I Hate My Husband

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2011 ( 48 moms have responded )

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I'm a stay at home mom and my husband thinks that just because he goes to work that he doesnt have to do absolutely anything! I have a terrible time keeping up with the house because he is such a PIG. The ONLY thing I ever ask him to do is to throw away his garbage, take his dishes to the sink, and take out the garbage. But the garbage doesnt get taken out for weeks sometimes and I refuse to do it, so it overflows. I even now have 2 garbage cans and they are overflowing onto the floor, and since there is no where to throw anything away, my counter tops are covered in cans, empty boxes and bottles and it is just a mess. Last night I went out and got wendy's to bring home and he took the wrapper off of his straw and just threw it on the floor. It is still sitting there along with all the rest of the containers that are sitting on the floor and end tables. His socks are laying all over the living room and his shoes are everywhere too, along with every dish he's eaten off of for the past 5 days. I have just given up. I REFUSE to do it. I'm about to just leave and get a place of my own so my son and I can live in a clean environment. And to top it off this is his day off, and since he didn't even think so much as to get me a CARD for mothers day, he told me that he would help me clean the house spotless today as my present, and then we were going to have our friends over tonight. Well that didn't happen. He's out working on his truck! I seriously just want to punch him in his face cause that's seems to be my only option for getting him to listen! Oh and to top it off he thinks he's super dad just because he pays attention to our son for 5 minutes every other day. He refuses to kiss, hug, and tell our son I love you cause he says that boys dont do and tell other boys that. I'm so sick of him.

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Lisa - posted on 05/11/2011

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Hi Jessica...wow seems like u have a lot going on....I know how it is when your husband doesn't behave in a way that you would like to see. I think as women, we have a vision of how we want our home and family life to be and when our husbands don't seem to have the same vision, it is VERY frustrating!!!!
I've been married for over 17 years...we have had our ups and downs too. I have spent MANY months and even years waiting for my husband to wake up to my way of seeing things.
This is what I have learned (thru a LOT of reading and a LOT of prayer and a LOT of faith)...
1. He sees things differently than I do because he is a man and I am a woman and we grew up in totally different environments
2. He may be the head of our household, but as the wife and the mother, I set the climate in our home
3. Life is too short to be angry...it does not help me, him or our children...or any of our health!!!
We moved last yr and I came across a million pictures of our 3 daughters (14, 12 and 9) As I remembered each event depicted in the photos, I also remembered all and I mean ALL the negative things that were going on in our lives at the time of each event. And I noticed that in every picture, they (my girls and my husband, because naturally, I was taking the pics) were smiling and happy...and u know what? At first, it made me mad because he wasn't upset by what wasn't going on around us....they were happy in those pics...in spite of all that negative stuff...and then I realized something as I started to cry...I chose to be unhappy...I chose to be miserable...I chose to look at all the negative stuff in stead of the good stuff that I had...and I realized that I had wasted all those precious years and opportunities to teach my girls how to handle bad situations with grace and forgiveness...and the one who was hurt the most was me!
There is a saying that goes "Don't worry about having what you want, want what you have".
I really do know how hard it is to live with a man and want what you have when he behaves in hurtful ways...but through the grace of God I have also learned one more thing I'd like to share....
I stayed home with our 3 girls from the time my last one was born until this past January. My husband worked 7 nights a week often working 12 hrs at a time driving his cab. When I went back to work, he was not working so he stayed home with the girls....got them up, ready, off to school and took care of all the meals (He is awesome that way). All I had to do was get up and get myself ready, eat my breakfast and go....sometimes he even drove me to work. What I learned was...I hadn't worked (outside the house..in the workforce) in 91/2 yrs and when I did, I only had 2 preschoolers at home....Working with 3 kids in school is a totally different ballgame....and when I came home, I was sooooooo totally exhausted and wiped out from giving 100% to my job that I had absolutely nothing to give to my family...not my kids, and especially not my husband....and he totally deserved my attention after all, he was taking care of me and our family. It was then that I realized how TOTALLY EXHAUSTED he must have been all those years that he supported our household financially...and I had never realized it...I had totally expected him to come home and engage in conversation with me (he's not a talker really) invest in our relationship and pour into our family life....I am thankful that he did spend lots of time with the kids...the little bit of energy he had, he gave to them...I realize now, that my expectations of him were unreasonable...but I never knew that until I went back to work....now he's back at work and I am home again...and I praise God for it...and when he doesn't react the way I'd like and he doesn't do what I think he should be doing....I try to remember those 12 wks that I worked when it was all I could do to listen to my girls tell me about their day.....now I try to remember to show him grace and understanding...and want what I have.
Jessica, you have to choose...You did not marry a perfect man but he is your husband and he is your son's father. Ask God to give you wisdom on how to resolve this problem...especially the garbage issue. Be creative. Sometimes, and I know this is hard and it's not fair, our husbands need us to come alongside them and help them by forgiving them and showing them grace...I know this concept is totally counter-culture today but, if you serve your husband by cleaning up the house and keeping it clean (and I'm not saying that u are the problem...your whole point is that HE doesn't keep the place clean) and then just keep tidying up as it is needed...take out the trash...don't say another word about it...don't nag...and if you are a pray-er...then pray..and if you aren't, pray anyway...and for a little while...maybe a few weeks or even months...commit to this approach..regardless if u have done this before....it's all in our approach and our attitude and the help of God....you will see a difference in his attitude and his behaviour....but you have to choose, you have to commit to not saying anything....just keep praying and take your hurt, frustrations and anger to God. I have taken this approach with my husband and I have seen a HUGE shift in my marriage.
Sorry I wrote so much, but I hope it helps....I could really hear your hurt and frustration and I want you to know that you are not alone....there are others of us out there who are struggling in marriages and we are asking ourselves why do we stay? Wouldn't it be easier to leave? I don't think so....leaving just brings a whole different load of problems. Invest in what you already have....it will be worth it....and know that it won't be easy, but it will be worth it!!
May God bless you and your family with another chance!

