I think imma just shoot myself in the face.

Kayla - posted on 11/04/2010 ( 58 moms have responded )

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I cant deal with motherhood with no help anymore.
Its been 61/2 months and i havent gotten a full night sleep, not even 1/2 hour to myself. My baby needs me to sleep, eat, and play. I have to figure out a way to clean, shower, eat. and nobody is around enough to help me. My boyfriend is always working so he doesn't help. My baby is a spoiled mamas boy and i cant take it anymore. I know this sounds bad but i don't wanna do it anymore. I love my baby to death but i cant take it. I'm getting to the point where im abusing myself and my boyfriend and im afraid its gonna get worse. I know id NEVER even think about hittin my baby but still. I feel so bad for feeling like this but what does everyone expect me to do? I'm only 19 and im only human. My life is ruined and noone cares. I love being a mother but is it really to much to ask for a few hours to myself? when i ask my boyfriend if i can have this he says, do i get a few hours to myself? I understand he needs it to but he has it far more than i do. (he drives an hour back and forth to work.) thats more than i get. I'm so tired and im so exhausted. someone please help and give me some suggestions or tell me you feel the same way??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Erica - posted on 11/04/2010

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First off Hunny breathe. It sounds to me like you are dealing with Post pardum. It's very very comon. I delt with it myself for almost a year after my daughter was born. 1st things 1st you need to call your OB or family doctor right away. They will help you with your stress.

Until you can get that help put your son in a bouncy seat where he is safe and go in the other room. Breathe and count to ten. Yes he is going to cry, but it is normal. Try again. If you need to do this checking on him ever few minutes till you get yourself together! It does get easier I promise hun. Just please call your doctor.

Lisa - posted on 11/04/2010

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There are many (most) moms who have not gotten a full night's sleep in years, it's part of motherhood. Talk to your doctor, see a counselor to talk about how you're feeling. Find a playgroup that you can go to and connect with other mothers. It's not that nobody's cares, but you need to ask for help. Everyone is busy. If I need a babysitter because I need a break, I need to either hire one or call my mom or my hubby's mom and ask them to babysit for a couple of hours, or a friend, or somebody. There are always days when you won't want to do it anymore, no matter how many kids you have, or how old they are, or even if you don't have kids and you're sick of your job.

You're young and your boyfriend is young and you both need to talk and ask someone for help. A parent, a grandparent, a friend who will come watch your baby so you can go for a walk, go shopping, or just get out of the house.

Christy - posted on 11/04/2010

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You need a support system! No this isn't a solicitation, try a mom's group to become a part of so you can talk to other moms, make friends and get into some play groups with your baby.
Don't forget, your baby will eventually get on a schedule and sleep through the night, and take naps during the day. Just be patient. They aren't babies forever! Soon they learn to talk and won't shut up, and will be all over the house getting into things. It doesn't get worse, it just gets different, in a GOOD way.
You are young and probably feeling a little claustrophopic (sp) at this point. Get out of the house and take your baby with you.
To see if there is a chapter in your area for moms' club, go to momsclub.org It is awesome and they usually have lots of activities planned, play groups, moms night out, family night out, etc.

Kristi - posted on 11/04/2010

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I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time, and I know how you feel. I was 19 years old when I had my son, his father had cheated on me and ended up being a bad guy altogether and by the time my son was born, he was in jail. For murder. During my pregnancy, my mother (who was ALL i had at the time) was involved in a horrific accident and almost lost her life. Thankfully, she lived, and was bound to a wheelchair for most of my pregnancy. I was living with her, and lugging her and her wheelchair to every one of her doctor visits, every grocery shopping trip, everything. By the time my Gage was born, she was on a walker, but still couldn't help me at all with the baby. I cleaned houses for a living, and took Gage with me every time I left the house, even to go to work. I was completely alone physically, but thank God I had my mother to help me emotionally. I KNOW how you feel, I KNOW how bogged down it gets. I think Gage was about 2 years old the first time he ever spent a night away from me. He's 4 now, and is just now sleeping thru the night. So, trust me, I can relate to your stress.
I agree with Erica about talking to your doctor. Motherhood is a 24/7 fulltime job, there are no sick days, no vacation days, and no smoke breaks. When you feel so alone, you can't allow your child to be spoiled to being right with you at all times, get him a swing or a bouncy seat or a playpin so you can walk into another room for 5 or 10 minutes. Mommies are only human, and we need our time just like everyone else does, but it is up to us to give it to ourselves because the truth is, no one else HAS to help us.
I hope that things calm down for you, but I do believe you need to speak with a health care professional immediately, if not for you, then for your baby. Good luck, hun.

Christi - posted on 11/05/2010

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Take a deep breath and step back for a minute. I felt like this after my son was born and it is a huge red flag for postpartum depression. Get in to see a doctor immediately, whether it is an OB or your family doctor and ask for help. When your baby gets a lil older, things will get easier, I promise. I was 19 when I got pregnant and had my son at 20 with a man I had only know a month and a half before we got pregnant. My son is Autistic so I know about kiddos that have to have 24/7 attention and help. Your life is not ruined, just wait. I know it is hard right now, but once he is able to be more self substaining, things are going to be so much better and you will treasure every second with your child. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I here at most hours of the day and night. You can email me at mrscltforever@yahoo.com. I promise I will write back and give all the advice I can, I know how scary and how bad it feels to feel like there is no one to talk to and you are going to lose your mind.

