I'm not meant to feel like this am I?

Siobhan - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 128 moms have responded )

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i'm finding being a mum very hard i have nobody to talk to and i feel so alone... and most of the time i stuggle to deal with my son i keep him clean and warm and his feed him like i'm supose to but still i fell like he isnt mine and like i'm babysitting and waiting for someone to come and collect him.... i know i'm not supose to feel like this and i feel like a bad mum please help why do i feel like this?? i'm 18 my my son is 4 months

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Jeanette - posted on 02/15/2010

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i wasn't in love with my son at first - takes time - but don't think you shouldn't feel one way or another - the feelings don't make you a bad or good person - they just are and we don't have to act on every feeling - just let yourself be where you are and find out where you weant to be and make aplan to get there

Myra - posted on 02/15/2010

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The problem may be with how you see yourself. So, if you had to describe yourself, what words would you use? Do you see a mom when you look at yourself in the mirror? For a lot of new moms, especially younger moms like yourself, it is hard to transition from what you saw yourself as before becoming a mom to being a mom. If you don't look at you as a mom, and see it for what it is (both the good and the bad), you'll be waiting forever for someone to pick up your son. What you feel doesn't make you a bad mom, though. Your feelings NEVER make you a bad person -- it's what you do with them that makes you good or bad. Take advantage of the time you have with your son...at 4 months old, there isn't much to do outside of feeding him and holding him, but you might try reading books to him and playing with some toys. With my first daughter, I was 27 when she was born...but reading is something we have done everyday since she was about 2 or 3 days old. It has been something that helped us bond. I read lots of children's books to her that I loved when I was little. At the age your son is, do what you enjoy, just incorporate your son into it. I sing and dance with my daughter. We just put some music on and jam. When she was about your sons age, I'd pick her up and dance with her in my arms and sing. Now she just does it on her own...she's 20 months old. :)

You don't have to change who you are when you become a mom...you just have to find a way to get your kids involved, too. That will help you feel more like he's yours because he'll become interested in many of the things you like before he goes off exploring the things he likes.

When all else fails and you feel alone, hold your son close to you and tell him you love him. When you do that, think to yourself about how much he loves you, too. You have a love unlike any other in the world.

Theresa Ann - posted on 02/14/2010

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Do you have the babies father to support you? It is hard to be a mom. Be patient. And watch him sleep and observe how beautiful he is. Just think he came from you. He is a part of you. He will grow up to smile and laugh. He will be the light of your life. My oldest son is 20 and when he was born, I was very young. I was alone with no one to help me or support me. It was hard. But I asked God to help me love him. I didnt know what that kind of love was suppose to be like. As he grew he amazed me. He was cute and cooky and funny. His smile so sweet. The best thing you will ever do will be to love him and raise him to pleasing to God. God has a plan for him and your life. Do you have a mom to help you? I will keep you in myprayers. I hope that your better tod ay.

Kelly - posted on 03/19/2010

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i knw how u feel. its such hard work and i cried alot of the time. if u can join a surestart. the can help u. even if just 4 cup of tea and chat.

Brooke - posted on 02/15/2010

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Don't feel bad about it...your young. I am sure you love him. Maybe you should think about adoption. I had a baby at 18 also. I wanted to put her up for adoption but was pressured not to. It wouldn't make you a bad mom.

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128 Comments

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Mariel - posted on 04/26/2012

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I think from experience that you are suffering from postpartum. It will get better. You are a young mother. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and tell them you think you are suffering from postpartum and see what they say. Just know that you are not alone, and that you will eventually bond with your son. I did. It took a while but I eventually bonded with him and now I can't imagine my life without him. Just keep your head up and know that I am here for you.

Denese - posted on 03/25/2010

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I believe you two need to find something to bond over. Dont feel like a bad mom, your not. I dont know if you may be having depression at this time that is contributing to these feelings. I would suggest again to find something to bond over and Pray about it. I dont know if you have a belief or not but I will pray and I hope you feel better soon and know you are not a bad mom sweetie. Good luck and enjoy this time with your son.

