i work part time hubby thinks i should pay half bills.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2012 ( 84 moms have responded )

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I work part time and pay for everything for my daughter plus the car payment. My hubby works beyond full time (65 hrs per week) and thinks I should pay half of the bills (mortgage, insurance, cell phone, utilities). I do all the house work, while he sits, and eventually falls asleep when he is supposed to be taking care of my daughter while I am at work. PLEASE HELP!!

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Medic - posted on 02/14/2012

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That is his step child......if he didn't want to help support both of you then he should not have married you. It was a packaged deal.

Carol - posted on 02/14/2012

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Mary, since your husband died when your daughter was 2, you need to get Social security for her, unless your new husband has adopted her, i don't see this being the case. That is money for your daughter as your husband paid into social security. It would be survivor benefits, check into it. Also he sounds like a jerk. Are you paying his car payment, or is it a joint car? Also if he wants you to help pay the bills then it needs to be farily done. You would pay less because you work less, and he works more so that would mean he would need to also start paying for a majority of things for your daughter. If you are able to get SS put some money away each month for your daughter, this can be hers for anything, such as clothing, a future car or college tuition, or if she dosent want to go to school, help with a place to live. Also, you can get a baby sitter, a trust friend, and take your daughter to her and inform your husband that since he can't watch your daughter when you work so you can help with some bills, your money is now goign to a baby sitter, he will need to start paying the car payment. If this dosent sit well with him, then inform him you are willing to pitch in if hes willing to man up. I wouldn't let him know, if your able to get survivor benefits, about those. That is money techniqually from your exhusband to your daughter. It will state on any mail to you, and it will have her name on it.

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I'm with the rest, that is ridiculous.

The way I see it, you have 2 options.



First is the traditional joint account--this works best imo. All money goes into one acct. You and he will sit down together, add up all the monthly bills and expenses and subtract from the incoming amount. What is left over should be divided by 2. One half will remain in the acct as savings for emergencies, vacations, and other large or unexpected expenses. The other half will be split between the two of you. You can do as you please with your amount, he can do as he wishes with his amount.

*make sure when you are adding up all of your bills, you use the highest amount for the things that fluctuate. Any extra on months those bills are lower should go to savings.



Second, if he insists on splitting bills with you, you can add up your combined income, then figure out what percentage of the income comes from his job and what percentage comes from your job. Then, when the bills come, you will pay your percentage, and he will pay his. If he is earning 3 times what you do, then he will pay 3/4 of the mortgage, and you will pay 1/4th of it. That seems like a lot of trouble to me, writing two checks for every bill, but if that's what he wants....

Jaime - posted on 02/26/2012

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I don't get it...your married and yet this sounds more like your roommates?

Jodi - posted on 02/16/2012

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OK, before we had kids, I worked full time and my hubby worked full time. ALLLLL of our money went into one account, allllll of the bills came out of that account. There was no, my money, your money, my bills your bills, even though I don't work now, it's still OUR money, OUR bills. Just a suggestion, because we rarely if ever fight about money or money related issues.

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Anita - posted on 06/07/2013

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This sounds completely unfair. You need to take him to a financial advisor at your bank. They will tell you that expenses are paid by each party, based on the percentage of total income they earn. If he makes 75%, he pays 75%. Club him in the head, stuff him in the car, and drive him to the bank. He needs someone with financial authority to tell him he is wrong.

Just kidding about the 'club' part... I think..

Sarabjot - posted on 04/17/2012

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my husband and I used to have fights he would say similar stuff and at that time i didnt work at all.I've joined this company and started making supplemental income.Check it out who knows maybe you will be interested in it http://sarabjotkaur.igniteinc.biz.

Christine - posted on 04/17/2012

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Ask him to pay you for watching your daughter! Ask him how much that is worth!!!

Maggie - posted on 04/12/2012

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I think you two should sit down with all the bills in front of you. Find out how much you both actually make and figure out what you can and cant help with. Also, make sure you have extra spending money for you and your daughter in the end. He might just need to see it all in front of him for him to understand that he makes alot more than you do so he can afford to pay for more of the bills.

Husband knows I cant afford to pay anything. But the little I do make covers my gas and my gym membership and even sometimes I stress about just those two things because I might not have enough to pay them. But husband knows that what I make is not a set income and may not always come in.

