I need some advice please :(

Bria - posted on 06/25/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

9

0

3

I need some advice.. i dont know where else to turn but here. I haven't been a stay at home mom for long. I used to work but it's became more beneficial for my family that I stay home. My fiance makes a lot so finances aren't the problem. The problem is I don't feel compensated (for lack of better terms) for the effort I put into maintaining our home, caring for our young children, and caring for him. Literally EVERY TIME I ask for something I want I'm told no or flat out ignored. I've tried to talk to him about it many times but he just makes me feel like I'm being greedy or a b***h. I'm really not asking for a lot though... I just want to be able to buy a cute shirt online or some makeup at the drugstore.. I don't feel like that's a lot considering he doesn't have to lift a finger at home.. I guess my question behind all this is how do I bring this up in a way he will understand? Thanks in advance mommies.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 06/27/2016

9,884

0

24

When I married and we both worked, we kept separate savings accounts and had a joint account for household needs. Even when we both had our "own" money; we had an agreed upon limit as to how much one could spend without consulting the other about it. Then, when I stopped working after baby number 2, and stayed home for baby 3 and 4, we still had a savings account of our own. However, since we did not have my salary, the funds from him went into the joint account. We talked about our budget and we both had spending limits.
What I wonder is why you don't have access to the household account? You don't work for him, you are a family, a partnership. Partnerships are not ruled by one person or the other; so why do you even need to ask permission?

T - posted on 06/25/2016

7

0

0

My mother in law suggested my husband should give me an allowance. He didn't agree but it might work in your situation. Make sure you butter him up good first though. Let him set the amount so he feels in control.

Luiza - posted on 06/25/2016

3

0

1

I am sorry you are going through this :( I can tell you that you are doing A LOT, because being at home it isnt easy at alllllll (I got a newborn, plus the house to deal with, so I get it)... Guys are usually very practical, and the way I approach my husband when I have issues like that is either: I slowly stop doing what I usually do around the house, and eventually he notices it, so comes all nice to talk to me about it haha or while eating dinner etc I express my feelings with only a few sentences (no drama, crying, etc)..something along the lines: I appreciate all you do financially for our family bla bla bla (praising him usually helps, u know, guys haha) but I would love for you to recognize my efforts at home, the sacrifices I do, etc by simple things such as being appreciated, remembered and sometimes even compensated, because we BOTH deserve it :) end of talk, and wait to see what happens...it works for me, and girl treat yourself to some makeup, it always cheers me up!! keep us posted, good luck xoxo

11 Comments

View replies by

Andrea - posted on 06/30/2016

3

0

0

I am a single parent and I have a son with Autism that has been put on 40 mg. of Latuda at night time. He still is hyper, and not where he needs to be. This is a totally new med for me. What do other Moms think of this medication?

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2016

4,368

8

3247

I agree with Sarah. My husband and I have always had separate accounts but also a joint account. When I was a SAHM I had access to all the accounts as I was the one doing grocery shopping etc.
We would discuss any big purchases but everyday things it didn't matter.

Ev - posted on 06/27/2016

8,055

7

918

{{I would tell him of what I needed or wanted and most times he was agreeable to me getting it.}}----I did the same thing when I needed things or sometimes wanted something a bit special. I also said communication is a big thing too in my post if you had read it at the beginning. But your post read to me as though you wanted to somehow be compensated for the work and care of the kids around the home.

Ev - posted on 06/27/2016

8,055

7

918

Clothing is a necessity as well as food and medical needs, house or apartment and stuff that the home and family needs to survive. Talk to him about that. Communication is important in a relationship and if he is not doing it so much then maybe counseling. But I have to still stand by my words...Deciding to be a stay at home mom or doing it because asked....relationships require a lot of work and if one is only doing a so so job of it and the other is pouring all into it...its not a good one. You should be getting the things you need. Want to me is the extras. Clothing to a point is a need unless its just because you want something fancy.

Bria - posted on 06/27/2016

9

0

3

To the other ladies who gave me advice:
I tried what you said. He didn't agree to an allowance but he did give me some money to get some stuff. I felt really good to tell him how I feel and alcually was heard!
Thank you again ladies!

Bria - posted on 06/27/2016

9

0

3

Evelyn, let me clarify a few things for you. I did not "decide" to be a stay at home mom. I was a working mom prior to this but my fiancee wants me to stay home until our children are school age (our youngest is 1) Also I do ask him for things I want and need. He goes not agree most of the time ( especially about girly stuff) and makes me feel bad for asking. I DO take care of my family because I love and care about them. The way I look at it is this, we are partners. He provides and I care for. Well he is not providing for us. He just provides what we absolutely need but nothing we want. And excuse me but I'm waiting clothes with holes I deserve a little cash to buy for myself and my kids.

Ev - posted on 06/26/2016

8,055

7

918

A relationship is built on a lot of things and mutual respect, trust and honor are key components to this as well as communication. I do not think buttering a man up for something is the way to go. When I was married before my ex decided he wanted out, I would tell him of what I needed or wanted and most times he was agreeable to me getting it. I was a stay at home mom and a working mom for about half the time we were married. The money he earns is for all of you not just what he says it should be used for. Now granted it should cover the home needs such as rent/payment, utilities, food, and necessary things and savings and then getting something special. As the stay at home mom you should be appreciated but being compensated for doing what you decided to do....no stay at home mom I know of ever got compensated for the work they did and the care of the family. You do it because you love and care about those at home not because you need to be "paid" to do it.

Bria - posted on 06/26/2016

9

0

3

Thank you so much ladies!! I really appriciate your help! I will try your suggestions tonight and let you know the outcome! Thanks again!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms