (in the mirror) and decide that you will be somebody different, a person you can like and be proud of! I recently went to a park and made a list of who I am now (it wasn't pretty or what I want) and then who I want to be and how I am going to get there. Some of the things are small and some will take more time and effort, but small is a start and really just seeing it all on paper helped. Hold strong, take it 15 minutes at a time if you need to. This is a hard time, but we will all get through it!

Alaya - posted on 10/08/2009

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When you are in your 20's you are finding yourself, meaning you as a women, mom,career,friend,and wife/partner .You now have responsibilities that you can't get rid of, but find a solution to make better.We all go through it, but in different ways, and when it hits you it will be one after another.Just remember that these problems to shall pass and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.I went through it and still going through it.Just know that God isn't going to give you anything that he knows you can't handle.You are a strong woman wtih two kids and things will get better in time.God has plans for you and it's not going to happen when you want it to but at the right time.Believe I know I've been through hell and back.Just stay strong, and try to think postive.Count your blessing and realize that things could be worst.

Amber - posted on 10/08/2009

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Try going to a doctor if you can. If your periods are all messed up along with some of your symptoms you could have a thing called PCOS! ITS NO FUN!!! If you dont and thats not the case try to hang in there! Take a bath at night make a schedule and stick to it. Make sure you have time to relax! It can be done. Hang in there!! I am keeping you in my prayers!!

Nadine - posted on 10/08/2009

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My daughter is just over 5 months and when she first came home my husband was the same way. I stay home and he works so he tried pulling that well I work and when I come home I want to relax so my come back was well I may not get paid but I work to and he is allowed to have some relaxing time when he gets home but then has to take care of the baby for at least half an hour so I can have some relaxing time too. He didn't want to do it at first but when I broke down an cried one day and told him things had to change that this was causeing me to stay in that baby blues state of mind and it was getting worse that I wasnt asking for much and it wasnt going to hurt him to give me a break from my job and play with his daughter for half and hour a day. I can no now that when I need that time I can go to him and say I need help and he will step in and take care of her for a little while so I can get that needed break. Just talk to him and try to get him to look at it as a job you dont get paid for and wouldnt he want a break if he was watching them 24/7. Good luck

Samantha - posted on 10/08/2009

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Hi, I have a 4year old and a 9month old.. I ma a stay at home mum too, and my fiance their dad goes to work and does nights shifts, I am doing everything and i love it!! And in november i am starting a new job 10pm till 6am whilist my partener does 8am-5pm, You just need to sit ur partener down and talk to him about ur feelings and when the kids are asleep have a relaxing bath read a book etc just think abit more about you and what you need and tell ur partener that aswell. i hope it works out for you hun xx

Sarah - posted on 10/07/2009

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I totally understand. I have a 7yr old daughter and I also have a 2yr old and a 1 yr old, both boys, not even 12months apart. My husband works and I stay at home. I dont have nice clothes either and honestly probably at least 5 days a week I dont see or speak to another adult except for my husband. It can make you go crazy. Some days you just want to cry. I have not had a full nights sleep since I was pregnant with my 2 yr old. Of course some days are better than others. When it is a bad day and I cant get a moments of peace and quite or they play the shadow game I just try to find something to distract them. Either let them go outside in yard and play, watch a movie or let them play video games. And since you need to vent your frustrations out the best thing I have come up with is a journal. You dont even have to write in it everyday. I usually do it when I have no one to talk to or I feel no one is understanding how I feel when I do try to talk to someone about it. You will find that once you write it all down you feel so much better and then hopefully you will find yourself later down the road writing about good days. I sure hope things get better.

Deanna - posted on 10/07/2009

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As far as the employment goes. Have you made sure to follow up on any and all of the resumes/application places within a week of applying? I did it once, and was hired within a week.