Deanna - posted on 04/12/2012

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This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship? Are you happy? He doesn't sound all the committed to you and your daughter. Even though not biological to him he should be there- you are a package deal. I hope things have worked out since you posted this. If not, would seriously consider reevaluating your life. Make sure you and your daughter are happy~

Julie - posted on 04/12/2012

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Sorry I don't understand that. All of our money goes into one account and we just pay what needs to be paid. I give my husband some cash every 2 weeks so he can pay for his meals when he's on the road with work and if he or I think we need something else that's major we talk about it and see if it's in our budget. Of course he works 2 jobs and makes most of the money to support our family. I teach piano lessons, but I don't make a whole lot from it so I use that money for our haircuts each month. I just have never understood the separate accounts thing and he pays certain bills and you pay certain bills. Everything is yours together so I say you just put your money together and pay what needs to be paid and decide together what amount you can each have a month for personal use that you don't have to account to the other one for.

Anika - posted on 03/24/2012

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I disagree that's a need for a separate account Tara, and agree with Tabitha. I've found a lot of men aren't very good with money, both my late partner and current fiance weren't the best with money, nothing would have been in the savings if it wasn't for me. I mean, I was a fairly poor, solo parent when I met my fiance, paid a lot of rent, but had $13,000 in my savings. My fiance on the other hand, had a good, well paying job, paid only a small amount of board each week, but only had $400 in his savings. Obviously I am a lot better with my money. But we've still always had joint accounts, like Tabitha said, I then save some of it and have some control over the money. If we had 2 separate accounts, I could only do some savings for half our money, not all of it combined. And if the spending is such a big issue, why not sit down and talk about it, work it out?

Tristian - posted on 03/24/2012

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What!! That is crap, tell him if he wants you to pay half of the bills then he needs to help you with half of everything your child needs, half of the cooking, cleaning, ect.. and half the car payment. he needs to pull his head out of where the sun don't shine. Sorry if I was to blunt but that makes me so mad, I had 3 kids 14 months apart (twins and a single) went to school, had a part time job, paid for everything did all of the house work, and took care of my girls. When my kids dad started saying that I needed to do more I told him to change or leave.

Tabitha - posted on 03/23/2012

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Tara, that's all the more reason for all of the monies to go into a joint account. Then the responsible one can pay the bills before the irresponsible one can spend it! But that's a little different than the husband with a FT job expecting the wife with the pt job to pay 50-50. I'm guessing by your post that you're the responsible one...lol

Tara - posted on 03/23/2012

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I just wanted to say that I know in some situations, either one spouse is not good with money, and the couple is always broke.... In that event, one person DOES need to be in control of the majority of the money. For example, we just got back a good size tax return. Some of that went to pay off debt, which was a good thing. But some of it went toward buying a flat screen tv, a blu ray player, and a receiver. NONE of which we needed ( tv worked fine, ditto for DVD player and receiver, even though the receiver is 10 years old.) Hello, don't you think it would be a good idea to SAVE some money?? This is why after 15 years of marriage, we're still renting! Just wanted to point that out for the people that don't understand why people in a marriage might have separate accounts.

Nicole - posted on 03/23/2012

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I would suggest a new husband if he don't quit being so selfish. My best friend and god daughter were in a similar situation and that is not a healthy relationship. My ex was similar but it's his child. If he didn't want to take care of you and your daughter he shouldn't have married you. Marriage isn't about what is urs and what is his. You are a team and although money wise you may not contribute a lot but you do all the house work. That more than makes up for it. I like the charging him what a maid would to clean the house wish I would of thought of that lol. Put your foot down! Also definitely look into the social security for your daughter to make sure she is taken care of.

Pam - posted on 03/19/2012

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There's alot of men who think if they have the money they "control" you/kids. Why on earth would anyone want to be in that position? Degrading to "ask" for money for whatever when your supposed to be a team. Leave the kid/s with him for a wk.? Never! To often women underestimate just how much their worth. Start yourself a home based business...even if you've only got 25-50 to start. You need to b creative when purchasing and there's always room for another home based business. YOU CAN DO IT! Go on the net and put your product out there....there's lots of places you can advertise for free or a % of your sales. Hook up with a friend to share the load/finances. Don't know what to do? Look around your house for ideas, scan the net, talk to people. Just remember when starting your business take a look at the recycling/2nd hand stores to save $ on your purchasing costs to get ur business going......you don't have to buy brand new. Keep in mind there's many companies out there that started on the home pool table or kitchen table. I've my own home based business and it's in my kitchen. I love it!! Your worth more than he thinks and don't ever let him convince you otherwise!!

