I have no time to myself, not to take or bath or even use the potty. How do I breath?

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Vera - posted on 11/13/2009

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Hi Brittany,

My children are all teenagers now but I remember having that problem. When they were younger I had a daily schedule that I followed. I planned wake up times, breakfast, lunch, naps, entertainment, dinner and bedtime. I also planned what chore I would do during their busy time like if they were watching Sesame Street I would do laundry or something like that. During their nap times and after bedtime is when I took my ME time. I also kept lots of relaxation music, good books to read and candles around to help me to relax. Once you have a routine it gets easier. Finally don't forget to use your resources (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Etc.) you can't be afraid to ask for babysitting favors because you'll go crazy without a break. Good Luck.

Echo - posted on 11/13/2009

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I had this same problem with my first child I couldn't leave his side without him crying! What changed with my second..Me! I would just make time, put them both at the table with booster or highchair give them some toys to keep them busy and go have a shower. They cried the first couple of times, threw the toys down by the end of one week they would sit and play for the 10- 20 minutes it took me. Now my son knows! When I tell him I'm going to have a shower he goes and gets his coloring book and crayons and sits at the table(without booster or high chair) and colors until I'm done. Children also need to learn patience and the ability to entertain themselves and listen to directions. I;m really glad I did it even if there was some tears from both sides at the beginning.

Sandra - posted on 11/13/2009

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"QUIET TIME"! It's the only way I survive. I have 3 kids ages 5 1/2, 4, and 2 1/2 and everyday they have "quiet time" for 2 hours. They each go into their quiet time spots (my daughter goes into her room, my middle son into my room with a movie, and my oldest son downstairs with a movie). I don't do anything but relax during quiet time, sleep, read, workout etc. I'm really learning that if I don't take care of myself, I'm not good to my kids or my husband. It's become such a ritual in our house, that my oldest son asks for quiet time to start. They really seem to enjoy the time alone to play quietly, nap, watch a movie etc. They need it just as much as I do.

[deleted account]

all the moms have great suggestions!! something i do like if i want to get some chores done, sometimes they will help me or try to lol.. other times if i''m going into the bedroom or upstairs to get something, i always say mommy will be right back, and i tell theim what im going to do as i do it.. i figure they're learning a bit too

Helen - posted on 11/11/2009

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I agree with taking time out for your self... i have a 3yr old and a 10month old and they are so clingy.

It really started to get to me and i was getting down in the dumps and didn't have any time for myself .

I have recently started to take time out for me... when their dad is here he picks up the slack while i slip off for a good long soak in the bath. but even when its just you with the baby they cant be stuck to you the entire time. You need to feel confident enough to know that there is nothing wrong.. they're just crying because they haven't got their own way. but they will soon learn that even though mummy put you down, she will come back.



You are still you even though your a mummy you just need to make time to find yourself again

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Merry - posted on 01/10/2011

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I would just put the baby in a seat in the bathroom with a pacifier while I shower!

Laural - posted on 01/09/2011

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I took a shower before my twins woke up in the morning (so VERY early) or I found I didn't get one at all. During that time DADDY got to get up with the babies if they woke up before I got out. I don't know how single women even cope! It gets easier when children can be trusted on their own for just a bit. Still, I prefer for their father to be in the house somewhere while I get my shower in.

Nicole - posted on 11/14/2009

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Put a movie in for the kids, go in the bathroom & wherever u need to go & lock the door:) Let ur kids know where(what room) u will be in incase of emergency. Take a deep breath...Ull b just fine:)

Marianna - posted on 11/13/2009

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I take the baby in the bathroom with me and SING IN THE SHOWER...like normal! I put her in her swing, walker with the brakes on or in the bouncer and sing, play peek a boo with the shower door or explain the different body parts I am cleaning and why. I also have a full length mirror in the bathroom which I will set close to her so she can enjoy her reflection. I feel you completely. I felt smothered for the first couple of months but you have to make adjustments so this works for the baby/child as well as for Mommy! Breathe, Mommy, Breathe. :~)

Felishia - posted on 11/13/2009

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I know its hard but you always need to make time for yourself!!!! What about when they are down for a nap or even at bedtime? I have to take my showers either when my husband is home to help or at night when she is asleep. Try using a play pen or a bouncy chair for them to play in. Good luck!!