Brandy - posted on 05/15/2011

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Tell him he can either pick up his crap with a wife and child or he can pick it up alone and paying childsupport and lawyers!

[deleted account]

Instead of fight about it, I take out the trash. I don't know about you, but I enjoy the luxury of not having to go out and work, even if it means being a maid/mom. I pick and choose my battles, and arguing about who carries the bag of trash to the can outside isn't a fight that seems worth it.
I don't like fighting or arguing about anything, let alone simple things like house work.
You can say its about the principal of the thing. Everyone who eats should be able to take their plate to the kitchen, but what if they don't? Would you rather stomp, yell and stress yourself out over the idea of that dish laying on the table, or would you rather just pick it up and go about your day?
My man was a pig when I met him. I knew exactly what I was getting into.
I love my life though. I love being able to stay at home and raise my child without worrying about bills. I guess that is why I feel like fighting about chores is a waste of breath.

Sara - posted on 05/10/2011

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I would have to agree with kaitlyn--Marriage isnt easy--its a lifetime of getting used to living with this person you fell in love with and both of you going through your ups and downs--no old couple has lasted being married because their marriage is sooo perfect--nope--the wives pulled through even when there husbands wouldnt pick up after themselves--lets say you do leave your husband and time goes on and you find another boyfriend, fall in love live together and then! What do you know--he's just as messy as your husband was--your guna leave him too! you cant walk out when the going gets tough, but try not to be stubborn either--You can not change your husband, you could only change yourself for the better- use this negative situation, this dirty situation, to take control of your household and to set the example of what it is you want! Like they say " You want something done, you gotta do it yourself-- that is YOUR HOME- YOUR CHILDS HOME- all you can do to change this situation around--is clean it//buy plastic dishes so that they can get thrown away right after..forgive your husband and be that postive, stand up for your marriage and your son, not going to go out without a fight for your man and show him where you stand in loving him. If you want him to be a part of the team--its going to have to start with you! Make love to your husband!! let go of the anger and lose this battle of whos going to clean up first--clean the house and set the rules of how you will not allow it to get dirty--When you stop to care and your showing your husband that hes useless, worthless and lazy..well then, since you said it--he's going to be just that--but when you say--u may not care, but i care and you and my son and my home are worth fighting for, then he will care and start to throw out the trash. Pray for strength, jamba juice, good music, wonderful sex and a clean house, with your husband and son next to your watching a good movie in a home YOU made a home and cleaned! to save your marriage..