Tabitha - posted on 03/19/2012

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I didn't know getting married was like goin "dutch". You are a family, both of your checks need to go into a joint account where bills are paid from first. It's not his money, her money, it's family money. After bills are taken out, there should be guidelines that you both agree to about how much goes to savings and how much each of you can spend. This isn't a competition about who puts what into the kitty, the main objective is to take care of your family. I feel like your husband treats it as a roommate situation, this is a marriage/family. I also wonder about his maturity level if he's falling asleep when he should be caring for his own child. Sounds like he needs to grow up and you need to grow a pair and put your foot down. I'm not trying to be harsh, my ex husband was the same way. His money was his money and my money was my money and he wanted to split the bills. There was no compromise... Did I mention that he was my ex?

Tara - posted on 03/12/2012

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well, you have gotten lots of ideas...its up to you to decide from that! I would say: if it must be a "your" and "mine" thing then figure out what percentage of the total house hold income you make and then pay bill according to that. example: if you make 20% of the total income, then you pay 20% of the total expenses.

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That sounds a little selfish of him. It shouldn't be "ur's" or "his" money. It should be both of urs. Since ur doing ur finances separate maybe u should pay certain bills and he should pay the rest. My husband works well over full time also and I, like u, only work part time. I'm responsible for buying the kids what they need, paying my phone bill, and getting the house hold needs for the month (toothpaste, TP, shampoo, etc...). Maybe u could work something out like that but it doesn't sound like he is willing to compromise. About the house work, if u find a way to get him to do that please let me know lol. OMG he shouldn't be sleeping while he's watching ur daughter. Anything could happen. She could get into something or God forbid start a fire. He needs to be more responsible.

Ivanna - posted on 03/09/2012

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i say talk to him about this. there are men who tend to think that house chores are a piece of cake, until they are left alone with the kids and chores for a week...wait! they won't even last a day. try going away for a week and leave him behind with your daughter and see what happens. i bet he'll appreciate you alot better than he does now. i hope he comes to his senses soon, coz that's not fair at all.;(

Monica - posted on 03/07/2012

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OMG! Sorry, no ofense but in what world does your husband live in? I think both $ should go into one account and from there you both do your budget. If he thinks you spend too much then he should join in and you both should draw a new budget plan and stick to it, not get you to pay half the bills and you obviously can't afford much working only part time, he's trying to 'teach you a lesson' which is pretty childish in my opinion.

Tonya - posted on 03/07/2012

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i'm sorry but i do believe you need to get a divorce he makes more money he should pay the mortgage, insurance, utilities i take it the it's not his child that's probably why he falls asleep while watching her i'm so sorry but i do believe you will be better for without him

Beatrix - posted on 03/05/2012

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No way!!! That is not Fair. I totally feel for you. I make sure my husband does household work or else! I have a daughter and pay for her and the household utilities. I stopped workig and still pay for her! Hold your ground! You are not alone.

Roxanne - posted on 03/05/2012

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Honey ive been in your boat..... every detail. He isn't ready to accept what marriage is. It was years ago when I went through this. I'm still with my husband and he now claims he was trying to make me responsible although he regrets the way he went about it. You guys probably need some counciling to work on communication. The agreement we finally came up with was since he worked way more than me I was responsible for chores but my income only paid for my car and groceries and things for myself. When you are married it should be both of your monies. He obviously has issues and if you want to stay with him you need to find a way to work through those issues. Good luck.

Crystal - posted on 03/02/2012

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OMG!!!! I'M SORRY, BUT THAT IS CRAP.... IN THAT CASE YOU ARE BETTER OFF BY YOURSELF!

Rosie - posted on 03/01/2012

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the way my husband and i do it (and i feel all people should, lol) is we just have an account put our money in there and pay the damn bills with OUR money. there's none of this you pay half, i pay the mortgage bullshit, it's we both put our money in and pay the damn bills. i get angry when i hear of other couples arguing over money like one person only has control over it. marriage is a partnership, both people put into it in different ways, but both are equally important. he needs to get over the 50's mentality and realize that he is in a marriage. ok, rant over...

Jenna - posted on 03/01/2012

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This is something I've never understood. If you are married and both working, you should share income to pay bills. I don't understand the whole his money her money when you're married. Money should be a joint thing. Then there are no arguments like this one. As long as each gets a little bit of discretionary money to spend.

Tara - posted on 02/29/2012

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How can you even pay half, if you only work part time? It isn't likely that you make even close to what he makes. That isn't even logical to me! If you both worked full time and made relatively close to what he makes then maybe...... Let's look at it with some numbers. You make 800 a month and he makes 2600 a month. The bills are 2000 a month. If you were to pay half of the bills you would be short 200 and have no extra money. He would make up the difference and pay 1200, and still have 1400 to spare.

Leann - posted on 02/28/2012

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He just doesn't sound committed to the relationship. Men very much base their idea of who they are around their jobs, possessions, and wallet. I don't see how he can seperate any of those things from you and still consider himself committed. But, i hope i am wrong. Best of luck to you.