Kristin - posted on 03/25/2010

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Have you spoken with a doctor (yours or your son's)? It sounds like you are depressed and potentially suffering from post-partum depression. First step is to talk to someone.



Second, you are a great mom for bringing this up. Because, while they do seem like aliens that have taken over our lives, you will bond with them. It may not be super intense, how you feel is how YOU feel and not what everyone else feels.



Please don't take this as an attack on you, it most certainly is not meant as such. You are very young, barely out of chilhood yourself and are now dealing with a situation that is hugely adult. It tends to scare most adults that have gone on to achieve their childhood goals for adulthood. I worry that you may not have as much emotional support as you need for this time in your life and that is why you feel that way you do.



I applaud your willingness to talk aout how you feel. Keep it up, talk about what you need, and it will get better. Good luck.

Stacey - posted on 03/25/2010

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hey hun so sorry to hear you feelin like this i dont know exactly from expierence but i know how u feel with felling alone i was the same i had my first boy i was 16 when pregnant and he was born 9days after my bday and i felt alone and lost no one to talk to or hang out with stuck in the house all the time i know its not the best of feelings with u beein young aswell u dont feel like ur going to have a life but if i was u hun id go to the doctors and they will do a test (ask u questions). i thaught thigs will never chainge but dont worry they did things will get better for u hun.

go to the doctors and they will do there normal tests and things and see if u can have counceling aswell as meducation i found counceling helped me so well beter than the meducations did.

hope thigs get better for u soon hun and i hope this helpes.

congrats on ur lil one aswell hun.

xx

Natalie - posted on 03/24/2010

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hi, my name is natalie and i understand y u feel like this, i ave 2 children, my first is my boy and hes 7yrs old my daughter is 2 in a few months,i find it hard 2 lookin after my children and u dnt ave no 1 2 talk to! but there is trust me! as for u feelin like ur a bad mother ur nt ur new to all this and stil young urself, u jus need to bond wiv ur son onve u,ve achavied that thing will start to look up, i ad my first at 17 yrs old and it is tough but u will manage it u ave 2 ur a mum lol im here if u need to chat x

Joan - posted on 03/20/2010

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You need to share your feelings with someone. Sometimes when we are lonely we lose prospective. Try sleeping with him and giving lots of hugs and kisses. Do you ever get a brake apart from just being a mom.

Diane - posted on 03/20/2010

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Hi Siobhan; I too went through the feelings of isolation and depression that come with all the sudden having my life centered around only this tiny little human being. Sometimes it seemed like she wasn't mine, and sometimes I wished she wasn't so someone would come and get her so I can have a break.

My Daughter is two now and it is sometimes better but when she was very little I never got to go anywhere because even though I was married I was the only one who took care of her. All of my friends were single and had a life that was always busy and I envied them their freedom, I felt like it was just me and the baby.

Don't feel like you are a bad Mum, you are a NEW mum and it takes some readjusting. You will do great, I promise.

Remember to ask for help; remember to take at least one day to yourself- find someone you can trust to watch him for a few hours; remember that to take care of your son you have to take care of yourself too.

Taralee - posted on 03/20/2010

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I am sure that I am going to say the same thing that many other women on here have said.....

You may need to speak to your doctor about your feelings; b/c as others have said it sure does sound like post partum depression. It can be treated with great success my dear. Also.....you are not alone. Call on anyone you can. Join a "mommy and me " group. Talk to your health unit about your feelings and they can direct you to a free counsellor for just this thing (if you are in Canada). Also....we are always here to listen and help. You will be fine darling. If anyone understands your mixed feeling about loving your child, but suffering with the stress, and even the disconnection.....you will find those sympathetic ears here. Hang in there.