Roberta - posted on 05/12/2011

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hi, i get where you are at, trust me, i wont get into my situation, but through counselling this is the most powerful, important, valuable thing i have learned:
you need to tell your husband (preferrably in counselling) that you dont want to be in the position of coercing him into being an attentive partner (by temporarily leaving, or threatening him, etc...). Express to your husband that marriage is a partnership and you are no longer willing to be taken for granted, or to work so hard while he stays idle (for example around the house when he is home). tell him that he has to be plugged in all the time, not just moments of crisis. (this means with the kids too, not just housework). and if you havent allready, be as specific as you can about what you want and dont want from him. give him a simple, direct formula for success and let him rise to the challenge or not. then you will have your answer.
BELIEVE ME, IN TIME HIS ACTIONS WILL SHOW YOU THE ANSWER. then when it is clear to you (his answer) you can make your decisions/plans for the future for you and the kids.
Good luck. Be strong, you need to for you and your kids. this advice i got came from an amazing counsellor, who has taught me i can only control myself, choose my attitude (positive or negative) and identify and do what is best for me and my kids. in doing this life has become simpler and less emotionally straining, my plan of action is getting in place, i take care of myself, keep positive especially in front of the kids, and dont let hubbys crap affect me anymore. you can do it too, just follow all this advice. good luck.

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[deleted account]

I just read your 2nd post. Are you sure you aren't married to my ex? He was the same exact way! And he would leave for work early and come home late, unpaid mind you, just to avoid being there with us. My oldest daughter is only 11 and she practically hates him already. It's so sad because so many people have wasted their time and energy trying to help him see....

[deleted account]

I hate to sound pessimistic, but I had a husband just like that. He was no more helpful than one of my children, sometimes even less. He was a piece of work, I tell ya. Needless to say, he's my ex-husband now and is on his way through his second divorce. If your's is comfortable in that kind of disgusting pig sty, he probably won't change. I would hope that leaving would be a reality check, but honestly, don't have any expectations or you'll be very let down if it doesn't fix anything. When I left, I told my ex that he needed to realize that he was miserable and even bitter and angry at me because I couldn't make him NOT miserable. I also told him that HE is the only one that can make him happy. Well, he married a younger version of me, still couldn't man up, and is on big D number 2. There is only one person in the world we can change, and that's ourselves. If you're sure you've done all you can do, the next step is to leave. Unfortunately, if he isn't even going to try, your feeble attempts at trying to get through to him will go nowhere fast. I wish you love, peace, and tranquility....

[deleted account]

Well, not that it makes anything better but it's good to know i'm not the only one out there with the same problems. Only thing is, that's not the only problem with my husband. I hate him because he can never be nice. He's always in a crappy mood. When he comes home at night, and the kids and i hear him come through the door, we hold our breath and stop everything we're doing and just wait to see what's coming; Whether he's in a good mood or whether hes misery by definition. We have a very unhappy household and no matter how hard i try to tell him what he's doing to his family, it's literally like talking to a brick wall.....no joke. He just doesn't seem to care how miserable he's making us. Oh and if that's not bad enough......Whenever he feels like it, he's a drunken lush. Thank God it's not all the time. I wish i could leave but i don't make enough money on my own and his salary is so low he could never afford alimony and child support. I'm stuck with him. Suicide sounds better and better all the time.

Alice - posted on 05/15/2011

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GET EVERYTHING THATS HE HAS LEFT LYING AROUND AND PUT IT ON HIS SIDE OF THE BED AND SET UP A BED IN UR SONS ROOM!!! OR JUST SWEEP IT UP AND PUT IT SOMEWHERE WERE IT WILL REALLY PISS HIM OFF!!!!!!

Stacey - posted on 05/14/2011

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i would put all the garbage in his car or truck while hes sleeping =) and if hes am ass about it like takes it out of his vehicle and just leaves it there, then i would be making plans to get my own place. good luck!

