I'm looking for Ethel (Mertz)?

Beth - posted on 04/19/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So, I've lived in my current home for about a year and a half. I've meet some nice people that I have hoped or thought that I could establish a close friendship with, but it hasn't happened. I'm better friends with people I've moved away from than I am with anyone here.



It seems to me that many people have a lot of family nearby or already in established friendships and they are not really looking to add on to their group. Now, I am accepted as a third wheel, but that is getting rather old and depressing not being on the "in" conversations.



Why is it so incredibly difficult to make friendships at our age? To find forgiveness for a person's faults? To provide understanding when a mistake is made? Or to allow more than one person close to your heart? I just don't get how this can all be about me but maybe it is.

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Jacqui - posted on 04/19/2009

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I've moved several times in my life. When I was in school and college I found it took me at least a year to find a really close friend. But once out of school and working, it was much more difficult. Now that I'm at home, same issues. I have been in Edmonton for three years, and I just am starting to feel like I have my bearings--which is unfortunate since I'm moving at the end of the summer! Anyway, I think when we're all busy and living our own lives and not in close quarters every day (like in school), things like this take longer. Give it a few years! Make the effort to find groups with people who have similar interests, values, hobbies, whatever. Stay positive. Give yourself time. In my new place, I am determined to be much more patient with the friendship front. I am going to make more effort and give it at LEAST three years before I start letting myself get discouraged!



Good luck! Stay positive! We both are in the same fix...it is SO HARD to move from close friends. But you've got to stay positive and keep making efforts to find good friends and bond with people. Friendship is like marriage--it takes hard work if you want to come out with something worthwhile.

Kelly - posted on 04/19/2009

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We had a discussion about this in a book club one time. I think it really is hard to make those kind of close, "soul sister" kind of friends after a certain point of maturity (I refuse to say we're getting old!) but it is not impossible! Don't give up hope! Have you tried church? Book clubs? Mom's groups? Somewhere where you can find ladies that you have something in common with? I agree with Jaclyn-don't stop trying-stay open to new friendships and it will happen. Good luck!

Jaclyn - posted on 04/19/2009

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I don't know you but i would have to say its not you. I remember when i moved from my small town to the "big city" 8 years ago it was hard. Not to discourage you but it was only last year i made "real" friends here, The kind who would do any thing for you and you in return. Don't give up the right person is just around the corner, you just might have a few people in the way.

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Melissa - posted on 04/22/2009

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Where do you live? I have 4 good friends that I hang out with together and at different times. I am up for making new friends.

[deleted account]

I'm going to be in your boat soon...we're moving from Florida (where I have a close knit circle of friends) to Upstate New York (where I know virtually no one except my husband's family). I'm not a very social person in real life. I have always been more of a loner and it wasn't until my early 30's that I started truly appreciating how much I really needed a few good girlfriends. I'm worried that once I get up there I will be isolated and that scares me. That's on top of the huge climate change I am in for. I think the way I will handle it is to keep in close and constant contact with my friends down here. Just because I move doesn't mean we aren't going to still care for each other. I don't expect to find an "Ethel" up there, because my "Ethel" is here. Do you still keep in touch with friends from where you used to live? Is it too far to visit? I wouldn't let it get to you too much. You can't hold yourself responsible for how other people treat you. Just keep in touch with your old friends and hang in there with your new ones. Hope this helps.

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