I'm not meant to feel like this am I?

Brittany - posted on 02/16/2010

no u are not menst 2 feel that way u have baby blues u should go and see your doc !!!! for real like right now u aint a bad mum it just mens u r stressed u need 2 tell some1 that u need a lil help

Dawn - posted on 02/16/2010

that happens to alot of ppl i felt like that at first as well my son is now 9 months and more responcive to me i still sometimes feel like im not a mom but it is becoming more and more real that i am.. YOUR NOT A BAD MOM!! once he starts reaching to you and crawling to you it'll feel more like it and if you need a friend to talk to you can add me im always looking for new mom friends that i can talk to and give my advise to ..

SARAH - posted on 02/16/2010

hi my name is sarah and i become a new and first time mum on the 9/11/09.....

i am currently 25 years old and never even dreamt of having ababy......... when i told my partnerat the time i told him i wanted to get rid of it but he said no so respected his wishes.......and now i am the proud mum of my littlegirl tinaiah.......she was a blessin for me as i was told i would never be able to conceive........

when i had y first scan i almost cryed just to think i was going to be a mum .....i neer got used to the fact of the idea untill i was 35 weeks..my daughter is now just over 3 months and i would not give her up forany thing i know how you feel wen you say you have no one o talk to about it as i am in the same boat...my mother lives 4 hours away and my partner works away alot..i sit at home and think the same things some times but it is nothin to be ashamed of no one can say you are a bad mother as you supply the necessities that your son needs.... if you feel that it is to much go to the doctor and ask for their advice as that is wat i am doing being i suffered depression before her birth i am more pron to post natal depression.......hold your head hi and be proud being a young mum is not easy my little sister was your age wen she had her first and now she is not even 22 and she is having her 3rd on monday i look up to her s she has helped me alot if you ever need some one to talk to even though wee do not know each other i am on face book......feel freee to contact me if you need some ne to talk to. if not i could give you my emil address and maybe get my little sis to hae a chat as well ..to have to go through it by your self is not fare but its also not cool to be lonely.......if none of this makes sense i appologise but be strong and keep your head high ..just think of your son and love him more than you have loved any thiing that you have come across in your life he is not replacable so keep him... he is your little treasure to be shared and treasured :)

Nadine - posted on 02/16/2010

Your probably going though post partum. I felt like I just wanted to run away in the beggining. It lasted for the 1st 6 months. You also feel guilty and feel like no one can understand. You need to talk to your doctor about it.

Jacqueline - posted on 02/16/2010

Sweetheart, I had my first baby when i was 15 and my 2nd when i was 17 (the day b4 my 18th birthday) so i understand all too well where you're coming from. I'm here to tell you that at you're age it is very normal. I don't know what your situation is, but mine was a very difficult one. I was 15 and pregnant by a 35 year old and definitly not ready for a baby. The best thing I can tell you is to enjoy your son. How i've learned to handle it is by praying to God and getting closer to Him. I have 6 kids and I'm now 28 and that's the one thing that I know for a fact works. I don't know if you're a Christian, but I can honestly say that praying and asking God to feel like you're suppose to towards your son, will by all means work. However, I will give you heads up, don't expect things to change overnight. It's a learning process we as young parents go through. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to, just say so. I'm always here to listen and guide the best I can

Stacey - posted on 02/15/2010

I had this same experience with my son. I was fortunate enough to see that I had postpartum depression. It was all I could do to provide the basic needs for him. I just felt like I had no connection to him. I would advise that you call your obstetrician/doctor. They are very familiar with what you are going through and some doctors have even gone through it themselves. Always have a friend or family member available to talk to or just take the baby for a couple of hours. Be sure you drink lots of water, eat and rest as much as possible, that always seemed to help me a little. Just know that it will pass, and he is such a wonderful part of your life

Carrie - posted on 02/15/2010

if your taking care of him and maybe not cuddling and kissing and talking and playing with him then maybe that's why your not bonding, do you spend time with him other than"taking care of him " Also are you emotional do you get attached ?

Diane - posted on 02/15/2010

what you are going thru is compleatly normal for some mothers and i am speaking from experance. I am a single mom of two a 7yr old and a 6month old and i am still batteling with post pardon depression, I am currently on anti depressants which help alot when i remember to take them. The most important thing for you to have is a support system, family friends someone you can call no matter the time who will listen to you and not judge you, lucky i have this. I have cried for hours on end i look at my baby and i just dont feel for her what i do for my 7 yr old and i dont understand this. Like you i do everything to make sure my baby is cared for i just dont feel that bond or concection but the most important thing for you to know is you are not alone.

Angela - posted on 02/15/2010

It is ok to feel like that but you need to talk to your doctor because that is a sign of postpartum depression. Everything will be ok eventually but it takes time but I strongly recomend you talk to your doctor!!