Andrea - posted on 05/14/2011

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Put the dirty dishes etc in his side of the bed, wet towels? Do the same, dirty socks? Put them on his pillow, trash? I'd take that out but purely because that's a health thing.

Heidi - posted on 05/14/2011

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wow i feel bad for u. i say leave him. my husband dose not help me either. most of them time he dose not spend much time with his to kids. he dose tell them he loves them. my husband levels his dishes every were. my son picks up knife that my huband level ever were. my two little ones are my little girl just truned 4 and little son is 22 months

Kiara - posted on 05/14/2011

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In my opinion your HUSBAND is a PIG! He doesn't deserve a family like what you have provided him with. He needs to learn a lesson. Perhaps he should be by himself. He should tell his boy that he loves him everyday. You never know when that moment is going to stop. He needs to cherish every moment with that little boy. One day he is going to grow up and see that his dad never showed him that love. Take me advice: You should leave him and be on your own. Yes, it will be hard but we women are strong. We are made for these things. Your doing it by yourself now so whats the difference if you leave.

Kyle - posted on 05/13/2011

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I would go ahead and pick up after him at night but instead of putting stuff where it belongs I would put it all on his pillow or his side of the bed. and if he keeps moving it put it back every night. and if there gets too much to where you can't lay on your side of the bed then throw it on the floor next to his side of the bed so every night he has to climb over a mountain of junk just to get in bed.

Kitty - posted on 05/13/2011

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Tell him help out or get out!.. he lives there no reason why he cant pull his weight!.. cause if you get one person in there that comes over and complains.. CFS gets involoved and you BOTH loose!. why would YOU not CLEAN UP the mess IT IS NOT smart to be showing your son that kinda life style he will start doing the same as he gets older.. so if it isnt getting done by him then YOU do it BUGS love dirt.. remeber that!

Mirie - posted on 05/13/2011

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I know people say that a child should have both parents, but in your case I would think about myself & my child. If it's not a healthy (emotionally & physically) situation it's not worth staying.

It's stressful for you and ultimately for your child as well. And I agree with Jennifer: that's not the example that you want for you boy.

GOOD LUCK! It's not an easy decision to make.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2011

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Hi Jessica,
I understand your frustration. I know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom with a little one that demands all your time and attention. It often feels like you never get a second to yourself and that no matter how hard your work you never get ahead. But because you are a good mom who wants the best for her son you will continue to do it. You know that leaving will not make the difference. In fact it will make it worse. The odds of a better life for you and your son are slim to none. You don’t want to end up on welfare and always fighting with his father anyway.

What you really want is to be understood, appreciated and respected by your husband. You want him to care for you the way you care for him. Right?

The first step is to understand what you need from him and then try to communicate it to him in a way that he can understand.

Instead of getting upset because he is not helping you. Thank him for all he does and try to communicate to him your needs. You need to be helped, supported, appreciated, feel like you are important.

Explain that as much as you love the opportunity to stay at home you still need him to help out so you feel a sense of appreciation too. You may want to mention that taking the trash out is a turn-on and a clean house makes you want to have wild passionate sex. Most men that help out around the house have more sex than those who don’t. That is a fact and might get his attention.

Let me tell you a story about a group of women who complained about their husbands who left their clothes on the floor. They were told that rather than complaining, ignore it. However, if they saw their husband do something they appreciated, like putting a dish in the dishwasher, brushing the kid’s teeth. The wife was to quickly walk over and give the husband a passionate kiss. Clearly the man was shocked. However he learned very quickly that the payoff for good behavior was much better than bad.

