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I'm no Mrs. Cleaver.

Sarah - posted on 11/18/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm 23, and have three kids aged 8 months, 2 years, and 3 years old. My husband and I moved to our town when my first was only 7months old, and I have been unable to make any close friends. I have been a SAHM since I found out I was pregnant with my last, and only worked nights part time before that. I've been at home with my kids nearly every waking second of theirs, and I love that I am able to do so. However, I periodically go through these spells where I feel incredibly overwhelmed, lonely, and a little resentful that I am so obligated to be "on call" 24/7. I feel like I'm constantly doing something I have to, and never what I want to. But whenever anyone offers to help out, to watch the kids, I feel insulted; as if they've suggested I'm not capable of handling it on my own. I get angry when my husband insinuates that the housework needs more attention, but when his mom asks if I want her to come help me catch up, I just get irritated. What is wrong with me? I can counsel others all day long to accept help, set pride aside, and recognize that they can't do it alone, but when it comes to myself I feel like I SHOULD be supermom. I want to keep a perfect home, raise well-behaved and well-adjusted children, cook healthy meals every day, and be the perfect, beautiful wife my hard-working husband deserves. At the same time, I want to have more free time, I want my MIL off my back, and for my husband to help out more. I know that both of these scenarios are unrealistic, but I can't stop beating myself up about the first and walking around with a chip on my shoulder because of the second. I don't know what to do to help myself become okay with not being perfect...has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel like I'm going crazy!

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2 Comments

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Chantal - posted on 11/18/2010

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15

WOW! i think you are doing an AMAZING job! i also moved to a new city when my son was 6 months and I have many of the same feelings you have except for one "minor" thing... i only have ONE child! :) Try and give yourself a break... it is very conflicted being a SAHM ( i find anyway) Feelings of guilt, wanting more from our partners but when someone offers to help, we say no! Go figure! I'm not sure if I can help but just know that no matter the appearances NO ONE is perfect! So stop trying... Just try to live and be in the moment. I can't really imagine what it's like to have 3 kids that are aged 3 and under but one day they'll be off to school and leaving the nest and then we'll have all the time in world and wish they called us more!! Honey, just hang in there, breathe and try to find some playgroups you could join so the littles can let off steam and you can talk to other adults and maybe make a new friend!! Good Luck and you're doing a great great job!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2010

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i hear ya girl! i stay home with my 4 kids all under 7 yrs and sometimes i feel like i just want to walk away from it all and it scares me that my negative attitude about handling everything and trying to be that supermom is just too overwhelming for me. i have to remind myself i made the choice to be home with my kids i feel like it is the best choice for them and even if i am not perfect i am here for them. i still struggle every day with accepting the fact that i can not do it all and that i am entitled to time to myself. let the guilt go and speak up for yourself, if mamas not happy then no one is....right?!!!!!

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