I don't want to have sex!

Annie - posted on 09/03/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My son will be a year on the 28th of Sept. I think me and my partner he had sex less than a dozen times in almost a year. I have absolutely no drive!!!!! He works two jobs so that I can stay at home. After taking care of the baby all day and night, I don't want to be touched at the end of the day. It is really wearing on our relationship. I have tried to make myself get into it but can't. He feels like I don't want him anymore. I guess in a way thats true. I am still very much attracted to him. I am just emotionally drained.
Does anyone else have this problem. What did you do?

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14 Comments

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Jara - posted on 09/07/2010

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I completely understand how you feel. I have a 3 and 2 year old at home with me. I'm a stay at home mom and I am here all day with the kids, cleaning, doing it all. My husband gets really irritated. Even when his mom has the kids, I still don't want to do anything. I'm just so tired all I want to do is sleep. I have tried everything, and nothing has worked for me. I think my problem is just that I feel unappreciated while I do everything in this house and for the kids. So, why should I have sex with him? It's very hard and it has taken a huge toll on our marriage. We argue anyway, so it's twice as hard now that we aren't having sex anymore. I honestly hope you find something that works for you.

Misty - posted on 09/07/2010

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I had this problem with my first daughter. It lasted almost a year. Definitely took a toll on my marriage. I finally decided that I had to give my husband something or else it would just get worse. He was moody, I was moody, and in my head I thought if I gave in and "relieved his tension" perhaps he would get unmoody at least enough for me to be less moody. I tried these creams that are supposed to help boost your mood. I would get my kid to bed, put on the creams and then do like kegal exercises for a few minutes. After only a few minutes I was actually in the mood, so I made suggestions to my husband and we made our way upstairs. Turns out that I then ended up less moody too. We both ended up in better moods and after time my sex drive returned.

It was in attempts to make him happy that I became happy and rediscovered my drive. I had to make an added effort, but it made a big difference. Yes, kids make things difficult; however sometimes its that quicky in the bathroom during the kids nap that turns things right around.

Kylie - posted on 09/06/2010

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Annie, you're not alone! I too am experiencing this. And like your husband, mine doesn't understand either. He seems to make it always about himself but it isn't the case and no matter how many times you try and explain it, he still doesn't get it! If you come up with a cure for this, be sure to let me know 'coz I'm afraid of loosing my relationship...

Cara - posted on 09/06/2010

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I am in the same situation. My little guy is 13-months-old and we are in the process of trying to wean. I think my hormones are still out of whack because I am still breastfeeding. Plus the little guy REFUSES to sleep unless he is in bed with me. That has definately killed any chances since he is with me 24-hours a day.

Lisa - posted on 09/06/2010

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I have no sex drive but I have two small children at home and another one due in January. On top of that, my partner travels half the month and I'm here to take care of the kids, farm, etc. We talked about it and I told him that somedays, by the end of the day, I cannot think of one more person touching me.

He's found that if he let's me go to bed a little bit before him for a little downtime, I'm more likely to be open to sex or in the morning.

Sex is a lot different than before you had kids and there is some adjustment. Try changing the timing to say early morning or naptime.

Mary - posted on 09/06/2010

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Mine was the birth control I was on. I had the IUD and that drained my sex drive. I talked with my OB and he took it out and it came back rather quickly. I would talk to your ob just to rule out any physical problems. Good luck sweety

Laura - posted on 09/06/2010

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I have the same problem and my kids are 6 and 8. Talk to a counselor. Ob/gyn can test to see if there is a physical problem, but if it is emotional then they can't help. My problem was that I had the kids all the time and was tired. Hubby who worked outside the home came home and did NOTHING around the house to help with the boys. I was expected to have dinner on, house clean, and get kids ready for bed while he "relaxed" after his hard day at work. Of course i didn't want sex with him I felt like a servent. We are working it out. It is ok to feel this way. It does happen and it can be physical or emotional. The thing to do is find out why and work on a solution. I hope yours is due to wacked out hormones, the other is really difficult to deal with especially if the your hubby feels there is not a problem.

Sunshine - posted on 09/04/2010

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Yup! My son is almost 10 months old.. We are in the same boat.. I don't wanna have sex either. I am still like that cause I do everything.. & at the end of the day I just wanna be left alone after Lil man is in bed..

Carisa - posted on 09/04/2010

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I've never actually had much of a sex drive, so I mostly have sex with my husband for him...I know he wishes I enjoyed it more, but it's just not that important to me. The most important thing was that we reached a compromised that worked for both of us. I have had tests by my ob/gyn and they all came back normal...it was suggested that I talk to a sex therapist, but that only brought out all my other issues! I was then told we should try couples counseling, but my husband wasn't into that...so we settle on the compromise. I do think we have a very strong relationship. So you are not alone, and it is very hard to talk about (I'm only writing this because no one knows me) I suggested talking with your husband and see what you can do...one piece of advice I was given was to have him stop touching me all the time, because I was getting irritated that he always wanted sex...or for him to touch me without having sex. It might help you feel more in control. I hope this helps you.

Candy - posted on 09/04/2010

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I know the feeling. it was like that for the last 5 and 6 years. Of course now they are school. Now I am not so tried. Luckly for me my hubby understood. Now we are close because we do have one on one time now that the girls are in school. You ay just have to give it time. I didnt know your obgyn could help with a low sex drive. That is news to me to. If your ob can help I would talk to her/him.

Ali - posted on 09/04/2010

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Yep i had this problem a few months ago and what helped me was my partners mum had my daughter for a weekend it gave me time to catch up on sleep the first night have a loooong bath and just feel like myself again and it will help you too! Your drained of all your energy!

Penny - posted on 09/03/2010

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yes sounds like an imbalance in hormones. ive had that but only in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. i know you may feel embarrassed bout going the docs but im sure there's loads of women in your situation that feel similar x

Martha - posted on 09/03/2010

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I had that feeling with the father of my 1st son. Took me a while before I had sex with him. I would talk to your OBGYN about the problem. Your hormons might not be in balance properly.

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I have but normally when I'm pregnat or just had a baby. I would talk to your obgyn about it and see if they can offer something to help you. i'm not say drugs or whatever but i know there are options out there like different excersies or whatnot

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