Stephanie - posted on 02/15/2010

Sweetie it sounds like you might have Post Partem Depression. It hit me like a brick after my 3rd child and I actually had to go on meds for it. You might want to check it out with your GP. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Motherhood doesn't get easier but with help you can connect and feel joy in it. Good Luck

Jeanette - posted on 02/15/2010

i wasn't in love with my son at first - takes time - but don't think you shouldn't feel one way or another - the feelings don't make you a bad or good person - they just are and we don't have to act on every feeling - just let yourself be where you are and find out where you weant to be and make aplan to get there

Brooke - posted on 02/15/2010

Don't feel bad about it...your young. I am sure you love him. Maybe you should think about adoption. I had a baby at 18 also. I wanted to put her up for adoption but was pressured not to. It wouldn't make you a bad mom.

Erin - posted on 02/15/2010

bc your young. I had my first baby when I was 19 I felt the same way! Things do get better I promise! He will strt to talk and he will keep you very busy getting into everything! He is still very young pray everyday! Try and keep yourself busy!

Kelly - posted on 02/15/2010

Please talk to your doctor. Being a mom is the hardest (and most rewarding) job. This stage of motherhood should not be so difficult on you. You sound like you could have post pardom depression...they can treat it. It may just be that your hormones are still all crazy and a trip to see the doctor can really help! Don't feel alone.. all mom's have been there at one time...feeling alone, and like they should know how to feel. Love your child the best you can, and if u feel that you can not handle it....call someone or take the baby to a doctor or hospital. PPD can be very serious and cause people to act in ways they don't understand. GOOD LUCK and it shows a lot of strength just to ask for help.

Ashley - posted on 02/15/2010

i would say you should call your doctor because it kinda sound like the baby blues or ppd because your not supossed to feel like that, i would make an app as soon as possible good luck an it will get better

Lori - posted on 02/15/2010

It is not easy adjusting to being a mom...I dont think anyone can be prepared for how hard it is..my first child was a very challenging infant..he didnt sleep long and cried a ton!! Plus, I was exhausted!! I was in a new town away from family and my husband worked long hours!! First, find someone you can talk to about how you are feeling..you could be suffering from depression, which is normal after delivery...Also, if you havent read many books on infants, I suggest going to book store...It is encouraging to learn how others have dealt with same experiences...Are you involved in church?? They have great support systems...can you swap time away from the baby with a friend? Even an hour can do some much good!! Hang in there!!

Myra - posted on 02/15/2010

The problem may be with how you see yourself. So, if you had to describe yourself, what words would you use? Do you see a mom when you look at yourself in the mirror? For a lot of new moms, especially younger moms like yourself, it is hard to transition from what you saw yourself as before becoming a mom to being a mom. If you don't look at you as a mom, and see it for what it is (both the good and the bad), you'll be waiting forever for someone to pick up your son. What you feel doesn't make you a bad mom, though. Your feelings NEVER make you a bad person -- it's what you do with them that makes you good or bad. Take advantage of the time you have with your son...at 4 months old, there isn't much to do outside of feeding him and holding him, but you might try reading books to him and playing with some toys. With my first daughter, I was 27 when she was born...but reading is something we have done everyday since she was about 2 or 3 days old. It has been something that helped us bond. I read lots of children's books to her that I loved when I was little. At the age your son is, do what you enjoy, just incorporate your son into it. I sing and dance with my daughter. We just put some music on and jam. When she was about your sons age, I'd pick her up and dance with her in my arms and sing. Now she just does it on her own...she's 20 months old. :)

You don't have to change who you are when you become a mom...you just have to find a way to get your kids involved, too. That will help you feel more like he's yours because he'll become interested in many of the things you like before he goes off exploring the things he likes.

When all else fails and you feel alone, hold your son close to you and tell him you love him. When you do that, think to yourself about how much he loves you, too. You have a love unlike any other in the world.

Chantel - posted on 02/15/2010

I always took a while to "bond" to my children. I don't love babies in general, although I don't mind kids when they're older. I never worried about "not feeling right," because I knew myself well enough to know distance is always more comfortable until I really get to know someone.

Pregnancy doesn't necessarily create those possessive or loving feelings. But your actions will build them over time. I found, as I cared for my babies and looked for things to enjoy about their development, that I learned to love them. The only exception to this was my 2nd daughter, whom I loved before she was born. Interestingly, her personality is a lot like mine -- she is most comfortable with distance, and closeness takes a long time to grow. (When she'd ask to "snuggle" as a tot, she meant for me to lie next to her, but about 6 inches away -- not touching at all. She just enjoyed knowing I was near, and I let her have her space. She's now almost 12, and she likes to actually "snuggle" with me on the couch and talk or just relax.)

It helps to have friends to talk to. Even online friends! Just spend a lot of time with him, leave him with a sitter occasionally so you can do something for you, and learn to love him. (We come to love those we serve.)

If you're still worried, talk to you doctor. He/she can offer some suggestions.

Jane - posted on 02/15/2010

4 months is still very, very new. all of your time is spent caring for your little peanut. he's not really developed his personality yet but it will be coming to light by 6 months. see if you can have someone give you a hand few hours a week or so, your mom or a friends or a sister, etc. it's very demanding being a mom you need support. go online and see if there are any mom groups in your neighborhood, check w/your church, the hospital, etc. moms are a great source of support and friendship.