Erin - posted on 03/20/2010

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Hi, I had our 1st child at 18 and I know where you are coming from i went into depression afte having her and didn't go and tlk to anyone for 2yrs by them i had just had our 2nd child i found it harder each day i started talking to my mum and after havng our 3rd child this feb i've never been happier. i learnt that there nothing wrong with feeing like that sometimes you just need to talk to someone

Ashley - posted on 03/20/2010

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First off, feeling alone is completely normal. I have been a stay at home mother for over 4 years now, and the lonliness always seems to linger around. Perhaps you are having trouble bonding with your son because you feel like a part of you is missing. Are you making time for yourself? Even a 15 minute bath can help me sometimes. Be patient and do not be hard on yourself. As long as you are taking care of his needs, you are not a bad mother and although I have not experienced exactly as you.... I know you are not alone.

Christina - posted on 03/19/2010

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It takes time with your first or it did for me.My son was about 6 months when I finally realized wow I actually like being a mother and this little boy i love so much.Your bodys changed, your sleep schedule has changed so basically your whole life has changed.Just hang in there and the bond will grow.My second child was easier around 1 to 2 months I started to bond with her because it was easier already knowing everything.And my third as soon as I gave birth I started bonding and already felt that unconditional love for her.Could have been the fact that I got an epidural with her lol.Just hang in there and you will find that the love comes and when it does its unbreakable.

Adrienne - posted on 03/19/2010

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Being totally and completely responsible for another human being is a bigger responsibility than most people realize before they become parents. At 18, there is no way I would have been ready to give up my life and put my child first - which is what you have to do (and don't mind doing because you love them so much!) I know some people do it successfully but generally speaking, I don't believe most people are ready to be parents at that young age. You should consider adoption and see how that makes you feel - if you can't imagine life without your little one in it then work through it. But if you can, give him to someone who is desparate for that responsibility. You want him to have the best chance at a happy and fulfilling life!

Mercedes - posted on 03/19/2010

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hey there, you already have so many helpful comments on here but i wanted to respond anyway.

I used those exact words myself when describing to someone how i felt, feeling like you are babysitting, you obviously want to care and nourish the child but it feels like someone elses child.

i have a history of depression so everyone would just assume it was post partum depression automatically which in hindsight it probably was bt the important thing to remember is that being a mum is a massive strain on you physically, emotionally and mentally (every way possible) so try not to be too hard on yourself. i was lucky and i feel much better these days (my son is 21 months, 4 months is very early days for you to adjust).

As much as i would say give yourself some time, if you notice this feeling getting worse or developing, at least speak to a doctor and let them know how you feel and whats going on. hope this comment made sense and helps a little, dont despair, you are meeting your baby's needs, you are doing a good job x

[deleted account]

Wow - what a lot of wonderful support and love and compassion. You have obviously struck a chord with a lot of mothers. I was hospitalised with Post Natal Depression with my second child (six years ago) and now I counsel people with similar challenges. Just to be different, I would suggest not forcing the bonding thing. For me it felt worse when it was insincere. As you get used to all the changes in your life it will happen naturally and feel so much more rewarding. Feed him, clothe him, bath him and time will bring his little personality out. As adults we only grow to love other adults when we've known them for a while and it's a two way relationship. After having a baby, some mothers feel an enormous pressure to 'bond' and 'love' their child immediately, and it is a one way street for a while as they are so needy. Add hormones, body image, caesarean recovery, fatigue, crying etc and wow - the things we expect of ourselves! All of the 'glowing mother-to-be' and kodak moments between mother and baby in the media are usually to sell something! By all means, go to your GP if medication is something you are happy to consider. Most of all, don't expect too much of yourself - if all you can do is eat, sleep and clean the house then that is okay. On a good day, try a small change. It could be chatting online/forum/FB/etc to feel connected, enjoying a hobby, soaking in the bath, cooking your favourite food. Then try something a little bigger. Go for a walk to the park with bub in the pram etc etc. Once I worked through the guilt, I also used childcare for time off, which helped immensely. Others opinions didn't, so I ignored them and made up my own mind. Add me to the list of people happy to talk to you, or just listen! Hugs.

