I feel so mad at my husband because I am the only one who gets up with my son at night.
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Tinker1987 - posted on 06/18/2011
im sure ill get pooped on for this but,i think if the husband is getting up everyday to go to work all day they need their sleep at night,,if i had made my hubby get up with my son all night and he go off to work that would have been dangerous for his type of job,going to work exausted... i understand your frusterations we all have had it! but i think when your hubby does come home after work is when you can have a break to yourself until its time for bed....
Being the SAHM, I knew that when we had our son that 98% of the household care and childcare was going to fall onto my shoulders. This is a reasonable expectation considering that I chose to be the SAHM. I am not a working mother. I do not go out of my house, drop my child off at a daycare and then spend the next eight-ten hours working for an employer who is going to give me a check every two weeks. Because of that, most people seem to think that we as SAHM's do nothing. They forget just how much energy it takes not only to care for our young but also to care for the others who must live in our household.
That being said -- my husband never woke up with our son. He works fifteen to sixteen hours every day at a very physically intense job and I can't ask him after doing something like that to spend half his night getting up with our son. He doesn't get to put his feet up as I do for a few minutes at a time through the day, nor does he have the option to pass out for a nap with his son as I do. So I couldn't in good conscience ask him. Because he is the bread winner and pays all our bills and vacations and phones and everything I feel he's doing his part. When he comes home after a hard day and plays with our son and daughter I feel he's done his duty as the father. When we go out for a rare date nights and I get his full attention I feel he is also doing his duty as my helpmate.
Everyone wants something different from their spouse but they can't read your mind. You have to talk to them and set up a system that works for you.
Chanda - posted on 06/18/2011
Have you talked to him about it? Communication is key in any relationship. You definitely have a right to be upset, but if you don't talk about it, it'll just fester. I'm a stay home mom and I remember having to find a happy middle ground with my husband. I was tired from homeschooling and such all day and wanted a break, my husband was tired from working in the heat all day. It took a lot of talking to find our compromise, but we did and are happier for it. When our son was a baby and we both worked, we took turns a lot, but more often than not, my husband got up for diaper duty and brought our son to me to feed (I nursed). He was always able to go right back to sleep while I stayed up to feed the baby. It's all about communication and compromise. Good luck. God bless.
Mika - posted on 07/11/2011
I used to have that problem too. But, as my bc would say, "baby, a closed mouth won't get fed." If u aren't asking, (not yelling, cursing, screaming), for help, then he doesn't know. He isn't a mindreader, no matter how much u want him to be. If u have tried talking, and it hasn't worked, try writing a letter or say it in a text. Tell him u need him.
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Mika - posted on 07/11/2011
I used to have that problem too. But, as my bf would say, "baby, a closed mouth won't get fed." If u aren't asking, (not yelling, cursing, screaming), for help, then he doesn't know. He isn't a mindreader, no matter how much u want him to be. If u have tried talking, and it hasn't worked, try writing a letter or say it in a text. Tell him u need him.
Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2011
I get mad too but my husband drives heavy machinery at work so I get up to the kids so I can still have a husband. He gets up one day of his days off and I feel more rested but as we have a newborn he's quite hopeless with newborns so I can't wait until he gets used to it and doesn't come in at 2am to ask dumb questions. He helps a lot in the evenings with baths and dinner and stuff though.
I handle all the night-time parenting because my son nurses at night, and also my husband needs to be well-rested for his stressful job.
But he's a very hands-on father during the day. If I ask him, he will take our son out for a walk so I can have some peace and quiet, or he will watch him at home so I can go out by myself and get an ice cream or do some clothes shopping for myself.
Just a couple of hours a week to myself makes a huge difference. You should talk to your husband.
I agree with Keli, The only time I nedded help was when I was'nt feeling good and even then most of the time I wouldnt ask my husband.. The ONLY time my husband would get up with me and the baby (newest one now 5 months) was her first few weeks, she would scream and scream and scrream ALL night only sleeping maybe half an hour every couple hours. Turned out she had acid reflux according to pediatrition. Anyway the only reason my husband could help then was because he took 2 weeks off to help as much as he could. But I am old fashioned I guess, if your home with the kids, thats your job, while hes out at his. There is nothing wrong with needing help though dont get me wrong, if you really need it ask for it but at night I would just leave him alone
Jeneva - posted on 06/18/2011
I feel the same way as Keli does. I stay at home and my husband works his butt off. I do 95% of the household and kid stuff. He comes home and gets to play with some discipline thrown in if need be.
But that works for us and it doesn't work for everyone. I am eternally grateful that my husband works really hard and for that I am willing to clean and cook and make sure the children are happy and healthy and taught.
It does get frustrating sometimes when I ask for his help and he refuses. I have to remind him every once in a while how much I do but he is good about helping once he gets his head out of his butt at those times. lol
Talk to him about it (calmly). You deserve some help and you deserve some time "off". You guys have to come up with a system that works for BOTH of you.
Kristin - posted on 06/18/2011
i feel your frustration sweetie. i do everything with and for my son and my husband is the big play toy to my son.
it got very annoying when i got up every night with my son and my husband just slept through it. but i figure that this is my job. he works to pay the bills and i work for the kids.
Rebekah - posted on 06/18/2011
I certainly know your frustration! I nursed both of my children so, at least for the first year, it wasn't even an option for him to help me at night. I remember being so exhausted and he just didn't understand nor did he really know how to help in the evening...
BUT, it did get better as my children became more fun. Now, my husband gets home from work and immediately goes out into the backyard and plays with the kids. So, at least for him, I think it was more of not knowing what to do (when the kids were babies) then being disrespectful on purpose. How old is your son?
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