I want my husband to get the vasectomy but he wouldn't do it.

BEATRIZ - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have 2 daughters, 3 and 1 yrs old (trough a c- section). I just find out I am pregnant again. I was really shocked because it was very unexpected. My husband wants to have at least 4 children (and he already have 1 daughter from previous relationship). I told him I can't have more than 3 (I am also a physician and know the limits when it comes to c-sections, putting aside my limits as a woman/mother!). Anyway, we had an argument because i asked him to get the vasectomy.

I don't want to have my tubes ligated + I think that as a women I have given and sacrifice so much. Going from birth control such pills, the myrena and horrible side effects and 2 horrible emergency c-sections (and awful recovery). I do not want to risk it anymore with a 4th or 5th pregnancy. Is also good to mention that my husband doesn't like to use condoms neither!!.

So, the only thing I asked him was to get a vasectomy and the answer was NO. He doesn't give a reason. He says that i should get my tubes ligated during the c-section and period. He also thinks, that I just want him to have the vasectomy to create conflict and because my reasons for not having it done during the c-section are only because I want him to be miserable!. He believes that I am giving wrong excuses, but he's not even giving me a reason??.

What should I do?. Since is me who doesn't want to have more kids, should I have the surgery?. Is it wrong the way I feel about the whole thing? is it the hormones and the pregnancy already creating conflicts??. At this point I think I should ligate my tubes (thinking as a physician) but still can't cope with the whole idea.

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Myra - posted on 01/21/2010

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Being that you can't cope with the idea of getting your tubes tied, surly you can understand that he probably doesn't want to get a vasectomy for probably similar reasons. Sterilization tends to make both men and women feel like less than what they are. You do deserve a reason in his saying no. I'd bet it is one of two things...1. he's afraid he won't be able to function properly or 2. he still wants more children. That's usually what it comes down to with men. You don't want more children, and don't want to keep taking birth control...a tubal makes sense if you want to continue having sex with your husband.



However, I think you and your husband need to really sit down and talk. Unless it is your hormones (and I doubt it is), putting every ounce of responsibility of preventing pregnancy on you is not right. He's against the options of condoms and vasectomy, which leaves pregnancy prevention 100% on you.

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I've always thought it was fair that who ever is done having kids first gets the surgery. That's deal I made with my husband. He said he was done after three. Well we had number three and he never got anything done, so now number four is on the way - lucky for me :) I'm done after four so I'll be getting my tubes tied after this one. If your done, then make sure that you'll actually be done after this one and get your surgery.

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