Alaina - posted on 03/18/2010

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i had my daughter when i was 23 and the "bond" did kick in for me till she was between 4 and 5 months. and from then on we got closer and closer. i didn't feel like a babysitter. i just didn't think i was feeling what i was suppose to be feeling for my child and i put more stress on myself than i should have. the stress made it worse. it was hard to even enjoy play time and cuddle time and the sweet things like that. with my second child though, i just relaxed and had a good time with him. i realized that i had missed those times with my daughter and wished i had just been more relaxed. the best advice i can give to you is relax. have fun with your baby boy. i'm sure you're a great mom!

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2010

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i felt exactly the same and i still do today. Im 23 and my son is also 4 months old his name is Jake. I went to see my doctor and explained how i felt to him, my words were "i feel like i am looking after him because i have to, not because i want to!" which sounds like what you described above...

He asked me to fill out a simple questionnaire and tallied up my scores and spoke to me about how i felt about taking medication for post natal depression.

I wasnt shocked and pleased that it was normal to feel this way. Id feel guilty listening to other moms say how great it was to be a mom and how much they enjoyed it and i just didnt. I even told my partner i wished id never had jake which was when i seeked help.

It is hard to have a baby and i dont think the fact your 18 makes any difference wether you 18 or 36 its hard... Your not alone honey its completely normal and understandable to feel the way you do.

I was put on medication and went back to the doctors explaining that i didnt feel like it made a difference, i have now been put on a stornger dose and i can already feel the edge being taken off each day and Jake feels it too...

Speak to your doctor or health visitor if you feel like you can, and maybe look into some mother and baby groups in your area, meet some other new moms??? but i totally understand if you dont feel up to it yet



Dani

Amani - posted on 03/18/2010

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This never happened to me and I have three kids now but this dosen't mean that I'm a good mother and you're not. My sister had the same problem and this probably is a cause of the hormons after birth even after 4 months. I think this problem will disappear gradually and you will just get in love with your baby once he starts his first use of language . Don't worry absolutly you are a good caring and fantastic mom.

Breanne - posted on 03/18/2010

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I felt like that too, when my son was first born. He was 7 weeks early and spent 1 month in the NICU. i didn't feel him being born and he was taken away before I could hold him. It was surreal when I first got to touch him. You just need to bond more with him. Spend a day just lazing in bed gazing in his eyes, listening to his coos and learning about him. You're very young too so maybe that has something to do with it. Young ladies make great mothers though so don't you forget that. It could be a little PPD too, if you find it getting really bad I'd go get help. As long as you love your son you should get past it. However being 4 months old is quite a while to still feel like a babysitter. You just have to bond...try carrying in sling around the house and when you're out, keep him close. Smell his hair...just be together, close together as much as you can. Keep talking if you still feel this way! This group is full of support.

[deleted account]

oh hun, firstly u are NOT alone, there are lots of mums out there who know how u feel and u have probably realised from some of the replies u have had. secondly have u spoken to ur doctor? i know its a scary thing to do, i have been there! do u have support, from babies daddy or ur mum/dad/brother/sister etc? by admitting u r having feelings like this just proves that u r a brilliant mum, being a mum is the single one hardest thing any woman can ever do, not only do u go through all the pain of pregnancy and labour but u r then supposed to love this little demanding ball of puke and poo (i say that with love lol) when i had my second little girl (now 20 months) i hated her, it took me a long time to admit and i almost destroyed my marriage by trying to hide it, she cried all day, ofcourse now i see it wasnt he but it was the fact i never cuddled her or spoke nicely to her, i literally cleaned, fed and carried on with her sister or housework and quickly sank into depression, i wont bore u, but hun u r not alone and if u want someone to have a moan to or to yell at, feel free to message me, i am expecting my third baby and so am full of hormones but wont yell back lol i was only on anti depressants for 8 months and i saw a consellor but more importantly i was taught to relax, enjoy my baby and allow friends and family to help me more, ask for help more, there is no shame, i hope u feel better soon hun xxx

Heather - posted on 03/15/2010

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I was 18 when I had my first child and it was hard for me also. I talked to my doctor about the feelings I was having and I found out that I had post partum depression. After I got that taken care of I felt so much better about things. I am now 30 with 5 children and have suffered from post partum depression a couple of times through out my life. I promise it will get better. Hang in there.

