I Need Help

Vanessa - posted on 12/29/2012 ( 51 moms have responded )

22

0

0

I'm a depressed mother of 3 with no friends. I'm feeling isolated.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Teresa - posted on 01/03/2013

3

0

0

HI Vanessa, I've read all the feedback and insight that you have received from fellow moms. I have only one question for you; when is the last time the person that you are with ask you if you need support?

Cerina - posted on 12/30/2012

1

0

0

Hi Vanessa,

I know exactly how you feel.... My little one is 5 1/2 mnths and i'm battling with depression and ocd everyday!!! I feel very isolated at the moment as christmas has just gone and everything and everyone has gone quiet ... but what i do know is going to councelling, joining mums groups and trying to find a little something you enjoy just for you is the best solution and also educating yourself on pnd - research everything you can on how to beat it also reading other mums stories as knowing your not the only one makes things a little less tough . The hardest thing is making friends and this takes time and patience and effort but it does happen :-)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

51 Comments

View replies by

Genevieve - posted on 02/02/2013

5

14

0

I started a mommy group. I posted an ad on craigslist in the baby/kids section. We met at a park the first few times and went from there. 4 years later we are all still good friends. Remember that there are other mommies out there going thru what you are going thru. Do your kids go to school? School is always a good place to meet other moms and they usually have the same schedule as you.

Mallorie - posted on 02/01/2013

4

12

0

Hi, if you ever need a friend I am always. Available here is my email chica_2_25@yahoo.com we can exchange numbers from there

Marissa - posted on 01/31/2013

7

13

0

Goin to a park great place to make friends. Let ur kids find a friend first, then try to do the same with their parents, or whomever is their with them. Good luck.

Alicia - posted on 01/28/2013

53

25

0

Hi Vanessa. My name is Alicia i also have 3 children i'm a single mom all week. my husband works 2 hours away and lives with his grandparents during the week. My girls are 4, 3 (in april) and 6 months. sometimes i feel isolated and alone too. my youngest has a heart problem and it gets hard for me to deal with sometimes. when my husband does get home on the weekends its usually no better cause his attitude is that 'i worked all week i get to relax now' and i've told him that i want his help i dont need it but i want it. do you have facebook?
do you have a public health nurse? if you do you should ask about a home visitor. i have one and sometimes we differ in opinions shes a welcome break from just talking to the kids all day even if its only one day a week. also you can ask them if there are baby groups in you area. i dont know where you live but in canada we have the early years centers and they run groups everywhere if you do live in canada (i'm in ontario) you should see if there is one near you.

Fl_benning - posted on 01/27/2013

4

0

0

You are such a blessing! Thank you for your response. I will take your advice and use it wisely. Blessings and prayers to you and yours as well!

Natalie - posted on 01/27/2013

1

0

0

oh i know how you feel, dont feel alone, i think many moms have this issue. what i do is, i take a walk, just get out of the house before the walls suck you in. good luck girl

Alicia - posted on 01/26/2013

6

12

0

I reccommend joining a "Mother of Preschoolers" (mops) group .., they meet twice a month with playdates and mom nights out in between meetings. You will get to know a group of 8-10 ladies rather well and make good friends, maybe even lifelong friends! I also reccommend exercising 1-3 times a week to lift your spirit, pray, rest, do nice things for yourself like treat yourself to your favorite hot tea or coffee, call a friend! A lot of us go through this, especially because kids are tiring plus you usually lack sleep too. I will definitely lift you up in prayer!!!!!

Lisa - posted on 01/26/2013

2

16

0

How old are your children? I found friends at toddler groups and in the school playground. Even going to the park you could get chatting to mums. Please don't feel alone. Lisa x

Carol - posted on 01/25/2013

5

0

3

Hi, Vanessa. Where do you live? Can you get out a few nights or weekend afternoons a month?