Remember, it only takes one person to change a relationship. You are smart, kind, loving and a great mother who can have a happy and fulfilling marriage. Hang in there.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2011

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And I thought my hubby drove me nuts! That sounds like a horrible situation. My hubby is messy, I knew that when we started dating, much less got married and had our daughter. He works hard and when he's home relaxing on the xbox/pc he just stacks up trash on whatever table is closest and tosses dirtly clothes wherever. And I clean it up every day plus the many messes our 1yr old makes but it's just part of my daily routine. Any time it gets to be too much or I've had a busy/rough week and I say, "Jon honey, can you please help me clean up? Just collect the trash and dishes then take the trash out maybe?" He jumps on it then gets carried away with dusting, floors, etc so I hardly complain. Actually, I think the only one that complains about how much I do is his mother haha! She gets onto him often. But as a stay at home wife/mother it's my share of providing( that and I'm working on getting my boutique I do from home bigger which = more $). Maybe you can talk to him into getting a routine like that, maybe less mess on his part though through counseling. I like to clean and do laundry though so maybe that's why it doesn't get on my nerves much. If nothing can be worked out though, I'd say leave for awhile. I wish you the best of luck hun!

Melysa - posted on 05/12/2011

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not every man is that bad some of you that I have read seem to be experiencing some of the more mild cases of lazy men! My husband i awfull when it comes to house work, I do inside he does out but my lawns have not been mowed in 2 months! the wiper-sniper has not been turned on in over 6 months, he leaves his dishes and cans on the computer desk for weeks on end until he can't fit anything else there he comes in from work sits in front of the comp and stays there until he is ready to come out, I am a full time uni student and have 5 kids I have a huge workload but his 50-60 hours at work mean that he does not have to do anything else apparently, but we get through somehow when I am sick he steps up for an hour or two and when I cry for help he will help it is only recently that he has started getting better I hope you can find something to suit you!

Constance - posted on 05/12/2011

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It sounds like maybe you have made you decison yourself. If you aren't happy then you don't have to put up with his behavior. Sometimes though if you pack you bags and go to a friends house for awhile they will come crawling back. Then the ball is in your court but keep it there.
You have a right to b happy and he doesn't seem like he wants to grow up and be a big boy. I know it wouldn't fly in my house ever.

Bree - posted on 05/12/2011

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honestly, if youre not happy... leave. my husband was the same way when it came to cleaning up after himself, and barely helped me with our daughter, and after repeated arguments, i finally said "enough". youre happiness is very important for your childs well being, as is living in a clean home. granted, letting your home become overwhelmed with trash and clutter just because you do think you should have to do certain things, is not the way to go. you are still responsible to ensure that your son has a clean, child friendly environment to live and play in, regardles of whether your husband helps you or not. a mothers job never ends, and when you remove the problematic factors from your life (i.e. your husband) you will be much better off... trust me, darling, its not worth it to wait for him to change, because odds are, it just aint gonna happen.
as for the father-son relationship... there isnt much you can do about that, but in the end he will be the one to explain to his son why he is the way he is with him... my ex husband doesnt have much of a bond with our daughter, and never really did, but as long as YOU are there for him, he will be ok. ♥ keep youre chin up, and dont take bullshit from any man, regardless of WHO he is to you...

Crystal - posted on 05/12/2011

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well hey my man wasn't ever that bad with the house but he was with words with talk to to me he would say things that was hateful for over 2 years I put up with it...then I got Pg my our daugther an he still tried doing it when i was pg i left for 3 days he called an we got help an he is fine now but maybe you just need to leav foir bout 3 or 4 days or even a week if he realy loves you h will calll an then you tell him what needs to happen an if notstay moved out until he wants to if he dont then he just fill out love for you but its so easy to fall in an out of love you have to do things toghter to keep the lve happy in the family just last year Me an my husband just didn't love another any more I mean we loved one another we just wasn't In love with each other an we talked an he was going leave an with us just knowing we was not going be around one another it changed us I mean just in 2 days not only did he change I changed for the better..there are things we dont see our selfs doing that they do an we see what they cant see ,,I dont know if this helped you but i just don't want to see a marriage end just with out you & him tring an staying together for the kids is not a resaon if you stay its should because you still in love with him an you dont want to lose him..With me I found that out when I thought of him being with a nother woman I don't think so if you can't see him with anyone than you then you are still in love if you dont care then you must hav fill out love an you must work on your marriage ...good luck

Kayli - posted on 05/12/2011

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I would definatly leave him, if its gotten to this point and hes still not listening to you. No one should have to live in the kind of mess, especially when its not your own! And as for the 'boys dont do and tell other boys that' BULLS***. you should be telling your kids everyday at LEAST once a day that you love them! I probably annoy my kids with how many times i tell them i love them! If he cant support you or your childs needs, then leave the lazy turd.