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Mom - posted on 11/19/2012

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Find a good day care and have him in it for an hour or 2 a day.He needs to be separated from you and you from him.It will do you both a world of good.Do you have any family members or friends that could help you out and watch the baby once in a while so you can have some time to yourself? Believe it or not an hour away from him then you will start missing him.I am a mother of 5 grown children and I had hard days,but now I would do anything to go back and have those first couple of years back again. Every day they do something new and cute and it makes you forget the bad things.Do you do things with him like going for a walk or a drive? You said he is a spoiled Mamas boy. He didn't get that way by himself. Let him spend time playing and amusing himself.Put him in a playpen give him some toys and set back and relax.He may have separation anxiety problems.Just be where he can see you.He may be cutting teeth and that makes them cranky .Are you feeding cereal yet? He may be just hungry.Talk To your baby doctor about the problems you are having.Your nineteen and you shouldn't be thinking your life is ruined from having a baby. They are the best thing you can ever have. They will love you unconditionally for a life time.

Shiwani - posted on 11/16/2012

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Hey Kayla I totally understand how you feel....Let me just tell you my story....my daughter is 2and a half now...I stopped nursing her when she was about a year n a half...till that time she would feed ALL NIGHT LONG. LIKE LITERALLY! And that's not the worst part. When she was 3 months old she stopped drinking from my right breast so she would not just drink throughout the night but would drink from one side only! You cant imagine how horrible It was! I got no sleep at all! One of the main reasons why I stopped feeding her though my doc said I should feed her till two years...Just like u I had no help at all...and she would not leave me alone for a min...half the time I was cooking n cleaning utensils with her in my lap...

Coming back to you...stop doing unnecessary work. If it's not the number one priority don't do it. C if u can find some other mothers around as ur kid will feel a million times better after spending time with other kids... Without exception take him out for walks in the eve...both of u will have a change n feel better.

And most importantly read the book 'the secret' or 'the power' by Rhonda Byrne. Till u get ur hands on it check out the website 'the secret.tv' IT IS ABSOLUTELY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

N for gods sake don't abuse urseu r doing the best u can....it's all gonna work out.

I think I might have the e book of the secret...u can mail me at shiwanisandell@gmail.com n if I have it I will send it to u . Pls pls pls read it....



Take care

Shiwani - posted on 11/16/2012

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Hey Kayla I totally understand how you feel....Let me just tell you my story....my daughter is 2and a half now...I stopped nursing her when she was about a year n a half...till that time she would feed ALL NIGHT LONG. LIKE LITERALLY! And that's not the worst part. When she was 3 months old she stopped drinking from my right breast so she would not just drink throughout the night but would drink from one side only! You cant imagine how horrible It was! I got no sleep at all! One of the main reasons why I stopped feeding her though my doc said I should feed her till two years...Just like u I had no help at all...and she would not leave me alone for a min...half the time I was cooking n cleaning utensils with her in my lap...

Coming back to you...stop doing unnecessary work. If it's not the number one priority don't do it. C if u can find some other mothers around as ur kid will feel a million times better after spending time with other kids... Without exception take him out for walks in the eve...both of u will have a change n feel better.

And most importantly read the book 'the secret' or 'the power' by Rhonda Byrne. Till u get ur hands on it check out the website 'the secret.tv' IT IS ABSOLUTELY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

N for gods sake don't abuse urseu r doing the best u can....it's all gonna work out.

I think I might have the e book of the secret...u can mail me at shiwanisandell@gmail.com n if I have it I will send it to u . Pls pls pls read it....



Take care

Lyssa - posted on 01/27/2012

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kayla, you need professional help. it sounds like you have ppd. i'm not trying to be mean, but if you don't get help then you may just end up doing something you may regret. when my daughter was 9 months old, i did. because my ppd was not being treated correctly, and after doing what i did, i knew as a mother, wife and as a nurse, that if i did not seek professional help immediately, i would try to kill myself again. you're not alone in your feelings, but don't let things spiral out of control to the point that you do something very stupid. admit that you need help and seek it! you're welcome to talk to me anytime about these feelings, as they are all too familiar to me.

Allison - posted on 01/27/2012

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Kayla - You are a good mom and you are feeling what probably every single mother has felt at one point or another (or every day for a minute or two)! Breathe. Try to give yourself a break. The best thing you can do if you are feeling really hopeless is to call your doctor today and tell them you absolutely need to come in and talk to someone right away. They will help you for sure.



Next, think about joining a local mom's group, as sombody else suggested. You can call your local hospital and ask for info about how to find one. You can also call your local library. Or google "mom's group" and your town name. It will help you tremendously to talk to some other moms on a regular basis, and it will also help you connect with people who can swap babysitting duties with you (hopefully for no cost).



Every mom deserves some time to herself, even though we all know it is very hard to get! Keep your chin up, honey. You are going to get through this. Some moms find they really begin enjoying parenting once the baby stage is through, so if this isn't your favorite part, don't worry - it will get better.



Last tip: During each day, put your baby somewhere safe (crib, play pen, bouncy chair), turn on your baby monitor, and take 15-20 minutes for yourself: a shower, watch a sitcom, take a nap, make a phone call in the other room. Your baby can cry for 10-15 minutes if needed so you can get a shower or spend five minutes lying on your bed with your eyes closed (thinking of your "happy place"). As long as they cannot get into anything (like on the floor or bed), they will be okay.



Good luck, honey! We are all pulling for you. :)

April - posted on 11/10/2010

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WELL FOR ONE IT WILL GET EASIER. I HAVE TWO BOYS AND I HAD MY OLDEST HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. IF HE IS NOT SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT THEN YES, GIVE HIM SOME CEREAL IN HIS BOTTLE AND SEE IF THAT WILL HELP. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I HAVE DONE THAT. BUT, LIKE YOU, MY HUSBAND WORKS AND IT IS HARD. GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR OR A COUNSELOR.

Alyssa - posted on 11/10/2010

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I was 16 when I found out I was pregant, I had dropped out of grade 9 three times by then. a few months before my 17th birthday my son was born.. it really is hard! my boyfriend worked from 5 til 5 or 6 pm everyday, and i was alone. honestly you just have to sleep when he sleeps, leave the cleaning to the weekend when the men can help, it gets hard, i found myself crying in the middle of the night when my son wouldn't go to sleep, but it got easier. he's over a year now and he still wakes up at 4:30 am, and 7 am, it really is hard but you just have to push through. I never thought i could do it either, but i did, and am. and your life really isn't ruined, exactly what i thought but then i got accepted into school and have daycare. honestly if you can't handle it yourself, find a babysitter and get a job or anything to make life that little bit easier. but as for your man, he needs to help a little bit more. your distressed and he should have noticed that, of all people. just hold on! it gets easier.

Renee - posted on 11/10/2010

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PS.....I did get bad postpartum. Its so easy to happen. You have your hormones going insane and sleep deprivation. Maybe see your dr just in case. Taking meds for a few months is soooo worth it. It gets you over the hump.

Renee - posted on 11/10/2010

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Well, honey, just breath. I've not read all of these but I've read a few. Sorry that most just say "thats motherhood". Well it is for some and not for others. Yeah, your baby can eat cereal, so give him that at his last feeding. Stop trying to clean the house and if you need a shower put the baby in the crib and let him scream. He will be fine and you are not abusing him by doing that. I used to take my son in his bouncer in the bathroom with me. In just a few months he will be crawling and things get better. Now, sleep every single time he sleeps......every single time. Every mother, who is a good mother, does this so that they can at least have their wits about them. You are not a bad mommy for letting things pile up. Honestly, your not being a good mommy if you don't take care of your baby and you above all else. If your man gives you grief over it, tell him to clean, since he won't do anything else to help you. You may fight a bit in the beginning but tell him that he is being unfair making you work 24hrs a day. And yes, when he is away his job is easier than having a screaming baby all day long. He get a lunch break and everything. You don't get that. He'll come around. Next, if your baby never sleeps take him to the dr. Maybe he has colic or something. Gripe Water by Little Remedies is awesome for fussy babies (its all natural too). Sleep, sleep, sleep. This will all be better once you get that. Then, when the baby is up take him with you in a bouncer, swing, playpen, or let him sit where you are and clean and talk to him while you do it. He will get lots of stimulation with the conversation and watching you. If you fold laundry, pile some up in front of him and let him play. If you are doing dishes, put him in his highchair and give him some big plastic bowls or pots and something to hit them with. This is very good for his hand eye coordination and is an introduction into music and imaginative play. See....there you go!!! Get rest honey, nothing else matters. My son was born very sick, had to be watched 24hrs a day. We had to take shifts and during all of this I started getting very very sick with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Here is the difference.....I was 28 and told everyone to go jump off a cliff!!! I was a good momma and I was gonna do it my way!! If they didn't like a messy house, don't come over (and the list goes on). We made it. You will make it. If you get really upset, lay the baby down and go to another room and breath - or go sit on the porch for a few minutes. It doesn't hurt them to let them cry. You'll be a better momma for it. If I lived close I'd come over and watch your baby so you could nap. I'm sorry no one is helping you..........so you just help yourself and let the rest go to @#$%. Smile honey, every few months babies change, and it will get better.

Mimi - posted on 11/09/2010

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oh honey, you need to call your doctor ASAP!!!! get that out of the way before you hurt yourself more! then do what every mother on here has had to do....let your baby cry. if you know your child is fed, has a clean diaper, is burped, not sick, not hurting or needing medical attention, then let the baby cry!! go take a shower! step outside for a few minutes and collect yourself. going outside gets you away from the crying and allows you to think things through. no one wants to hear their baby crying but that's what they do. i have a 4 yr old and an 11 month old and trust me, i have thought about walking out the door and never turning back. but i remember that they are children and can not help how they behave. so i go smoke a cigarette and calm down. you are NOT alone. if your boyfriend can't be bothered to help you, then you walk out the door without asking him. men are not babysitters, they are parents so you leaving your child to go shopping by yourself is NOT abandoning your baby. he thinks he doesn't get a break cuz he has a job? going to work everyday is NOT the same as taking care of a baby. cuz when they clock out at work and come home, we're still "working" with the kids! go try to find a job, find a play group, your family...anything. but what you are feeling is normal and you can get some help. good luck!

