I'm at my wit's end, please help!!!! Giving u.

Cristina - posted on 04/21/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hello, I'm a SAHM and I am to my last thread in this thing called my life, about 2 years ago my husband lost his job, like many others we moved with my parents. Well it's been 2 years and we still live with my parents, he has had may job opportunities and for some reason they fall through, I worked part time but my mother cannot take care of my extremely hyper s 3 year old, so I had to let it go, I live in a state where help to low income families is almost non existent, so add that to the pile of crap plaguing me, this man I married gives me more stress than help calm me, he does not one thing for himself, other than things that he sees can help him, I do a heck of a lot and seem to get no recognition for anything just because I do not work, I'm always tired, so tired, it and on top of it all I had a stroke 2 months ago because of all this I'm only 35 and feel like I want out of this, I love my son and wanted more kids, but this situation makes me believe that he will be an only child and that in the long run I will end up being a single divorced mom. I feel like I'm doing it all alone, the emotional parts including racing our kid, I'm tired, can't sleep and look a mess, so I feel like a failure. don't know what to do, I guess I needed to vent since I have no one to talk to.

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Tanya - posted on 04/21/2011

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Yes, it will get better! I suggest opening up to your spouse. It is amazing what that can do! Communication is key in all relationships. Don't hold it all in, and then explode! And don't be afraid to ask for help either!

I feel ya, I really do! Just keep your chin up, and start coming up with ideas and plans to alleviate stress!

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2011

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You MUST speak with him and tell him how you feel. Otherwise you are right you will be heading for a divorce someday, if not now in 10 years. I speak from experience and well, now my ex lives somewhere across the country, and thankfully we didn't have any kids together so I suggest you talk to him now before you lose it or before the stress kills you. Tell him, he needs to get off his butt and help you before this kills you. He needs to support his family, it's been long enough and if he can't get the job he wants maybe he needs to take any job he can get to take care of his son and if he can't get a job then he needs to take care of your son so you can work and he needs to take care of himself as well. When he asks you to do something for him tell him to do it himself, you cannot do everything and he isn't your child, you already have one. Good luck, I hope you two talk this out and come to a happy resolution!

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Obviously none of us are experts except in our own life experiences, but I can certainly understand why you are so stressed and want out! I hope you are not meaning out of "life" though. Certainly you know you are the only and best choice to take care of your child. I agree if your husband can stay home and take care of your child since he is not able to hold a job that may be an option. We moms do so much that we don't get recognition for - in my opinion our lives are so much more difficult due to constantly having to be doing something for others and people don't notice it. Especially husbands! lol. Do you have support? What about a local mom's group? Some of these groups have cooperative child care where you take turns so perhaps you could find something like that and be able to work a bit. Are you religious at all? Sometimes finding like minded people spiritually can help! Don't worry! You're not alone! Just keep trying to stay positive and keep looking for solutions. See what you can do with your spouse. Warm hugs!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/25/2011

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I would kick your husband out and tell him to find a job if he cares at all, and to do whatever it takes to get you guys a place of your own. I would tell him that you cannot take living with your mom anymore and although the economy is very very bad you cannot live like that anymore.... I wouldn't stay in that situation if I were you, as it is obveiously having a bad outcome on your health.

Louise - posted on 04/22/2011

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Christina you have been through so much and your living conditions do not help. If your husband is not working why can't he look after your child? Sit down tonight and talk to your husband try and make a plan together on who is going to do what and try make a plan for the future. I don't understand why your husbands jobs keep falling through do he not want to work? I think you are feeling unappreciated and unloved at the moment and I can understand that. you all seem stuck in a rut. Search your heart and see if you can see a future with your husband if you can't then maybe it is time to strike out on your own. If you are fit enough to work then try and get a job to support your son. As you are already living with your mum you should be able to at least afford part time care of your son a couple of days a week to give your mum a rest. Now is the time to say no to life as it is at the moment and make a drastic change in your life to make it better. If this man is making you miserable then take the steps to break free. You only have on life is this what you want?

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I'm so happy to hear this! How wonderful! I love how supportive women can be to each other. :) so glad you allowed your dear husband to be the man he knows how to be. Keep us posted! Enjoy the date nights.

Mabel - posted on 04/26/2011

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I am so happy you took the steps to make the situation better for you and your family!!! kudos to you girl !! Keep your head up and get better then you can start worrying about all the crap that life brings.Happy for you !

Cristina - posted on 04/26/2011

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Thank you ladies, I took your advice (s) and spoke to my husband not as composed as I would have liked but I did, he heard me and didn't really realize that he was doing that to me, he is a good man, he does in deed have a job that he does every other weekend that pays well, but you see it's not constant, I did tell him what I felt and, I'm proud to say he is right now doing dishes while I'm here in bed relaxing, our date nights are back on, and I get some time for myself everyday( because I really need it) It took me about 4 days to get well enough to sleep all night again. Thank you, I love the fact that I can always turn to this to at least vent and not be seen like a raving lunatic.

Flora - posted on 04/25/2011

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I know where your going threw its hard but always keep in mind its not always gonna be like that and i know its easier said then done...i have 2 boys and my first boy is very hyper as well and my little one is fallowing in his foot steps so yea i hve 2x harder my husband had the same problem with jobs and of course i couldn't work because my mother or any other family member can't handle my boys...so we've been living with his mom on and off for almost 5 years...but now that he found a stable job where getting ready for our change we have a house ready for us when the lease is up and my husband was moved to management and he got a raise so all that hard work your going threw will be paid off...just by telling myself its not going to be like this forever kept me alive...i hope this helps but never think that you have failed these are just things we go threw in our lifes that we have to go threw to become stronger...Venting is good and this is the one spot i come to to vent because i also hve no one to talk to...I wish u and your family the best in life...keep your head up

Mabel - posted on 04/21/2011

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You poor thing!Honey it will get better I promise.At least with the kid,the hubby uuuummm not to sure.You might want to dump the kid in his lap and go take a nice long soak in the tub.I went through this when I had my son and it was not pretty.But I am doing better now so I know you will to.If you need to chat I will send you my email and we can talk for a few.=)

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