If you stay at home with no income of your own, do you feel like you're missing something?

Dawn - posted on 11/09/2010 ( 63 moms have responded )

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I have always felt like a wonderful mother. I know I am doing the most important job in the world. Thing is, there are very little rewards associated with what I do. I don't get a paycheck, raise, or a promotion. I feel like I am here to serve...that's about it. I was wondering if anyone else feels that way? I should be glad that I CAN stay home with my children because so many want to and can't. I just feel like the big old world goes on without me. Comments?

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Kristi - posted on 11/12/2010

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I used to but after discussing my feelings with my husband we both realized that bringing in money is not the only way to contribute to our family and household. By me staying at home with my kids, it allows my husband to do what he does. Maybe it is old fashioned but I think it makes sense for a parent to stay at home with their kids IF they can. I started setting goals for myself - I wanted to get in better shape, so I started hitting the gym again (I found one with a wonderful and inexpensive daycare too), I was a terrible cook and I decided I wanted to learn to cook. I have been making some wonderful and different meals at home. I think former career-moms miss the feeling of accomplishing a goal. Watching our kids grow and learn is wonderful but if you were someone who was and still is a high achiever I think you need to set some personal goals to strive for - it might help.

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Jhen - posted on 09/23/2013

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I totally understand where you are coming from and how you feel. I feel the same way. I am married but my husband only comes home to us on the weekends because his work and that is 3 hours away from us. I am still struggling emotionally, physically, and financially. It is a tough responsibility. I know we can choose to be a stay home mom or a working mom but I have tried both and I barely made it, I am depressed and tried to kill myself I have o one to talk to though my husband listen at times but I dont think he understands, I am enrolled in school till 2014 but have taken this semester off because I can not handle the load anymore. I have 3 boys 13,5 and 2. Last semester I was so overwhelmed from waking up at 4 to get myself ready before the boys wake up to drop them to day care at 6 so i can get to my class at 8 and home to school is about an hour drive I am school from 8 to 4:30 pm i drive back home to pick my kids in day care get home and prepare supper clean up do the dishes help kids get ready for bed tuck them to bed and read and I will be so lucky if my little ones will sleep right away. My baby had obstructive sleep apnea disorder and that made me not able to get some sleep because he stops breathing every 9 minutes bugt I am glad he is now ok he has gone an operation 3 months ago but I have developed an insomnia and cant get to sleep. by the time my kids are sleeping I worry about keeping up my assignments and if theres an exam I barely get anymore zzzz.... This goes on and on everyday. Aside from being so worried on managing my home money is so tight. Today our phone was cut off thanks god there is wifi, my bank account is negative since last week and getting charged daily for continious fee my baby barely have enough milk left today and seeing my kids constantly open the fridge looking for food is just breaking my heart. I dont want to ask my usband anymore. I feel less of a person anymore and at this point I just wish I'd disappear. How can a mom like me suffer so much> I am not a bad personI have helped so many people when I had the means. I dont even have any friends or family to talk to and as I write this I am drowning myself of my own tears. You see, you are not alone and you should be thankful that at least you are not going through with the same situation as mine. People have different views and opinion and I dont care what other people say because they've never walk my walk. I know negativity is a number killer but having to see my life like this and not having food for supper tonight is death. I dont know if my sanity will make it another day. Just be thankful you've blessed.

Amanda - posted on 11/16/2010

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I am a stay at home mom for almost 4 years but I work from home part-time. At first I wasn't and I felt really left out. Being a mom is great but it wasn't enough for me. I like having something to work on...and of course the extra money has helped us a lot.

Stephanie - posted on 11/15/2010

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i feel the same way at times! we see our kids grow and get to be there but its as if in the real world were not around for any of it. i love being with my son but wish i could be with him and get money for it too

Carolyn - posted on 11/14/2010

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After chasing the career world since 16yrs old, Living the dream of traveling around the world ,care free and living live to the fullest, nothing has been more enjoyable than bringing up a little one, the smiles and laughter that he brings to the whole family is priceless, however I do miss the security of a job and earnings, I also know I'll have to return back to work one day and that can wait as long as possible. my days are spent, creating fun activities for my boy to learn and enjoy, we are also involved in local activities, the dearest costing $3 and you get a latte and chocolate cake too. Early motherhood passes so quickly, make the most of it, because it will come to and end and I will have to go back to work.

