I need some help.

Dale - posted on 01/12/2009

I will give my adice towards this, keeping in mind that i am a very strong-willed and proud woman and mother, and i am only offering this as a "friend", not to be critical. First of all, i understand that your boyfriend is very supportive, and he loves your son and is a great father, however to be a good father, is to do what is best for your child. If he is aware that his brothers are becoming agressive with your son, and has no opinion about it, he is only enabling their behaviour. If your son is only 9 months old, and is being exposed to this kind of behaviour and language, it is time to re-evaluate your living situation. Of course your boyfriend is going to call your bluff about leaving if you have said it before and have taken no action, and when you sit there and claim that he is your world, and you dont know what you would do without him then you are basically validating your reliance on him.  As much as you love your boyfriend you need to figure out your priorities, and where your son falls into place, because if this story goes into the wrong ears then child service, or children's aid will be involved for the protection of your son. What i would do is take a step further, if your boyfriend is not understanding and supporting your opinion, especially when you are the one who is home all day, i would go directly to the source. Confront his brothers, tell them that what they are doing is completely unacceptable, especially infront and to a 9 mnth old.. because as much as you think it a problem only concerning them, this will 100% lead to problemd with your son later on, as he will pick this attitude up as a regular way of life. If that doesnt work, then call the mother.. i am sure she could not be aware of everything that is going on, and supporting it to continue!!!.. that is my opinion, what i would do, is forget a second chance, what is a 31 yr old doing living with his brothers and their family? time to grow up, if the mother encourages it as well, tell her to raise her 17 year old son. Basically, you are asking the wrong question, you should be asking yourself, what can i do to get them out of my house so i can focus on my immediate family?
Good Luck !!

Laura - posted on 01/12/2009

Quoting Victoria:

Laura- I agree with Anne- you really need the support from your boyfriend. I wouldn't take that in my house. You need to stick up to the other two boys- paying you or not and tell them this is your house, and this is how I run things...If they don't like it- leave. Who's name is on your lease? That is who needs to be in charge.
Your baby is probably feeling all the stress too- you need to take care of that name bashing! Kids remember so much, and that really isn't a healthy environment for him.
Their are a lot of help groups out there- a lot of shelters for moms. Bring that up to your boyfriend and see what he says- I'm sure he wouldn't like to see you on your own.
I am so sorry to hear all this- I went thru a divorce when my oldest son was 15 months...
Good luck with everything. And sit down one on one with your man...

Quoting Victoria:

Laura- I agree with Anne- you really need the support from your boyfriend. I wouldn't take that in my house. You need to stick up to the other two boys- paying you or not and tell them this is your house, and this is how I run things...If they don't like it- leave. Who's name is on your lease? That is who needs to be in charge.
Your baby is probably feeling all the stress too- you need to take care of that name bashing! Kids remember so much, and that really isn't a healthy environment for him.
Their are a lot of help groups out there- a lot of shelters for moms. Bring that up to your boyfriend and see what he says- I'm sure he wouldn't like to see you on your own.
I am so sorry to hear all this- I went thru a divorce when my oldest son was 15 months...
Good luck with everything. And sit down one on one with your man...

I've honestly told him that if stuff didn't change I would leave.  He pretty much told me that I wouldn't leave, I don't have the heart to do it.  And well, it's true.  He's a great help, he's great with the baby, he's totally supportive, he helps me with everything.  He lets me nap, and lets me take breaks when ever I need them.  I don't know what I would do without him. 

But there comes a time, and I've talked to him about it a thousands times. Where I just can't handle the stress of his brothers any more.  Every time I talk to him about it, he gets all huffy and says it's not the time to talk about it.  I get angry and talk about it anyway.    

I really have tried to talk to him.  He also told him if I wanted them gone that I can kick them out.  I never thought I had the heart to do it until yesterday when the younger brother started calling Aiden names. 

By the way, thanks for the advice from both you Victoria and Anne, and I think it's time I laid down the law and kicked them out.  I will give one more chance and thats it.

Victoria - posted on 01/12/2009

Laura- I agree with Anne- you really need the support from your boyfriend. I wouldn't take that in my house. You need to stick up to the other two boys- paying you or not and tell them this is your house, and this is how I run things...If they don't like it- leave. Who's name is on your lease? That is who needs to be in charge.
Your baby is probably feeling all the stress too- you need to take care of that name bashing! Kids remember so much, and that really isn't a healthy environment for him.
Their are a lot of help groups out there- a lot of shelters for moms. Bring that up to your boyfriend and see what he says- I'm sure he wouldn't like to see you on your own.
I am so sorry to hear all this- I went thru a divorce when my oldest son was 15 months...
Good luck with everything. And sit down one on one with your man...

Anne - posted on 01/12/2009

You need the support of your boyfriend. You need to sit down with these two inconsiderate, immature people and explain that you are not going to put up with their behaviour any longer.

No-one has the right to come into your home and call your child names or be physically rough with him.

Above all else, this is about the welfare of your child. If this situation is stressing you out (and of course it is) then it's not good for your child.

They need to contribute financially and respect your house rules or stay away. It's simple. Your baby is No 1 priority. Not the feelings of them or your boyfriend and least of all your boyfriends mother in law! Your boyfriend may be a great cook and helps out with the housework but he's not being a good dad if he allows this behaviour to go on. He needs to get some balls and support you!