I hate being a wife and mother

Marie - posted on 07/30/2012 ( 75 moms have responded )

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RANT:



Some of you may remember my post I made and had deleted not too long ago called "Is my husband being unreasonable? Or am I just incompetent" where I explained my situation and how my husband gives me lists of things to do in a day, and is never satisfied. And I am a victim of daily verbal abuse.



I did talk to my husband about the way I felt, he apologized and said he was going to make an effort to change. Things were good for about 5 days, then they went back to the way they were.



The last three nights we have fought, I have slept on the couch all three nights, and I am wanting to start drinking just to get me through the day and put me to sleep at night.



I can't remember what the 1st nights fight was about, but the second night was over sex.

He came home, he wanted it (gee what else is new) we flirted and cuddled, then I told him I wanted to wait until the kids were in bed so I'm not stressing about them bothering us while I'm trying to satisfy him (note this part... SATISFY HIM) I never want it anymore, it's been months, and yet I still put out to him every 48 hours despite my having to put on a smile and pretend like it isn't a chore. Lateley I haven't been "putting out" as he tells me, it's like 6 days between.

Yes, I am sick of putting out to him every 48 hours. I'm so fucking sorry that I spend the entire day taking care of YOUR children, taking care of the house, and then am too tired to service you in the evenings.



He's like "you know I would never be so disrespectful and hurtful to you" and all I can do is bite my tongue and think of all the times he has not wanted to fulfill my needs because he too, was tired. And what do I do? I roll over and go to sleep and forget about it. What does he do? has a fit the entire night about it.



So last night when he came home. I again, bit my tongue and put aside my pride and sad emotions, to say I was sorry. We made up and things were fine. Then later, the decides to bring the kids into the storage room to pick out some new toys (toys that were his when he was little) In the storage room, we have cardboard boxes of stuff that is just.. well storage stuff. This storage room is located in the basement, the only way to get to it is to go through a large cement utility room which is where our dog stays. (we have a large dog) and the kids, being 4 and 5 will not enter the room as they know our pup will jump up and try to play with them (she is only 15 weeks old but still a big girl) There is nothing in the basement for the kids to play with, and they never go down there. With the dog blocking the only entry point into the storage room, and the door to the storage room staying locked, I never considered anything in that storage room to he hazardous to kids. So, he took them into that room, and there was a box of tools on the ground. My 5 year old picked up a double sided saw and goes "this is a tool" and put his hand on the blade. Luckily we got it away from him before he hurt himself, but my husband then started to yell at me "jesus fuck marie, you need to effing clean this room up, you've got effing saw's laying around where kids can get to them!" I walked away and told him I wasn't going to do this in front of the kids. He then yelled "no problem, I will just effing clean this room up myself after work since you obviously don't have time to do it" I left the house with the dog at that point and sat outside in the backyard for awhile. Depressed at my life, sad that my husband makes me feel incompetent, angry that he doesn't understand what I do in a day. Angry that he gives me tasks which I cannot complete with my other household chores and duties to the children. The night spiraled down hill from there.

I came inside, put the dog away, and went to our bedroom to lay down and wait for the children's bedtime. He came in several times asking me what was wrong. I told him I wanted to be alone right now.

I kept myself away from him the entire night until 10pm or so. Nothing is going to get better. Talking about it is useless as he thinks I am in the wrong. He thinks the way he treats me is just acceptable and doesn't realize how much it hurts me. I seriously have been doubting our relationship, and if it weren't for the kids. I would be leaving him. (The kids aren't even mine, I am their step mother) which is a whole other issue in itself.



On being a mother:



I hate it. I think part of the reason I hate it so much is because I don't feel like I ever have enough time in a day to be both a mother, and a housewife. Constantly, my husband comes home, and I am either in trouble because I didn't do enough with the kids that day, or I didn't do enough housework that day. I can never do both. If I spend time with the kids, take them to the park, beach ect... I am scolded for not getting something done around the house (now that doesn't mean dishes, laundry or tidying up, I get all of those things done on a daily basis. It's the extra things, like weeding the garden, organizing the storage room, cleaning the garage out blah blah blah) If I do something towards a bigger goal, like working on the garage, I get the whole "you didn't do anything with the kids today? They just played with toys all day? You didn't do any arts and craft? You didn't take them outside?"



I can't even relax myself enough to do one or the other, because I know whatever I do is not going to good enough. I get angry at the children when they bother me during the day because I am stressing and working so hard to get the house clean, and attempting to get whatever the hell done on the list before he gets home. I just want them to fuck off, stop with the questions, the taddle telling, the crying, the whining, the nagging and let me get my stupid crap done so my asshole of a husband doesn't come home and put me down some more for being an incompetent idiot.



You know I'd like to take the kids and the dog to the beach and have a day to play... but oh no... Marie, if you do that, nothing will get done in the house and that is not acceptable.



I've become greatly impatient with the children. Every time they come to me and tell on their sibling for something stupid I just want to say "I DON'T CARE GO AWAY" when they start yelling, screaming and fighting, I just want to tell them to shut the hell up.

Yesterday, I hid under the stairs in the basement with my hands over my ears just so I could try to get a moment of peace and silence. The kids were looking for me, and I just ignored their calls because I didn't want to deal with their stupid minor problems. I don't give a shit if your sibling called you "dee dee" grow up, I have other problems to deal with.



I just want to be alone every day so I can get shit done around the house for my asshole of a husband so I don't feel his wrath when he comes home.



Oh, and what does he do when he gets home? He goes downstairs to his computer. What do I do every night? I cook dinner, I clean the kitchen, I clean the kids after dinner, I bathe them, I brush their teeth, I deal with their fighting, crying and consistent nagging while I try not to burn our meal on the stove because I'm in the playroom trying to get them to behave. When my husband is done with dinner, does he stay at the table to make sure the kids eat their food? NO. He leaves and goes downstairs. And I have to sit and tell them to eat. You know I would rather go and clean up the kitchen while they finished their meal, but that doesn't happen because as soon as their father leaves, they turn into little shit terrors and ignore every single thing I say to them



Now I know what you're thinking. Well she probably isn't talking to them nicely so they're just mis-behaving as a result. This is NOT the case, I bite my tongue, and my anger, and I very calmly ask them to settle down and please eat their dinner. I ask them three times nicely, then I introduce a threat, "Okay I have asked you nicely and you are not listening, if I have to ask you again, you're losing (your treat, TV, something they want)" so what do they do? Ignore me and do it again. At which point I say "okay, I asked you politely and you're not listening, now you've lost (your special thing) now finish your dinner" (remember my husband is downstairs at this point ignoring my frustration and the children's dis respectfulness) It's gotten to the point now to where, frankly, I don't give a shit if they eat their dinner or not. If they've eaten two bites and want to get down, go for it. When you tell me you're hungry before bed tonight, all I will say is "well you should have eaten your dinner"



And another things. Did I mention I am suppressed and not allowed to talk to anyone about the way I feel? Ladies, tell me this, you probably have a close girlfriend that you share your hubby/family frustrations with right? That's considered normal in most relationships, and I would say it is expected for a woman to share her feelings with a close female friend. I am not allowed to talk to any female friends about my frustrations or problems at home. This is considered "immature" and shows that I just want "drama" "only immature women seeking drama share their problems with other people" a quote from my husband. I am one the believe that women NEED that social interaction with other women, sharing, ranting and raving with another woman releases a lot of energy for us. Social interactions between women are natural of our human behavior and needed for our health. At least, this is my understanding of the whole thing.. and yet, I am forbidden to talk to any friends about our life at home. He has threatened that we could not be together if I "feel the need to share our family life with other people"



I will NOT be calling social services or any other aid as my husband forbids me from getting outside help.