As far as temperment and all the emotions running, I'm the same on a daily basis, but I try to spend some time in the bible while the kids are getting along and watching a good show and I get some time with the Lord - the sooner in the day - the better:)

Kirsty-anne - posted on 10/07/2009

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try planning your day out from the moment you wake up to the time you go to sleep every little thing fitted into a time slot. for me at around 12 just after lunch we have quit time this is a shot cartoon for an hour sitting down being quit they are not quit they go to the room. this one hour helps me have the time out i need to sit and read a book even just sit and relax. it may work for you it may not but my children are only 14 months apart aswell so i know what your saying. then when your husband comes home the kids are all in bed of a night time i know there is still heaps to do but just go for a drive or a walk he can deal with the kids. as for the employment side of things you can manage a houshold of kids a husband and everyday things at home you make sure you put that on your resume, being a full time mum is the best test cause its like a full time job keep your head up it will get better

Christine - posted on 10/07/2009

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hello my middle 2 kids were 17 n ahalf mths apart there dad use 2 work 7days straight so im hearin you loud n clear but you will get through it i did my kids r now 5yrs2mths n 3yrs n 9mths so u will get there i know it doesnt feel like it now but u will get there ok from christine smith

E - posted on 10/07/2009

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you know what, i think every mother goes thru this to some extent. i'm in sort of the same position, i'm 25 also but i have a 3 year old and an almost 5 month old, my hair is falling out ( i think from the pregnancy) the baby weight didn't come off this time, my husband doesn't help out much, he goes to work and then comes home and goes to bed. i definitly understand the no money thing. what you need is to find some YOU time, i know that seems impossible, and costly, but my solution for myself was to buy a work out movie ($20 appox.. not horrible..not great but better than a gym right?) and try working out when my kids are in bed and my husband is playing xbox or whatever. it will hopefully get you moving and feeling better about yourself, i'm hoping it works for me, maybe it will work for you? i don't know, but just know your not alone.... doesn't seem like much help... good luck!!!!!!

Angie - posted on 10/07/2009

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calm down, email me 2 vent if needed, i am a stay at home mom of 2 also 24/7 365. emial is, vanderietw@yahoo.com. just dont do nething stupid that u r ur kiddos will regret

Brooke - posted on 10/07/2009

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Take a deeeeeeeeeeep breathe and remember "this too shall pass" =) seriously though, Daddy there needs to step it up! You two NEED to be a team! You neeeeed to feel like a woman! That's the problem, after kids you get into this Mommy funk where all you are is Mommy but remember you were Jessica before you were Mommy and that person is still very important! Make sure that you're getting a little time to yourself, even if it's Dad keeping the kids while you go on a walk or read or go grocery shopping! Hope that helps & good luck, things will get better. =)

Jill - posted on 10/07/2009

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I feel the same way, but my husband helps out a lot and is very supportive. I think all stay at home moms feel like that. You may have some post partum depression that you never got resolved. I did after both my kids. My family dr gave me a RX for it, it woked for the most part. Just know alot of us feel like that and its normal. Its hard work NO breaks at all. Just take a deep breath! Your doing a very hard but rewarding job!

Tanya - posted on 10/07/2009

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I hear you woman, I have been feeling the same way. My daughter cries for me all day long if I'm in the same house with her. which is 24/7 365 as well. My husband has no clue. My house is a mess, laundry is in abundance, I have no clean clothes, my bath time is baby bath time too. Plus Im breast feeding so I feel like a walking cow, and every time the baby"s crying or fussy her daddy brings her to me. go figure. So I can't even get a full 15 minutes to myself. And when I do all I hear is crying, I'm going out of my mind. I just keep telling myself it will get better. So keep Positive thats all we can do even when think we can't take anymore because every time they laugh and smile its worth it all.

Jamie - posted on 10/07/2009

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I feel you hun. To top it off my baby is breastfed and refuses a bottle so I never get to leave without taking her along. My kids are 20 months apart, a 2 year old and 6 month old. Sometimes I just yell and really shouldn't my husband works two jobs so he is home for hour tops between jobs. All I can say is just breath, look at your children everyday and let them be the reminder that is why you live. Start that count down until bed time hope they go to bed with ease ( my hubby isn't home at this time) and as much as it gets draining stay up and relax before bed, do something for you if it is watch tv, a movie...

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