ORIAL - posted on 11/14/2010

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I TOO LOVE STAYING AT HOME WITH MY SON AND AGREE WITH EVERYTHING U R SAYING.... AND I MUST ADMIT IT WAS A FULL TIME JOB BUT AT THE SAME TIME ITS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK AND MAKING UR OWN MONEY AND NOT HAVING TO ASK ANYONE (SPOUSE OR WHOMEVER) FOR EXTRA MONEY TO DO THIS OR THAT ( IN MY CASE) MY SON ACTUALLY TURNED 5 AND IS IN KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR AND I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY DONE BUT I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN AND NOW I;M SERIOUSLY DEBATING IF I WANT TO STAY AT HOME ANOTHER 5 YEARS.... AND TO BE HONEST WITH U I'M LEANING MORE TO GETTING BACK INTO THE WORKFIELD EVEN IF ITS JUST SOMETHING PARTTIME. I THINK I WOULD ENJOY BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IF MONEY WASNT AN OBJECT BUT WITH THIS ECONOMY EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE WORKING ( IN MY HOUSE ANYWAY)

Kerrie - posted on 11/14/2010

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I stay at home because I know its whats best for my kids. My husband and i agreed that we dont want other people basically raising our children for us so i can work. My son is 2.5 and can already read 14 words, knows many shapes, all his colors, some letters of the alphabet and some numbers. I love being a dedicated mother and the progress i see in my children is the only reward i need. Staying at home only sucks because money is tighter. We are financially stable off one income but have little to no money for extras. But i wouldnt trade spending all day with my kids for a little extra money. The way i see it is that no i dont paid and am sometimes under appreciated for what i do, its only temporary. And a small sacrafice. When my kids are closer to school age, or preschool then i can go back to the money.

Amy - posted on 11/14/2010

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Soky, I've been a SAHM for 6 years and I really do love it. I like how the kids look up to me and love me. I like how I can do projects with them and sleep to 9 am on some days. ;)p I like I can help Cruz practice his fast words and he has had a A on every fast word test. but there are times the living paycheck to paycheck gets old, kind of sucks because you have to wait for this, or this. KWIM? I haven't new clothes in almost a year save for socks. But i take in stride and go on because I know time goes by fast and kids will all be in school and I will miss them SO much. Then they'll be grown up and won't need me anymore. 8''''(

Robin - posted on 11/14/2010

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Dear Dawn, I worked in the "professional world" for about 25 years before becoming a SAHM, and I have to say I would NEVER trade being a SAHM for anything. That being said, it took me a LONG time to adjust not having my own money, and coming to terms with our own demons about identity and society's perspective on SAHM's. It took me about a year to adjust and be comfortable with my new role..it's been the best (and hardest!) job I have ever had. The world does just go on, but not without you, it's just that your perspective..and your role..in this world has changed. You are raising the next generation, THAT is a big job!! Good luck!

Kitty - posted on 11/14/2010

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Yes I sure do i miss working i miss being gone all day but a aprt of me likes being at home so i can keep up with life outside the home and ease things for my hubby for me it doesnt matter...