My husband is losing me. At this point, my plan is to suffer through this shit, take care of HIS children, despite the depression and anxiety I feel on a day to day basis because of it, until they are old enough to dress and feed themselves. THEN I will leave.

Leaving my alone life, working, and living in my apartment was the best part of my life, leaving that life to be with the man I thought I loved, sacrificing myself to take care of HIS children was the biggest mistake of my life.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Mary - posted on 10/15/2012

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Marie,

I have read your post and alot of your replies.



I'm telling you what I believe what my mother would tell me: You need to leave.

Your husband is using you--he's using you as a Domestic Slave. You are wasting your life being a Domestic Slave and raising someone else's children---and when the kids turn 18, he is going to throw you out the house and get a younger girlfriend, and you will feel like the biggest fool on the planet. You will feel like a fool because you would have wasted your life on being his dosmestic slave, and in the end, you will have nothing but regret. You need to leave.



All those lists and demands he gives you is a form of abuse---he sees you as a slave, nothing more,nothing less. Thats why he doesnt help you with housework, thats why he comes home late (so he doesnt have to help you with the kids), and thats why he gets on his computer after he's done with dinner---You Are His Foolish Slave. Here's a Newsflash-- He only married you so you can raise his kids--and when they 18, he's going to replace you with a younger woman.



Those kids aren't even yours. You need to run like hell. He will say 'sorry' 100 times, beg you to come back---dont believe any of it. Its only because he misses the Slave Lady who took care of his bad ass kids and washed the dishes.... Dont tell him you are leaving. Just pack your stuff when the kids are at school, and get the hell out. Send him a text telling him to come home early to watch the kids because you are no longer at the house. Go to your moms, dads, grandmothers house--wherever. You are single, you dont have any kids, so alot of people wont mind if you stay with them. (Wherever you stay, just keep their house clean, keep to yourself, buy your own food and toiletries, and give them their space sometimes by being gone when they are home or staying in your room) ....Leave! If you stay in this marriage, you are either just a complete fool, or you have the lowest self esteem on the planet, or perhaps you have some mental condition that we arent aware of.

I wish you the courage to wake up and run like hell.

Sherie - posted on 07/31/2012

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You're not married, those aren't your kids, he's extremely abusive to you, and you're there why...? There is NO REASON for you to still be there, unless you somehow WANT to live this way. Put your big girl panties on and walk out the door.

Julie - posted on 08/15/2012

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If you HATE your life, than CHANGE it.
NO excuses. Like NIKE says, "Just do it!"
When there is a WILL there is a WAY.
No wonder you are "hating to parent" the kids of a man that is controlling and abusing you.
You state you won't leave because of the children? I think that is just another excuse to NOT GO. So you can continue to complain and blame him for your situation.
Listen, the kids know you hate parenting them, they are not stupid! They do not respect you because your husband does not respect you.
You will NEVER be happy in a home where no one respects who you are, what you do, or what you say!
NO MORE BLAMING HIM for your miserable situation. NO MORE BLAMING the children for your unhappiness.
You made the choice to take all this on, and now you can make the choice to let it go...

Johnny - posted on 07/31/2012

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Sherie is right. He is just going to get worse. And it may feel like the only way to help the kids, but you aren't really doing them any favors in the long run. Call CPS, call the Women's Helpline (he IS abusing you) and get out. Even though you aren't their bio-mom, you can still fight for those kids while saving yourself. He's a manipulative emotional abuser and you can not believe a word he says about you or anything else. You need outside help and you need to save yourself before things get worse. Because they will.

Sherie - posted on 07/31/2012

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Honey, I have lived with a man like this for 23 YEARS. The only difference? I'm MARRIED to him, the kids are MINE, and I need his health insurance due to the meds I'm on and being unable to work. Trust me, he's only going to get WORSE. My husband wasn't like this at all 23 years ago, and now I'm hoping like hell to get on disability and hiding money away. I understand that you feel bad for the kids, but trust me, living with the fighting and your depression isn't doing them any favors. Walk away, call CPS, and petition for temporary custody. If I were in your situation, there's NO WAY I would let it continue for 23 years.

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Sherie - posted on 03/23/2013

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Is there any way we can get an update from Marie about this situation? I personally doubt that anything has changed, but I'd love to hear that I'm wrong. Are you still around Marie?

NotGivingName - posted on 03/12/2013

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Also, note that I said "his" kids. They aren't yours. You don't have to deal with them, especially since they aren't legally or genetically bound to you. The energy you're spending raising HIS kids and dealing with his bullshit is all energy that could be used for finding a career you enjoy, discovering new interests, getting back in touch with your friends and the outside world in general, and telling him to f**k off.

NotGivingName - posted on 03/12/2013

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I'm a little confused. Since you are suffering so much, why the hell are you sticking around until they grow old enough to become a little more independent? What is the point of that? I know you said it was for the sake of the children but if you plan on staying until they are old enough to dress and feed themselves, wouldn't that make it harder, not only on you but on them as well, who've gotten so used to a mother figure who was always around, then has suddenly disappeared? You should leave before they are old enough to ask the question "why?" Life is WAY too short for you to sacrifice any more of your precious time and energy for an asshole like that, who clearly takes advantage of you. After you leave, maybe he'll finally understand what you went through everyday for him and his kids since it'll be HIM raising them on his own now. Remember that YOU come first.

Nancy - posted on 03/08/2013

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Why not take the dog with you and go?That poor dog needs to get away just as much as you do.I've already spoken to you once and was going to come back to tell you to leave with the dog.Since it seems as though you can't go to anyone without"permission" from your keeper, I'd guess that the kids act out the way that they do because of the situation.Kids notice a lot more than given credit for.You need to get someone involved that will advocate for those kids.This guy is not going to change.Maybe he drove their mother insane the same way he's driving you.Why do you care if he loses everything?All this abuse needs to be documented and those kids,you and the dog need to get out of there before something even worse happens.There is help out there.You need to take that first step.