Jasmine - posted on 11/08/2010

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Just hang in there iam in the same position your in my husband is never home he works almost 60 hours a week and 5-6 days a week so sometimes i feel like a single stay at home cause i feel like i never get time to myself and i have a really fussy baby who is really demanding and needs my full attention 24/7. My son is 4.5 months old and iam barly sleeping or eating.
I myself went and talked to my doctor about my feelings and frustrations he just suggested that maybe leaving the baby with a trusted family member maybe once a week just so i can have a lil time to myself, or maybe going to a counsler.
Iam seeing a counsler and its really helped alot, also talking to you bf about how your feeling really helps as well

Marya - posted on 11/08/2010

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Kids are hard at what ever age you have them. I am 37 having my 3rd. My 2nd one was a nightmare and did not sleep through the night or for more than 1.5 hour intervals until after 8mo. Its unfortunatly part of motherhood. You need to talk to your doctor you are suffering from Post partum Depression I did with my daughter for 1.5 yrs after she was born. Then found out i was prego again. Kids take everything from you emotionally and physically there whole lives. If the boyfriend wont help you need ot make the decission of weather he is being a good father or what and if your child needs to be around him at all. They look up to ther daddys as roll models as well as moms. Work isnt the only thing they are capable of. Being a stay home mom and full time student I get NO time to myself not even baths or showers one of them is in there with me. It is part of being a mom.

Kayla - posted on 11/08/2010

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I think some of ya'll misunderstood about the hitting.. I never hit the baby. I just wanna make sure thats straight. :) I've been walking alot and talking to boyfriend alot. and im really starting to feel better. :)

ALMA - posted on 11/08/2010

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Totally understand were ur coming from. I was 17 when i had my son i went to school full time and had a full time job as well.

Why don't you try talking to ur doctor? and the baby's doc as well ? he/she might have some great pointers to reduce stress for you and the baby.

Ask someone you trust to watch him for an hour or so .

what i've done when my baby gets whinny or fussy . I put him in the stroller and go for a walk around the block . Babies love different scenery and the sounds of birds and the outdoors will distract him and maybe even soothe him to a sleep. This has work wonders for me . I also get very relaxed just by walking.

Brandy - posted on 11/07/2010

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omg i know how you feel jenna had colic until she was about 7 months old and i remember envisioning throwing myself off of our balcony. she was 3 months early and sent home on a lot of meds and a monitor so when she cried the monitor would go off and i couldn't calm her down she wouldn't have a BM and it took her 30mins to drink less than an ounce of formula and i had to feed her every 2 hrs until she was a year old because of weight gain on top of all of that im pretty sure i had ppd my Dr made me schedule an appt with a therapist but i didn't have time ever to make my appt. it was so hard and i thought i would never get through it, but i did and so will you. i know it sounds bad but guys just arent the same as we are, that doesnt mean they dont care they just dont get it, sometimes even when you explain it. its like they always think everything will be fine and we make a big deal out of things. my best advice i can give you is try to get family or friends to help you out, or consider daycare, so you can get some sleep, if money is an issue check into some local services, hey whatever you gotta do to keep yourself going for your baby and remember this to shall pass.

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The good news is it doesn't last forever! Just hang in there do your best to get the baby on a routine. Once your baby takes to a routine you can at least count on a break during naps and bed at about the same time everyday. That means you can get a shower without any help. If you don't take care of yourself then you can't give your baby your best care. Finding balance is hard especially when you are home all day just you and baby. I had the same situation with my first now I have a 2nd on the way and my husband just started school in addition to work. I will have no help for a toddler and newborn from 5am to 10pm. Also talk to your doctor about help with your moods its normal they won't think your crazy they may give you an antidepressant or something to help you sleep. I was surprised when my doc told me what I really needed to get rid of my depression was sleep! Trust me your doc can help you but you got to give them a call! Lack of sleep makes everything harder to deal with so start by putting your sleep first after your babies needs it will make a big difference :)

Ambyr - posted on 11/07/2010

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I am 19 and have two kids...my son was born one week before my daughter turned 1 and I am a stay at home mom. I dont get any help because my boyfriend works alot and so do my mom and sister and the rest of my family lives miles away. My daughter was very spoiled as well and unfortunatly the only way I could get her to stop was to just let her cry when she didnt get what she wanted. When I took a shower I put her in a bouncy chair and when I wanted to eat I would put her in a excersaucer or the jumper...she didnt like it at first and it took about a week of her crying everytime I'd set her down but eventually she stopped. Just take it easy and try not to let motherhood stress you too much because time flies by.

