I need advice! sexless marriage and no birth control for me! what to do??

Danicia - posted on 09/22/2012

we've used the pullout method for four years, no accidental pregnancies (our daughter was planned). i hate birth control regimens and condoms don't help him keep it up. i've read that the pullout method has the success rate of condoms (if not a tad more). hope you get the flame back in a way that benefits both of you!

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2012

I have never had a man refuse to wear a condom because of "lack of sensation". I have heard men use that excuse but with all the different types I really don't believe it. My husband has had a vasectomy but we still occasionally use them. With the ribbing they can add to the sensations and putting it on can be a bit of foreplay. I learned to put them on with my mouth :-) I also prefer the no wet spot!!!!

Liz - posted on 09/20/2012

A diaphragm doesn't use any hormones, and you don't feel it. It's a barrier method, like a condom, except, like I said, you can't feel it. You insert it sort of like a tampon. I have one and love it, and it cost me $40. My youngest is 15 months and I've been using it ever since she was born, and I'm not pregnant. I have to buy spermicide to put in it, but that's relatively inexpensive as well. No hormones, and no loss of sensation. (You do have to be "fitted" for one by your OB, though.) I would strongly suggest this method, because you and your husband need a good relationship in this area!

Cleaver - posted on 09/20/2012

wait i am confused you said you tried why arent you still on a BC?? i mean my mother it doesnt work 2 of her kids she was on BC (pill and IUD) but she didnt know that they didnt work until she got pregnant

Stacy - posted on 09/19/2012

yea I do agree birth control is not natural,Girls I have tried almost everything in the book lol, with the hormones it really makes me crazy like I am so moody its rediculous, my husband refuses me to take them its that bad. I hope that I can just come to terms of just not worrying about it and letting things be to put it in Gods hands, I want a healthy well rounded relationship, and I do want more kids eventually, Thanks for the help its nice to have people to go to and that will listen thanks!!!

Stifler's - posted on 08/15/2012

Having sex with a condom on is awful.

Stifler's - posted on 08/15/2012

How about a diaphragm?

Michelle - posted on 08/14/2012

I'm assuming neither of you guys have health insurance and might not qualify for your state health insurance. Have tried all the different types of pills, shots, patches, female condoms, etc.? Have you gone to Planned Parenthood or another community health center to see about a sliding scale payment for an IUD or other types of birth control? Most guys say they don't like condoms because of loss of sensation. Have you guys tried all the different types of condoms? Or he can look at him lasting longer with a condom? If you guys really want to have intercourse either he will wear a condom, find other ways to give each pleasure, birth control for you, or ?

Good luck!

Judith - posted on 08/12/2012

Hi Stacy! Life is too short to stress out about these kind of things. Don't let your fear of having another child keep you from being intimate with your husband. Obsviously, your husband is not worried about another child otherwhise he would do what it takes to protect the both of you. Birth control has a lot of downfalls, why? because it's just not natural. I'm not saying you should have kids back to back, but I believe that if a child were come along then it is probably meant to be. What you can do is after intercourse, get up right away and go clean yourself up..it worked for me, my kids are 3 years apart. I don't believe any kind of contraception except for this little trick ;) Don't let this be an obstacle between you and your hubby :) plus you could be on birth control and still get pregnant. Talk to hubby and don't let tension rise, it's not a good environment for the baby, they sense things like that. best of luck

Stacy - posted on 08/12/2012

He cant have intercourse with condoms because of "loss of sensation" , I dont really understand it because there are plenty of men that use them and are ok with it. I cant change his mind on it though, and I have come to terms with it. But yea he'd rather not do it than use a condom?? We cant afford counseling but we try very hard to stay communicabally open with one another. Im just so frustrated really. It might sound bad of me but we have tried just doing oral, but it always seemed to lead to sex, Thats why we dont have a sexual relationship, we are afraid we cannot control what we do so we have stopped everything in all. I would love to find a median so we can be happy in all aspects but im afraid Ill never find an option thats doable and affordable. It really stinks to not have health insurance

Michelle - posted on 08/12/2012

I agree with Jodi. Why is he refusing to wear condoms? To me that's very selfish.

There are other ways of satisfying each other through oral sex if he continues to refuse the condoms.

Jodi - posted on 08/11/2012

Actually, maybe "we" can't do anything about it, but "he" sure can. He refuses to wear condoms? That's actually incredibly selfish of him. Have you tried discussing this issue in counselling?

Another thing, have you guys considered other forms of sexual intimacy and gratification? Has that worked for you? Is it something you could work on?