Darlene - posted on 03/07/2013

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As for being a stay at home mom, I can understand your feelings. There is never enough time in the day for EVERYTHING. It also sounds your husband is verbally abusing you. Regardless, it sound to me like you may need therapy, which is not a bad thing, and possibly meds and some lab work because your horomones may be going crazy. It is not fair to you or the children if you do not seek help. Your husband sounds like he may need therapy too, but he may be too much of a man to admit it lol. My kids are 23, 15, and 9, it is not easy and I cannot imagine younger children now. I battle depression and anxiety but it is controlled through medication. My husband and I have been married now for almost 18 years, and together for over 20. I used to try to please him more, and make everything perfect, but something inside me snapped. Life is too short to be miserable, and suprisingly he is supportive, although we still have our moments and disagreements like all married couples regardless if they admit it. I hope this helps you, I am no means a therapist, or doctor, but I can understand. I too am a stepmother of a now 23 year old. I could write a book about that. My husband and I got custody of her when she was 6. I cannot mention to you about the times I thought of walking out the door, but my other daughter needed me, and I loved my husband along with my stepdaughter and would not give up without a fight. Take care of yourself, and take one day at a time...

Nancy - posted on 03/06/2013

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It sounds as though you are a convenience to him.I was in a relationship very much like that years ago.I would do everything around the house and take care of his son,who would do nasty things and blame me and my kids.He tried to get me into trouble at his school by telling them that I wouldn't feed him.They soon found out that wasn't true.I finally gave up and moved without him or the monster child.He tried to control me like that.He would question the kids about what I did during the day behind my back.Where is the mother of these kids?It sounds like you need to leave.Just for your own sake.You can't let him beat you down any lower.The kids are probably acting out this way in a reaction to the situation.I don't care if he forbade me or not,I would be getting help from somewhere.This is a toxic situation and you need to do something.

Erin - posted on 03/04/2013

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You need to leave period. You don't hate being a mom or being a wife what you hate is the abuse of your loser husband you can leave and you should.

Ann - posted on 03/04/2013

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I am at a loss of words for you Hun. But my best bet would be to get the hell outta there and fast. It's your time your wasting, and it just sounds like he'll never change given the opportunity for it. He seems to be so ignorant and selfish and needs to man up and take responsibility for his children's needs, and yours. I know it would be hard to leave, but then you'd be able to look back and see that what you left behind, wasn't meant for you.

Kristin - posted on 02/28/2013

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Oh dear. Your needs as a woman, wife and mother are definately not being met. I wish I could give you a hug right now! Looking at some other posts....it's really easy for someone who is not involved in another person's marriage to tell them to leave and then go back to their own intact families. I HIGHLY doubt if the shoe was on the other foot, your husband would be able to do what he wants you to do in a day. Being a wife and mom is not easy. Even when the going is good. It sounds like the issue with the saw was that your husband got scared because your son could have hurt himself. But being a man and not wanting to show fear, anger comes out and it has to be pointed somewhere. And unfortunatelty it went to you. I have done that before to my husband so I can't talk too much. It sounds like a lot of his needs are being met and as long as he's happy everyone else can be happy. I highly recommend a book to you. It's called Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You need to draw lines with your husband on what you will and will not tolerate from him. You are human being my dear. You don't need to scream at someone to get your point across either. Next time he talks to you in a disrespecting way, tell him that you will not tolerate that from him and when he is ready, to talk to you how he should you will be ready to sit down and resolve the issue. You don't have to yell it and use a tone. Just state it and walk away. From what you wrote I am very sure he will get angry. Maybe something VERY hurtful. Our spouses know us and unfortunately know what to say to hurt us. But just keep quiet and civil until he wants to talk. When he crosses that line again and won't step back you need to show him that line again. As far as being a mom...I know when our husbands are rotten to us it's hard to go on with our day. I know for me when my husband and I argue I've really had to pull myself together to be there for my children. They are going to remember what they experience when they are young. As far as I'm concerned I'd rather have my kids remember a jerk father and a wonderful mother than remembering a jerk father AND jerk mother. Not saying my husband is a jerk. Granted we all have our moments and it does take two. Biting our tongues isn't such a bad thing at times. Sometimes you pick your battles. Is this something to argue about or can I just let it go? Or, is a line being crossed again? Have you ever asked your husband why he treats you the way he does? Did his mom make sure EVERYTHING in the house was perfect so he thinks that's what you need to do? Also keep in mind communication is ESSENTIAL. Yelling at each other is not a good thing but sometimes as long as you're yelling at each other you're communicating. Because if there isn't even any talking or yelling at all then there is no communication and nothing get nowhere and things keep going in a circle. I hope things work out. Please read that book and if you can get your husband to read it that's great too. Will pray for you both.

Niki - posted on 02/28/2013

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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I will say one thing.... Staying for the kids is doing the opposite than protecting and nurturing them. Female children will learn to accept this treatment in relationships and male children will learn this is the way to treat their partners. This is the time in a persons life when they are building the foundation of morals and values that they will base the rest of their lives on. Do yourself and your children right and get out!

Anita - posted on 02/28/2013

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Dear Marie, I usually don't respond but in your case I have to. My advise is: RUN and pretty quickly!!! He won't change! I have 2 kids and husband who helps a lot but still thinking he can do more ( and he's got a full time job!) I feel constantly tired and down as I currently not working. So miss my job! Please don't wait till kids are bigger - it's your life you are wasting! Your husband needs to grow up and MAN UP and take responsibilities for his kids. Don't worry - he'll find the way to look after the kids if he has to - he then will relise how much you did for him!!! I know it's hard to leave someone you love but in this case - RUN. Best wishes!!

Patricia - posted on 02/19/2013

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Normally I would say go to counseling, but in this case I think I would let him know that if things do not change for the better and he doesn't start treating you with respect and thank you for taking care of "his" kids then I would up and leave!! Is it really worth your sanity and health to stay in this mess? I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You deserve better. No women or man deserves to be talked down to.

He might change his tune when he is having to pick up the slack and do everything. Do you have someone you can go and stay with?

Nancy - posted on 02/19/2013

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Personally I think you are bullshitting, you find an excuse for everything, Why dont you leave, "I cant leave the kids", Why dont you leave, "He will lose everything", I am not feeling that you love those kids as you say you do, if you did so you would call protective services on that freak, you would not call them "his little shits", either this whole story is bogus, or you my friend are the one who really needs help for staying in that situation to begin with. My humble opinion.

Kimberly - posted on 02/18/2013

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It's really nice of you to want to make sure the kids can take care of them selfs but u do not have to deal with that get out while you can where is there real mom n y is she not there?