Sommer - posted on 11/13/2009

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Here's what I did: I made our living room a "safe room." I made sure there was nothing that could hurt my son. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled around and found everything he could possibly pull down, etc and got rid of them. That way I could walk outside onto my porch and breath. I could stand outside, count to 10, and watch him through the window. You want to make sure it's a room where you can see your child from a window at all times. That way you can make sure your child is safe, but you can get a few minutes of breathing time as well.

Carol - posted on 11/13/2009

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One solution to make sure you do is get a routine. My oldest used to go to bed whenever he fell asleep in my arms. By 2 1/2 years old and me very pregnant with my 2nd my back was killing me. I was hiking the kid up to his room every night at around 11. My husband suggested books and prayers. By the second night the kid was asking for them. We got back 3 hours to ourselves!!! I realize it's not always that easy (at the time the oldest let anything new be okay, now I can barely get him to change his underwear) but it will be so worth the effort. The kids will actually get easier to manage if they know what to expect and see some boundaries. At 2 and 6 they are definitely old enough to give you a couple of minutes to use the bathroom in peace.

If there is any way someone can watch them so you can get a break during the day, take it. Good luck, you single moms are a lot stronger than I am.

Kathy - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting Brittany:



Quoting Wendy:

I feel you! I got so depressed doing nothing! And to top it off, the baby was sleeping in me and my husband's bed...finally at 9 months of age, I had to take the plunge and put my baby in his crib. It's been 2 weeks and he still cries for about 15-20 mins every night and for naps...but let me tell you, it has given me time to relax, read, take a bath, or just nap myself. I don't know if that's the case for you, but baby sleeping in his/her own crib helps. Also, if you have family, friends, or significant other to even give you an hour to run to Target or even Starbucks with a magazine...hell, I go to Borders and just sit with a magazine or book!






Well I've had to move back in with my mom after splitting from my hubby of 7 yrs. I was a stay at home mom for all that time so its been hard finding a job with no experience. My mom figures shes done enough with letting me move in so there are no extra favors involved. NOt allowed to leave the house without the kids. Thanks for responding





This explains a lot more to me Brittany.  When I first became a mom I was single and my mom had let me live with them for a bit until I got my savings up enough to get my apartment, no extra helping hand with her except the quick shower or advice cause I was a new mommy.  I would have to say that your almost 6 year old is old enough to be told he can NOT just walk into the bathroom while anyone is in there.  Let alone allowing the baby to come in with him.  I know it is VERY hard and he'll be ticked off at first, but you need your privacy and if you try explaining to him that he is the big brother and is therefore old enough to play independently for 5 mins so you can use the bathroom that should work and if not maybe even make it sound like an even cooler thing, tell him "you are in charge while mommy is in the potty, make sure your brother doesn't hurt himself or get into anything! Can you do that for mommy?"  My 5 year old get a HUGE kick out of "being in charge" LOL!!  When all else fails, give yourself a time out and try to learn how to "tune them out".  Meaning, go into the bathroom, lock the door, and take 10 deep breaths.  It's gonna be ok, and it will get better :)

Brittany - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Wendy:

I feel you! I got so depressed doing nothing! And to top it off, the baby was sleeping in me and my husband's bed...finally at 9 months of age, I had to take the plunge and put my baby in his crib. It's been 2 weeks and he still cries for about 15-20 mins every night and for naps...but let me tell you, it has given me time to relax, read, take a bath, or just nap myself. I don't know if that's the case for you, but baby sleeping in his/her own crib helps. Also, if you have family, friends, or significant other to even give you an hour to run to Target or even Starbucks with a magazine...hell, I go to Borders and just sit with a magazine or book!



Well I've had to move back in with my mom after splitting from my hubby of 7 yrs. I was a stay at home mom for all that time so its been hard finding a job with no experience. My mom figures shes done enough with letting me move in so there are no extra favors involved. NOt allowed to leave the house without the kids. Thanks for responding

Brittany - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Carolee:

Take a long bath or shower when he's in bed, and nap when he does... if he does. My fiance sends me on "mommy-free" days. I basically get up whenever I want, leave whenever I want, and do whatever I want on those days... although, I usually get up about an hour or two late, go and get myself lunch, come home and play on the computer when he's taking his nap, and then spend the rest of the day with my guys. Also, I crochet. It relaxes me almost as good as a book will.