Danielle - posted on 03/15/2010

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it sounds like pospartum depression...i never experianced it but i have many friends that did...i wouldn't want to feel like that...



i hope you get happier :-) we all know you love your son!!!

i'm always here for you if you'd like :-)

LaCi - posted on 03/15/2010

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I struggled with postpartum depression for the first year my son was born. I didn't really want to take medication, in the end I did, only for a few months and it really did help me. There's no reason you should have to feel like that. I missed out on a lot of bonding because I didn't talk to my doctor sooner, you should talk to one. It really is worth it. ♥

Melissa - posted on 03/13/2010

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Im sorry! Its very hard! exspecially if ur doing it alone! its almost imposible. ur so young. where r ur parents? if there not around i would find someone 2 take him 4 the night @ least once a week. 2 go out w/ur friends & have fun! im 41 yrs old i had my boy when i was 28 i thought i was old enough i was but it was still hard i didnt know i was going 2 b a single mama though. i dont know what i would of done if my mother wasnt there she took dillon anytime sometimes 4 days when my marriage was breaking up my mom had him 4 a few mo. sometimes things happen wether it affects us emotionally ,financially or our stability etc.. all is needed 2 b a parent. the guilt that were not good enouph or? can b overwelming. remember that even the perfect parent has guilt. i remember always tellin Dillon well b really happy when we have a tree house in the bakyard,or when ur dad comes home or when we do this or have that or? the thing is that Dillon was happy just being w/me a little one on one playtime & he was content to carryon playing by himself 4 hours! it would make me feel better 2. ur a good mom but if there is anyone that is willing 2 help u? take advantage! if not find sumone 2 take him 4 a nite @ least once a week. @ ur age i would say its a requirement 2 go out & have fun! I went out almost every night definatly on/the weekend my girlfriends we would spend hours gettin ready then go out when we were ur age & all thru my 20s its very important that you keep up ur social life. try noy 2 get 2 carried away! if u plan on drinks dont drive! if u plan on sex use protection remember it only takes once! hee.. & please dont do drugs! its imposible 2 b anykind of parent if ur using drugs! i hope ur ok! get me bak just 2 chat! melissa raiter mraiter69@aol.com im on facebook 2!

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2010

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Talk to your Dr. & consider the PPD group on here. Nothing to be ashamed of.....it's more common that you think.....just talk about how you feel. Lot's of mom's twice your age deal with the same feelings. Just remember to have confidence cause u are a good mother!

Alexandra - posted on 02/23/2010

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If you have postpartum depression thats exactly how you should feel. I should know, I have had it twice. Your body is going through a massive amount of changes. Your hormones are all over the place. What your going thru is very difficult to deal with all on your own. If you start having any negative inclinations, such as hurting the baby or yourself. Please tell someone right away. Some feelings of seperation from the baby are okay as long as you don't neglect the baby. I've been through it, no shame and no guilt. It will only make you feel worse. Let your family help you. Thank you for reading, Best wishes

Kristin - posted on 02/23/2010

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hey there siobhan. i totally understand how you're feeling. fortunately you've come to the right group of ladies that are responding to your situation. i went through the same thing with my twins. i can't stress how important it is to talk to your doctor when you go in for check ups. i waited a full six months before getting the help i needed, and i'm still working on it. the twins are two, and i'm still a work in progress. a little medicine, and support from family and friends and you'll be back on the right track. i thought i could do it all with my first and the twins, but you need some help. please don't be afraid to ask for it. it sounds like you're a very strong young lady, but we can't do it all by ourselves. that was the most important part i've learned. like the other ladies have said, it's probably the baby blues, and a little medicine certainly does help. please call your doctor/ob and make an appointment asap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you need to relate your feelings even if you don't want to. i was the same way, and my mom went with me to the doc's and tattled on me. i wish you all the luck in the world, and you're a great mom. it does take time, have faith in yourself. good luck siobhan.

Michele - posted on 02/23/2010

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It gets better! My oldest is 14 and I remember feeling alone and clueless. Do you think you might have post pardum depression? I got that with all 5 of my children and I didn't realize that was the case with my first so i suffered through it. With my subsequent children, i got on medication and that helped immensely.
Try and find a mom's group in your area where you can get together and let the babies "play" and you can talk to other moms and share your feelings. it gets you out of the house and helps you realize you are NOT ALONE!
Motherhood is very rewarding, but it is also very challenging. it is the most difficult job i have ever had, but i love my kids so much. i am now getting to the phase where my kids are my friends and we can talk (14 and 11 are my oldest). Hang in there and see if you can get with some other moms to spend time with - it helps!
Good luck.

Marilyn - posted on 02/22/2010

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So sorry you feel this way...don't feel liek you are a bad mom. Yo uare caring for your baby. I know other people who have had similar experiences, and after a couple months they grew to love their baby fiercely, and went on to have more. Take courage! Sometimes comunities offer playgroups for moms and babies, and you may find friendship with someone in your situation there.

[deleted account]

Ive heard that some moms just dont feel that bond for awhile. And having no one to talk to that is close to you may be prolonging this experience. Just keep in there, and dont give up. One day you will feel that love, that bond with your baby.
Talk to your doctor about it also, there may be something in your community that can help, or you may have post partum deppression. Either way, good luck to you and your baby. And believe me when I say that when you feel that love for you child it is the most amazing feeling in the world!

Kellie - posted on 02/22/2010

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I understand the feeling of being alone. I don't really know why I feel that way, I have a husband who is great, and a supportive family, but still I feel alone sometimes. It took me time to bond with my son, and with my daughter being in the NICU for 6 weeks it is taking some time for me to bond with her too. It's hard to explain....you love them, yet something is off. I can tell you from experience that the bonding will come. My son is my life, and my daughter is too. Being a mom is not easy, and it comes easier for some moms than others. Plus, you are only 18......I cannot imagine having a child when I was 18. I give you a lot of credit for what you are going through. Hang in there, try to get some time to yourself, get out of the house sometimes if you can. It will be ok.

Evangeline - posted on 02/22/2010

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I am a mother of 5. I had my first son at 18. I never knew what people meant by post-partum depreesion until I had my 4th son. With him, things were so different. I didn't feel any connection with him. He would cry all the time and to be honest sometimes I would just let him and watch him cry. I was so angry and not really at him, more at myself because I felt like I should be able to deal with this. I would secretly drink and even though I had my husband and my other children I felt very alone. (By the way, thank God for my husband). When I would go places I would imagine driving into a tree or off a bridge, but I didn't want to kill myself I think I just wanted to go to the hospital and be by myself. So sad and wierd, I know. Well, my husband saw that things weren't going the best for me and I wasn't being myself (I never told him how I really felt), but he got me some counseling. Don't feel bad if this is something that you have to do. Many, many women have to get counseling after a pregnancy. It was actually my couselour who told me what I was going through, because I honestly didn't know that I was depressed. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I only went a few times and I felt better about things. I also went back to church. One day the preacher said, "GOD will not put on you more than you can bear. " Life is so full of different experiences. What doesn't kill you will definely make you stronger. This feeling will not last forever, and after you go this, you will be able to help someone else go through this and be an inspiration to them.

Hope this helps ~ Evangeline

Kayleigh - posted on 02/22/2010

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hi, i know what your feeling coz ive been there, when my son was born i didnt bond with him,i hardly looked at him,and i was depressed,and thought that know body could understand what i was feeling,i was really young and he wasnt planned i already had a 12 month girl. i just coundnt cope with it all. i went to my doctor for help and they gave me counciling,,slowley i spent more time with my son we got to know each other and now hes 4 yrs old and hes a proper mummy's boy. i think you may need to dfo the same, of course you love your son you are still in shock the he is yours.try to spend as much time as possible with him,, good luck ♥

Natalie - posted on 02/21/2010

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Hate to sound rude but your 18 and hes brand new, I think you might need to talk to a doctor. Hold on! They get funner, right now he needs a lot of love and attention with (seems like) little reward. Soon, he will be able to show you more love than you can ever show him. And perhaps, maybe you have a little growing up to do too. I may be wrong. If that doesnt help, maybe you have the "baby blues". It is a real medical problem and if you think that might be it-----PLEASE PLEASE seek help now!!!!

Kristi - posted on 02/21/2010

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Your son is still young, and so are you! It can be tough getting used to the idea of being a mom! Do you have anyone you can call or talk to over the computer? What about family members? And if all else fails, keep a diary or journal of sorts. Sometimes it just helps to get it all out, even if it's just on paper! Make sure you're making time for yourself. Read a book, watch some tv, even just take a shower! And always remember that your feelings are justified. If you feel you need to, look into counseling. There's no shame in it! And finally, try just playing with your son. Set him on his stomach for some tummy time and get down there with him. Or you can lay on the floor on your back and lay him against your stomach. Talk with him (I always talked to my son like he was just another friend). You'll find a way to bond sooner or later!

Pauline - posted on 02/21/2010

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hi siobhan....hei don't let it get you down, being a mother has alot of responsibilities it does get easier.....where bouts do you live??????????????/ is there any preschool centres where you can take baby, you yourself need company too....ask some-one to look after your baby while you go shopping or something like that, you can be the best mum in the world but you still need FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! some-one you can sit with and talk & laugh with.......I'm a mother of 9 & i love it....i even have a grand-daughter.
You just need sometime.....you are probably a very good mum but yeah you need company.
I hope i've helped you out in some way....get back to me if you are still feeling lonely

Annie - posted on 02/21/2010

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it sounds to me like possible postnatal? talk 2 a doctor about how ur feeling she should be able to help or give you some great advice. I felt awful all through my second pregnancy and for weeks after giving birth and i think now that the main reason was because of lonelyness. friends fade after having a child and our lifes get completly taken over by babies. i think all mums go thru this, the best advice i got when i opened up about my feelings to my midwife was go to mum and baby group.. i did and now i have made lots of new mum friends we meet twice a week and do activities with our children. doing fun things will help you to bond too.. i hope this helps and do pluck up the courage to go to a baby group i was so scared but everyone is there for the same reason and thats to meet people they have more in common with. x

Kerry - posted on 02/21/2010

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i know what u are feeeling love i have just turned 20 and have 2 kids under the age of 2 and their dad isnt around i found the best thing 2 do is 2 join a mums group we need 2 get out and interact with other mothers in the same situation, and also we need our time away from bubs the key is 2 find the balance i thnk good luck darl i hope you pull thru:)

Amy - posted on 02/21/2010

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from experiance i had the same feelings with my little girl from day one shes now 18 months and i still have them. i went tothe doctors he put me on anti depresents and got me in touch with support groups it realy does help to talk about it

Michele - posted on 02/21/2010

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Sounds like you have post-pardom depression. Sad to say but these feelings do happen to most moms after childbirth. Some manage to get out of these feelings on their own and others need to seek out help. I had this after both of my kids but it was much worse after kid #2 and I went to see my family doctor about it. Please go see either your family doctor or if you can a family counselor. Both will offer you some help to relieve these feelings and might get you back on track to feeling normal again. My heart goes out to you!

Heather - posted on 02/20/2010

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its funny you mention this because i felt like that the 1st year of my sons life. i could not believe that this little guy was mine ... that my husband and i created him ... that i actually deserved him. i was 24 when he was born. you are so not alone and so not a bad mom. you are actually a very good mom. i think its just being overwhelmed. do you have any family around? it does get better as he gets older and you start to see that he appreciates all you do for him by the smiles and kisses and hugs. almost like a reassurance.

Natasha - posted on 02/20/2010

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Get support...help of some kind. Post partum depression can be very serious. You're not a bad mom. It's a hard thing for your body to go through all of the hormonal changes that come with carrying and delivering a baby. For some women, this leads to very serious depression after the baby is born. You may need to temporarily get on medication until your body evens itself out.