Soky - posted on 11/14/2010

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I dont think there are very little reward. You get to watch your child grow up. You get to be there for them when they hurt themselves and need you. You get to be there for their first. Lots of daddys dont get that unless they are "Mr. MOM". The only thing I worry about being an at home mom is that I dont make any money and it gets hard because we do live paycheck to paycheck. But my hubby wouldn't trade it for the world because even if he is gone the majority of the day he comes back home to us and spends those quality time and appreciate what I do. Which isnt much I feel. If you feel like the world is goes on without you then maybe being an at home mom isnt best for you then. Im not trying to be mean or anything but just enjoy it while it last♥

Amy - posted on 11/13/2010

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I love being a stay at home mom, just I miss the financial freedom just a little bit. I know it would make it easier on us also but DH really likes that I can be a SAHM and that I am the best cleaner in the world etc. :) i can't seem to find the right kind of friends i want so i am lacking the social contact, and with Claudio working all the time, i miss him too. ♥

Nikki - posted on 11/13/2010

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I felt the same way! So I started my own business that I can do on my own time AND take my baby with me! There's room to "promote" or stay where you are. What you put in you get out :) but it's EASY and FUN!! At the same time i get out of the house and bring some money into the mix while meeting other moms and people! I also am in graduate school and my husband doesn't care if I get something for myself. I have to say though your rewards come later in life when your kids are great adults because their mom was always home and taught them right. Not to say that working moms don't have great kids!!!!! I don't want anyone getting all mad lol. Don't forget the firsts and the love you get back. Along with the tantrums and cleaning lol.

Bridget - posted on 11/13/2010

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I can understand feeling the way you do, that the world goes on without you, but I dont ever feel there are very little rewards. Ive heard people refer to parenting as a thankless job, but my experience is so different. Every time I make my daughter laugh, and every time she learns something I feel so fulfilled, more so than I ever did professionally. I might not have many pats on the back, or acknowledgement for how hard my days can be, but I dont feel like Im missing out on much.

Sarah - posted on 11/13/2010

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I am a stay at home mom of 2 children and I have been staying at home since just before my first was born. I love being there for all of the amazing new things they learn and to be the one to teach them. I love all of the happy moments and firsts. It is extremely hard to balance everything as a stay at home mom and all too often we feel unappreciated/under-appreciated. It is hard to adjust to not having adult conversations for most of the day every day. It is hard to feel like you have to think twice before spending any money on yourself because you didn't go out and bring home the money yourself. Children are often crying/screaming, disobeying, hungry, dirty or just down right needing your full attention. That can be frustrating and exhausting especially if you don't get any support or relief. I find that a weekend to grandmas house here and there can be a huge relief. I also ask other close friends and family to watch my kids for a few hours to go out on a date with my husband once a month. Little things do help but for some people they are just not the stay at home type. It is a job just as much as one that earns a paycheck and every person has different job interests and skills so do not feel the least bit guilty (anyone that might read this) if you find that staying at home is not the right job for you. In a lot of cases it can actually lead to depression in some SAHM. They should not feel guilty either as it does not make them a bad mom. In any case I understand how you are feeling and it is very common and normal. If you have older children I encourage you to delegate more responsibility on them ie dishes, laundry, some cooking etc. It will help them to appreciate you more and lighten your load. Also find a friend or hire a sitter for one night a week and make some you time. If you can't afford a sitter try alternating with another mom you sit for one night in return for her sitting for you. Encourage older kids to attend sleep overs is another great way to get some needed alone time...just remember you will have to host one eventually! I hope this helps those of you who feel alone or guilty to stop feeling that way.

Randi - posted on 11/12/2010

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You are not the only one that feels this way. I LOVE staying home with my son, but I do sometimes feel that I am solely here to serve. Cook, clean, and take care of the baby and the house.
At the end of the day, though, I am very grateful that I can stay home with my child since, as you pointed out, not many get to these days.

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I don't feel this way because my husband let's me buy things for myself when I want them. When we married we made the promise what mine is yours and we stick by that. I've enrolled with the open university and I start in January so whilst I'm staying home with our son I can also achieve the degree I want =] I love being home with our son and wouldn't have it any other way!

Sarah - posted on 11/12/2010

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yes, be glad you are able to be at home to raise your kids, and not someone else. i stay at home, and i also work from home, you may be able to do something like that if you're intered in doing that.