Cathy - posted on 02/17/2013

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Ugh I feel you I dont ever feel like having sex with my husban he tries to and I just wanna push him away so tired of being home and bored I see no exciment in our relationship it sucks that I dont feel nothing when he touches me it irritates me when he tries I just feel like im never gonna feel like having sex again... if your not happy girl you should leave him you dont have to be putting up with kids that arent yours

Jane - posted on 02/17/2013

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You are not the nanny, you are not the childrens' mother, you are not his housekeeper, you are not his hooker, you are not even his wife. You can make every excuse in the world for this man, but at the end of the day he will carry on treating you like shit if you stick around and let him. He will get some other mug installed quickly enough to be his private slave. Abusive men (and women) use many different methods to keep you where they wants you, they bully, cajole, make you feel guilty etc etc. You have a right to be happy. He is not going to change. Things aren't going to get better. I would have stuck one of his lists up his arse by now and I wouldn't let him touch me if he showed me no respect. It would be better to leave while the kids are young so they don't have too many memories of you.
I think you need to ask yourself why such a caring woman as yourself feels like she deserves to be tortured in this way. Maybe if you can't break away straight away you can find a way to get some counselling (even if it's online) to answer why you feel you can't run away fast from this bully.

Cleaver - posted on 02/16/2013

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then leave it will be completely different with your own kids if you end up deciding to have later on trust me. there really is no reason to stay in a relationship where hes objectifying you. if it is a mistake then do hell learn quick how to care for his kids or will find another girl willing to marry him and care for his kids.

Monica - posted on 02/16/2013

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Sorry, I didn't realise you are the stepmum. Well, as much as you love them they are HIS responsability! You are entitled to leave anytime. Get him to make arrangements for someone to be with the kids and go, if you can. You can always see them and visit in the future. It's a lot to take on, you are very brave! It's a shame he doesn't see not many women would that for him and his children what you are doing. You are very unappreciated!

Monica - posted on 02/16/2013

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Your post made me feel very sad for you and your situation. Now, believe me on this. You don't really want to leave your children, it is your husband that is making you feel like that, inadequate and isolated, and that is a form of abuse. Because of that you end up taking it out on your kids and not being the mother they expect you to be, and even they must pick up on all this negativity and behave in a negative light. It doesn't sound like your husband is open for you to talk about your feelings. Now, why do you do as you're told? If you go and tell someone what's happening, what would he do about it? I would look for help, if you have family or friends, leave the kids with someone (just explain it's out of desperation) and have a few hours to yourself. I think some relationships are toxic and you are in one, I would make plans to leave him, and I wouldn't tell him until I have it all sorted and planned (where to go, what to do, etc). You deserve to be happy and so do your kids, together. You will see it's not the kids that are driving you insane, but this man that you don't need in your life.

Julia - posted on 02/15/2013

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If you feel like you are being abused emotionally, physically, verbally, etc. you should leave and ignore the following piece of advice. That said. It sounds like you enjoyed working outside the home and being a stay at home mom is not your thing. There is no shame in that. Tell your husband that you feel unfulfilled and you are going to return to work. The kids are almost school aged. If he didn't marry you or you leave him he would need alternate Childcare anyway. If he objects out right combined with not wanting you to have friend I would say he is abusive and just get out. If he is open to you trying to regain some fulfillment and happiness then look for a job outside the home and out source the domestic duties you dislike. Kids will be at daycare doing crafts and you will not have to clean them up. Use some of your new income to get a cleaning lady to come in once a week, shop for groceries online and have them delivered, send your laundry out, whatever floats your boat or all of the above. If being a domestic goddess isn't your thing don't try to be one. If your husband rejects you having fulfillment there are bigger issues about control. An abusers usually start by isolating their victims. If that is the case GET OUT. if you think he can be brought around with some counseling try it. You don't have to try to be something you are not. The children will be better off with a happy well adjusted mom who works outside the home than a depressed mom who hides from them to maintain some balance. That said with kids that age I think we have all had to his at least once just to regain our sanity. Do t feel bad. When my son was that age I would put on the TV and go take a quick shower to get a few minutes peace and I really enjoy motherhood but I know when I need a few minutes to myself. That is part of being a good mom. Good luck!

Whitney - posted on 10/22/2012

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well if ur unhappy and "HIS children are the biggest mistake of ur life" then freaking leave, if u see it as a "sacrifice" of urself then fucking leave, and its unfair to the children if u stay in their lives for that long period of time they will grow fonder of u until "they are old enough to feed and dress themselves" u should probably buy the book "how to be a not so greedy pig for DUMMIES" and NEVER have children of ur own (just sayin) if u cant even handle a couple of kids that arent urs i cant even imagine how ur real children would be treated! im not going to sugar coat n e thing i just tell it like it is IF YOU HATE IT SOOO MUCH THEN FUCKING LEAVE



and ps. there is 2 sides to EVERY story... this is just your side... ur husband has a version of this story too i usually dont judge unless i hear both sides but i think is is hilarious that everyone is seeing u as a "victim" before they know the whole thing hahaha

Janelle - posted on 10/21/2012

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Please ladies do not advise anyone on this site to medicate themselves on anti-depressants. They do not solves these kind of issues. Matters of the heart or financial stress will not be eliminated on poisonous pills. The symptoms will only disappear if we makes positive changes to our lives. They are the most dangerous medicines on the market today and are not to be taken as a quick fix. They come with their own risks and dangers. If anything they turn people into zombies and disconnects them from reality. People have to make their own decision if they want to take them. Buyer be ware! Below is an article you might like to read.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...

Amanda - posted on 10/21/2012

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It sounds like you're completely miserable and living to just satisfy a man who's an ass. I would talk to someone in his family (your mother-in-law, sister-in-law) and ask if she'd be able to help with his kids because you need to step away for atleast a month.He could take them to a sitter/daycare while he works. Let him see how much he doesn't respect you and all you do. After leaving I would tell him that you will NOT come back n work the marriage out unless he agrees to go to marriage/family counselling. Hes abusive an doesn't deserve you. I do feel sorry for the kids if you leave but there has to be someone in the family that can help with them. This just isn't fair and you're being used as a slave. Put your foot down and step away from the situation for atleast 1 month and then decide if you even want to work things out with him. Also, I'd go to the Dr an get med for anxiety and depression to help yourself through all of this. Best of luck to you and the kids.

COMIS - posted on 10/21/2012

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I recommend watching the movie Fireproof and doing the 40 day Love Dare. Wish you both the best.

Janelle - posted on 10/21/2012

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Snapin dog shit I agree with Mary!!!.and everyone else here... Run like hell. That should be your new mantra...



but seriously though, I'm concerned if you do decide to leave that you will do it while he is around. I worry for you that he may use force and may hurt you. Men like that do horrible things when things are not going *their way* They can turn extremely ugly and nasty when you are out of their clutches.