[deleted account]

You are not the only one. It is very hard. Maybe you should talk to a doctor. I felt the same way. It is hard, especially since you are stressed and still new at this. I promise I felt like I was just going through the motions and since we are young, none of our friends really know what we are going through. I am now starting to feel that bond, and as he blossoms so does my feelings for him.

Christin - posted on 02/20/2010

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I felt like that with my daughter....it sounds like you have post-partum depression.....you should make a doctors appt and get put on some med....it helps! sometimes it takes a while i think moms are under the impression that as soon as the baby pops out your going to feel "love"....sometimes thats not the case...you need to bond and it takes some moms more time than others and that is NORMAL! keep posting i would like to see how this goes for you...give it time it will happen....

Jocelyn - posted on 02/20/2010

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Dont worry too much...it takes time. We all think it will happen overnight, but it doesnt always. I was a (very) single mom from the start, my family was 2000 mi away, and all my other troubles were overwhelming...I felt like I was a backseat mom. But it all falls into place in time.

Gwendolyn - posted on 02/20/2010

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Becoming a mom is a HUGE change and it can be very rough at times for everyone. When my 1st child was born I felt like a service provider only for a few months. Talk with your doctor and find a supportive group of other moms to connect with. Some of what you feel may be life change shock. Some of it you may find is part of your child’s personality. My son virtually ignored me at 1st unless he needed food or changing. I was not expecting that. My daughter was born to snuggle. They grow and go through changes and so do us moms. Now my son loves to cuddle and my daughter is on the move. Stay encouraged!

Kathleen - posted on 02/19/2010

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My first child was about 6 weeks old when I suddenly realized that this was forever and I was not babysitting.
Try to find a mother's day out progarm with a local church where you could maybe find some moms to talk to.
Or is there a local park or library where other moms might be?
Babies are very overwhelming and at your age this is probably not what you expected your life to be. At some point you need to accept where you are and then work on moving your life in the direction you want it to go.
We all make plans about how our lives should turn out and then we find ourselves living outside the plan. At that point you have to adjust the plan to your reality OR adjust your reality to your plan whichever is most feasible. Not saying that dreams have to die...They may just need to wait a bit longer. In the meantime, you have this little miracle who needs you 100% all of the time and loves you 100% all of the time.
Good Luck and God Bless You and Baby!

Casey - posted on 02/19/2010

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I got Postpartum Depression after the birth of my child. That could be what you have, explaining why you dont feel conected to him. You need to tell your doctor. Maybe it will go away, or maybe not and you need to be put on some medicine. But, only your doctor can help you with that. I know that the first time, I told my doctor exactly how I felt, I was so afraid that they would take my daughter. But It's really common after childbirth. And They wont take your baby, they will help you.

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2010

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I felt this way TOO!!! I noticed that I started to become more attatched to my twins at about 6 months of age. I did not have any depression, just felt a bit like a robot mom or babysitter! It gets better, and you are doing great. I think that so many women feel ashamed and alone about feeling detatched from their pregnancies and even their newborns, but lots of people feel this way, and it getts better. You are doing great! If you feel sad a lot or depressed, call your OB and tell him/her how you are feeling.

Nadia - posted on 02/19/2010

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i haven't read alot of the other post so i apologise if i am repeating what you have already been told. from the sounds of it you have post natal depression. sometimes it can be hard to recognise, and other times it is obvious for the mother as well as the ppl around her. The good news is that you have had the confidence to let other ppl know about it and ask for help. this alone shows that you are a great mum who cares alot for your son and wants the best for him. depending on where you are there are alot of ppl who can help you. if you cant find a mothers grounp for support, try asking the midwives at the hospital, or make an appointment wit your doctor. they might be able to give you a mild antidepressant and will definatly have information on where you can get help. having a baby is fantastic, especially when you can enjoy it! it is unfortunate that you do not have a close friend or family around you to help you out, but you sound like a very commited mum who wants the world for her son! get the help that you deserve so that you can enjoy all that your little man has to offer!

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