Laura - posted on 01/25/2013

20

0

1

I understand how you feel. I have four boys. When my son was diagnosed with downs, I was laid off of work. I sometimes feel as if I'm stuck, alone, depressed, and no one understands the sadness I can feel. It is a very hard thing to have others understand. It it hard to talk about! I have very few friends that are close to me. I feel like I can never get out of the house or enjoy a moment of peace. It can be hard but it doesn't have to be. I began to make sure I have a sitter for at least one hour a week so I can get out and clear my head. I iether go hiking, window shopping, or read at a coffee shop. It has helped me! I also began to write again. I have notebooks full my thought that I have poured onto paper. You are not alone. Trust me! My best friend sometimes feels the same way so, you are not alone. Best things to do is not isolate yourself. You do not want to creat anxiety from withdrawing yourself. Speak to your doctor. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Asking for help can save your sanity and give your children the best mom they could ask for. Make yourself healthy. Mentally, emotionally, physically.

Ianda - posted on 01/23/2013

11

0

0

I felt how you feel now. You need to find some new intrests, meet some moms at the park or join the pta. Thats a good way to meet friends and meet other parents.

Erika - posted on 01/22/2013

7

0

1

being a stay at home cant be hard trust me some times I feel Out of my mind too Were do you live

Karen - posted on 01/21/2013

1

0

0

Don't be depressed let us all try and help we are all moms so we can all offer some advice if it helps :)

Alana - posted on 01/21/2013

1

0

0

Hi Vanessa,

I have been feeling isolate myself with just one child. My best girlfriend (mother of 3 boys under 6) moved due to husband's work - within 6 weeks of my husband and I moving to live closer to them. I have started to make a couple friends who have children around the same age (at church). But it is taking awhile.

One night I was researching baby-mama playground and came across a website for babysitters called: urban sitter - www.urbansitter.com. The reason I am telling you this is: while I filled out their form to join in case we need a date night, one of the questions asked me if I was affiliated with any mommy groups/playgroups/ mom clubs. I am not as of yet, however, I was able to get an extensive list of playgroups/mommy clubs etc in my area on the website.

Here is how I did it:
Btw- you have to sign up & log in through Facebook :/ that was annoying but I did it anyway.


Where it asks me if I am affiliated with any groups, I said no, but then went back to "edit" that question and noticed it said "Don't see your affiliation? Add it" I saw that the word "Affiliation"was highlighted in blue so I clicked it and it brought up the enormous list I'm talking about. The majority i had never heard of! I had heard of only 3 of them (strollerstrides etc)I took a screen shot with my IPAD (if you have a PC there is a way too) and I printed it out.

I'm going to look into some if those groups and see what's out there!

Just wanted to share this info with you :) Good luck & KEEP reaching out :) It took my friend with the 3 boys two years to establish a core group of mommy friends. You'll get there, stay positive!!

Katrina - posted on 01/19/2013

18

35

0

Vanessa, it sounds like you may be suffering with post natal depression. I had it with my first daughter, and know exactly how it feels. Please see your doctor. I know you're breastfeeding, but there are medications you can take that won't affect your milk. It's amazing how quickly things improve once you ask for help, honestly. I really hope that you take my advice, and you can always message me if you want to xx

Claire - posted on 01/18/2013

28

0

0

Vanessa I feel your pain. As a mother of 2, living far away from family, no friends in my area, no women's groups to join, and hardly enough time to step out of the house, I've been there. I just got a friend - Vanessa. Count me in.

Butterfly123 - posted on 01/17/2013

8

0

2

Hey Vanessa! How are you doing?
I'm a SAHM mom of 2 so I can relate somewhat to how you feel.

Fl_benning - posted on 01/17/2013

4

0

0

Same here. Truly! I live on a farm w/ a 1/2 mile driveway and no next door neighbors. I'm going to read the responses to your post in hopes that I'll find an answer to our mutual dilema. Thanks for putting this out there. I know we aren't alone...I just feel like it.

Karen - posted on 01/14/2013

16

0

0

Vanessa,

All of us Moms can go through this at one point of our lives or another - you are NOT alone in feeling isolated! Depression can affect every aspect of your life, have you talked to your doctor? That is the first thing I would recommend. How old are your children? Are there activities you can do with them in your area where you can meet other Mom's? Join a ladies group to be with others if you kids are school age and you find your days long. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me anytime.

