i need help and tips for disciplining my 20 month old son.. he is starting to get out of control!!

Kathleen - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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ok so my son is 20 months old and i just feel like he has turned so naughty recently.. he does not listen to anything i say. when i say no he runs up to me and yells no in my face. he throws things at me he is hitting people and he is constantly winging.. he follows me around all day sooking and if he doesn't get what he wants he throws the hugest tantrum.. i just dont know what i should be doing..
i have tried time outs which kind of work sometimes.. i have tried smacking him but now he has just started hitting people.. i just feel like i dont even want to be anywhere near him. i feel like im a bad mother because i cant stand being around him because all i get is him crying at me. im really worried because my second baby is due in less than 4 months and i have no idea what i am going to do if he keeps behaving this way and a new baby comes along. he started acting this way when his father left and i moved in with my parents.. i think my mother spoils him to much she picks him up every time he makes the tiniest noise and she is constantly giving him food that i would never feed him...and she will not listen to me when i tell her not to do these things.. i saw my sons father the other day and he just basically yelled at me because of our sons behavior he couldn't believe how bad it has gotten. i just really have no idea what i should be doing.. please anyone with advice or tips i can try i am willing to try anything to get my lovely son back.

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yes everyone has to be on the same page first of all.. and it will be hard to do that but as mom, you need to make sure it happens for the wellness of your boy.. it will suck and be hard, but do it do it now.. routine esp at this age is imperative.. i have a 2 yr old his dad travels a whole bunch.. even still when he comes home and while hes gone i update him constantly.. i am sorry that you all are going through this but you can make it right, just keep on it.. you are mom the most imp being in your childrens lives.. u make the difference every day.. and yes CONSISTENCY is giong to be your savior in this all of you have to be in on it and make sure its followed through.. i know im being redundant, but for good reason.. i hope all works out

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Sarah - posted on 10/26/2009

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I agree, you need to get everyone on board with the same kind of discipline. If everyone is doing different things your son is not going to know where the boundry line is and what is ok and what is not ok. Then everything has to be consistant. If you discipline for him throwing something then EVERY time he throws you need to Discipline and follow through. I have found that time outs work really well, but you need to follow through with them. A time out spot is a spot where you can see them, but they can't play with anything, see TV, or get any kind of entertainment. If they get out of that spot before their time out is done they are put back in that spot and time starts over. If they are screaming or making loud noises (some crying is ok...they are upset and I don't care if they cry, but it should not be an "attention" cry). But if they are making loud noises or screaming then time does not start until they are done. I am very firm on time outs there is no wiggle room. I do day care so this form of discipline must work, as there are not many other forms I can use. When they are younger I will lead them to the time out spot and explain why they are there. As they get older many times they know what they did wrong and all I have to do is point. Some kids are hardly ever in time out where as others spend much more time there. The kids know where the boundry line is and what happens if they cross it. I have a 3 yr old that will put herself in time out sometimes without me saying or doing anything because she knows what she did was wrong. Not to say that there are not also times she will try to talk her way out of a time out saying that someone else did it and not her. Big thing is be CONSISTANT!! No form of discipline is going to work if you are not consistant with it, including others that help care for him.

Heather - posted on 10/26/2009

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My youngest turns two in december and we're going threw the same thing. We have found that if u confuse him he'll stop his tantrum or if u act like him and show him how ridiculous he looks he stops. We also do this thing where we go that's one and so one till three and once he gets to three he goes in time out or he get cartoons turned off or something simple as punishment make a huge difference to them. And just tell him he's not being nice and that we don't hit or throw things. Hope things get better for you.

Krystle - posted on 10/26/2009

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the 1st ting u need to do is set the ground rules for ur mother. u need to tell her that wen u disaplin him then she needs to under stand that means no treats by picking up, he needs to learn his place and wot is exceptable and not. 2: i ahev 3 children and i am 21, my daughter is 4, son is 3 and my second son will be 2 in feb, the daughter is ADHA and is medicated (which is doing nothing) and we pretty muchly know the 3 yr old is but he cant be medicated because his epilepsi medication, and the nearly 2 yr old is following his bigger brother and sister, so i know wot u mean about ur son being a handfull. it might sound horrrible but if he really gets to u with the screaming and carying on then put him in his room and shut the door, that is the only thing that works for my oldest, at the moment we cant punish her at all, she just sits in her room and and screams at the top of her voice, u r doing the very best u can do in ur situation , i have bn in ur position twice, and i had 2 going through the naughty 2s wen i was pregnant with my youngest. just keep doing wot u r doing and try my advice, i hope it helps....... dont forget he is going to be going through the naughty 2's soon. he may have just started early

Kathleen - posted on 10/26/2009

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yea i was thinking allot of it had to do with changes.. like he stopped going to daycare because we moved.. my parents go out everynight and they always want to take him along so his bed time routine that took me so long to get him into went out the window.. and just everything has changed.. and im really sick of his father blaming it on me telling me im being a bad mother when im not acting differently my son is.. and every time his father comes to visit he acts like an angel around his dad so i think maybe he is just missing him.. i will try the way you said to do time outs because i just end up getting so fustrated i yell and just put him in his room.. i dont always go down to his level and explain to him what hes done wrong..

Lori - posted on 10/26/2009

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i am so sorry. its really hard when your little one starts acting liek that..and being pregnant and having split with his father! well hes probably acting out because all of the changes. he is aware you dont live with his father and although he may not understand completely a new baby is coming he knows something is different. i would suggest trying to make things as routine as possible. ask your mom to take a step backwards, a giant step, and start with a simple morning routine. try to always let him know what is coming next and try to keep it somewhat similar (like first we brush our teeth, then we go to the kitchen and make breakfast, then we get dressed, and so on..chose a time he's the least fussy to take him out and keep that somewhat consistent, like always do errands after naptime maybe.) the more consistency he has, the better off he should be. he has a lot changing in his little world and almost 2 year olds depend on boundaires and consistency. also make sure you always come down to his level when you talk to him. give him one warning that if his behavior doesnt stop he's going into time out, and if he does it again he has to go to time out. then explain to him, simply and consisly what he has done wrong..like when you hit mommy it hurts and it makes me sad. i want you to be a good boy and not hit! make him say hes sorry but then move on. he's to young to dwell upon what hes done for to long. i hope this helps a little bit. good luck and congrats on your son and the new baby!

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