I dont know what to do about my sons behavior...

Alishia - posted on 02/05/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son is 19 and a half months old and hes constantly slapping me, He gets so mad if something doesnt go his way and starts a tantrumand hits himself and others around him. He is very independent but if the word 'no' is said to him or he wants something he cant have he throws a fit. I've tried putting him in his crib for 5 minute timeout but seems to do nothing. Any ideas on how I could stop his hitting? he is a very pleasant boy and usually happy but when he hits ya it hurts and its just getting frustrating because I dont know what to do about it.

any suggestions would help alot

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Nicky - posted on 02/05/2011

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Hey Alishia, My daughter is 19months as well. We are a mixed race family and how my caucasion husband parent is different from how I parent. He tries to do the time outs and talk it through but at 19 months my daughter doesn't really understand. I on the other hand either would use my firm but pleasant voice, the look of "death" or I would hold the punching/ kicking body part and let her know that this is not ok, it hurts mommy. Those things usually work for me. The key is to be consistent. Even when it does not hurt still enforce your discipline of choice and let him know mommy means business. Hope this helps.

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Jane - posted on 04/23/2011

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18 mos is the time to begin timeouts. use a spot in the house for timeouts. using his crib is sending confusing messages that will blur behavior and sleep for him. we use the stairs in our house. if you are on one-level, use a corner that is only for timeouts. 2 mintes is all he can sit for right now - 1 minute for each year. use the timer on the stove once he has sat down. it's okay if he's upset, as long as he's sitting. when you sit him down, explain, put on the timer, when it goes off, explain again and get on w/the day. their little brains can't handle too much and they aren't going to remember for very long. so keep it persistent and simple. "you're sitting in time-out b/c you are hitting." when time's up, "it's not okay to hit. let't remember that today." hugs, kisses get on w/the day. and each time he hits, put him in time out. you don't have to face him in the corner, it's just about him learning what's okay behavior and what's not. he isn't hitting you b/c he wants to, he's frustrated and can't communicate. when kids don't know the parameters, they get frustraged. you teach him the parameters so he can be a successful kid in life.

Samantha - posted on 04/23/2011

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i do time outs- i have a time out chart that i got from a child psychologist doing a parenting program- when doing the time outs you give a warning (if you hit again you will sit in time out) and if he hits you say we do not hit- don't say anything more and put him in time out (i took washable crayon and drew a time out box in the kitchen- so the offender can still see the other kids playing- and they sit there for 3 minutes. after i make them say they are sorry and tell them if you hit again you will go to your room. what ever you decide to do be consistent. That is what the counselor said- if you don't follow through he wont either- my kids have been doing time outs since they were 1. p.s. if he throws a fit just ignore him- and if he leaves the area don't say anything just put him back ...

Caryn - posted on 04/22/2011

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I agree with the other moms. They all have great advice. My son was a hitter and a biter! He hit me more often than Dad. Time outs didn't work but the other techniques did little to stop him. Turns out, he was angry and frustrated because he wanted to talk but couldn't. He was diagnosed about age 2 with profound speech delay (apraxia). Once he got some therapy through Early Childhood Intervention (EIC) and the local school district, he didn't want to hit or bite me. I'd have him checked out the doctor to rule out any medical issues.

Tracie - posted on 04/21/2011

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Knowing that my son hits, I would start out the day by reminding him that he is not allowed to hit. Tell him what will happen if he hits. You can also do a reward chart and let him know that he will get a sticker when he handles his anger properly. You really want to nip it in the bud now so that he won't hit his friends later. Nobody likes a play date with a hitter/strangler/etc... My daughter was a hitter.

Deborah - posted on 02/07/2011

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Hi Alishia it sounds like the terrible two`s have started and becoming independent at their age is a huge deal and they all retaliate to the word "no"! i used to say "we`ll see" instead of "no" which did the trick and as frustrating it is for you and him both you can`t allow him to hurt you try holding him if he hits you and ignoring his bad behaviour and rewarding the good behaviour works well at this stage as does reward charts for being a good boy!

Ricky - posted on 02/06/2011

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There is not much you can do to stop him from being mad but you can teach him how to deal with it. When my son starts trying to hit or scream because he is mad I get down to his level, look him eye to eye and in a calm but firm voice tell him "you are allowed to be mad but we need to be quiet" or "I know your mad but we do not hit/throw things when we are mad" If he continues the action I put him in his crib and tell him that he can come out when he is happy.

Katherine - posted on 02/05/2011

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I agree with Nicky, that is what my husband and I did when our girls were around that age. it works. timeouts dont work at that age, I found that out.

Alycia - posted on 02/05/2011

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I agree with post previous posters. I grab the offending limb and talk it out "we do not hit mommy because it hurts. You can tell me what you are upset about and I will listen". I tend to talk above their age level, but it seems to work. I also do like you do and stick her in her room. It doesn't phase her so much as a punishment, but she soon began realizing that when she hit mommy, mommy didn't want to play with her, which helped ebb the problem

Alyssa - posted on 02/05/2011

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From what I have told by Early Intervention Specialists and Occupational Therapist my son has seen, hitting is "normal" when children don;t have the words to express what they need or how they feel. We have taken too different routes that have seemed to help a bit. 1) Whan my son hits, we over-exaggerate how much it hurts so he really understands that he is cabable of hurting someone. 2) We offer him another place to hit if he needs to get out his anger or frustration, a pillow, the couch, etc.

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