[deleted account]

Hi there, I am a stay at home mom and I have been for 16+ years.
My son is 16 now. I've been married 18 years.
It's been bumpy like a roller coaster. Uphill at times with anger, resentment and depression, but also downhill at times with happiness, contentment, and hope.

What is the secret ingredient to the latter?
Thankfulness. I know it's hard to imagine being thankful for anything when you are totally in the pits and nothing sounds good. I ask you to try to think of one thing you are thankful for and then another, and then another.
Something as simple as the use of your hands. I am thankful for the use of my hands.
Move on from there. You would be surprised how quickly your mood can change when you become thankful for the simple things.

Be thankful that your husband comes home to you everyday and sits with you to watch TV.
He could be a drunk who comes home at midnight to beat you, but he's a loving husband who sits with you and enjoys your company even when you are depressed and in a bad mood. He loves you unconditionally. Sounds like a great guy to me.

Can you take your children out for a walk a few times a week?
It may sound boring and stupid when you are depressed, but you would be getting out and experiencing the world beyond your homes walls.

You are the 'mood' setter for your home. When mommy is happy, everyone is happy. When mommy is unhappy, then daddy is not happy (yet probably trying not to show it) and the kids tend to throw more tantrums and are crankier.
When mommy smiles in the face of pain, the family smiles and the world becomes brighter and the pain fades. It really is that simple. I am speaking from experience.

Be creative, learn to crochet or something and make projects, it will lift your spirits, trust me, it works.

I have fought depression my whole life. I've been to counseling, I've taken medication, I've done all sorts of things. The best way for me in the end has been to take back control of my life, my mood, my thoughts on my own. I look within and I make a choice. I move, I act regardless of how I feel and that in turn changes how I feel over time.

Dribjot - posted on 01/10/2013

4

0

0

Hi Vanesssa
I can understand gw ur feelng at d moment. I have two kids. The boy is 5 months and girl is 16 months. I know hw it feels. Just try to ignore the kids when they r cryng for nt a good reason. I mean if their tummy is full they r fresh. Diapers r changed and they hv no trouble. Stop attending them for silly reasons. U said that u hv no friends. Stop sayng that bcz i m ur friend from today. Luv nancy.

Shonda - posted on 01/10/2013

25

0

1

Aww Vanessa Really I feel the same way you feel 100% and I'm 22. The only time I go outside is when I'm putting the kids on the bus from school and taking them off after school. I live in a very small town with no friends at all. I never get texts from anyone asking me how I'm doing or feeling. The only person that calls me is my mother and she calls here and there not everyday. I have a fb and I play games on it like sorority life when I'm bored , and I talk to my family sometimes but they live in jersey and I moved to Pa. And Pa is EXTREAMLY BORING. My boyfriend has 2 jobs so I'm pretty much lonely a lot besides spending time with my kids. The only thing that makes my situation a little different from yours is that my boyfriend is in the same situation when it comes to friends besides his co-workers when he's at work. So me and him are best friends but like I said he works a lot. Idk I've been suffering from bi-polar and severe depression but don't have any health insurance so I don't know how I can get treatment for it. I'm not going to tell you to find a mom group because that does not work. It's not like you can go there and say hey be my friend I'm lonely. Smh. Good luck to you. Enjoy your kids and it will take your mind off of it.

Jamie - posted on 01/09/2013

4

0

0

I just came across the posts from Vanessa I'm in the same boat no friends or family to talk to just my husbands family ! I love my baby but I wish I had my energy and hormones back to normal . I was hoping to reach out to other moms and find some peace of mind lol I feel sad and anxious . My name is Jamie if anyone wants to talk I'm a first time mom I do have a 7 year old step son but this is my first baby .

Jamie - posted on 01/09/2013

4

0

0

Hi I'm feeling the same way since I've had my baby .she is 3 months now and I feel like I have no one to talk to and have a life .