I used to go out with a guy that had a similar cruel streak and I ended up quite damaged emotionally. I never felt so demoralised and worthless. I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again. But now I'm married to a wonderful guy that treats me like a princess! You truly get what you put up with in this world Marie. Don't settle for this hostile situation, its obviously killing your spirit. It will change your personality permanently so be careful not to over stay with this beast of a man. He obviously grew up in a similar hostile environment or was not loved. ( I'm willing to bet on that, there is always a deep seated reason for their brutality) People take alot of what they grew up with into their own lives down the track. Anyhow, you do need to go honey, you just need to pick your time and method. (Maybe do a "katie holmes" style evacuation). Whatever method, you need to be one step ahead of him. Make it quick and snappy. Situations like this do come to ahead eventually if you leave it to fester. You would one day snap. I know leaving the kids will be your biggest stumbling block but staying and sacrificing your happiness and sanity is a fricken huge price to pay (and may not pay off). Can you truly live with that? I think not. Judging by your previous single life, you have too much to live for. Just my thoughts :) Best of luck Love & Light Janelle P.S After you do leave him go horse riding. Zen bah bah! calm peace zen!

Janelle - posted on 10/21/2012

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Michelle



Try and get of those medications. They only take your personal power away and turn you into a zombie. They are toxic and destroy your brain. Anti depressants are not a genuine healing modality. They do not fix your problems only YOU can. Good luck

Michelle - posted on 10/18/2012

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I feel you...i have two children who also do not listen. Mainly my son. According to my husband it is my fault and i "allow" this behavior. When they leave a mess or are fighting I get yelled at. I have recently been finding myself saying to the kids, "dont do that or mommy will get yelled at" then i think to myself, my god how abnormal is that??!! Hubby is a control freak. He doesnt give me lists but wants everything a certain way all the time and it is hard to live a life on eggshells wondering if you will get scolded like hes my father. I dont feel it is good for the kids for them to hear the things he says to me also for you.. they will grow up thinking this is normal behavior. It is not. I know its not me because my family and his family have both made comments to me as to how do i deal with him??!! I suffer from depression and take meds on a daily basis and there are times when i can understand how some women just up and leave, although i wouldnt. I feel bad for myself. And i feel bad for you. I think if i didnt feel so incompetant and $$ wouldnt be an issue i sometimes wonder if id be with him..Will your husband go to counseling with you? If he says no tell him you are at your wits end and would love to see how he would take care of HIS kids without you...good luck hun..xoxoxo

Carrie - posted on 10/16/2012

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Honey,file for divorce right away. You should love yourself first, before you can love other people. At this point, you have to walk away. The kids will be fine. He seems to be good dad, and he will not neglect them as they are HIS blood. Walk away, dear, while you have the option. Don't wait until you have hurt your husband physically, or the kids, or yourself. Your situation can make anybody really angry and angry people can be capable of so many things. Please walk away, for the kids' sake and for YOUR SAKE.

Stephanie - posted on 10/15/2012

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First off let me say this in the nicest way... you are not his wife... you are his maid , kids nanny, his slave, sex toy, and his world. His kids do not respect you because they see the way he treats you. They are learning that the way he treats you is the way they can treat you and get away with it. So your worried about the kids? I respect that, but you are not benefitting those kids in any way. Your just helping them learn that they don't have to respect people that they so call love. Open your eyes your taking these meds because your not happy and they are not going to help you if you don't make changes FOR YOURSELF. You cannot take care of anyone else correctly until you take care of yourself. I know you feel like your protecting them and doing them a favor but in the long run it sounds like they will just be taking advantage of you too just like your quote on quote husband does. You did not bring those kids in the world and have not signed any legal document taking responsibility for them. There are many single parents out there who do it alone. How did he do it before you being single? He survived? Honestly I would pack my bags talk to the kids let them know you love them, but you need to go and take care of yourself. As for your husband tell him he is a big boy he should be able to figure out why your leaving. I wish you the best luck.

Tracie - posted on 08/19/2012

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You need to leave. Even if it's just to visit relatives for a week. That is the only way he will realize just how much you do for him and his children. And make sure you berate him for all he didn't accomplish while you were gone, so he can get a taste of his own medicine. You do not deserve to be treated this way. It is reprehensible!! I don't know how you kept your cool for so long.

If you think there's any chance he could change and you really want to save the relationship, try couples counseling. But he would have to be spectacular in every other way for me to even consider working things out with someone who treated me so poorly.

Brandie - posted on 08/17/2012

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Since he is not your husband and they are not your children you have nothing holding you there. No one deserves to be mistreated and you are giving a lot of yourself to that family. You are not appreciated by him and since he doesn't appreciate you neither will the children. Children learn from what they see and hear. If he isn't already he may start putting his hands on you. Marie love yourself first and leave.

HappyMommy - posted on 08/16/2012

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I grew up in a house like that all my life with the example of my mother and father...my parents are now divorced... Besides doing all the things your "hubby" makes u do and how horribly he treats u my father used to abuse my mother physically. U need to get out I know u feel sorry for the kids but they have their as u say wonderful father so let him deal with it. It is not like y r just leaving them alone....don't get hurt or worse try to get out of it ...my mother till this day blames herself because he had brain washed her to obey him and etc. please,get help he will not change and no it is not going to better it is going to get worse

Faith - posted on 08/16/2012

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It sounds (from what you've said) like he's using you as a tool. And by that, I mean using you physically for his own pleasure, using you to "baby sit" his children, and using you to clean up after him. I would get out, and if you're concerned about the children, contact their biological mother so she can fight for custody, or if she's not around, call CPS. Don't let him take advantage of you. Remember this: children in this sort of environment will more than likely grow up to act this way. It honestly sounds like the relationship you once had with this man is completely shot and you're just a tool in the woodshed for him to use, especially for the convenience factor of everything in his perspective.



Also, because you are not the biological mother of these children, you're likely experiencing these feelings of "hatred" for them solely because they're not your flesh and blood. Women who have birthed their own children know what I mean when I say there is a close physical and emotional bond to your own flesh and blood. But when it isn't your own child(ren), you can feel like an over-worked babysitter, which is exactly what he's using you for.



Get out. And if you don't, there isn't much anyone can do for you.

Tiffany - posted on 08/15/2012

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If your not married leave his sorry ass. If he wants you he will change. If not than your out of there. As for the kids if you feel they are in danger after you leave than call child protective services.

Camille - posted on 08/15/2012

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It's sounds like you had on rose colored glasses before you got married! It also sounds like you might be dependent on him, which might be why you haven't left already. He sounds controlling, but it sounds like you allow it also. My advise: speak your mind (possibly make a contract between the two of you), find a job, stick the kids in daycare ( since you don't look at them as yours)..... And if things don't work out then you won't feel trapped. But you knew about the kids before you got married, so it's not there fault you took on the responsibility of caring for them.
If your marriage doesn't work out, look at this experience as a learning one. I looked at all my relationships as a learning experience, which is why I knew what I wanted when I settled down and got married. Anyone I dated that told me they had kids, I ran in the opposite direction. Because knew I didn't want to help raise anyone eles children or deal with another woman. And if the man was controlling when you were dating, your not going to change him when you walk down the aisle.