Donna - posted on 11/07/2010

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i totally agree. the only down time i get is when my kids are in bed asleep. its a big adjustment, but it does get better, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. just hang in there

Iysha - posted on 11/07/2010

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I feel like that too sometimes...but my baby is 1 1/2 and sleeps through the night and sleeps for 2 hours during the day...so I get sleep. I just feel isolated a lot...like my life is just this : I'm mommy and house wife. I was not the type of girl that wanted to settle down and get married, have kids and want to be a house wife...I wanted to be somebody...I wanted to have my career, my friends, my life with nobody to worry about but me. Men could have been in and out of my life and a baby was only in the picture once I decided I really wanted one. So now that I live across the country from my family and friends, I feel like I blew it. I had everything and by having my baby I lost it all. I have a baby, and i do love her, but I still wish sometimes that I would have had the abortion my fiance told me to have so many times when he was in a drunken rage. I feel stuck as a person...like it's always going to be like this.

Being a SAHM is way harder than being a working mom....I used to work until my baby was 6 months and we moved the first time...not only does the isolation get to me, the cleaning is a drag and I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do with a little person and the stupid pets (my fiance is an animal lover and we went from no pets to a dog and cat....cat hates dog and the dog is a dummy)...I hate animals. So, what I suggest is on the weekend, or a day when your boyfriend is home, have everything packed for the baby in a bag and tell him that you really need time to yourself, just a little while, and tell him that it is also good for him and his son to have a little male bonding time. hand him a bottle and say that it's time for him to eat and leave. The first time I did that, I went to the nail salon with my mom...I couldnt take the baby with me with all the fumes, and my fiance was so protective over the health of our baby that he saw that there was a reason that he would have to watch her. I dont do it anymore, but it was good while it lasted. now when i need alone time, I take a shower. lol. or get online. I dont care too much about the house work, if it needs to be cleaned, I do the kitchen, livingroom and bathroom real quick before bed so there isnt much to do during the day and I can do whatever and just have vacuuming to do.

I also suggest counseling. I loved counseling when I was younger, I want to go back but I'd have to drive an hour away for it if I want it free and we dont have $ for it, and the one car we have is for my husband to get to his jobs. so, im SOL!! lol...it really helps talking to someone. being alone with a baby is tough. Especially being home all day drains you...It's almost better to stay busy at work then come home and do all the chores then wake up every 3 hours to feed a baby!

Audrey - posted on 11/07/2010

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you sound just like me. i know exactly how you feel. i was real young like you when i got pregnant with my first one and then 18 months after he was born i had another one. you need to go to your ob and tell her whats going on. she will help you and probably give you some antidepressants. also, look into "Parents as teachers". i never really knew what it was until after i had my second baby. my ob suggested it. what it is is a program for kids under 3 and they send another mom around to your house for an hour once a month and they sit down with your kid and play games with them and you kind of get to chill out and watch. they tell you how cute your kid is and how much developmental progress they are making. its a really good program. also, check around with local churches to see if they have a "mother's day out" program. my mom used to volunteer for that. its a day where you take your child to the church and its free daycare for a day. that would give you some time to get things done at home or go out and do something for yourself. Lastly, your baby is still a baby and before you know it he will be sleeping thru the night and you will begin to regain your sanity. i know from experience. im 23 now and my son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 14 months. i know how crazy it gets. if you ever need to vent again, send me a message. id be more than happy to listen and offer whatever advice i can.

Shea - posted on 11/07/2010

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it sounds to me like your doing a great job and you are just feeling the same way every mother feels when she is dealing with the lack of sleep and a playfull loveing child, hang in there you will in time find your own space and routine with your baby and you will see that in time your baby detaches from you to play on their own and thats when your time is back....keep trying to explain to your partner that you are greatfull for all his help and you dont no what you would do with out him, and you may find that he starts helping more because you have made him feel capable in helping you, also hitting your baby, ill have to draw the line their, your baby wont understand why the only person in this world they love is hurting them because they may have an upset stomach or teeth breaking through, or by 1 year they start having small nightmares so please breathe walk away if you ever feel like hitting your baby,,,,there is nothing wrong with putting your baby in their cot were they are safe you walk away put on loud music and breathe, tell yourself you have done everything you can do its up to the baby to work out what it wants.............. i hope this help and always no yes us mothers can do anything untill we are asleep or sleep deprived...........
hang in their

Jami - posted on 11/07/2010

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If he isnt doing anything at all to help then yeah he needs to or he needs to move on!! its never going to work if he doesnt step it up and help you!! youll eventually drive yourself crazy with him and his bs!! stand up and just act as a single parent or make him spend time with his child!!!

Jane - posted on 11/07/2010

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he needs to step up and do the caretaking when he gets home. plain and simple. if he doesn't, then he needs to arrange for someone to. it's about best care for his child, not a contest of who can stay awake the longest b/w parents. if he didn't want to be a father, then he shouldn't have had sex. the baby isn't going anywhere, he needs to adjust.

Tiffany - posted on 11/06/2010

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I just want to say, that I thought just like you that I didn't have PPD. You may have it, and not be willing to admit to it. It doesn't hurt to go to the doctor and get checked out, just to make sure. I didn't, and I wish I had. I got through it but it took a bit and the beginning was rough. You can and will get through this...and remember that communication is key. You may be going through a lot as a new very young Mom, but your boyfriend is too...you need to lean on each other and talk it out. Schedule 'me time' for both of you and also try to schedule a couples night once in awhile too. It makes a huge difference to have that night together to reconnect. You don't even have to go out, it can be while the baby is sleeping. If you are abusing yourself and your boyfriend, that isn't good at all. For your well being, your relationship and for your beautiful baby...go get checked out. Good Luck.