Rebekah - posted on 01/02/2013

62

0

9

All of us feel like that at some stage :) I live on a farm with my wee girl who is 4 months old.. It can get lonely sometimes. Why don't you see if there is a coffee group by you somewhere? Coffee groups not really my thing - I keep busy with art and writing - I find they are a great outlet..Even I just found getting out of the house for the day and doing something was really good but I suppose with 3 kids it's not just that easy.. I used to look forward to Jeremy Kyle everyday haha thats terrible isn't it! :)
Your partner probably doesn't even know that you feel like this - Have you talked to him about anything? He might be able to help you out a bit and maybe one weekend a month he could take the kids for an hour or so for you just to have some time to breathe.. Have you talked to your Gp about vaginismis at all? I thought that was what was wrong with me after I had Kayla - we couldn't have sex for about 2 months because it was painful - but I put it down to that I didn't really want to do it and just did because I felt guilty for denying him for so long - even though he was lovely about it - with the odd sulk now and then of course.. Which is not a good reason to have sex haha but I'm sure we all do it now and then just to shut them up :).. I also had and still have almost no sex drive at all! A combination of being tired, a sore back from lifting bubs and feeling repulsive all the time.. We all get stuck sometimes and it seems like you let your stuckness stick for a bit too long so it's progressed into a black hole.. :) I have those occasionally - they take a while longer and a bit more effort than just a good night sleep to get out of. I am only 23 but I suggest taking a long hot bath and explaining to your partner what you need from him right now and ask him to support you a bit more - make sure you tell him it's not his fault though..(men always seem to think anything that goes wrong means we think that it's "all their fault" when you never said anything about that at all.. haha ask him how he is too - he might be feeling the same way and blaming himself for your unhappy-ness - I hope that helps a bit :0 x

Julia - posted on 12/31/2012

6

20

1

Oh my I feel for you as I read your posts- I'm sorry that it's been so hard for you- we as other moms relate to you! My husband works a lot too and he does want to relax when he gets home, so it is so hard to connect after you've apart for so long- and we r both exhausted by the time we see each other. We struggle financially so when we cant go get a coffee date, we will do hot chocolate on the couch and find lots of questions to ask each other (like online, or conversation cards) and it gets us reconnected when we normally feel like we have nothing to talk about. I got on the birth conrol pill that was safe for breastfeeding when Mia was a baby, and it does take lots of time & patience to get your sex life back. It has to be awful to be bleeding that long- there's got to be a way to fix that or try something else- Make sure you talk to your Obgyn/Dr about it, a good Dr would make sure you get back to normal asap! Post-partum depression is very normal but difficult, especially since it's strongest right after birth, with all the hormone fluctuations- I had that and it can make you feel like you're going crazy! I felt like the walls were closing in on me! I highly recommend a therapist or counselor because sometimes jut changing our routine or adding things doesn't get to the root issue- my heart goes out to you- you are not alone in this!

Julia - posted on 12/31/2012

6

20

1

I just more of your posts, and dealing with anxiety and depression is very difficult and I've struggled with that. I also understand your need for excitement and passion in life! Because parenting sucks it right out of you! Lol. I do love following a favorite TV show- that's NOT pathetic at all! You are just like millions of other women out there! I followed Gossip Girl on Netflix for many months and ejoyed it even though I'm 31 yrs old! You have to indulge yourself to keep your sanity :) I also enjoy chocolate and yoga/exercise when I can to breathe and try to relieve stress. Prayer and encouraging mentors help too, as long as I reach out and keep in conctact with them. There are really good books on freedom form Anxiety & Depression, too.

Julia - posted on 12/31/2012

6

20

1

Hi Vanessa, I'm Julia from Ohio, and ever since I had my 3 yr old daughter I've struggled with loneliness even though before her I never felt lonely! Having children really changes everything & have had to learn one day at a time how to surround myself with supportive friends and find social outlets! I've tried MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) but we just moved and I'm searching for moms groups & a part time daycare job. I found that working part time at a daycare at least gets me out of the house, builds friendships w/ my co-workers, and gives my daughter & I a break from each other! YOU are not alone! I strongly believe EVERY mom deals with feeling alone! Praying for you, Vanessa! I am tryin to make a lot of effort to get connected in my new town, too. Other things that are working for me right now are: Women's Bible Study weekly, playdates with other moms, weekly library visits "Toddler Time," and having friends or other couples over for coffee/dessert after Mia goes to sleep. Yay for adult conversation!

