I don't want or feel like having sex,....EVER!!

Kari - posted on 01/17/2011 ( 106 moms have responded )

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Ok,.. here is the deal,.. and I know I'm not alone here. I don't have a sex drive anymore, I don't want it, don't need it. Of course my other half says he'll be patient,... NOT! About once every month or 2 I'll give in, and even though I'm not in the mood,.. I'll walk in the bedroom and make him happy just so he'll stop being a grumpy, moody man. What ticks me off though is that he knows I don't want to,.. but he doesn't seem to care. What makes me want to punch him,... is when he not -so-subtly reminds me that he wants sex. Ex: I'm washing dishes, cleaning, trying to deal with my 2yr old( who has ADHD), and the hubby says something like," I wonder when Daddy is gonna get lucky,.. hopefully soon." I've told him many times before,. "I know you want it, you always do,.. but please stop dropping stupid hints and reminders around me. I'll come to you when I want sex." He doesn't seem to be hearing me. He still drops hints. I remind him that the hinting just stands to piss me off, but he keeps doing it. Every single time I feel like turning around and punching him and say that since he had to drop another hint, knowing how I feel,.. that he's never gonna get sex again. I've even told him to go find a sex buddy,.. I don't care. I know I don't want it and men seem to need it. I tell him I love him, but if that's what he needs to be in a good mood,.. go find it. Of course he doesn't believe it so I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't actually slept in the same bed as him for over a yr as I have to sleep on a special matress on the floor for my back,.. and with my 2 yr old as he gets night terrors due to the ADHD. I'm tired, worn-out and for those who question,.. I have my tubes tied,.. no birth control,.. but do take other meds that don't help the libido either. Arrrrrgggg. I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm not doing my womanly responsibilties,.. yet I do everything as a SAHM. Not once has he gotten up at night with his son, cause he sleeps so deep, I can't even wake him. I cook, bake, clean. He cooks once in a while and does dishes but I feel it's more to try to suck up to me so I'll put out. Any suggestions? I'm so done that I'm not even sure I like men anymore....lol.

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Bonnie - posted on 01/18/2011

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Unfortunately, sex is not everything, but it is part of a marriage. I know there are times when I don't really feel like doing it; either i'm tired or just had a long day in general. But, I know my husband wants it, so I give in and at first I may not be in the mood, but then he gets me in the mood. Could it be that maybe your husband is just not trying hard enough to make you feel loved at these times and get you in the mood?

Alicia - posted on 01/18/2011

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I understand where you are coming from! I am 29 yrs old. My husband & I have been together for 10 yrs, 9 yrs of that in marriage. He & I have not have sex in about 6 months now. I have had no desire what so ever. Luckily, neither has he. He's 34 and we are both so exhausted, not to mention overweight so both of our bodies are so achy, heel spurs, back problems, neither of us sleeping good, AND our 5 yr old son who wants us to play with him constantly and all we want to do is nothing and sleep! lol! I offer to "relieve" him, but he has no desire either. Poor guy really busts his butt to try and make ends meet for our family, working 10-12 hrs a day and Im working a measly one day a week trying my best to help out with bills too! I keep the house up, dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, tending to our son, dog, and fish, scrubbing our 2 bathrooms, and lots of other tedious OCD issues I have with cleaning as well! I wear myself out & drive myself crazy, as well as my husband, never stopping to breathe sometimes! All-in-all, bottom line, we arent having sex either and havent wanted to. A "normal" basis is once every 2-3 months anyway, for us. This is the longest we have ever been w/o sex since we've been together. We have both had a talk before, and honestly, we both think sex is WAAAAY over rated! It's fun, a great stress reliever, and nice to share with someone you think the world of and are so in-love with, but I think if society wouldnt push it so much and pound it into our brains that we HAVE to have it everyday or every other day or once a weeek, then it wouldnt be such a big issue and people wouldnt stress out about it so much! I think you need to do whatever makes you happy. I dont give in to satisfy, if a time comes up when my hubby wants to and I dont. I am very thankful, that even though I offer to "relieve" him in other ways when I dont want to, he turns down the offer cause he would rather wait til I am "in the mood' as well. lol! I think everyone is built differently anyway, I lost my virginity when I was 15 yrs old, and I've been with 3 guys, including my husband, the other 2 were of course before my husband, and I have always felt like I could care less about sex! I could go the rest of my life without it. I dont think about it, I dont like to watch it...I mean it just affects everyone differently. I have never been abused, in ANY way, so maybe Im the weird one. I dont know. I think if you dont want to, then dont. It's your prerogitive!

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2011

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I understand that there are times when one partner or the other does not feel sexual. However, I think you are being very insensitive to your marriage. Sex is a natural part of marriage and when needs are not being met, can lead to bigger problems. I would be heartbroken if my partner ever said to me..."get away, if you really need *that* in your life, go find a f* buddy" I think I'd leave him.

I think you need to discuss your health problems with a doctor and a therapist for the sake of your physical and mental health as well as the health of your marriage.

Dans_hunny - posted on 01/18/2011

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It sounds like you are emotionally and physically exhausted. I know how you feel. Since I've been on progesterone cream from my health food store, it's made a world of difference. Things change hormonally for us women from pregnancy and age. It's worth looking into finding a dr who specializes in Women's health/endocrinology or someone at your local health food store that is educated. You deserve to feel better, to feel happy.

Charlie - posted on 01/18/2011

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Im afraid I am no help , like Emma I understand where he is coming from .

HOw about instead of brushing him off you work on trying to ignite the old flame you must have had for him at some stage .
Have a date night , spend time talking to each other , try and get back into the swing of sex , I believe your sex drive is one of those things if you don't use , you lose it .

ask him to help you out more so you are not as tired , Im sure if you work out a little deal where he gets involved in the house you will be more accommodating to his needs .

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