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I have a 7 yr old that with low self esteem

Sandy - posted on 11/10/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 7yr old has a very low self esteem and and has theese mood swings to the point of her hitting ,scratching herself etc when she gets in trouble. I have asked to seperate docotors and they both tell me it part of being a middle child out of 5. Any tips or advice on what to do is anyone else having this type of problem and she is always cries when she gets in trouble and as far as her punishment goes is grounding, no snack, no outside play

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Amber - posted on 11/10/2009

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Ok I have lived this and I'm happy to help. My oldest has Bipolar and ADD. He is 7. When he is put in time out or doesn't get his way he will punch himself,smack himself. He says he hates himself when he gets in trouble. You for sure need to talk to a phsycologist. Go online and google pediatric bipolar and fill out an assesment/questionare and see if your daughter has any of the signs. I'm sure your doctors mean well but they have no idea what they are talking about. Its better to help her now otherwise those teen years are gonna be a nightmare for both you and for your daughter. You can contact me at anytime with any questions or if you need to talk. I have been dealing with this for a couple of years now and I'm just now getting answers so I'm hoping I can save you and your daughter a lot of time and stress.

Kamie - posted on 11/10/2009

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My four year old like to act out only because I have him half the time and he feels that he doesn't have to do things at my house because he doesn't do them at his dad's house. I know this because I talked to him. She is most definately at an age when you can just ask "what's going on?" Ask her why she hurts herself or feels it's necesary to act out. Ask do you want more mommy time, or time away from mommy? Arrange a sleep over with a friend. I talk to my son to find out what's wrong so we can fix our problems (without sacrifising discipline.) Make sure you tell her it's not safe to hurt herself. (My neighbor ATTEMPTED suicide last week by shotting himself in the head. I made sure I used this example of why it's not good to hurt yourself no matter how sad you're feeling!)

Caryn - posted on 11/10/2009

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Have you considered the fact that she may just feel neglected (for lack of a better word..). Children thrive off of one-on-one time with their parents and being surrounded by 4siblings she probably feels left out sometimes. I would suggest making a point of having special time with just her everyday, even for just 15minutes. Of course I would recommend doing this with all of your kids so the rest dont start to feel left out as well.

Also maybe try a reward system instead of punishing all bad behavior. Punishing some is fine but IMO time-outs work just fine and are highly effective. If a reward system is something you would like to do sticker charts are great and you can have a chart for each child. Make little goals for them to reach so they all strive to have "good" days, after so many good days in a row they get some sort of treat (can be anything from a special outing with mom to picking their fave dinner for the night). It doesn't have to be something that costs money, jsut get creative, you know what types of things your kids like.

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