Nikki - posted on 08/12/2012

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This is your life, you only get one. While I think you are very kind for wanting to stay for the children, I also think you are very wrong. You are not helping the children, they are surrounded by abuse and they will grow up thinking this is ok. You need to leave, fight for them if you need to but take your life back and be happy. Your boyfriend is a fucking jerk, honestly I would rather live in a tent than deal with bullshit like that.

Tina - posted on 08/11/2012

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Unfortunately the 4 year old sounds pretty much like a couple of kids I know. It's very frustrating. Though occasionally I've had to look after others kids and been given permission to smack I hate it too. I will smack on the hand if necessary if the child is touching something they shouldn't. One day at the park the little girl kept touching the button on the bbq I gave her several warning to stop she kept doing it so I smacked her hand. I didn't like doing it but she stopped. She wasn't happy with me. But she stopped doing it. I don't care where I am though. Especially if it is something dangerous or something elses property if they don't listen and the only way they will take notice is with a smack then sometimes that's what you have to do. I hate spanking. My partner does the excuse thing when I confront him about being rude or talking disrespectful towards me. In my opinion there is no excuse for it. He knows that he still does it. But I will continue to confront him about it. It's not always what he says but the way he says it. He leaves his clothes all over the place for me to pick up. I normally have a ton of washing. So I don't always notice that I've missed something until he needs it. You can bet if I haven't washed a particular jumper he will get shitty. He wont find another one. He wont buy more so he's got a backup and just when I think I have him figured out. To the point I lay out all the clothes he likes to where for the next day and whatever. You can bet he'll want a different shirt or socks. Just can't seem to win. He use to do the same with setting tasks for me. Use to get on my nerves. But he's not working atm. I still have a hard time getting everything done. He helps occasionally but I do pretty well most of the work. He never notices me. Unless he wants something or I've done something wrong. Men can think themselves very lucky that most of us woman don't act like them.

Marie - posted on 08/10/2012

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Tina is right.



I talked to my husband again, we have worked things out for now. Recently he disrespected me in front of the kids (again) and I pulled him aside and flat out told him to stop doing it in front of the children, and explained to him that I believe the reason are rude to me, is because they see daddy doing the same thing. The look on his face was priceless. It hit him like a boulder, he knew right away I was right. He said "okay" and then went onto some excuse as to why he disrespected me in the first place was okay. (it was over the dog bringing sticks into the yard, and he was upset that I had not cleaned them up, and told me the whole "we can't afford a new mower when you break this one" blah blah blah.. I'm like.. yeah, I know there are a few sticks in the yard, but as I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MOWS THE LAWN! I walk the yard and pull out any shit that's made it's way out there (sticks, rocks, toys, balls, water guns) so I DON'T CARE if there are sticks because I AM THE ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF IT!)

Anyway.... he tried to prove his point, I just said "yes, I know, I was wrong, I'm sorry blah blah blah" to get him off my back, and then asked him nicely to stop putting me down in front of the kids.



I meant to continue this, but I've forgotten to keep pointing it out when he does it in front of the kids. (You know, I remember the one time he came home from work, and I talked to him about not doing something in front of the kids in a disrespectful manner as he speaks to me, and he completley flipped out. He started screaming at me, and yelled two inches from my face "DON'T YOU EVER DISRESPECT ME IN FRONT OF MY KIDS EVER AGAIN DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN IN FRONT OF THEM!" I then yelled back to him "YOU DO IT TO ME ALL THE TIME!" and he yelled "IF YOU START SHOWING ME THAT KIND OF DISRESPECT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS, THEY WILL START DISRESPECTING ME LIKE THAT TOO SO DON'T YOU EVER DO IT AGAIN!!"



from that point on, I never talked badly to him in front of them, or really ever again for that matter. I like how he understands the respect between family members rule, and yet he makes an exception when it comes to his wife.



The other day, while I was in the middle of trying to get dinner done, he started writing out a list.. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, and I'm thinking to myself "oh great, another fucking list, he better not dare try to bring this up while I am stressing out to make dinner and set the table while he sits on his ass at the table" but sure enough, when he was done, he put it on the fridge and said "here the list of things I want you to do tomorrow" at which point, I threw down what I was holding and said "you know what? I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow that is not on that list, so if I don't get to your list than you need to just get over it"

he said some spule about how easy the list was, and how if I didn't do it he would come home and do it himself. I pretty much just told him I would work on HIS list after I was done with MY work for the day. He told me I was being angry for no reason and went down stairs.



My attention seeking 4yr old:

HELP! He is out of control when I take him into public and I don't know what to do with him.

He LOVES the attention strangers give him when he acts up, grabs something off a shelf, throws it on the ground, grabs random passer by's, makes funny faces/noises, kicks at his brother, grabs at his brother, pulls food from the back of the cart, presses buttons at the checkout line, kicks the cart of whoever is behind us at the check out line. You name it, this little terror does it.



When we go to church, at the end of service, everyone gathers in a large empty room for coffee and social time. The kids usually get a treat, and they run around and play together. What does my son do? Finds the light switches, and turns them on and off. It doesn't matter if I'm the one telling him to stop, or someone else.. he runs away laughing, and then comes back and does it again. I was standing once talking to a friends, and he grabbed onto the leg of the woman and started laughing, she of course, laughed at him and made a comment about how goofy he was, and he fed off of that to continue doing it. I told him he was being rude, and what he was doing was not funny. I might as well have been talking to the floor though.



I HATE taking them grocery shopping because of the way he acts, or into any store for that matter, he is always totally out of control, and his older brother thinks it's acceptable as a result and will act up too.



His father talked to him the morning before, and asked him nicely to behave for me at the store, otherwise he was going to come home and spank him. And then I told him, if you don't listen to me at the store, you're coming home, I'm spanking you, and you're going to your room, and you can stay there until your father gets home, and he will spank you too.



Once we got into the store, he started acting like a little shit immediately, I reminded him of what we talked about, and asked him very politely to behave. He ignored him, and I then told him that when we got him, I was going to put him in his room and spank him. This had no effect on him other than a whiny "noooo!" and then he went right back to being a brat. At the checkout counter, he started pressing all the buttons on the debit machine, and the cashier asked him not to do that, I also said "don't do that you know better" he looked at me with a grin, and did it again a minute later. I tapped his chest with my hand and said "No, you're not being funny, no one here is laughing, now stop it!"



When we got into the parking lot, my older son asked me if he behaved, I told him yes and that I was going to give him a sticker when we got home. My youngest then asked, did I behave? And I said "no you did not, you were a really bad boy and you're going to have a spanking when we get home, and go to your room" he said "I'm going to be good all the way home okay mommy?" I didn't really answer as my heart was racing, and my hands were shaking I was so angry. He was silent the whole way home, so I felt bad about thinking of spanking him. I did send him to his room, but I didn't spank him. He stayed in there awhile as he fell asleep.