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Alright I am not going to sit and tell you that you shouldn't feel this way. Frankly it would be odd to me if you didn't feel this way at least every once in a while. Yes the world is going on without you. You and the rest of the moms that have chosen to be SAHM have also decided that we are going to take a different path in life. We are going to watch those little beings that we grew inside ourselves learn, grow, and be amazing. You are also going to have to watch as people, without kids or people that drop their kids on someone else to raise, go on and do things that you just can't do anymore without planning for it. It sucks in some ways and yes I still feel that way from time to time. However, like I was told most of my life; "You decided to do it this way so now you get to suck it up and deal with it." ok. not the most gentle of responses but I was raised by my dad mostly so what can you do. :) The great news is that you will be able to experience all the things those other people never will. The people without kids and those that have others raise their kids so they can work, or go out or have the life they had before. You will get all the one on one with your kids, the little moments you would otherwise have missed. Their first steps, first words, standing, walk, crawling, writing, (usually on the wall) flushing things down the potty, wearing you makeup, and so on and so on. those other people will not get to see all of these things and more like you will and do. They won't know the joy but the heartache that comes with not being there. I think you are an amazing person for being able to admit to who you are but know that even if SAHM's don't admit it we all have had or do have those feelings from time to time.

good luck and god bless

Stephanie - posted on 11/12/2010

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i stay home to and i dont get a paycheck but my husband who is in job corps sends home some money but it is gone as soon as i get it cause of buying the things that my daughter needs.

Iysha - posted on 11/12/2010

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I feel like that too. I have worked from the time I was 15 to 21...almost 22. I just recently became a SAHM...in February. At first it was ok...I had family around to do things with...It wasnt just me and baby. In september we moved again and I can barely handle it. i was depressed in a way I have never been depresed. Not only were we hurting for $, I had no life, nobody to talk to, nowhere to go...I felt trapped and like my whole life was cleaning, cooking and taking care of baby...on top of that, we had a puppy that I cant stand and my fiance "surprized" me with a kitten. I felt crushed...like my fiance could just get more animals and add to this already stressfull situation. i have learned to accept it...it isnt going to be forever. Hopefully by the time we move back, My daughter will be in kindergarten and i can finish school and work again....have a life and identity outside of "mommy." When we move back, I will have family to help watch my daughter and trusted childcare so I would be able to have child care available for future kids, which I do not now. So, that's what keeps me going....the fact that it wont be forever.

lol, I'm 22 and get excited about it being nice out so i can walk to the library and get a book to read when I get bored. For some reason, that just doesnt seem right to me. I'd rather work all day at my previous job, come home to my daughter and have her show me what new song she learned, show me what she did throughout the day, give me hugs and kisees and then make dinner, eat as a family and have a bit of play time before we all go down to bed. Right now, i'm with baby all day until she goes to sleep. My fiance leaves at 6 before she wakes up and comes home anywhere from 9pm to 11pm. Most of the time, our daughter is already in bed. I'm playing single mom in a relationship and I dont like it....I feel it's unnecessary. My fiance works 2 jobs and shouldnt need to..but this is HIS choice and I'd rather have him comfortable knowing our baby is safe than make it a constant thing he has to worry about. I can adapt to this way of life since I know where he's coming from and I know It'll be over soon. But, being a SAHM is not my ideal way of life if we are not living comfortably on one income. If we were living comfortably and in our hometown where I have people I can talk to and interact with and I can go grocery shopping with my sister/mom/friend, have other children around my daughter to play with, and just all of us can have a better quality of life since we'd be able to spend a lot more time as a family.

Missy - posted on 11/12/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom and absolutly love it and it feels so fulling to me. But I also understand where you are coming fun. I think maybe you should try some commutity service. That way your not taking on something like a job where you feel stuck but your making even more of a difference in the world. Trust me being a stay at home...your making such a difference in those kids lives. But try the community service first before the job.

Lara - posted on 11/12/2010

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are you interested in a
second stream of income? or if there was a way you could get paid on
other people's gas bills would you want to know about
it?........do this from home, and bring in more income. It will make you feel empowered as a stay at home mom. I do! ;)

Leah - posted on 11/12/2010

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May I ask how old your little one is? My son is almost 15 months old. I am super happy I get to stay at home with him but I really know how you feel. My hubby is the only one that works and I really dislike it,especially in this economy when times are hard. My hubby doesn't mind that I stay at home but I really wish I could contribute more to the income and as much as I want to I can't and it sucks. And I don't agree with you about the little rewards. There are so many rewards with being a mother that I am sure all the daddy's feel left out. Watching your child grow,seeing his cute little faces,hearing him giggle,watching him crawl and walk,hearing him talk. VERY amazing rewards. Cherish being a stay at home mommy because babies do grow up fast and you really don't want to miss out. I went back to school when my son was 1 month old and even just those 2 nights a week for 4 hours,I just felt so horrible that I was missing out being with him,even for that little of time. Cherish what you have and if it's at possible see if you can have a mommy day away from the kids and just think of how lucky you really are to stay at home with them(even when they drive you nuts,LOL).

Virginia - posted on 11/12/2010

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I feel exactly like u do sometimes just the love we recieve is not enough payment and we get to feeling like our family members just take advantage of us becuase they do not we have enough on our plates but others don't realize that sometimes we might have more than they can immage. But sometimes we still feel like we are not doing enough to contribute to our family/commutnity.

Ilene - posted on 11/12/2010

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Amen! I haven't worked in about 7 1/2 or so years. It was awesome when they were babies. I'm still very lucky to be able to. The problem is I don't have the choice. Whenever I've said anything about me getting a job, I get huge amounts of grief. My dad is giving me a car because his Aunt just died but I don't see how that's gonna make too much of an impact. I don't have the money for gas. The insurance will be in someone else's name and what happens if the car is put in my name and he stops paying the insurance. That's happened before and not just with a car. So I feel screwed there too. We just bought a house and he just bought life insurance and made me beneficiary and bought enough to pay the house off. The problem is my name isn't on the deed. I really need to get a hold of the insurance man to ask 100 questions. OMG I could go on and on. lol I feel for ya and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you. It's easier to get me at my inbox (Facebook) than here.

Erin - posted on 11/12/2010

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I had to start generating an income when my year of mat leave benefits was over but I didn't want to go back to "work". But we have a maxed out credit card, a mortgage, bills that we can't pay off (they have contracts which are pricey to get out of) and we we're living so far in draft, there was almost no such thing as paycheck to paycheck for us. I started babysitting part time, and that has helped us a little bit but we're still stuck in draft. So I started waitressing weekend nights at a pub. It brings in quite a bit too. We started to get our overdraft closer to zero, but it just kind of plataued. even though I had to start working for other reasons, it has given me some of that financial provider feeling again. But I also long for just my hausband to have that role all back. I myself am feeling burnt out from doing so much, I just wish I had the role of sahm back since now I'm a sahm, wahm and working mom all in one. have you thought about doing crafts or maybe providing a service to others like grocery shopping or crafts. then you could still be a sahm with a little income and not feel like you're missing out on things.

Rebekah - posted on 11/12/2010

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Do I feel like I'm missing something by being a SAHM? Not right now. My kids are 3 & 1 and I'd feel like I was missing out on more if I was away from them. HOWEVER, the minute my last child goes to school I will be returning to work.

Samantha - posted on 11/11/2010

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Dawn, I completely feel where you're coming from. I have 2 kids and have been at home with them since my oldest, who will be 3 in Feb, was born. Other moms tell me all the time "I wish I could stay home with my kids" "you should be glad you get to be with your babies all the time".....don't get me wrong I love my kids dearly. But I DO kinda feel like I'm stationary.

Lee - posted on 11/11/2010

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if you feel like you are missing something, than do something. I didn't want to feel alienated, so I joined my local MOMS Club. A group dedicated to supporting SAHM. I got involved in the club and have been a member of the board for a few years now. Since we do a lot of supporting others and charity work, it really helps to have you feel involved in something other than the everyday stuff. Also I have a lot of friends that have turned their hobbies and interests into part time jobs. Like selling Pampered Chef, or Avon. I have always liked creating photo albums of my family, and I turned that into being a Creative Memories Rep. The point is there are a lot of options out there for you to be able to get involved, and feel like part of the outside world. I love the rewards I get from kids, but sometimes I need the other stuff too, to keep from feeling alienated from everything else.

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2010

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I think staying at home is great, but when your kids get to a certain age... go out, get a job if you want (volunteer somewhere maybe if you don't) and come home to the kids and hubby and I think you will feel estastic again... Good luck.

Megan - posted on 11/11/2010

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I guess because it was always "our" money no matter what. The transition to staying at home didn't bother me. I like adult interaction and try to meet with friends once a week or so, but no, the lack of income never bothered me from an independent point of view. It would be nice to have the second income to pay the bills and maybe eventually own a house, but those can wait till my child is older. He is also special needs (autism spectrum) so daycare is very expensive and he needs lots of one on one time.

Debra - posted on 11/11/2010

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I've been a stay at home mom for 7months. I have a 2year old daughter & 5month old son & just got a 4month old great dane puppy last week. I want to go back to work very much but can't find a job. I would get irritated because someone always needs something. I never can relax or do what I want to do. I understand how you feel but look @ it this way. As a stay at home mom, we get paid in the best way - our babies hugs, kisses, smiles & laughter. We never miss out on anything. My husband works 6am-3pm & our baby son rolled over for the 1st time the other day while my husband was gone. As a S-at-H-mom we get to see everything! Our babies grow, learn things, talk & the love they have! I'm okay with not finding a job because all of those things are WAY more rewarding than what any job could offer!

Shandi - posted on 11/11/2010

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I feel that way! I think it's only natural! As im reading other peoples post they are saying you are so lucky and your reward is seeing your child grow. And yes that is amazing and we are very lucky to see that and to be with them but at the same time we as moms need to a break from it all sometimes too. I don't see friends or talk to anyone anymore but a one year old and my husband on the weekends. Its tough. And about not making money, thats really hard too because i feel bad for buying clothes for myself (so i just don't) and i don't fit into my pre pregnancy clothes so i just wear sweats all day because i don't feel right spending his money on clothes. And i feel really bad that I have to buy my husband xmas or bday presents with his own money. I told him to never get me a gift because im not able to buy him one.

Faith - posted on 11/11/2010

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Your paycheck should be seeing your kid's grow, getting hug's,kisses and I love you momma's from them, being able to play with them, and have this quality bonding time with them. Last year my kid's were being abused by my ex husband's wife. My 3 year old at the time was shaken and held under water. She had to get a craniotomy to drain the brain bleeding, then 3 weeks later a cranioplasty to repair the bone flap(part of skull is removed). She developed pneumonia the first week in the hospital and had to be intubated due to the water inhalation, and she also developed grand mal seizures. One week in a coma, a month in the hospital, and not knowing is she's live or die, or even be able to function properly or even at all; that's enough to make me say "I love my job of being a stay at home mom, and I love the reward's that go along with it". Some parent's don't realize how blessed they are with their children, until they lose one, or in my case(Thank God she survived), almost lost a child. And I hate to say this, but you are here to serve to a degree. God blessed women with children so she could love, nurture, protect,provide, and teach that child. It is a lot of work, but so worth it. And you are right about 2 things; it is the most important job in the world, and you should be glad(and grateful) that you have this special quality time with your children.

Jane - posted on 11/11/2010

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i feel some of that, too but i do NOT miss working right now. all it takes is a simple subway ride to my doctor's appt to remind me how much i do NOT miss going to work. i'll be home for as long as we can financially manage it. in the meantime, i'm going to make sure that or kids grow up in a nice, happy, bubble. lol! this is the first time in my life that i haven't worked and in the grand scheme of things, it will be a very short period of time.

i was able to find a mom-group to join and it helps a lot. i've met great moms who are highly intelligent and we can restore one another's sanity. playdates are really just a cover for us to get together.

Jodi - posted on 11/10/2010

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Dawn, wow, what an accomplishment raising all those babies...and a few are basically adults already! (I simply cannot imagine what my oldest will be like in 5 years much less 10!!!) My oldest is only 2 (not even yet) and I'm pregnant with twins due in February. By the time I'm 45 my oldest should be off to college and a couple of years after that I should have an empty nest! I have to admit, I could not do ti like you, I have to have a planned c-section with these babies due to some issues and I'm getting a tubal ligation at that time.
Wow, what a mom you must be, what dedication you have had to your children! Pat yourself on the back, take the time for yourself...you more than deserve it after all these years! And yes, the library can be a GREAT resource for adult classes, groups and friendships. I even took a class on car maintanance, learned how to change my own oil, the basic function of a vehicle, change spark plugs etc etc. Not exactly up my ally, but good stuff to know and made a few GREAT friends in that class! Get out there in that big old world and stop feeling like it's passing you by, you just ahve to hop on and hold on tight to enjoy the ride!!!! Best of luck!

Jasmine - posted on 11/10/2010

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I agree with you i loved my job as a nurse but when i found out i was pregnant it was always a dream of mine to be a stay at home mother cause i wanted to be the one that was there for all of my sons firsts and to be the one to raise him and no one else, I quickly realized that after being home with him i felt like i was missing out on things like real adult conversations and just hanging out with friends. I feel like my only purpose now is being around to serve him and my husband. I love being home with my son and being the one to raise him but i just feel that sometime us stay at home moms just need to get away for an hour or two a week so we have someone else to interact with.

Lori - posted on 11/10/2010

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I am 46 and enjoying my life very much. I've been blessed with 3 beautiful children...and was fortunate to be a stay at home mom with them. They are all grown and married now with children of their own and they find it important to be home with their children as well. There is absolutely nothing that can compensate for failure in the home. Not to say we won't have challenges with our children because we've been stay at home moms, but saying if we are there to help and know when they are having struggles is very beneficial to them as they grow. I remember feeling as though I was missing out because I had never had a job (I was married at 17), so I went and found me a job, and learned very quickly how fortunate I was to be able to be home and have the freedom to do as I pleased, and to be there for my children. You all need to give yourself a pat on the back, because you have the hardest job of all...being a SAHM is not an easy task, and it goes only unrewarded by those who don't value what you have. On another note there are plenty of opportunities out there, that you can pick out of, that will allow you to make income while at home on a very very part-time basis. Find something that you can have fun at, and be passionate about.

Tiffany - posted on 11/10/2010

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I know exactly what you mean. However, I am only 21. I can't imagine being a stay-at-home-mom for as many years as you have been! I applaud you for that. My son is now 16 months and I have been strictly at home with him for 12-13 of them, which I am highly grateful for! Since then, I have gone back to college. It has become one of the most fulfilling things for me! As much as I loved getting to be there for all of his firsts, there isn't anything better for me than to come home from 4 hours of class, getting a chance to miss my little guy and having him come up and give me the biggest hug and kiss. For whatever reason, staying home makes my mind just ache for intelligent conversation and even structure. Structure is hard when you have to push yourself to do it and you don't necessarily need to. I love my son to death and wouldn't trade him for the world but my brain needs more stimulation than that. I give mad props to those who can do it (including you) and thoroughly enjoy it. I am definitely missing having the financial side of it though; money to call my “own”. My husband is GREAT at providing for us and I have been so lucky to be given this chance. It makes me realize what I REALLY want in life though and makes me strive that much harder for it. Everyone is different though. This is the path I’ve decided I need to take for myself and I know even if I’m not home with my son all the time, someone who is great, along with other kids, will provide him with a wonderful environment too. One I can’t necessarily provide while I’m in school either:)

Stifler's - posted on 11/10/2010

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I feel the same, other people are working and having fun at the office and having adult interaction that doesn't include talking about kids with the other mums at mother's group.

Deana - posted on 11/10/2010

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I used to feel that way but you need something for yourself to do at home. I have really enjoyed staying at home with my girls and so glad I'm not in the rat race anymore. I do make some money from home and then I get to spend on myself. I sometimes feel like I'm the maid but then again if I don't do it who will..lol

Lindsay - posted on 11/10/2010

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I just started being a stay at home mom with my second child and boy do I have to give all you ladies credit! I was a career mom with my first who is now almost 7. My mother was a stay at home mom my entire life and I NEVER gave her enough credit until now. It is realllly hard for me not to have my own source of income since I have always maintained a my own stable source of income. After 4 months of house work and running errands I thought I was going to blow my top. I have needed an outlet of my own that not only gets me out of the house but also provides me with my own contibution to our household earnings. I just recently attended a Norwex party (enviro friendly chemical free products) and after that I was hooked. I am now a consultant and it has completely changed my life. I have the best of both worlds. I am with my kids, I get to go out and socialize with other women a couple times a month, and I put some money in my pocket. It is truly awesome!!

Elaine - posted on 11/10/2010

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Just had to comment..your statement about the rest of us not being in the same stage as you at 40. I am 51 and have four kids, ages 16,12, 9, & 4. I guess turning 40 for me was not a big deal. It's just a number of years you have been on this planet. But it's how you feel and your energy level that is more a reflection of your age. I do not envy the mom who works full-time. Although I wish I had her money and financial freedom. When I worked full time and even part time I still had to cover my home and family responsibilities, too. I see how stressed out some of my neighbor moms are, trying to juggle work and family/home demands. Our family can sure use the money from another income, since my husbands employer does not offer any overtime, anymore. It's hard having a family in this economy for everyone.

Christine - posted on 11/10/2010

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Sometimes I do feel that way about the world but I would never ever give up that feeling of being there for my son for all his firsts. Maybe I should get out a little bit more in the world but I don't think I would ever regret the decision about being home and being there for his first fall, words, reactions and his love. Yes I think all the time I would love to work but i would only do it from home because I don't want to miss his kisses or hugs every day.

Psychotoons - posted on 11/10/2010

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Kids are great BUT you have a huge brain that wants lots of intelligent adult stimulation. Work in breaks to read the book of your passion. Always be working toward a goal such as college and career so that the books you choose are giving you hope for a future when the kids are in college and your mind is growing.

Tiziana - posted on 11/10/2010

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Since I was 18 I worked 50-60 hours a week in fast paced jobs, always around tons of people. Now @ 34 I find myself at home all day with my little boy and almost no contact whatsoever with the outside world. Since I dont work we are on a very tight budget that doesn't leave room for a second car. Do I regret my decision ? No. Seeing my son (11 months) learning all kinds of things is priceless. We are not planning on having other children so I dont want to miss anything. But I do plan on maybe getting a couple of shifts a week in a restaurant in a couple of months, so to have some extra cash to hopefully be able to afford a car to take my son to playgroups etc.. and to be able to afford more clothes and toys for my little guy. And being night shifts or weekend I wont have to worry about childcare cause he will be home with daddy, and it will also be a chance for them to have alone time together.

Martha - posted on 11/10/2010

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I am a stay at home mom who's ready to go back to work. I just realized I've been at home for 7 years.

Kayla - posted on 11/10/2010

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I Know exactly how you feel! I love spending the days with my son, but sometimes it just seems like its too much! I know that I get to watch my son grow and learn new things everyday but i feel that i should be doing something else. I am thinkin seriously about getting a job, but after the daycare bills and everything i would just be working for nothing. Myabe once our kids are in school we can join the real world again!

Dawn - posted on 11/10/2010

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I think I just feel like I'm running out of time because my life thus far has flown by so fast! Turning 40 really makes me think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. What hasn't been fulfilled inside of ME for a change. I have spent my life putting the needs and wants of my husband and children first.

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