Jami - posted on 11/06/2010

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PPD is a serious thing sweetheart!!! Just letting you know from experience.. I was fine only 2 days out the hospital maybe a lil less than that and had an episode where i wanted to go "crazy" and told my husband take me to the hospital now before i do something i regret.. and like i said ended up there for 9 days!! they thought i had psychosis (sp) look it up tho!!! that comes with ppd it sounds crazy when you read it but there are alot of signs that relate to ppd... you just need sleep!!! i have two kids and my 4 yr old is up all night on the weekends and a new baby i gotta take care of trust me once they let me out it was a huge deal for me cuz i didnt know which way to turn!!!! just remember dont get yourself to over whelmed! thats what causes the "crazy" episodes!!!

Kayla - posted on 11/06/2010

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Thanks so much ladies. I actually read my post to my boyfriend and he read the first post and he said "i think you have PPD." I read the signs but I dont think i have it. I think i just need a break. maybe some excersize, some alone time.. and someone to talk to. And, my baby is on a schedule, but maybe it could use some changing.. and for those who said give him cereal. he has been on solids since 4 months.. never worked.. I know it will get better, im just living one day at a time. You all really helped me feel better.... thank you.

Robyn - posted on 11/06/2010

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Try to work out a schedule. I am 23 but, still tough. I am a stay @ home mom and although I'm Thankful for that I understand where your coming from. I have had those days as I'm sure every mother does. It gets hard and tough but, You can do it! Go talk to a Dr. They can help to relieve some of the stress your feeling. Talk to your boyfriend. and Demand some help. I know thats easier said then done. I live In Tn and my family lives in Florida. I have No family @ all here in Tn. The Doctors just really recommended me to put my son on a schedule. It will be hard @ first. It was tough to hear him cry but, they get used to it and they eventually will learn it. My son is 8 months now and has a 9 bedtime. We start @ around 7pm and eat dinner, bath, and Bed. He has learned it and it helps me out ALOT. Good Luck Hun

Jami - posted on 11/06/2010

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I was 19 when I had my first and was married! So I understand what your going through. He worked while I sat at home.. I slept when the baby slept and let everything else go I didnt care about the dishes or how the house looked and if I got b****ed at he'd get it coming! You need your sleep so if you have a few dirty dishes and a few loads of laundry sitten around it shouldnt be that a big deal!! When you wanna take a shower put the baby in a swing or bouncer or somewhere where you can watch him/her and take them few minutes to yourself!!! Sleep is the most important thing. Your sanity will start coming back I remember how it is.. Im on my 2nd child and sleep when he sleeps usually I take a nap mid morning or afternoon my 4 yr old plays either in his room or on the computer but I deal with it better. If you have any more questions get a hold of me Ill help you through it!!!

Kellie - posted on 11/06/2010

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girl i felt the same way after i had willow...i ended up going to the doctor and getting some depression meds....i was only one them for a little while. Willow had colic really bad so i know about the sleep thing and she still does not always sleep threw the night. try letting him cry it out but no longer than 20 mins of crying. get a dvd for a baby like "your baby can read" and put him in a bouncer where he is safe and let him watch that. thats what i do when i take a shower is put willow in her walker give her, her bottle and turn that on and she loves it. when i first started doing it she would cry but by the time i got out of the shower i felt better and she had stopped crying.

Rebecca - posted on 11/06/2010

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Sweety I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you do. I think you may have post natal depression. It can be so hard for us stay at home mums to stay possitive, especially during times when there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. You are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world and you should feel so proud that you are keeping your little man healthy, safe and strong. That's a huge responsibility in itself. I really would suggest you think about getting down to your doctors and telling them how you feel. There are so many options out there these days to help treat post natal depression and the thing you need to remember is that it can be treated and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In a years time, your son will be running around the house, maybe talking a bit and with any luck have settled into a more normal and predictable routine. That much I can promise you. I've been there where I have felt it was never ending and now my daughter is just on two, she's settled right into life and things have calmed down dramatically. Please, I beg you to get down to your local doctor and get some help, and if they don't help, go to another. Don't take no for an answer. I think all the other mums here would support me in saying that you don't have or deserve to be feeling like this any longer. I wish I was there right beside you but I can't so I will be thinking of you and keeping my eye open on how you feel. If you need to talk, then please don't hesitate to PM me. Wish warmest wishes xoxox

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2010

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What you are feeling is normal and part of motherhood! It's ok to feel like this because being a mom is a huge responsibility! A good thing to start doing is when baby goes to sleep, so do you. It's ok for baby to cry it out (as long as he isn't inj distress) You may look into switching shifts on and off with your boyfriend. One day he takes baby for so many hours while you rest, shower, go for a drive and then the next day (or later the same day) he gets to do the same while you watch baby. Little breaks make a huge difference. Will be thinking of you and sending prayers! Best of luck! Start giving baby more independence by letting him cry a bit before you pick him up. There is nothing wrong with this!

Joselin - posted on 11/06/2010

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Ur not alone we've all been there, u need to breathe. U and ur boyfriend need to help eachother out each pick a day of the wk were ull have the baby and the other gets to do something outside the side for a few wheather it be with friends or alone. And also speak to family members for 2 nites a month were u and ur boyfriend can actually go out on a date. But at the end of the day u need to realize that Riley isnt going anywhere and u need to find ways of just enjoying him cause theydo grow up fast. Definately put cereal in his bottles and days when u really feel overwhelmed give him a bit of dimeatapp or benadryl and u can have a break while he takes a nap, but dont make that a habit. U'll get the hang of and try finding other teen moms in ur area and set up play dates this way u get to keep him busy and u get some adult time. face the fact that u cant be like other 19yr olds who dont have kidz u need to make alterations.

Stephanie - posted on 11/06/2010

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when things get to be too much leave the room. place the child in a bouncer, pack n play, whatever to where he will be safe and chill for a moment. check on him to make sure he is ok but also get some time to breathe. i have been n the same place you are. and still are to a certain degree. its tough and u feel like its all on your shoulders thats why you need to make time for yourself. what is your babys sleep schedule like?

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2010

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It's not too much to ask to get time to yourself!! Is there anyone who you can trust other than your boyfriend - like parents, friends, etc?
It's good that your boyfriend is working hard, but he also needs to help you out too. Your job never ends and you don't get paid for it.

Alana - posted on 11/06/2010

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Hiya. i know exactly how you feel. I had my son when i was 17, my boyfriend worked full time, and i had no one to help. he used to beat me if my son cried and woke him up, so i had to be constantly awake in the night incase my son woke.
he didnt sleep through untill he was 2 years old aswell so i knwo what its like. it also sounds like u may have postnatal depression. i had this also, you should go to your doctor and tell them how you feel. they wont think badly of you, and you wont get your baby taken away or anything like that. they will just help you. also try getting out to some mum n baby groups. xx

Vegemite - posted on 11/05/2010

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I really think you need to sit your boyfriend down tell him honestly and exactly how you feel, whithout hiding anything and with out shame. Everybody, not just mums, feel like this if they don't have help and a break when they need it. If he wont acknowledge how you feel, that it's a valid feeling and offer his help then tell him that that's what you want him to do and until he does you're not going to end the conversation. A relationship and parenting is not about who does the most or who's the most tired, it's about working together and when one needs a break the other steps up and does a little more.

Chantyl - posted on 11/05/2010

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Sweetie it does get better. I had my daughter when i was 16 and my son when i was 19 and while it has been the most amazing time of my life, it can be very frustrating. Reach out to professional help and just know that your going to be ok. if you ever need to talk feel free to email me. good luck :)

Candace - posted on 11/05/2010

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Get your baby on a schedule!!! It may be a little rough figuring it out, but what you are dealing with right now is obviously not working. At about 6 months your baby should have no problem sleeping through the night (9+ hours)... You need to let him cry and learn to soothe himself, if you are firm it could take only a week or so to get him used to it. This goes with independent play time also. Even if you have to turn on a cartoon, or find one of those really noisy toys they always love... he should be able to play by himself for a little while. Finding family or friends who would be willing to watch him even for a couple of hours here and there could give you the me-time you need and deserve. Understandably, your boyfriend is tired from working, but he could certainly pitch in with some time for him and your son to bond while you get some rest. I would say that just about all us Moms have been there at one point and time. It is a 24/7 job that can feel thankless at times... but keep your head up and look for those little opportunities to have a break. It WILL get better!

Nikkole - posted on 11/05/2010

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No sleep is usually a part of motherhood at least you dont have 2 or 3 kids lol i have one that is 3yrs and a 4month old who wants to be held NON stop YOU CAN DO IT i was 19 when i got prego and my husband never helped me you will be ok! But if you think you have post postpartum then GET HELP

Christine - posted on 11/05/2010

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Erica Bills is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! you can get help sweetie. My aunt had post-pardum depression and one night she flat out told her husband "you take him, I can't do it anymore!" and she refused to pick up her crying little boy. It wasn't her fault, she truly does love her kids and has always treated them great.

Amber - posted on 11/05/2010

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i was 19 when i had my first. it is frustrating and so hard and i know where you are coming from. my baby was sick from the day he was born, he had RSV and cronic congestion... then asthma. i was teriffied that he would stop breathing in his sleep, so i stayed up and wathced him sleep or slept with him in my bed for a year and a half. my husband was a dead beat stoner that couldnt keep a job and so i had to work full time. between work, the babysitter and dr.s appointments i would sit in my car and just cry. one day i got up the courage to tell my husband to step up or im leavin, then i left. i was a single parent, which wasnt much different. eventually i married my husband dustin, who is amazing and helps me with everything...including watching the kids while i go have me time at the salon. but when he was deployed to iraq during my pregnancy with my second son, i just about lost it. potty training a two and half year old and giant preggo and emotional. my husbad was home for 2 weeks when the baby was born. then he had to go back to iraq. i learned in that time, that its ok that im not super mom. its ok to let you baby cry in his playpen for a couple minutes while i finish up the dishes, and itsok to put his swing in the bathroom so i can shower. eventually they sleep. eventually they dont cling to your hip and eventually you get to go have a day to yourself, but i promise...when that day comes you'll spend every second wanderin about them. its gets better. just breathe

Stifler's - posted on 11/04/2010

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also, it gets better. they do eventually sleep through and you get more rest then.