Carla - posted on 02/28/2012

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Lol one word for him ... NOT ! Come on I know u guys r supposed to be a team .. N sounds like u are . But if he wants u to pay half tell him he needs to work half the time n allow u to work to meet what he makes if u can . Otherwise he can sit home while u go to collage or get a career to pay as much as him . Relationships are not 50/50 all the time and def not in every aspect ! Sometimes w the house work it's 90/10 or w the kids 80//20 n money 100/0 lol my husband isn't even the real father of my kids 5 mind u .. Had them in my first marriage n I don't work I'm a stay at home mom .. He pays all the bills n yes I would love to help but we both know if I leave n go to work I will make 8 dollars an hour at a dead end job n the house will fall apart !

Vanessa - posted on 02/28/2012

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Erin, my husband was a bachelor quite some time before we married. I was just newly out of the nest. It was a huge adjustment over time. It takes time to learn and grow.

Erin - posted on 02/28/2012

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My husband was like that when we first got married. It took a long time to set him straight. I eventually had to give him an ultimatum.... good luck.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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Thanks. I like actually being part of a team instead of a dictatorship.

Vanessa - posted on 02/27/2012

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Megan, that is certainly ideal and I'm really happy that marriage is working out better for you now.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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Vanessa, trust me my first marriage ended because of more than just money- the whole having a girlfriend while we were married and being verbally and mentally abusive towards me were the real deal breakers. I was just using what you had stated what happened at first as an example.



My husband now keeps me informed on everything and we act as a team for how money is spent and everything else. Which is how marriages are supposed to be.

Vanessa - posted on 02/27/2012

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Megan, we've grown up a lot in our marriage. We've both changed a lot over the years. He no longer does that. If anything-i draw up the budget anymore. Now that it's been three years since his deployment-he prefers I continue to pay the bills. I'm a stay-at-home mom and he works full time. It's all OURS and it benefits the family when we work together instead of butting heads. Dave Ramsey Helps too! He's a good provider and I can't complain. 20 years is a long time!

Jacquline - posted on 02/27/2012

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The Key word here is "EX" then u get half then child support and spousal support half of everything he has got remind him and may he will think twice ! The general rule is is % of of what a partner makes and is shared .Go to family law they could be big help before this ends up in in court and nobody wins.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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Vanessa, my ex husband was like that and then blamed me for any short comings in our account.



My current husband wouldn't dare tell me I get an allowance and keeps me informed about everything that we're doing with the money he gets so I do the same with him about what I do with the child support money.

Vanessa - posted on 02/27/2012

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My dad is somewhat like that with my mom. Their relationship is twisted. My husband and I have a joke that what's his is mine and what's mine is mine. But seriously- marriage is two way. It irks me when men want their roll but then expect the woman to carry on both rolls.

My husband and I have been married 20 years. For a little while in the beginning I knew nothing of our finances and he would give me an allowance so-to-speak. But then I had to take over when he was deployed. The finances scared me at first but then he seemed to relax-enjoyed that he didn't have it all on his shoulders. I think deployment helped us appreciate each other more.

Kristin - posted on 02/27/2012

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If he's going to pull his 1/2 of the weight with the house and child then I would say yes, pay half of the bills. But seriously, come on! If you need to have a part-time job to help with the bills then you've got to do what you've got to do. You don't have a 50-50 relationship, it's a 100-100 relationship. Good luck!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/27/2012

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I agree with Nicola, tell him to split the cleaning.



My husband asks me to chip in some money for bills from my child support, but he does pay all the bills. I do the grocery shopping and we both take care of the girls' stuff. My husband does believe in his and hers separate bank accounts because his parents went through a bad divorce. But he says that the money is ours and tell each other what we've spent.



I believe you and your husband should sit down and talk about your budget and money. It is unfair to expect someone who only holds a part time job to pay for half of things. You are married not roommates.

Nicola - posted on 02/26/2012

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If he is reccomending split bills I would recommend split cleaning roster! If he thinks this is unreasonable than I would suggest counselling to clear things up (it really does help to have an unrelated 3rd person referee). If councelling doesn't work leave him and let him see how much you do and how much you are really worth!

Kristen - posted on 02/26/2012

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Wow, I don't get it either. I left my job to care for our son. I take care of him, our house, dogs, lawn, groceries and whatever comes up, heck I even have to take the cars for oil changes and tire rotations. He works and that is his only concern which is fine with me. I pay bills, and I make sure we have enough money to do with what we need. Don't get me wrong, he can do whatever he wants with the money but we alway talk before any big purchase. We as a husband and wife decide if it is something big. I never have to ask him about just regular spending though. I would say to find out about social security for sure though.