You're so lucky. I'm a single mommy these days. Thanks for the response.

Brittany - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting kacey:

try sitting the baby in a seat in the bath room so u can have 1!
if ur a single mum try asking a friend 2 pop round n give u a hand just 4 5 most friends r happy 2 help x



Thanks for the response. My kids are two and nearly 6. ONe opens the door so they can both come in. The oldest will go when told but my son won't hesitate to shut the door right behind her so he can have mommy all to himself. Anytime I go for a bath they're right there strippin there clothes off. So I've been taking a bath right after I put them to bed. Its helped. Thanks again

Jane - posted on 11/11/2009

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it's tough. i wouldn't change it for the world but i would love to get a shower in every day and blow dry my hair. you're not alone. i did read one mom hides magazines in her bathroom and tells her husband that she's lactose intolerant so she can have time to herself to read. try it!

Carolee - posted on 11/11/2009

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Take a long bath or shower when he's in bed, and nap when he does... if he does. My fiance sends me on "mommy-free" days. I basically get up whenever I want, leave whenever I want, and do whatever I want on those days... although, I usually get up about an hour or two late, go and get myself lunch, come home and play on the computer when he's taking his nap, and then spend the rest of the day with my guys. Also, I crochet. It relaxes me almost as good as a book will.

[deleted account]

Hi Brittany, I've been going through this myself. It all came to ahead recently after a miscarriage sending me spiraling down into depression. I'm now seeing a councilor who has been terrific (first session) and this was some advise she gave me that may help you.

When the wee ones go for a nap do not do any housework!!! no matter how temping as it may be (for me it is)

Cut back on caffeine its a drug and it just makes you edgy (I'm an average to big coffee drinker)

Take this time to relax (she's given me a relaxation cd with activities on it and meditation journey) read a book or something you have wanted to do for a while even if it is a short time. try not to watch the tv during this time as it doesn't really relax you.



I did this yesterday for the first time and and I feel really good not as grumpy still tired but not as much as I have been feeling. I'm planing on righting a list on what I'd like to do that way if there is stuff I need to get I can do that when I'm doing the shopping.



Something else I did before the councilling I have two kids age almost 3 and 1 and a half so afternoon naps were a mission. miss 2 and half at the time wouldn't go for a nap when her brother did and when he woke up she'd have only been sleep for 15min max. Eventually when I put the wee fella down i gave her a choice quite time in her room or on the couch i would read her one book and then she had to do her own reading quietly and not have me do it so I could do some house work undisturbed . she had gotten so use to doing this that now she falls asleep on the couch. so now instead of doing housework I'm making it me time.



I find the time to have shower at night time when kids are in bed just before I go to bed. and as for potty my kids still bang on the door when I'm on it; not all the time but still. and Yes I find I end up crying but I don't think that's a bad thing, sometimes it easier to do that to de-stress.

Your a great mum and doing a great job trying to do everything you can for the best of you children, don't be afraid to ask for help, and keep talking to those who care and will listen to you. all the best and a big hugs to you!

Stephanie - posted on 11/11/2009

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I know what you mean. I nevery have time to do anything. And if I could ever take a shower alone without thinking about the baby I would have a heart attack.

Brenna - posted on 11/11/2009

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nap time is an awesome time to take time for yourself. Sometimes you just have to let go of the house work for a bit, and have some time for yourself. I know it can be hard to do that, but its okay to leave the dishes for a couple hours, ot whatever else you need to do. Moms need breaks, especially SAHM, We ahve a very tough job, that requires us to have constant energy, so when the kids are taking a nap you NEED to rest.

Laura - posted on 11/11/2009

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I take my shower early in the morning so i can be alone. as for the potty, i turn on a short show that will hold there attention long enough for my buisness. remember you only have them young for a small time. they grow fast, take a deep breathe and deal with the moment.