Stifler's - posted on 11/04/2010

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my life used to be exactly like yours. hour commuting boyfriend, wouldn't watch the baby or give them a bottle so i could go to bed. i just ended up demanding that he watch the baby while i shower and get up to the baby on weekends.

Maggie - posted on 11/04/2010

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When I had my first child I told my husband that if nothing else happened I was taking a shower, by myself, every day. He can watch the baby for half an hour or so when he gets home. If not then ask a trusted relative, neighbor, friend. You need to take a break or things are going to get worse. Also, naps. Lots of naps. Sleep when the baby sleeps! I'm always amazed at how much better I feel when I get that extra little bit of sleep.
Make sure you're eating healthy food as much as possible and start taking vitamin D or spend some (un-sunscreened) time in the sun. Get dressed every day, brush your teeth, put on a little make up - it makes you feel HUMAN. Get out of the house every day, even if it's just for a short walk. Fresh air and open spaces do wonders for the soul.
Find someone you can talk to when things get to be too much. You have to be able to let off some steam before you blow up.
One more thing. Your baby is 6 months old? That's old enough to play in a playpen or crib or bouncy seat or exersaucer r even a blanket on the floor for 10 or 15 minutes if you need a break. Just put some toys in there, maybe a mirror, play some music and relax for a few minutes. (good time for doing hair and brushing teeth)
When I feel like I'm going to FREAK OUT (we all do sometimes) I put on some music (it doesn't have to be kids music, my kids love jazz!) and DANCE. You can dance with the baby (it'll put you both in a good mood) or dance in front of the baby and he/she will laugh and laugh! Get down and show him/her how to clap or wave his/her hands so he/she can "dance" too.
Always remember: This too shall pass. Enjoy this time while you can because your baby is going to grow up fast. There will always be problems BUT there will be fun and laughter and good times, too. Try to focus on those!

Marija - posted on 11/04/2010

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First off you need to call into your doctor, you definitely by what you have written have Post Natal Depression, which is very common and nothing to be afraid of, but needs to get sorted now before it gets worse.
Secondly do they not have any community groups where you are from that can look after your baby while you have a sleep etc? In New Zealand we have parent aid, who offers mums a break, they can clean your house or watch your baby.
Men don't understand and you definitely don't need him getting you down, you have enough to deal with being a new and young mother. Your life isn't ruined hun, it can only get better! Stay positive and please go see your doctor.

Brittany - posted on 11/04/2010

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My son was due on my 19th Birthday so I can relate too you!So I see where you're coming from!Now my baby is 1 yrs old,they grow before your eyes.So enjoy it while they're Little bc when they walk & talk its not a Joke,thats when it gets harder,but it does get funner:)well good luck hun!

Melissa - posted on 11/04/2010

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BTW get out of the house someitmes....I do everyday, either a walk or I go to the mall and just walk around!

Melissa - posted on 11/04/2010

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You can do this!!!!! When you feel overwhelmed put your baby in the crib at take a minute for yourself!!!
I also suggest trying some sleep training with your baby so he will sleep longer for you so you can get your rest!!! Is there anyone that can help?
Also Your boyfriend has to help when he is not at work he just has tooo!!!!Take turns taking "me" time it is only fair that you get some as well......Personaly I think men get their me time at work but anyway....
It also sounds like you have a bit of PPd, post partum deppresion....it is real and many people sound like you right now that have it....I suggest finding someone to talk to about that ASAP!!!! It is so important to get help for that you can get help and it ownt cost you a thing!!!You need to tell your boyfriend that you are about to break down and that you are desperate for help!! Please Please seek help from someone...you deserve it. There are so many resources out there if you need me to help you find some help in your area I will be happy to do some research for you!!!! Remember you are not alone! You will get through this!!!
Please let me know if I can help.

Deidre - posted on 11/04/2010

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YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! i was 19 when i had my first and now im on my third and still i have those days. Every mother has those days. try taking to your boyfriend about how you feel and explain to him how even that drive to work he has is more than what you have. but be sure to understand that his work isn't easy either, dont play down his role just let him know you NEED his help too. if he still wont help try to find a moms group in your area and sometime just getting out of the house will help too. good luck !!!

Chrystal - posted on 11/04/2010

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I am so sorry that you are going through that. I would definitely talk to your b/f and tell him how you feel. See what he says. I would definitely talk to your Dr. to b/c if you are having feelings of wanting to hit your child and you said you don't want to do it anymore might be a sign of post partum depression. I'm not saying that you have that, it's just that is a really serious thing, and you should really talk to your Dr. Again I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way. I will be praying for you and your family. Stay strong girl. Your baby boy needs you:)

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