That night, my oldest had an activity to go to, and we met their father there. My youngest was again, ignoring me, and when his dad walked in "i said, he's all yours" he asked if he was behaving for me, and my son said "no" my hubby asked why and my sin answered "i don't know" his dad said he was going to spank him when we got home, but by the time we got home, we totally forgot about it.



I need help with this kid, he craves the attention he gets from strangers when he is a brat, and they give him the attention he wants. I have tried spending a lot of time solely with him as I thought he just wasn't getting enough attention, but it didn't help at all.



Meal times have gotten out of control again too. Dad is no longer eating dinner with us as he is home too later, and the kids are little shits at the table. yesterday, I got so angry with them just blantley disrespecting me, that I yelled into one of their faces (after many warnings) "NOW THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE, I AM ANGRY NOW BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU ARE BEHAVING! ONE MORE TIME AND YOU WILL GO TO YOUR ROOM AND NOT FINISH YOUR DINNER DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" he said okay, and sat quietly, while smirking at his brother, and then acted up again. I said, fine, that's it. You want to act like this and misbehave, you're going to your room until we leave and you will not be finishing your dinner. I picked him up, and put him in his room until we had to leave. he did not get to finish his dinner, and he did not get anymore food for the night. It's not like I was feeding this child a plate of spinach, I made PIZZA.. hand made pizza which they LOVE so that they would eat it quickly and we wouldn't be late for our activity. Apparently, that didn't make a difference.



I started crying as I cleaned the kitchen. I was so angry at my children for treating me like this. I am disrespected by my children and my husband. I feel unappreciated, I feel like their slave.



On spanking:

Spanking is not something I like to do. My eldest never needs to be spanked, however my youngest does not see time outs as a punishment. He does not care for TV, so threatening to lose his TV for a day does nothing, he does not have a favorite toy, I can threaten not to let him have a treat after dinner or something, and give on to his brother instead, but again, he just says, "I don't want a treat" I threaten to take away, or not give stickers on his sticker reward chart, which he doesn't care about. The only punishment we have found that makes him upset is to spank his bum. I hate to do it, but he doesn't give a shit about anything else.



I'm to the point now where next time I go grocery shopping, he acts up one time, I'm leaving my cart, taking his ass to the car ang giving it a good spanking. Then we will go in and finish our groceries, if he misbehaves, we can go back out and do it again. He is four years old and staring kindergarten, he needs to start growing up and behaving for me at the store.

(It's not all adults, he listens to men, but ignores women)

Tina - posted on 08/04/2012

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bio mum abused the kids not an option. But another role model to help out would certainly be good. But don't think hubby would allow it.

Teresa - posted on 08/04/2012

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So I see that either way you could go right now, you feel a loss - stay or go, you still are the victim. It's important that you make more space for your feelings, all of them - loneliness, anger, frustration, hurt, love - that you can share with someone who is unconditionally supportive of you - preferably a counselor and also some friends, so that you can gather the strength to do what you need to do - which sounds like it might be leave. You need to make the decision from a clearer more self-loving place. Counseling for the kids would be highly important too, but start with yourself. We all need to learn to reach out - mothering can be so isolating, yet it's the most important job. You're essentially a single parent, because he is incapable of participating and the kids are splitting because they know you're not a unified front, looking for strong boundaries and the sense that they are safe - they will keep pushing the limits until they feel safe. They need someone, if not you then someone who can help them feel safe and loved. Is biomom or grandmom in picture, or any other family member? A church would be a good place to look for help. Please keep reaching out until you find the support you need!

Tina - posted on 08/03/2012

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Loved the bit with the nap and the spiked coffee lol I don't even get a nap. I do treat myself occasionally though to a cruiser. One is enough for me.

Marie - posted on 08/03/2012

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I have a day of freedom tomorrow. Kids are away, he is working... the temptation to disappear... god if only I could just get into my car and just GO



meanwhile I can dream of how I wish my life could be. Single, working, just me and my dog. I could work out at the gym like I used too. I can fish, I can hike, canoe, watch TV, knit/crochet, play with my dog, take her to the beach/dog parks, have coffe with friends, buy myself some new clothing (I've had these rags for 5 1/2 years) stay over at girlfriends houses with drinks and a bad movie, ride horses again, get back into photography and my art, read a freaking book!

one day....

Marie - posted on 08/03/2012

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Thanks everyone. I guess I just decided to woman up and fight back. My attitude now is,



Get whatever I can done in a day, and that's that. If it's not to his standards, so be it. If he doesn't like it, he can do it himself.



Yesterday I

Weeded the garden

Spent a few mins on the garage

made the beds

did laundry

did the dishes

cleaned the kitchen (twice)

swept

mopped

vaccumed

tidied the house

made the beds



AND had a nap for an hour



cooked dinner for the kids

took them to karate

came home

(hubby finally got home)

took out the dog

dressed the kids

brushed their teeth



and then relaxed with a spiked coffee.



He was happy with what I did that day, and told me he didn't know what else to ask of me for tomorrow.



Well.. things were good until the evening. Then more bad.



I love him when he's being good... when he's good.. he's nice, caring, patient, wonderful.. he would do anything in the world for me. He tells me how he couldn't get through life without me, how much he appreciates me blah blah blah.. but when he's bad... he's awful..

I'm in love with the good part of him... I feel like part of me is just hoping and pretending to think that the "bad" will grow out of him one day.



Even when he says nice things to me like "Im sorry I'm so hard on you sometimes" "I wish I could do more for you" "I couldn't do any of this without you" blah blah blah.. while I do acknowledge what he is saying and put on a fake smile... his compliments mean NOTHING as I know the next day it will be just the same as it has been. Me the slave, him the ass.

Tina - posted on 08/03/2012

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Well said Sherie. I have to say my partner has been like that at times. There was one day we were organising a Garage Sale. He spoke to me like grap. It wasn't what he said but the way he said it. I have told him often he talk to me nasty it makes upset and so. He says sorry and nothing changes. So this day I thought fuck it. I stopped what I was doing and went inside. He came in giving shit wondering why I was in a mood. I just said I don't even want to deal with you when you're like that. I can't even talk or ask a question sometimes without him turning it into an argument. I refuse to do it anymore. He can talk to me with respect or not at all. Don't allow your partner to treat you like this. Don't feel guilty. Just say no I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to let him make me cry. I don't deserve it. He makes you feel unworthy than he's not worthy. Anyone who makes you feel like shit or like your second best isn't worth crying over. It's time to do some soul searching and no matter how much you love him. He needs to be shown that the way he treats you is not acceptable. If someone you cared about came to (family or friend) and told you everything you told us what would you say. If it was a daughter or sister. Saying this is what he does. He makes me cry. I have no time for myself and he doesn't appreciate me. Not so much as a thank you or help with the dishes. Then at the end of the day when I'm depressed and exhausted he expects me to have sex with him. It's no longer enjoyable it's a chore. Imagine even I have come to you with this and asked your opinion what would you say.