Mechelle - posted on 05/12/2011

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Tell him straight out that if he doesn't pick up his socks, garbage and whatever else he lays around and doesn't start doing his one and only chore...garbage..then you are leaving. You might sit at home all day but anyone who is a mom knows that when you clean a room, as soon as you start the next room the first room you cleaned is now a pigsty again...thank you kids!! I have come to accept that my house will always have toys laying around and will always have dishes in the sink. Sometimes we get tired as moms, kids are very energetic. My fiance always says if he could bottle the energy that kids have and sell it we would be billionaires!!!

My fiance and I went through the same thing, and it was my fault. When we first moved in together, I had one child, who was already walking around. It was so easy for me to clean. I told him that he works all day and doesn't need to do anything (except take the garbage out). I picked up his socks, dishes, everything. Now, we have a 4 month old and it is very hard for me to clean. It was hard to break the habit of him letting stuff lay, and even though he still forgets to pick up his socks, he is much more helpful now. Garbage is always taken out when I ask and he usually always takes his dishes to the sink.

Bottom line, sit him down and make him understand where you are coming from. As a couple, you need to work as a couple and both need to contribute to the home. You can't do it all on your own. As my mom used to say (mother of 5 all close in age) "I'm not Supermom, I'm just Mom."

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Jessica - posted on 05/12/2011

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Thanks for all the advice girls! Many of you said you are in the same situation as me, and I feel for every one of you, but I'm glad to know that i'm not the only one going through this. I don't want to leave him, cause I do love him and for both of us marriage is a lifetime commitment. That was how we were both raised, but I wouldn't mind leaving and threatening it for a while! He is a mama's boy. My MIL did absolutely everything for him, so he doesn't know how to do anything for himself. And I guess you could say that I am on a cleaning strike, I just want to show him how much I actually do, and that needs done on a daily basis and that I don't just sit at home doing nothing all day. Especially since I grew up just like him. Everything was done for me too. So i'm still learning and trying to figure out time management for housework. When we first moved in we didn't have a dishwasher, and withing 3 days my dishes were overflowing the sink onto all the counters cause I had no clue that you had to do dishes every day! So I'm trying and making it happen, my point is why can't he? Even laundry he "doesn't know how to do it" and when I go to show him, he just walks away with his arms up saying this is too confusing. Seriously, you turn the nob and press start. He just doesnt want to learn cause not knowing is an excuse

Krista - posted on 05/11/2011

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wow.. i honestly thought that i wrote this a while back.. my husband does the exact same thing! i wanted to leave him many times. now he is deployed and he is the one who wants a divorce

Dolly - posted on 05/11/2011

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i would leave i had that same thing to teach my husband and it didn't work he move in with his mother and she does he's landray and cooks we have been slipt up for 9 months and he still live the same way men will never change so stop being his maid and move out

Tracy - posted on 05/11/2011

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HONESTLY i WOULD LEAVE THAT IS NOT A ENVIRONMENT TO RAISE A CHILD...AND BOYS DO SAY i LOVE YOU . YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT MORE A HAPPY FUN LOVING CLEAN RELATIONSHIP OR DIRTY ARGUEMENTIVE PLACE..

Giacci - posted on 05/11/2011

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i would NOT put up with that. your son desserves better then a PIG. and boys tell boys all the time they love them. my fiance has a best friend that he has known since kindergarden and he says i love you to him all the time. mind u they are 20 going on 21 now. thats really ridiculous and you shouldnt put up with it. take your baby and go. your son is all that matters and doesnt need to grow up in a dirty environment. Goodluck

Susan - posted on 05/11/2011

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These might be harsh words, I am sorry for that but most people don't change unless there is a powerful enough reason for them to. Do you believe that you and your child are powerful enough reasons to ilicit the necessary changes in your husband to make the relationship work long term?. Is he the kind of man who will do it. Are you ready to put all of the anger and frustration aside and work on the relationship?. Please ask yourself some of those questions and maybe you already know the answer to what you need to do for yourself and your son. You and your son deserve better.

Chairettie - posted on 05/11/2011

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I hate to be a man basher but your husband sucks! He might make the money in the family but you all need more than that. I can't belive he just threw the straw paper on the floor - he is a pig :o( I honestly do not know what I would do if my husband started crap like that. I hope things get better for you Jessica.

Stephanie - posted on 05/11/2011

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Honey you should leave... granted it may wake him up but any change he has will more than likely be temporary this apparently is just his personality and if you can't accept it, and I can understand why you can't, then you should leave if not for your own sanity then for your kids health and well being. I'll be praying for you, God won't give you anything you can't handle WITH His help! (Though I do believe he sometimes has more confidence in us the we have in ourselves... lol)

Katie - posted on 05/11/2011

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I would walk out for a month! Show him what its like to cook and clean for himself and if he doesnt get his act into gear i wouldnt go back. Show him you mean it and arent going to be his footstool! I couldnt put up with that! NO WAY.

Apple - posted on 05/11/2011

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just have some patience..........things will get better.....ignore him....and ignore him big time.....dont say nething in words for a change...he will definetly feel it

Louise - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think a few days away for him to reflect would do this marriage good. There is no way in high hell I would live like this. Have you been on strike to amass so much garbage and dirty dishes? I have to say I do pick up after all the family if they leave it around because I can not stand the mess. My husband is pretty good though and will take out the rubbish and even wash up without being asked. I think he does this after spending a day with the kids he realised there is very little time to rest. Tell him to sort it out and then leave to your mums until he does. He will either shift his arse or your marriage is seriously in peril.

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2011

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My partner is just as lazy, he drops his rubbish on the lid of the bin, instead of putting it in the bin. He leaves his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor/bathroom floors. My 10 year old son puts the rubbish out for pocket money. Both of my children have been raised to take pride in their home and their family. My partner just doesnt take pride in anything. And now we are expecting a child in november, and he refuses to agree with anything. If I want a certain type of baby bottle for bub, he wants something else....he argues everything. Also, I am the one who pays all of the bills. He cant/wont hold down a job for more than a few months. I am looking for advice, cause at the moment, I am thinking of leaving him.

Kaitlyn - posted on 05/10/2011

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Have you really told him how you feel or have you just nagged him about the things you do not like or that he does not do? Often, we think we have told them repeatedly, but reality is we just nag and NO one likes a nag. It sounds like there is no real communication or at least a major breakdown. I find it hard to believe that he would just throw trash right on the floor in front of you and leave it unless he feels like something is wrong too and was trying to prove a point right back at you. Men don't usually start acting different all of a sudden, so either he has always been like this and you have just been blind until DS came along and the workload got heavier, or you are both being spiteful over some things. If you feel like you truly have tried talking to him, then you should def. attempt counseling. Walking away without really trying is not the answer. People give up too easily and who ever said marriage was easy or equal for that matter. If you are having that tough a time keeping up with housework, and he is not willing to help, then you should find some help. Get a house cleaner. If that is not feasible on a regular basis, maybe do it once a month or every other month as a means to help you catch up when things start to get out of control. Not having to clean bathrooms, mop, clean blinds, or some of the other tedious cleaning tasks can help allow time to get other things done. Maybe suggest that once a month you both commit to doing a thorough clean up of the house. That way, he might not feel like it is a constant part of his life and your house will be clean and tidy for at least a few days so you can invite friends over in that time. There has to be a compromise somewhere, and sometimes that means you have to be the one willing whether you like it or not and in spite of what may seem fair. Giving up is a far worse option IMO and too easy. Nothing in life is easy and what would you be teaching your son at an early age if you just gave up out of frustration?! You married this man. If you were not aware of his personality, temperament, character, morals, etc. prior to this, then that is your fault. No one is saying you have to remain miserable, but you cannot change someone else. They have to want to change themselves and put in the work. Sometimes, making changes within ourselves to alleviate a problem can lead to the other person wanting to make changes too. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/10/2011

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my husband and i go through this every now and then he works 50+ hours but i also have a part time job and full time job of our 4 year old daughter altough he thinks all the cleaning and house duties are my role which i agree since he pays all the bills, the only thing i ask of him is to take out the garbage and like you put his dishes in the sink his dirty clothes in the hamper but still that stuff never gets done unless im on his a** about it! geez men these days so lazy! cant live with them cant live without them!