Tori - posted on 02/26/2012

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I'm with most of the other moms here; if your husband complained that you were "spending too much of his money" on the joint bank account, you need(ed) to have a sit down and look at what that money was being spent ON. If you weren't making a lot of frivolous purchases (expensive shoes/clothes, jewelry, mani/pedis, and other things you don't need) he might have a right to be angry- BUT if you were spending that money on necessities - bills, house payments/rent, groceries, child care items (not toys), etc. then he needs a reality check. Being married isn't about keeping score. It sounds like he isn't giving any credit to the work you do at home, and that he isn't appreciating your contributions to the marriage, instead he's making it about who earns more money. He needs to understand that money isn't the only way to measure contribution. If I were you, I'd write down everything I do in a day, for about a week, and then go look at how much it costs to hire people to do those things for you - don't hire them, just find out the price. Then compare that amount to how much of "his money" you were spending. If he cant stop keeping score, he can at least be confronted with the fact that you're "earning your keep".

Lisa - posted on 02/26/2012

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Oh, some of these responses truly sadden me when women are suggesting that you run. Marriage shouldn't be taken so lightly. You are already in this marriage, so it is important to give it your all to keep it together. To me, escaping the marriage should never be an option.

Peggy - posted on 02/26/2012

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Your husband is a chump he's suppose to provide for his family!!!!!men these days

Lisa - posted on 02/26/2012

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I think that these disagreements about your finances might be revealing a bigger problem than just a financial one in your marriage. It may be helpful for you to seek out some counseling so you can work at defining your expectations of each other in your marriage. What's yours is his and what's his is yours. Marriage is a life union, not a business working relationship. My husband and I do not have any seperate money. If either of us spends money outside of normal household expenses (including needs for our kids like clothing, school supplies, etc.), we discuss it first to make sure the other is in agreement. If I do spend money before asking him, I always show it to him, tell him the cost, and accept that I may need to return the purchase if he isn't in agreement with me. We both respect and consider each other's opinons on how we spend money and it builds greater trust in our marriage.

Layla - posted on 02/26/2012

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My partner and I have been together for 12 years and since we had our 1st child I have worked part-time. His wages goes onto the mortgage and ALL the utility bills plus credit cards on top! My wages (now I am back at work after baby number 2) pay for things in the school such as clubs, milk money, piano, school dinners and trips and the majority of it goes on food shopping. I do all the cooking and planning of meals if the housework is done then great if it's not it doesn't really bother him. So to me it sounds like your new husband is a bit of a control freak. He couldn't trust you to cut back on spending so he cut your access to the family finances. If he made 3 times what you made last year there is not way on earth that you should be splitting the bills evenly! At the end of the day it's all about give and take and I am wondering why he feels he needs so much disposable income?

Oh and while I was on maternity my partner paid me £300 on top of my maternity for housekeeping so that I could still get all the groceries we needed!

You need to assert yourself and make a stand or this man will try to rule every aspect of your life. You married him for companionship, love and security I am assuming that's why most people get married?? But it doesn't sound like you're getting any of those out of the contract!

I grew up with a stepdad and he was the best influence on me and loved me as his own. I had so much respect in him that even in the roughest rows I never told him that he couldn't tell me what to do because he wasn't my dad! Do you think your daughter will ever say that to him? He needs to change his attitude towards you and your daughter so I think there must be something else bothering him. Maybe he resents how hard he has to work and because he's not home enough he doesn't see how hard you work. Communication is always the way forward. Maybe keep a diary of your days and how events in the day made you feel and share them with each other. It can only help him understand what your day entails.

Hope this helps good luck, I'm a believer it making relationships work but for that to happen it has to wanted on both sides! xx

Cara - posted on 02/26/2012

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My parents still do his and her money I think it's soooo stupid. I have a card to my Partners account and we pay al the bills then if we have money left it's for the family not his and hers...

Rae - posted on 02/26/2012

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I could never stand to have anyone I love treated this way. Nothing about relationships is ever an even split of money, time, and other rescources. Physical Pregnancy itself is the only part of parenting that a man can not shoulder. If he is focused on an even split that is really in his favor you and your ( our ) child is not his first concern. It is possible this is an oversight on his part that can be corrected by sharing your concerns with your husband. If after speaking to him he still treats you less than the way you deserve to be treated, go to a lawyer, get advice on how to leave and protect yourself.

Mariah - posted on 02/26/2012

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I think your doing share and I think he need start helping around the house if he think you should pay half of everything.

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