Sherie - posted on 08/02/2012

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Again, you are there WHY......? By being such a good father, he's only PROVING that he has control over the way he's treating you and he's DELIBERATELY try to be mean to you. Why? Probably because he can! YOU LET HIM! You let him by staying there. You let him by cleaning his house, babysitting his kids, doing his laundry, cooking his meals, and being his whore in the bedroom. You know what I do when my husband is acting like yours? I DON'T DO ANYTHING. That's right, I don't clean, I don't cook, I don't shop, I don't do laundry, I don't fuck him, I DON'T DO SHIT!! And when he rants and raves and pouts and whines? I LAUGH at him! I point and laugh and make fun of how he's acting. Sure, it pisses him off even more, but it takes the power away from HIM. I know he won't physically hurt me, he knows I'm just waiting for that excuse to put him in jail. I go to my room and refuse to do a damn thing. It doesn't take long for him to come around, because he soon realizes that he needs me to do what I do, and I'm not going to do it if he's a mean, controlling asshole. STOP ALLOWING HIM TO HAVE POWER OVER YOU. Because as long as you're doing all you're doing while he acts the way he does, he has no reason to change, and he has all the power. Personally, I think you should walk out the door and never look back. But as long as you're there, woman up and start taking control of yourself. Remember, if you don't have the self respect to control you, then HE will. And also, GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.

Marie - posted on 08/02/2012

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I appreciate everyone's input. However I would like to clarify one thing as it appears to be assume based on how he is treating me.

He does NOT abuse the children at all. He is very kind and has more patience with them than I do.

In fact, I just remembered what the fight was about on that first night. He was mad with the way I was treating the kids. He claims I was short and impatient with them, and my answers to their question were rude. He asked me if I would like to be treated and talked to the way I was talking to the kids, and I said no. Realizing the truth in this argument, I apologized and admitted my wrong doing.

I then however did try to explain WHY I was so short tempered and WHY I was so impatient.
I told him it was because I spend the entire day with them. Listening to their questions and nagging, trying to make them behave. And while I do start the beginning of my day of patient and kind towards them, but by the end of the day from 4pm when I start dinner to until the kids are in bed at 7... I'm an impatient monster. WHY? Because I cook dinner, I clean the kitchen, I bathe the kids, I brush their teeth, I put on their pj's, I take the compost out, I sit and make sure they eat their dinner. And where is HE? away from it all. So I am SOO sorry that I become a monster in the evenings because I have a dirty kitchen, hungry mouths, dirty kids, and a husband who sits downstairs just waiting for a chance to lunge on me for something not done to his standards. I am SORRY that I am on edge and have ZERO tolerance left.

And the nights the kids have their evenings activities? Who gets them fed early, cleans the kitchen (if there is time) washes them, packs their waters, gets them into their outfits and gets them to their activities in time? ME. He doesn't get off work in time, so it's not like I expect him to do something, but hell.. could I at least get some appreciation? A thank you? And not a reminder that I didn't get something wrong?

Oh FFS... it begins. All I want to do is fucking type this up on the computer for 5 freaking minutes without the kids. And the little shits are ignoring me when I tell them to stop hitting or fighting with each other, running around the house, and throwing fucking dominos at the wall.

Meanwhile, I have a zillion things to do today, and these little monsters to deal with and waste my time.
He wants me to clean out the garage.
well fuck you and your fucking requests. Today I took advantage of the cool morning and weeded the other garden (which you have been asking me to do for weeks) (I weeded a different garden yesterday)
All of the kids clothes, our clothes and towels are cleaned and piled in the laundry room to be put away
The dishes need to be put away
And dinner won't happen tonight unless I go to the grocery store.
Sorry but your garage endeavor will have to wait for another day. I can just imagine the shit I am going to be in when he comes home. Yesterday he asked me to do the garage, I did the garden instead, today he asked me to do the garage, I did the garden instead. Ya know it's not cool every day, so sorry if I took advantage of the cool weather and did something else you asked me.

And where are the kids during this? That's right! I am supposed to take care of the house AND watch the kids! No worries, weeding the garden is so easy when the little fuckers constantly, pull shit from the garage, wander into the woods or street, pull up the flowers, take tools from me and try to use them theirselves, hitting my car, the dog, me or each other. These weeds you have in this bag, probably were put here by accident, it would sure be a good idea to pull all these weeds out and throw them onto the driveway. Hey look, a big stick! I will use it as a weapon against my sibling for 5 minutes, then tear off the bark, leave it on the sidewalk and throw the stick onto the drive way. Gee mom, you sure are taking a long time to weed the garden. Well hun, I've only had about 2 minutes to pull up weeds because I have to get you guys out of trouble as soon as I begin. "I want to go swiming! When you going to be done?!" Well dear, we're not allowed to go swimming until your slave mother is done doing her chores, other wise daddy comes home and makes mommy cry, so looking at how much work mommy has been tasked with today, you probably won't get to go swimming, and you will have to play by yourself today, and leave mommy the hell alone. Do you understand?

Guess I'm going to go start on the laundry despite the worry and anxiety I feel to get the garage done...

hmm... clean clothes for everyone to wear? or a clean garage?
food for dinner? or a clean garage? hmm... so hard to decide. Oh! I know! Magically fucking stop time, clean the garage, THEN do everything else, oh okay!

Dear lord give me strength today...
On a side note, I am very religious and in touch with god. "Treat your wife as you would Christ" I guess Christ is a slave woman.

Holly - posted on 08/02/2012

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You sound like you are with an abusive controlling man that the situation is only escalating over time. Not shocking that is a typical pattern. He'll control more and more of you and things will escalate more and more. He gets results. He has no reason to stop! He's even smart enough to say what you want to hear to make sure you stay! He even has you feeling like if you leave HIS children behind you are a bad person.... for leaving them with their father. That's pretty freakin manipulative!

I know everyone else is saying this but you need to move on. You really do. I'd suggest calling CPS for the children's benefit if you can't get custody of them. Make sure you leave your name so they actually take your complaint serious. Anonymous comments are all fine and dandy but here from knowing a CPS worker they pretty much get thrown out with barely a thought unless someone's actually taken the time and put their name out there for the kids.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It's just horrid. I hope you find peace very soon.

Mylinda - posted on 08/02/2012

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Oh wow! It took me a while to read it all but you seems to be very unhappy in your marriage. You probably know this but communication between Husband and Wife is crucial. Just talking, no screaming, no nagging or no name calling. If you are depressed and it's not going to go away magically. You need a vacation, ask the grandparents to take the children and you and your husband can go for a trip, not at the house but away from all the conflicts start. You need to talk about your frustrations to someone, you can't bottle up everything and go on for too long. I hope this help a bit.

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