Lady Heather - posted on 05/10/2011

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Dude. If my husband was like this I'd take the kids and go stay with family for a bit. He'd soon find out how much it sucks to have to do everything for himself AND work. Garbage thrown on the floor? Really? How old is he? Even my 2 year old doesn't throw garbage on the floor like that.

Erin - posted on 05/10/2011

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When you've told him countless times and he's still not listening to you, it shows where his heart is. You and your son deserve more than that. Marriage isn't one sided, or else we could marry ourselves. It takes two, especially if you have a child(ren)! I admire your strength in refusing to pick up after him, but I think at this point the message needs to be loud and clear. Straighten up (in more ways than one), or we're outta here!! I'm not an advocate of divorce as the easy way out, but at what point do we draw the line? In this case, I think it's for the physical and mental health for both you and your son. Good luck, sweetie.

Shelly - posted on 05/10/2011

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You can get financial help thru the Department of Human services. There are also shelters and even friends that may be willing to help.

Shelly - posted on 05/10/2011

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If you are not happy... and you are not it is time to move on. Apparently he is doing the best he knows how to do and if that is not ok with you, you should move on. Either he will realize his wrong doings or he will not. Either way you deserve to be happy and to teach your son what a strong woman looks like. I wish you the best on your journey.

[deleted account]

do you have fammliy close that will let you stay there? does your famliy know whats goin on? i know if my husband doesnt understand it form me then i tell our famliy and they tell him thier opoins, it works for some pple not all tho.

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2011

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Thanks guys. I have told him sooo many times how I need help. I've even balled my eyes out several times to him how I hate living like this and I wish I could have people over but I can't because of the house. He never helps me even then. All he tells me is to "just work on it one room at a time." I like the idea of leaving till he cleans the house, but I have no where to go for that long cause I know it wont get done ever even then. Sighh... I hope things get better soon cause I don't know how much more of this I can take.

[deleted account]

my husband and i went thru that not to long ago.but i though ti had it bad.the way i did it was just pick up after me and our daughter. thru all his sh*t in a pile and just did my laundry and my daughters. that wasnt workin so i told him that i was thinkin about goin to my moms and he can do everything by himself. but i wasnt goin toleave him with our daughter. i told him i am your wife not a slave. and he needs to show his son some love and 5mins of attention is nothin!!!! if i was in your shoes "again" lol i would call the tow company and have his truck towed and leave his a**. but thats not the right thing to do well the towin the truck thing isn't right. you tell him straight up dont be hintin around. and if he dont listen back your bags up that night and leave. show him that your serious. men think they have it so hard. its hard bein a stay at home mom. they cant handle it like us. it will get better good luck.

Marylea - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think your husband needs a reality check. Have you guys thought about or tried couples counseling? Your partner needs to learn to respect you and your son and get his slobbery under control. Do you have any friends or family that you could stay with for a while? You could always tell your husband that you're leaving with your son and that you wont be returning until the house is clean. And then go stay somewhere else. Stay away and don't talk to him until he's cleaned his mess. Tell him that his behaviour is driving you away and that if he can't change you'll be seperating him and see if that makes a difference. Have you guys really talked about this? Does he know just how fed up you really are? Also with the whole hugging/kissing/saying I love you thing I would assume that the problem stems from his own childhood or experience. Did his own father ever say he loved your husband or hug/kiss him? Because if your husband grew up in an enviroment that discourage such signs of affection between males than that's all he knows and it may be very hard for him to over come that. It sounds to me that if you don't do something to fix this right away there wont be a relationship to fix. Best of luck in your situation. God Bless.

Medic - posted on 05/10/2011

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Well first off boys to tell boys that they love them.....my son tells all of his friends and my friends that he likes that he loves them and gives them hugs and kisses regardless if they are boys or girls. Your husband needs to get a clue and quite honestly I would leave because I wouldn't want my son growing up to think that this behavior is ok and that this is how you should treat women.

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