Annie - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )
I have this picture in my head of what kind of wife, mom, and person I want to be. My desire is not to be perfect and to do it all, but to be that anchor that my family holds to. I know that my house is going to get messy and the kids are going to fight and that my husband is not always going to be able to understand me or be able to read my mind, but I want to be there for my family.
The last few weeks I have felt like I have not been that anchor; well not the sort of anchor I want to be. I am more like the kind that is drowning her whole family instead of being stead fast and immovable. Over this weekend my husband let me sleep in and once I woke up everything seemed happy, but the moment I walk into the room everyone needs or wants or demands and all heck breaks loose. I can't balance the house and the kids. Either I clean and the kids scream all day or I spend time with the kids and the house is a wreck. My husband is stressed by me which is the hardest part to handle. He works 12 hour days, comes home trys to help out give me everything I need. He does so much for me; anything, from cleaning, playing with the kids, letting me sleep in, taking the baby at night, letting me get away from the house at night when he gets home so I can have a break from the kids. But then after so long he vents his frustrations about how he doesn't understand me, that he can't do the right thing for me, that I am going to to have to deal with my problems by myself because he cant hold my hand through everything because he is a flopper.
We talk all the time to each other, but he doesn't talk to me about what will help me he just goes and does it. For example one day he will take the kids so I can clean and I will be so happy with the alone time, but he will offer another day, but I know he is going to spend the rest of the day working on the house and I won't see him so I ask if I come too and then he gets mad because he thought he was helping me, but he doesn't give me a chance to tell him I just wanted to spend time together as a family. So we go out together as a family but it's not happy. I am crying and he is frustrated and there is no happy anything just frustration and tears.
He tells me not to hold myself to such a high standard, but it's hard not to be critical of myself when my family seems to be so stressed out or unhappy and it all points to me. I want to be a wife and mother who holds her family together, but all I seem to be doing is messing everything up. I don't want to be the person who pushes her husband away or her children never want to talk to when they grow up. I don't want to fail....
Has anyone out there had rough times and have been able to climb out of it to be a better person. I love my family and I don't want to be stuck as this same person. I always want to be better to work toward something better for my family. Any advice?