Jodi - posted on 02/14/2010

I think that all moms feel like that at some point or another, but to feel like this every day does sound like post-partum depression, which is easily treatable and will go away eventually. You are not alone! A few things to try (things that helped me before I was diagnosed with post-partum depression), make sure you get dressed and brush your hair every morning, NO PJ's! lol Also, maintain a healthy diet and look into mommy and me classes in your area where you can meet other moms and babies to talk to. You are absolutely not a bad mom! You have already taken a step to seek help by asking our advice, now take the next step and ask your doctor! If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me! I'm 24, my daughter is 1 yr. Best of luck and hang in there!

Theresa - posted on 02/14/2010

Actually you aren't alone in feeling that way. A lot of moms do. Some moms take longer to bond with their babies than others do. I think it's something women should be told when they're expecting. It would prevent a lot of moms from feeling like horrible people. I would also make an appt with your doc to talk about possible post pardum issues. Be very honest with the doc. He/she isn't going to think you're a bad person or mom. He will know how to help you best the more honest you are. I had issues with post pardum depression after my first was born. I didn't know what was worng. I was finally a wife and mom, which is what I had always wanted. Ithought if I went to the doc he would tell me I just had to deal with it. He didn't he put me on a very low dose ned and within a couple weeks I felt so much better. It only took about 6-8 omnths of the meds before I could go off them and be OK. Good luck. It will get better.

Janelle - posted on 02/14/2010

Go and see your doctor. You feel like that because you may suffer from a very normal, and very common depression - and it is absolutely not because you are a bad mother!! =D You are doing a great job by just asking the question, don't stop here though keep going, keep asking for help till you have yourself sorted and feeling happy again.

I went through a similar experience, once I actually realised that I wasn't enjoying the little things with my children that I normally did I thought right this won't do (I am normally fanatical about extra curricular activities with my kids think I enjoy watching their swimming/dancing/sports more than they do!! lol) I spoke with my doctor about it and got the help I needed, it was a slow process (I would've preffered an instant fix as I'm inpatient like that lol).. but I got there and so can you. Now I am absolutely fine, a very busy stay at home mum with 3 children and we are as happy as we can be. You can be too, just don't give up as what works for one may not work for another, keep going until you find something that works best for you.

If you feel comfortable with it, let us know how you are getting on from time to time. Other mothers that are going through a similar experience may find inspiration in your thread. All the best

Cindy - posted on 02/14/2010

I would talk to your doctor it sounds like postpartum depression. I'm no doctor, but kinda went through what you are. I was not distance with my son I just cried a lot and nothing could make me happy or smile. I felt so alone and like I was living a dream at times. Do you have anyone that you can talk to? Maybe your doctor could help or even give you some meds til you feel better. Trust me I tried telling my self that I was fine and went a little over a yr being depressed and that was a yr of my life that I could have been happy and loving my son more then I did being sad.

Logan - posted on 02/14/2010

i totally know how you feel and its something that you should express to your doctors. i had this from when my little girl who is now 6 months was born until she was about 2 months. i felt so alone because my boyfriend was always working and i didnt have many friends around because i was in a new area where i didnt know as many people. it gets better specially with medicine. i found myself stopping take them after about a month or 2. i still feel alone at home because its just me and her but if you get out and do things it helps out alot. even if you dont have anyone to go out with, just being out of your home helps out ALOT!

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2010

it sounds like to me you are suffering from postpartum depression.. and the good thing is it can be treated :) I was the same age as your are now when I had my first child and went through the same experience. my family lived 500 miles away and I felt like I had no one:( I finally reached out to my sons pediatrician and that would be my advice to you talk to your doctor and tell them how you have been feeling, you'll be suprised to find out that many mothers experience these feeling wether your a first time mother or have had several children and hang in there everything will be okay :)

Christine - posted on 02/14/2010

It took me a long time with my son too. I kept waiting for someone to come and claim him. even now I have 2. 3 and 5 yrs old, and I still look at them and think wow I'm a mom. try and cluddle as much as you can, maybe go for walks or if you can join a mom and tot group, might help not being so isolated. best thimg you can do is keep doing what you are doing and love him as much as you can.Hope this helps .

Theresa Ann - posted on 02/14/2010

Do you have the babies father to support you? It is hard to be a mom. Be patient. And watch him sleep and observe how beautiful he is. Just think he came from you. He is a part of you. He will grow up to smile and laugh. He will be the light of your life. My oldest son is 20 and when he was born, I was very young. I was alone with no one to help me or support me. It was hard. But I asked God to help me love him. I didnt know what that kind of love was suppose to be like. As he grew he amazed me. He was cute and cooky and funny. His smile so sweet. The best thing you will ever do will be to love him and raise him to pleasing to God. God has a plan for him and your life. Do you have a mom to help you? I will keep you in myprayers. I hope that your better tod ay.

Lisa - posted on 02/14/2010

I dont know from expierence but I do know that sometimes it takes a little longer for some moms to bond with baby. When my second was born I felt that way for a day or two, I couldnt believe we actually had another baby to care for. I think the best thing to do is to talk about it, do you have anyone at all to help you out? You might have post pardom (spelling?) depression. Just keep taking care of your son, love him and care for him. I hope I helped a little.