Jessica - posted on 12/30/2012

13

0

1

Hey vanessa i know the feeling im a mother of 3 also, my children are a bit older i have a 10,9 and 2 yr old. in the beginging it was hard for me too, i still stay at home a lot and dont really go anywhere, i usually talk to my mom. i used to go to my sisters house but i moved to another state so now i only talk to her on the phone. it is hard to go places and do things when there isnt anyone to do things with especially with smaller children. i started to look for things to do to so one thing i did was i went to the local library. I know it doesnt sound very fun but they usually have things like story time for the babies and activites for the toddlers and older children on certain days, its not much but it gets me out of the house. i became friends with my oldest daughters mom because out girls are best friends, but i still spend a lot of time at home, especially now that ive started the potty training with my littlest one. if you ever need someone to talk to lemme know.

Alia - posted on 12/30/2012

6

0

4

hi im alia im 26 and have just had my 1st child.i felt so lonely after having mine.in the end i go over my mums all the time shes the best xxxhope ur ok xxx

Merrie - posted on 12/30/2012

44

0

3

I don't think what you are feeling is abnormal. Its very hard to make plans and have them work out with three kids. I know its hard enough for me with just one child. Is your boyfriend willing to help you out at all?
Sometimes looking forward to a TV show is just what you need. Its not pathetic. I do the same thing every Monday. I also know that routines can get quite tiring. But maybe Monday thru Saturday you can have a routine and on Sundays just let go and do what you want to do. Go to the park, read a book, spa day. Just something one day a week. Even if it is only for an hour or so. You definitely need and deserve time to relax. If you don't, things won't get better. Explain that to your boyfriend and see if he can help. Or maybe a family member?

Vanessa - posted on 12/30/2012

22

0

0

I'm not sure what's harder for me though..having the same mundane routine everyday that I wish I could escape from, or trying to plan new things to do...im aware that I'm sounding really negative right now and I apologize but its just very hard for me to find much joy in in things anymore. I suffer with severe anxiety and one thing that I always needed almost like a compulsion is something to look forward to everyday ..it may be a TV show or thinking or planning on a weekend get away in a few months..but even that now is causing me anxiety thinking about how disappointed I'll be when my plans don't follow through or thinking of how pathetic I am for looking forward to a TV show by myself. I know how immature I must sound , but I can't help it I want excitement , romance and passion in my life. I crave it but have no way of getting it and that helps feed my fire of resentment. I was going to counsling once a week but haven't in about 3 because I can't find a sister. I'm just finding it very difficult to break from this destructive circle I can't get out of. I want to feel good Luke everyone else i want to feel normal

Merrie - posted on 12/30/2012

44

0

3

How old is your youngest child? It took us a while to get back to our normal sex life after we had our son, I would say it probably took six months to get back into the swing of things. As hard as it is to see, there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but I find that going to church as much as possible really helps. Or maybe when your boyfriend gets home from work, you can take an hour break. It can be something as simple as going to the grocery store alone. It doesn't sound like much of a break, but trust me, it is. I don't know if your boyfriend can get a day off, but if he can maybe you can get a sitter and go on a date.
Sometimes after having a baby (or three), it takes a while for things to fall into place. Eventually though, and I know it's hard to wait, you will find a routine that works and when you do you will start to feel better. I know for me at least having the same routine everyday really helped with my depression. I knew what was expected of me and when it would get done. It made things so much easier and made my relationship with my husband much less strained.

