I have 2 kids and get not time for myself. I want to know if thats unhealthy

LaVonya - posted on 10/24/2008 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have a child with special need. Have to have 24 hour care. Taking care of him takes up alot of my time so that why i get no time to myself. Then on top of that i have to take care of my other child

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Danette - posted on 11/03/2008

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Maybe start off gradually, have someone come to the house to watch the kids. Then in the other room put on some relaxing music a scented candle and hire a massuse to give you a one hr. massage. It would relieve your stress, give you some alone time. but yet you wont be far away if your SN child needs you. You'll feel better knowing that you did something for yourself. Never forget that you deserve it!

Katy - posted on 11/03/2008

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LaVonya - bless your heart - but you do need some time to yourself (for your sanity!) Try joining a gym - they usually have child care included and then you can work out your frustration - get in shape and have a little time to yourself. Exercise will relieve stress, halp you sleep better at night, and improve your mental attitude so you can go back to being the great mom that you are!!

Lesley - posted on 11/03/2008

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I have great respect for you! You are not the only special need mom that feels that way...although I don't have any special needs child I am a pediatric home care nurse that works with special need kids (10 years). My opinion is yes...it is unhealthy to not have time for yourself. I suggest asking family members or friends to get the special training they need to take care of your son so you can have some time to yourself. Have them stay with you for a few days and let them participate in his care. Some areas have special respite care facilities where you can have you child stay overnight. A church in my area has a parents night out for special needs kids and their sibilings. It's really hard letting someone else take care of your child but getting help is going to help you be a better mom to him and your other child.

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2008

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The question is, are you happy and OK with not having time to yourself? If it makes you unhappy, that feeling will transfer into your family. We all have to make difficult choices, and financially weigh options; but the saying is so true.. if momma ain't happy; ain't no one happy. Both your children will be benefited by a mom who isn't totally burned out and stretched to her limit. Ask for help.

Jessica - posted on 11/03/2008

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hum wow this is tough. i only have on child and on on the way. but i do understand of not getting a break when you need one. in your condition of a child with special needs does put a stress load on ur mind. i have a friend who has 3 kids and the youngest has empalsy (sorry for spelling the word wrong) and i seen first hand how stress she is with not having time to her self. i use to go over there for play dates and talk and hang out just so that the kids would have some one else to play with and i would help her with the baby (one with emplasy) if she needed anything.( lucky i haven't seen her seizured, i think that would frighten me. ) but i had moved and can't see her as much but support is a key factor of getting a break and if there no support its really hard to find time for your self and very depressing. thinking your all alone with no one to help you. but i don't know ur life style situation..the only thing i can get think of is getting some type of support for you so. you don't feel like ur all alone.

Charlyn - posted on 11/03/2008

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You definitely need some time to yourself. If you're anything like me you are probably feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and 'is this really what I signed up for?' Trust me, if you get some alone time it will make all the difference in the world! It's ideal to get some EVERYDAY! My best recommendation would be a gym membership. Generally childcare comes with the membership, and it isn't any extra. Not only do you get to take care of yourself, but you get some time to yourself too! Hope this helps!

Krysta - posted on 11/03/2008

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Do you have a close friend or family member who knows your son and his needs well enough to sit with him a couple of hours a week? We have four families very close to us that vary from children with autism to handicapped both physically/mentally. All of these mothers have someone come in time to time to sit with their children so they can have a break. It's so important for you to do this! It is also a time they can spend with other children they may have at home that need the one-on-one attention it is so hard to give. Do you belong to a church? Have you checked area resources to see what is available? As another mother said, if you don't take care of yourself (both mentally and physically), it will become extremely difficult to take care of your children! I am not in your shoes and I don't know what your going through but I do know as a mother of children who do not share the same difficulties as yours, even I have to have a break...even just for an hour once a week to regroup myself! I admire you so much and hope you can find some help so you can continue being the wonderful mother you already are for your children!

Rachel - posted on 11/03/2008

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for almost 3 years now i havnt been able to so much as go to the bathroom by myself, its probably very unhealthy but theres no escaping it unless ur rich enough to hire a nanny

Cristina - posted on 10/25/2008

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hello there... are you farmiluar with the services in your area? my firstborn is on the autism spectrum and i have to tell you... if you don't take care of yourself, it becomes really hard to care for your kids well... there are respit care services that you may qualify for.. it's where the state sends someone qualified to care for your son, so they would be trained to be able to do the work you do... it's an option that you may want to look into... best wishes, it does sound like a full plate...

Amanda - posted on 10/24/2008

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You certainly have alot on your plate!! If you find it difficult to get time alone during the day, try to plan ahead with a family member or nurse or someone you trust and are close to to watch your children for you once every couple of weeks or so and have an afternoon to relax. It helps to rid yourself of stress and to clear your mind for awhile. You will benefit from it and so will your children. I have 2 kids. Neither one is special need but they do take up alot of attention and energy. I have cousins that are special need and their mom takes time for herself once in awhile to regroup her body. It is healthy and needed. Don't feel like you are neglecting your children if you want some "me" time. They will not notice and it will teach them to be away from you too. Good luck :)

LaVonya - posted on 10/24/2008

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Thanks for that comment. Some times I feel like i need a break. My son's has progressed in so many ways. He just got off oxygen a month ago do to his lungs. I wouldn't consider leaving him with anyone because I was so afraid of him not getting the proper care. Since his condition is better i will think of reconsidering

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You hafta have some time for yourself! A break lets u recoup and be someone other than "Mom" for a little while, and a good walk or workout can work wonders for u mentally (all those feel-good endorphins, i guess)! Sooo, with that being said, how to get yourself a break may be another story! The father needs to know u NEED this break to be the best mother u can be or maybe there's a grandparent who can get some quality time with the grandkids...or maybe someone u trust from church or a teacher at ur child's daycare/preschool...i don't know if any of these apply to your situation..but someway, somehow...you definitely deserve a break!

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