Kathy - posted on 11/11/2009

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I agree with a lot of the points Marissa made. You MUST, MUST, MUST make time for yourself or you will begin to feel suffocated. I have 4 kids, I've been in several situations as a parent. From a single first time mommy to my son at barely 21 yrs of age who was working 2 jobs to make ends meet, to a married mom still working full time to a mom of 2 working only weekends and occassional weekdays, to a SAHM now with 4 kids. Lots of experience in different circumstances, but the common denominator in each circumstance that made me the best mom I could be was FORCING myself to take time for ME. If I hadn't I would've truly lost it. Sometimes it literally meant 5 minutes in the bathroom to decompress after a long day, while my child sat on the floor outside the door and cried for me. We all want to be supermommy, but it's just not possible 24/7. The more time you get to be YOU instead of just MOM the better MOMMY you will be :) I can always tell when I've been slipping on "me time" cause I get extremely irritable and start losing my patience with everyone, including myself. So, schedule your day. Find a fun thing your baby likes to do so you can shower or go potty. When my son was little he loved Bob the builder, I would strap him in his chair and turn it on for him and then hop in the shower with the door open so I could hear him if he needed me or go to my room and chat with a friend. Something to stay connected to the "real world." Good luck, I know it's hard!!!!

Marissa - posted on 11/11/2009

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Make the time. Make a plan for the day. Eat, Play time, outside time weather permitting, Nap time, making bed time the same time EVERY day. It may take a couple of weeks you just have to stick with it you baby will become aware of what to expect when. And for the potty thing girl-friend "if mommy needs to potty mommy needs to go!!" Your baby will not expect you to be by your side every min. Put the baby in the bouncy chair or pack and play do your thing. Even if it is for 5 min your baby will be happy to see you again. Crying is ok. Your baby has to learn the world will not crumble with you not around for a min or two. Talk to your baby from the other room if you can "mommy will be right there." I have a 7 month old,my husband works 14 hrs a day,mommys got to go potty during that time. :-) Also I think mommy time is important too. When the other parent comes home sneek away for at least a hr do things you need to get done watch a show while folding cloths or just chill. That time is a real refresher. I don't get that hr in every day so the set bed time helps a lot.

Merry - posted on 11/11/2009

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i hold my 7 month old when i go to the bathroom if he wont let me put him down!! I also take him into the bath or shower with me. I relax by going shopping with him and showing him off to the people in the store, it makes me so proud of him to see others enjoying how cute he is. just remember that all this attention that you have to give to your kid(s) will be rewarding in years to come

Glenda - posted on 11/11/2009

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my children are 16, 12 and 4, I remember what it was like and some days still going through that with my 4 year old. I guess for me resisting it made it harder, they do want you all the time, like with all species the babies are hot on the heels of their Mommas !! I would use the time the baby does sleep to do what gives you a sense of self, something you enjoy 'me time' - the rest housework etc will always be there. With meals - think easy, simple, quick, if you get a chance at any time, prepare ahead of time.....or if you have good friends/family/partner, get them to put a plate of salad or something in the fridge for you....2. Get out of the house if you can....go for walk.....sit in the garden....3. If you can schedule in some 'me time' that you can look forward to every week, negotiate with everyone around you...do you have a friend who can sit for 1-2 hr? and you could do the same for them? it could mean getting your hair done or having a rest......4. keep in contact with people - don't you just love the internet, its like the friends we have when our usual friends are busy like us....5. take up an interest something you can retreat to when you get that 'me time' ........and breathe in 1, 2, 3...........and out 1, 2, 3.......

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2009

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I have a two year old too, my best advice find something to occupy their little mind for a few. A good cartoon, a coloring book, a snack, a friend.

Wendy - posted on 11/11/2009

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I feel you! I got so depressed doing nothing! And to top it off, the baby was sleeping in me and my husband's bed...finally at 9 months of age, I had to take the plunge and put my baby in his crib. It's been 2 weeks and he still cries for about 15-20 mins every night and for naps...but let me tell you, it has given me time to relax, read, take a bath, or just nap myself. I don't know if that's the case for you, but baby sleeping in his/her own crib helps. Also, if you have family, friends, or significant other to even give you an hour to run to Target or even Starbucks with a magazine...hell, I go to Borders and just sit with a magazine or book!

Kacey - posted on 11/11/2009

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try sitting the baby in a seat in the bath room so u can have 1!

if ur a single mum try asking a friend 2 pop round n give u a hand just 4 5 most friends r happy 2 help x

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