Vanessa - posted on 12/30/2012

22

0

0

My boyfriend gets to leave everyday, he leaves at 7 and usually isnt home until about 9 everyday than I watch TV with him for about two hours before he goes to bed.. its depressing. I'm angry and sad all the time because I'm resentful and lonely. I'm jealous because he gets to leave everyday and interact with the world . I take care of kids cook clean and watch TV all day and than when he gets home the last thing t want to do is spend every night watching TV in silence. We never get to go out either because of lack of money or something always seems to come up. We haven't had a normal sex life since I was about 3 months pregnant and we can't have sex right now because I've been bleeding for a week since my mirena...I got it put in so I wouldn't have a period anymore and now I can't stop bleeding..even without that problem we may have sex once every other week once a week if were lucky. I have no self confidence I feel ugly and fat and undesirable. I try to put on make up every day to make myself feel pretty and hope that he will notice but it do sent work.there's zero romance in my life and I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now its hard

Merrie - posted on 12/30/2012

44

0

3

I am a stay at home mom and always have time to talk. I know you don't know me. But you can message me anytime. I have a major OCD issue and battled depression early on after giving birth. I'm always available to talk or give advice.

Vanessa - posted on 12/30/2012

22

0

0

Thank you for your posts its a little comforting to know I'm not the only one

Chasidy - posted on 12/29/2012

33

0

7

I know the feeling I don't have facebook either don't never have much time to get on it inless my son is asleep and I hate being at home to it makes me mad cause my boyfriend can get out but not me it's unfair . I just joined this site to, to find help with my problems and to meet friends . It's hard to be at home and feeling alone I know what you feel like it does drive you crazy .

Vanessa - posted on 12/29/2012

22

0

0

No one ever texts me or calls me no one cares..it makes me feel like a lonely little girl that everyone forgot about

Vanessa - posted on 12/29/2012

22

0

0

I just came on this site because I'm desperate to find a friend. I have no one. I don't even have a Facebook because it was causing problems early on in me and my boyfriends relationship. It feels like I'm dead to the outside world. I can't stand being at home I just want to crawl out of my skin

Chasidy - posted on 12/29/2012

33

0

7

I'm so sorry Vanessa what your going through is very hard I breast feed my son for only two days than quit cause had to many people stressing me out and that's a lot to handle by it's self plus with the other two you don't get much rest either and you and your boyfriend fighting I know how that is me and my boyfriend fuss all the time cause he want help me much inless I fuss at him but I shouldn't have to do that for him to help me . Anyway if you could get some rest you would feel somewhat better not much but at least some and I know you can't I feel for you as a mother it's never easy beening a mom .

Vanessa - posted on 12/29/2012

22

0

0

Haha I think I need a week break. No I can't get a break I'm breast feeding my two month old no bottles so he's literally attached to me than I have my two year old who is being horrible won't listen to a word and than I have my handicapped 11 year old step daughter who is Also a handful...there's no escape, I can't breath I just want to cry all the time and to top it all off me and my boyfriend and I can't agree on the way we parent our kids so we fight all the time. I'm miserable:-( I have no friends no one to talk to and no where to go I'm trapped

Chasidy - posted on 12/29/2012

33

0

7

Are you able to go out take time for yourself while someone looks after the kids for you ? In my case I have noone to watch my son for me I do every thing by myself my sons daddy has to work a lot when he gets home I get about a three hour break it helps a lot when I get a break don't feel so stressed maybe that's what you need a long break .

Vanessa - posted on 12/29/2012

22

0

0

Thanks for replying I'm looking for a friend someone who can relate to me I feel completely alone

Chasidy - posted on 12/29/2012

33

0

7

Hello Vanessa my name is chasidy how are you ? I'm a new mom only have one child he's ten months old and at times I feel the way you do because being a new mother is hard for me and at times when he gets sick I don't know what to do and being a mother of three as you are I can imagine how hard it is for you . If you need someone to talk to I'm here if you want to talk .

Merrie - posted on 12/29/2012

44

0

3

I joined a moms group at my church. I don't know if they have moms groups near you, but I found it to be wonderful. The moms share common interests and concerns and they also provide child care for the hour so you get a break,
If it is more serious than just needing a short break, maybe talking to a professional is what you need. I needed that right after I had my son. I went weekly and just talked. It helped and I didn't need antidepressants or anything. Now I go every two weeks, just to talk to someone looking at my situation from the outside/

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms